Chapter 35 #2
“I know.” Dad’s voice was rough with emotion as his eyes met mine.
“Ally, I am so sorry. I didn’t … Jared made me face up to some harsh truths last night.
I’ve been a shitty father. This”—he gestured around the beach house—“what the fuck does any of this matter when my kid feels abandoned by her parents?”
“I can’t believe you all hid this from me for so long.” Aria looked between us, her hurt shining bright. “I just … I need some time.” She strode away without another word, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor.
At the sound of the front door opening and closing, I looked at Dad. “Is Jared the reason you decided to tell the truth?”
“It’s been building for a long time. The lie. Jared just opened my eyes to things I’ve been denying about myself, and about you.” He blanched. “I didn’t know your mother hit you when you went to her with the truth. Jared bluntly relayed that information last night.”
Wow. Jared pulled no punches with my parents. Because he cared about me.
“Mamma just gave me the slap she probably wanted to give you.”
“Don’t.” Dad shook his head. “Don’t shrug it off like it’s not a big deal. It’s a big deal that you walked in on me with another woman when you were just a kid and a big deal that your mother hit you because of it. Has she hit you since or before?”
“No,” I promised him vehemently.
He visibly deflated with relief. “I can’t imagine Chiara lifting her hands to anyone.”
“Her actions are her own, and I’m not putting the slap on you. But she was in pain. A lot of pain when she hit me, and she wasn’t herself.” Lots of therapy had helped me get to a forgiving, compassionate place about that traumatizing moment between my mother and me.
“My selfishness has caused all my family pain. And Maggie. Jared was right.” Dad scrubbed a hand over his face. “The whole world can think I’m a legend, but I know the truth. The people who matter most know that the truth is unbearably disappointing.”
It was strange seeing my dad so down on himself. The man exuded confidence and self-assurance. This version of him was unrecognizable. But then hadn’t I always known that I didn’t really know my parents? They didn’t really know me.
“What is it about Maggie?” I asked out of morbid curiosity. “What makes it so hard to choose?”
Dad’s expression fell. “It’s difficult to explain.
I just … with your mother, it’s always been exciting and passionate and adventurous.
She challenges and excites me. But with Maggie, it’s more emotional.
We connect on a soul level that I can’t explain.
It’s quiet and simple and I feel at peace when I’m with her. ”
Just like that, I experienced crystal clear clarity. What Dad had with two women, I was lucky to find with Jared.
I couldn’t let my husband go. Not without a fight.
“It’s not that I don’t have that with your mother. Your mother and I are a team, and we can talk about mostly anything. Maybe …” Dad shrugged, despondent. “Maybe with Maggie I could hold on to the guy I was before I became Wesley Howard.”
Truthfully, I’d never considered the pressures my dad must be under to live up to himself.
Probably because he never gave the impression that he felt any pressure.
But, of course, he did. He was only human.
The thing about being a human, though, was that it wasn’t perfect.
It was messy. It was ugly and painful. And you couldn’t always have what you wanted. Choices had to be made.
“I think you have to choose, Dad. Ari’s right. It would be different if you and Mamma were on the same page. That you both wanted an open marriage. But she loves you and just you. Burying your heads in the sand and pretending there are no affairs … it was always going to end badly.”
“I know.” He gave me a tremulous sigh. “I’m really sorry, kid.”
“I know you’re not a bad guy, Dad,” I whispered tearfully. “You’re just human. And we’re complicated.”
“Do … do you think we’ll ever be able to start over? You and me?”
I nodded, my tears slipping freely now. “I think so.” Getting up from the table, I crossed the room and Dad stood to enfold me in his arms. It was the first time in ten years I’d hugged him for real and not for show in front of cameras or Aria. “Thank you for telling the truth.”
He squeezed me hard. “You don’t need to thank me for that.”
After what felt like a long time, Dad reluctantly released me.
He captured my face between his palms and said, “I’m sorry if what your mother said to Jared messed things up.
But the man who confronted me last night didn’t give a shit about who I was.
All he cared about was you. Jared isn’t that angry at me over someone he doesn’t care about. ”
Determination fired my blood. “I’m going to fight for what I want. You should go figure out what it is you want.”
“I’m proud of you, kid.”
Those words hurt, but in a good way this time. Neither of my parents had said those words to me in forever. I needed to hear them. Not just because I wanted that from my dad, but because it made me realize something that fixed a little broken piece of me. “I’m proud of me too.”