Chapter 26
26
William Andino
“ Y ou want cream and sugar?” Conrad asks.
“Please.”
It’s been almost two weeks since everything went down with Colt, and it’s been weighing heavy on my mind every day. I can’t stop thinking about what I said to him. How hurt he looked, and the way he tried to hide it under his anger. I need to get all of this off my chest, maybe get some advice, and since telling Max is currently out of the question, the next best person is Conrad. Although, now that I’m here, about to do just that, my palms are sweaty. I don’t think he would ever judge me, nor do I think he would go and tell Max, but this is the first time I’m admitting what’s been going on to anybody. Even after my father all but announced that he knew about us, I’ve done my very best to avoid the topic. I’m just not ready to go there with him, or really anyone. But after he just about bit my head off this morning for the piss poor mood I’ve been in—his words—I can’t keep it bottled in any longer.
“Here you go.” Conrad hands me a coffee mug with the Powder Ridge Arena logo on it. “Let’s take these out on the porch.”
Following him, I mentally prepare myself to divulge this massive secret to my friend. Truthfully, I didn’t expect to be as nervous as I am. I can only imagine how it’ll be when I actually tell Max.
It’s not until we sit down that I realize I just mentally said when I tell Max, not if .
“You alright over there?” Conrad asks, and when I glance over at him, he’s watching me warily.
I get it. I texted him this morning asking if I could stop by, gave him no reason, and I’ve been in my head since I got here. I’d probably be wary too if the roles were reversed. Finally, I drag in a deep breath, take a sip from my coffee, and decide to just go for it. It’s not going to get any easier the longer I wait. “Listen, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” I blurt out, louder than intended.
Conrad’s brows pinch with confusion. “Okay. What’s up?”
“I don’t know how to say this without it sounding awful, so I’m just going to spit it out.” My heart pounds ferociously. “I’ve been… sleeping with somebody for a little while who I know I probably shouldn’t. It started as a one-night stand a couple years ago, one I never thought would happen again, but then it did. Happen again, that is.”
I lift my eyes, meeting his gaze, taken aback when I find them narrowed on me and his jaw clenched. He looks pissed . “Will, you’re my friend and I love you, but so help me god, if you’re about to tell me that you’ve been sleeping with my ex-husband, I will murder you with my bare hands and bury you on this property where nobody will ever find you.”
Rearing back like I’ve been slapped, I shake my head. “ What?” I hiss. “What the hell are you talking about? Why would I be sleeping with Whit?”
The scowl doesn’t leave his face. “Maybe because you’re acting fucking weird, and you just vaguely told me how you’ve been sleeping with somebody you shouldn’t. Who else would have you this stiff and nervous about telling me?”
“Will you relax,” I mutter. “It’s not Whit. It’s…” Scanning the yard like I’m about to find Max watching us and overhearing everything, I lower my voice and say, “It’s Colt.”
Conrad’s brows shoot all the way up his forehead before he lets out a deep, gruff chuckle.
“This is funny to you?” I ask incredulously.
Rubbing a hand over his mouth, he manages to pull himself together enough to say, “Could’ve seen that comin’ a mile away.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
What is happening? Are we in the twilight zone?
Conrad levels me with a look. “I didn’t miss the way you two kept eyeing each other at Max’s birthday party. Or the way you two came out of the house at the same time.”
I’m confused before it hits me… that’s the night we kissed in the bathroom. Fuck. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
He shrugs. “Figured if you wanted to talk about it, you’d bring it up. Not my place to butt into your business where I don’t belong.”
This is why Conrad is one of my closest friends, and always has been. He’s the most no-nonsense man and low-maintenance friend. He’s there when you need him without expectations. Growing up, he was always the most level-headed one out of the three of us, and I think it’s that same level-headedness I need right now .
“Well, I do,” I murmur, feeling nervous all over again. “Want to talk about it.”
“When did it start?” he asks before taking a drink from his water.
“The one-night stand happened about two years ago at a bar in Seattle, but it started back up again at Max’s party.”
Face stoic and unreadable, Conrad nods once. “I take it Max doesn’t know?”
“Absolutely not. You think you wouldn’t have heard it from him if he knew.” I chuckle, even though it’s not funny.
He nods, the ghost of a smirk on his face. “So what happened that made you want to tell me now?”
After taking a drink of my coffee, I set it on the table between us before saying, “Shooter walked in on us having sex almost two weeks ago.”
Conrad’s brows raise. “Damn.”
Huffing out a breath, I say, “Yeah, and then I panicked and stormed out of Colt’s house. He came over later that night, and we got into a pretty explosive fight where I said some shitty things.”
“Like what?”
“That he was ignorant and that my reputation in the community matters, so I can’t just be with whomever I want, regardless of what people think.”
“Ouch. Little harsh, don’t you think, Will?”
I rub a hand along my jaw, breathing out a sigh. “Yeah, I know. We haven’t talked to each other since, and it’s eating away at me.”
My words hang in the air for a moment, Conrad thoughtfully quiet before asking, “Do you have feelings for him?”
I take my time answering the question. Not because I’m unsure, but because the answer makes me uneasy—or I should say, speaking it out loud makes me uneasy. Eventually, I nod. “Yeah, I think so. I tried to ignore it, tried to shove it down, like if I pretended it didn’t exist, I could make myself stop. Tried to tell myself it was just sex, and nothing more.”
Arching a brow, he asks, “Take it that didn’t work?”
Breathing out a laugh, I say, “It did not. The longer we go not talking, the more my skin crawls. But I also can’t ignore the concerns I have—the concerns I’ve always had.”
“Which are what?”
If anybody is going to understand this, it’s Conrad. Exhaling a heavy breath, I glance over at him. “He’s twenty-three, and I’m in my mid-forties, but more than that, I’ve known him since he was a baby, Conrad.”
Not an ounce of judgement on his face, he asks, “What did Colt say when you brought this up to him? Assuming you did.”
“I did,” I confirm. “He is convinced it doesn’t matter because we’re both adults now, and nothing started before he was twenty-one.”
“What do you need from me?” There must be a puzzled look on my face because he adds, “Do you need me to simply listen and let you get this off your chest, or do you want my opinion?”
I sit up straighter, maybe subconsciously preparing for him to tell me what an idiot I am. “I’d like your opinion.”
Conrad shrugs. “He’s not wrong.”
“But still, you don’t think it’s… I don’t know, wrong that I’ve known him his entire life?”
“Do you think it’s wrong?” he asks, flipping it on me. “And not what you think should be considered societally wrong, but in your heart of hearts, do you think the way you feel about Colt is wrong?”
The question makes me pause, mostly because I’ve never asked myself from that angle. “No,” I reply, and realize with absolute certainty that it’s the truth.
“Then fuck what anybody else has to say,” he grunts. “There will always be people who have an opinion on what you do, but they don’t matter. You know how many people had something negative to say when Whit and I got together? Yeah, our age difference isn’t as large as the one between you and Colt, but Whit wasn’t even nineteen yet when we got together, and he had worked on my family’s ranch since he was fifteen. A lot of people had a lot of shit to say, but in the end, none of it mattered. I knew in my heart what I felt for him, and I knew it was true and pure, and I knew there was nothing wrong with that. So fuck everybody else.”
If the roles were reversed, and Conrad was coming to me for advice, I’d tell him the same damn thing. So, why is it so hard to take our own advice?
“Max deserves to know, though,” Conrad goes on. “If you decide to make things right with Colt and move forward, he deserves to know. You’re one of his closest friends, and if he finds out from anybody other than you, he’ll be pissed. But more than that, he’ll be hurt.” A pang hits me right in the center of my chest at that last part. “That being said, maybe take a little time to make sure this is what you want before you let the cat out of the bag because, while I think Max will eventually get over it, I do think it’ll cause a rift and take some getting used to. You should be sure of your decision before you go there. And maybe apologize to Colt for being a dick.”
I can’t help but chuckle.
“You’re not going to tell me how selfish or idiotic I’m being?” I ask.
His brow quirks. “Do you want me to? ”
“No.” I shake my head. “I just assumed it was coming.”
“Didn’t you hear me when I said I was thirty-three when I fell in love with an eighteen-year-old Whit. Who the hell am I to judge your romantic choices?”
Huffing out a laugh, I say, “Well, when you put it like that.”
“You’re a responsible, good man, Will,” Conrad murmurs. “I know you wouldn’t do anything maliciously or without thinking it through. Besides, take it from me, you don’t get a say in who the heart wants.”
A moment passes before either of us says anything, and I can’t help but laugh. “I can’t believe you thought I was talking about Whit.”
Conrad shakes his head, chest rumbling with a chuckle. “Well, you were practically sweating while trying to spit it out. What was I supposed to think?”
By the time I leave Conrad’s, I know I need to talk to Colt. I need to apologize, but I also need to come clean about how I feel. About how this isn’t just about sex for me anymore.
Hell, maybe it never was.