Chapter 18. Alice
ALICE
Jenny had been in the bathroom for a long time.
Alice put away the groceries, wondering at some of the items Jenny had purchased. Hamburger Helper—but no hamburger meat. Pink Panther Flakes cereal, two spray cans of cheese, and a box of Ritz Crackers. Spam and SpaghettiOs. Three flavors of Jell-O.
The bathroom door clicked open, and Jenny emerged with her head bowed. Alice turned and leaned against the counter, first looking toward Tom to make sure he was okay and receiving a small smile in return. Simon was sitting at the table, studying the map. He glanced at Jenny.
“Babe, next time we get gas, we need to buy a map of Alberta.”
Jenny slid into the seat across from him. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her face splotchy. She took a shuddering breath and wiped at her nose.
“I think something’s wrong with the baby.”
Simon straightened his upper body, giving her his full attention now. “What?”
Jenny’s face had gone from splotchy to a flush so deep it looked as though she’d been out in the sun for days. “I felt pinches…” She touched her belly. “So, I checked, and there’s blood.”
In direct contrast to his girlfriend’s, Simon’s face drained of all color as he looked from her to Alice, back to Jenny, then again to Alice. “What does that mean?” he asked her.
“I’m not a doctor.” Alice had no idea what color her own face was at that moment, but her stomach was lurching and she really, really wanted to sit down.
This was too much. Jenny was watching her, scared and worried, waiting for an answer, and all Alice wanted to do was scream.
You shouldn’t be doing these crazy things. You are so lucky to be pregnant!
“You have to know something,” Simon said. “You’re a woman.” Alice had a lot of contempt for Simon, but never more than in that moment.
She looked at Jenny. “Is it a lot of blood?”
“I don’t know! Am I losing the baby?”
“You need to see a doctor.”
Her face twisted. “I’ve never had an exam.”
“Didn’t you see one, when, you know…” Alice gestured around her own stomach.
“I’ve only seen a doctor once, when I had the flu.
He told my mom I needed to eat more, and she said he was stupid and that doctors didn’t understand dancers.
So, she—” Jenny broke off abruptly, her gaze sliding away.
She’d clearly been about to say something else, but Jenny’s terrible mother wasn’t Alice’s concern at that moment.
“Simon can go with you.” Please, God, let that happen. Surely if she and Tom had some time alone, they’d be able to come up with a plan.
“We shouldn’t be seen together,” Simon said. “People might recognize us.”
“I don’t want to go alone.” Jenny spoke in an anxious rush, her eyes filling up with fresh tears that made the blue brighter. Alice had never seen anyone look beautiful when crying. She’d think the girl was faking if it weren’t also for the utter fear and desperation in those eyes.
“I’ll go with you.” Alice didn’t want to walk into a doctor’s office. She didn’t want to hear them discussing pregnancy or miscarriages. But if there was a chance that she might be able to talk to a nurse or use a phone and get help, then she had to do it.
Jenny looked relieved, but Simon said, “No way.”
“She should have someone with her,” Alice said. “It’s hard for women to go through this, and if she’s more stressed…” She let her voice trail off.
“I want to take Alice,” Jenny said.
“They might separate you.”
“I’ll say she’s my aunt. She has to stay—or I’ll leave.”
Simon stared hard at Alice like he was trying to read her mind. “I don’t trust her.”
“You take her with you when you want help!” Jenny said.
“I have a gun.”
“You still have a gun,” Alice pointed out. “And my husband.”
He looked again at Jenny. “I don’t like this.”
“I’m going, Simon. I need to make sure the baby is okay.”
Alice made note of this moment, the firm tone in Jenny’s voice.
Time and time again, Jenny had let Simon make the decisions.
She chose him over anyone else—over Tom being injured, over Alice having a gun pressed to her head.
But if it came down to the baby or Simon, Jenny would choose the baby.
Alice had to find a way to use that to her advantage.
Simon looked at Jenny for a few beats, then he sighed.
“Don’t let her out of your sight. If she asks to use the bathroom or get water or anything, you go with her—and if she takes off, then you run straight back here.
” Jenny nodded, and Simon continued. “If they ask for IDs, tell them that you left your purses in your car when you were swimming, and they were stolen.”
Jenny nodded again, but then her resolve seemed to slide away—the corners of her lips pulled down, and her chest heaved as though she was trying to stop herself from sobbing.
Simon stood and came around the table to sit with her, cuddling her close with one arm.
“Everything’s going to be okay,” he whispered.
“There are feminine products under the bathroom sink,” Alice said.
Neither of them looked at her, lost in their private world.
She seized the moment to go to Tom. He smiled at Alice as she lay beside him, face-to-face.
She linked their fingers, finding comfort in his strong hand, his warm palm.
He needed to see a doctor too. Simon had been letting her keep ice on Tom’s shoulder and giving him Tylenol, but he was still in pain.
It wasn’t fair that he was being left to suffer.
She had to remind herself that people didn’t die from broken collarbones.
Tom was strong. She stared at his chest, the dark bruises that had mottled. Soon they would turn yellow.
“Are you worrying about me again?” His deep voice rumbled out of his throat. She pressed her free hand against his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart.
“Of course.”
“It hurts, but I’ll survive. I’m more worried about you.”
“I’m okay.” But she dipped her head so he couldn’t see into her eyes. She wished she could speak to him freely. She would ask how she might slip a note to a nurse. Was it too much of a risk? Should she wait for a different opportunity? She had no idea how Jenny might react.
“Alice, get back up here,” Simon said. “We need to look for a doctor.”
They found a pay phone near a white-brick laundromat, and Jenny returned with an address and an appointment booked for that afternoon.
They spent the next couple of hours parked near a baseball diamond that was having a Little League tournament.
Alice propped Tom up so he could see from the back window.
He’d winced as she moved him, but he gave her hand a squeeze, and she knew he was glad for the distraction.
They continued to hold hands as they watched the kids running to the wrong bases or dropping the bat, while their parents shouted from the stands.
It was such a simple thing, holding hands. Why had they stopped doing it?
No, it hadn’t been they who had stopped. It had been her. She leaned over to gently kiss Tom’s bruised knuckles and felt even more bereft when he turned and smiled at her.
She’d been angry, thinking his pain wasn’t as deep.
He hadn’t carried the baby in his belly.
He hadn’t felt the movements, the tiny secret thing that was all hers.
He hadn’t felt the aching in her breasts, full of milk to feed a baby who no longer needed her.
But maybe he’d felt other things that she didn’t know about.
He’d lost his son, and for many months, his wife too.
Simon didn’t ask Alice to make lunch this time and instead passed around the stolen snacks. Alice didn’t want to eat the ill-gotten gains, but unfortunately, anxiety didn’t stop her appetite. She ate two chocolate bars and fed another to Tom, along with a bag of chips.
When it was time, they drove back downtown and parked the RV on a side street.
As Alice and Jenny walked down the sidewalk, German music played from speakers, and when they reached the center of Main Street, called The Platzle, tourists slid coins into the giant cuckoo clock, laughing when a toy man popped out of the shutters and sang from the balcony.
Jenny didn’t seem to notice any of it. She stared straight ahead, her face grim, and her purse clutched in front of her stomach.
The doctor’s clinic was on the lower floor of one of the German houses.
Jenny checked in with the nurse at the front desk, using the name Ocean, and Alice had a moment of bitter resentment when she remembered her first meeting with the couple, how she’d smiled at their charming, made-up names.
They couldn’t be further from the peaceful hippies she’d imagined.
While they sat in the waiting room, Alice flipped through magazines and Jenny picked at her nails. She’d catch herself, and stop, only to begin again a few moments later.
They were alone, which was disappointing because the more people who saw Jenny, especially close-up, the better chance someone might recognize her. Mentally, Alice tried to will the nurse to study their faces, but she was focused on a task behind the front desk.
The phone pealed out a sharp ring that made Alice jump. The nurse answered it, then dropped it into the cradle, and got to her feet. “The doctor will see you now.”
They followed her down a hallway into an office that was painted soft green and decorated with plants hanging in macrame baskets and colorful abstract paintings.
It was more cheerful than any doctor’s office Alice had seen before, but it still had the usual items—a large desk, three chairs, a scale, a small sink, and an exam table, which Jenny was staring at.
The nurse weighed Jenny and recorded her height in a file that she left on the desk.
“He’ll be along in a minute.”
After the nurse left, Alice gestured to the chair closest to the doctor’s desk. “You should sit there.” While Jenny settled, somewhat stiffly, into the chair, Alice took one across the room.
The doctor entered with a quick knock and a pleasant smile.
He was maybe in his early thirties, with short blond hair that curled so tightly Alice was reminded of a cupid.
Except instead of a bow and arrows, he carried a clipboard, wore a stethoscope around his neck, and his crisp white doctor’s coat was open to show a sky-blue paisley shirt.
He moved in an energetic way, like he was excited for whatever the day was going to bring him.
Despite herself, Alice couldn’t help feeling glad for Jenny—a younger doctor was less apt to shame her.
“Good afternoon, ladies, I’m Dr. Halverson.” He dropped into the chair in front of his desk and spun it around, so he was facing Jenny.
“This is my aunt. I want her to stay.” Jenny blurted the words so fast Alice was surprised the force didn’t send the doctor spinning back around in his chair.
“That’s fine.” He nodded. “So, Ocean, I hear you’ve had some bleeding. Can you tell me when it started? Any pain?”
In a halting voice, Jenny went over what she had already told Alice and Simon. The doctor asked more detailed questions, like the color of the blood, quantity, if she was still bleeding. Jenny stared at her feet as she answered and fiddled with the strap on her purse.
“Okay, it doesn’t sound too alarming, but I’ll have a listen and check your vitals.” The doctor got to his feet. “I’ll give you a moment to get comfortable.”
He closed the door of the office, and Alice was left staring at Jenny, who was staring back at her with big blue eyes that shimmered with tears.
She looked like a child, Alice thought, not for the first time, but as Jenny twisted the strap on her purse Alice remembered the hunting knife that she carried with her—and the crime she had fled from.
Childlike, maybe, but that didn’t mean she was innocent.