Chapter 5
Five
Kenna
The champagne was a bad idea. Not because I got drunk. But because the bubbly alcohol loosened me up. And when I loosened up, I suddenly thought it was a very good idea to seek out the truth and to speak it.
We’d been having a lovely afternoon and evening, considering we were both missing Michael, and I missed my parents.
There was no need for dinner because we’d been munching on snacks throughout the day.
Though I’d been nursing each glass of champagne, I was now on my fourth because Haydyn preferred wine to champagne, so the entire bottle was mine.
It’s a Wonderful Life played on the television, and I partly blamed the movie for making me philosophical.
Truthfully, Jimmy Stewart made me question why I wasn’t forcing a confrontation with Haydyn.
If I had feelings for him, why was I sitting on them?
So what if he didn’t return them? If I didn’t speak up, we would never be together.
And what if we were meant to be? What if Haydyn and Michael were my future and I let them slip through my fingers because I couldn’t be honest?
All these questions seemed perfectly acceptable in my tipsy brain.
I waited until the movie finished because Haydyn was enjoying it.
“They don’t make actors like Jimmy Stewart now,” he observed as the film ended.
“Nor Katharine Hepburn. Or Lauren Bacall.”
He grinned at me. “That was when movie stars were movie stars.”
“Hmm,” I agreed. Just do it. Just say it. I took a breath. “Why did you stop us on Halloween?”
Haydyn blinked rapidly, clearly taken aback by my question. “Uh …”
I turned to face him fully, encouraged by Jimmy Stewart and too much champagne. “Well?”
His gaze seared into mine. “Because you were grieving. And I didn’t want to take advantage.”
My lips parted in shock. That was not what I’d expected. “You weren’t taking advantage. I knew what I was doing. I’m a grown woman, not some girl just out of school.”
Haydyn grimaced. “Grief … it can skew our feelings and emotions.”
“So you stopped because you thought you were taking advantage of me at a vulnerable time?”
“That … and you’re my son’s nanny. He cares about you, and I don’t want to jeopardize that just because you’re attractive and I haven’t gotten …” He trailed off, blanching.
Oh.
My stomach dropped in horror.
“Because I’d be a convenient fuck,” I muttered, looking away as hurt flared hot and blinding.
“Kenna, no,” he denied. “I didn’t mean that at all.”
“No.” I couldn’t look at him but my tone was soft, accepting. “It’s fine. I get it. You’re being a good dad. Michael … Michael should always come first. And I wouldn’t want to jeopardize my job if I’m just a convenient fuck to you. That’s smart. You were thinking rationally. Thank you.”
“Kenna—”
“I need a shower.” I stood abruptly. “Do you mind if I use Michael’s bathroom? Yes? Okay.” I strode out before he could stop me and practically dove into Michael’s room.
Of course, it was only physical for Haydyn. Why would he want me for anything more? None of my friends and family seemed to think I was worth remembering, so obviously I lacked that quintessential something that made people care.
My fingers trembled as I stripped off my shirt and jeans. It was true, then. When my parents died, I lost the last two people on earth who really loved me.
The thought was terrifying. I blinked past the tears, suddenly wishing I could jump in my car and keep driving. I was lost. Staying in one place I was lost, so I might as well be lost on the move, right?
The door to Michael’s bedroom suddenly flew open and my heart sped up even faster with surprise as Haydyn strode inside.
His nostrils flared at the sight of me standing in nothing but my red lace bra and green knickers.
I’d considered the combination festive and hadn’t thought anyone else would see them.
His gaze dipped between my legs, and my clit pulsed in response.
“Haydyn?” I whispered.
His hot gaze drank in every inch of me.
“If I was just looking for a convenient fuck, I’d go out and find a woman.
You were never just a convenient fuck.” Whatever he saw on my face made his eyes glimmer with tenderness.
“This whole time, I’ve been worried what people would think if you and I got together.
The other parents, the villagers. If it would subject Michael to gossip.
But Thane Adair’s children seem perfectly happy, don’t they? ”
Knowing he referred to Lewis Adair’s father who married his nanny, I nodded, heart in my throat with hope I was scared to embrace.
“Why shouldn’t we have what we want? We’re grown-ups.
And …. and I hate the idea that you think all I see when I look at you is an attractive woman.
Every time I’m with you, nothing feels more real than our connection.
It’s not just physical attraction, Kenna.
Though I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.
The last few months have been absolute torture. ” He gestured ruefully to his crotch.
Blood rushed in my ears at his declaration, my gaze falling to see his jeans straining with his erection. Oh my God. My skin flushed from head to toe, and my breasts suddenly felt heavy with need.
“In fact,” Haydyn continued hoarsely, “I can’t think straight. I feel like I’m coming out of my fucking skin … and …” He took a step toward me, hunger etched in his features. “That if I don’t have you in every way a man can have a woman, I’ll never be truly happy again.”
Wow.
“Haydyn—”
His eyes flashed. “I want to hear you say my name as we make love.”
Yes, please.
“Haydyn—”
“But first, I want to hear you say my name as we fuck.”
I moaned. Because YES, PLEASE.
Then he rushed me. Our bodies collided seconds before our mouths did.
Haydyn’s kiss was ravaging. It was a man’s kiss. Dark, deep, and sexual.
His hand fisted in my hair as he held me, and I grasped on to him as he plundered my mouth.
I whimpered against his tongue as his other hand gripped my arse to pull me into the erection straining the zipper of his jeans.
The whimper turned to a moan, reverberating into his mouth.
Haydyn ground his hips harder into me, squeezing my arse.
I slid my hands under his sweater in answer, shivering at the delicious feel of his smooth, hot skin beneath my fingertips.
He groaned as I touched his nipples. The sound rumbled in my mouth as we kissed harder, messy, sexy, wild kisses I’d never experienced before in my life.
I needed him inside me.
Fumbling for the button on his jeans, I silently told him as much.
Then suddenly, I was in Haydyn’s arms for a few seconds before finding myself on the bed, Haydyn covering my body as we tugged at each other’s clothing.
Well, he tugged at my underwear. Haydyn broke our kiss to unclip my bra with a deftness of touch that told me he was well experienced in unclipping bras.
He took hold of it and ripped it away from me, throwing it over his shoulder.
His fiery eyes devoured my naked breasts.
“One day—before Halloween—I came home early from work,” he said as his hips undulated against me with a mind of their own. “You were helping Michael with a science experiment for school.”
Bemused, I asked, “The potato osmosis lab?”
“Aye. For some reason it involved water and Michael was being a typical kid and splashing tap water everywhere. He drenched you. I could see your nipples, see your shape.” He cupped me, squeezing my breast, and I pushed my hips into his undulations.
Haydyn’s hungry gaze moved to mine. “I had to hide in my room from you like a teenager because I was hard.”
“Really?” I’d never have known. I remembered him being a wee bit brusque that afternoon but I hadn’t known why.
He nodded. “That night was the first night of many I showered with my hand wrapped around my dick, fantasizing about fucking you.”
Wet slickened between my legs. “Haydyn.”
He caressed me, plucking at my nipples as they tightened into hard points. “I lost interest in dating other women. I couldn’t be with anyone else when all I could think about was you. And all the ways I wanted to make you mine.”
“Do it,” I begged, my mind a haze of lust. “Haydyn, please. I want you too. So badly.”
His answer was a triumphant, plundering kiss.
I frantically pulled off his shirt, breaking the kiss to do it, wanting to explore his beautiful body … but then he bent his head to my breasts, sucking a nipple deep into his mouth, and I forgot about everything but what he was doing to me.
I cried out, arching against him.
His long fingers curled around my underwear, and he tugged them down my thighs. They got caught around my ankles, and I kicked to get them off. My patience was obliterated. “I need you, Haydyn. I need you so much.”
“Fuck,” he murmured, his eyes wild with want. “I could only dream you felt the same way.” He kissed me again, slow, languorous, torturing me with pleasure.
In answer, I fumbled for his zipper. As I slid my hand inside his boxers to feel his throbbing, hard heat, he slipped his hand between my legs, sliding his fingers into me.
The wet he found there made him groan into my mouth.
He tore his lips from mine, and my chest rose and fell in frenzied breaths as he stared into my eyes with a tenderness that filled me with certainty.
“You’re beyond ready, sweetheart.” His expression turned harsh with need, and he gently captured the hand I had wrapped around him and removed it. He pinned my hand to the bed.
Anticipation made me squirm beneath him. Haydyn never broke eye contact as he shoved down his jeans and boxers just far enough to release himself.
Then he captured my other hand and held me down by the wrists. My panting filled the room, and I let my legs fall open wide as he nudged against me.
He pushed into me with a long, relieved groan.
My desire eased his way considerably, and that overwhelming fullness I’d been desperate for caused a pleasure pain to zing down my spine.
“More,” I begged.
“Fuck, Kenna,” he growled, his head bowing into my neck as he pumped into me.
I was mindless with want for him. My whole being, existence, became about Haydyn and the hot push and pull of him inside me. My hips rose to meet his hard thrusts, my cries and his groans filling the room.
He was surprisingly dominant, and it turned me the fuck on. I knew I was going to come quickly. The tension inside me tightened, tightened, tightened every time he pulled out and slammed back in.
“I’m close,” I gasped because I’d never come with just penetration. “Haydyn, I’m going to come.”
He released one of my hands to grab my thigh and pulled it up against his hip, changing the angle of his thrust. I reached for him blindly as the tension inside me shattered.
“Haydyn!” I cried out. Loudly. Disbelieving. Euphoric.
My orgasm rolled through me, my inner muscles rippling and squeezing around Haydyn. His hips pounded faster and then momentarily stilled before he cried out my name, his grip on my thigh bruising as his hips jerked with the swell and throb of his release.
As his climax shuddered through him, he let go of my thigh and slumped over me. Haydyn’s warm, heavy weight surrounded me, and I slid my hands across his back.
Our labored breathing rasped in my ears.
My heart pounded.
Haydyn and I had finally given in to our attraction.
I’d just had the best sex of my life and it might even mean something much deeper than that.
But we’d also just had sex without a condom and Haydyn had come inside me.