Chapter 41. Jenny #3
Jenny reluctantly followed them and was relieved when Robert left the room.
She washed the makeup off her mother’s face, took the pins out of her hair, and pulled the blanket over her.
She wasn’t going to undress her. Her mother wouldn’t have cared about modesty, but Jenny didn’t want to see whatever lingerie set her mother had picked out for Valentine’s Day.
She left her mother’s room, walked directly into hers, and closed the door. She needed her chair to put under the handle. She walked over to her bed in the dark and switched on her night table lamp. She turned, and nearly screamed when she saw Robert sitting at her desk.
He held a small, heart-shaped box in his hand.
“Chocolates.” He winked. “One of our little secrets.”
One of them. Her skin crawled. He said it like they shared some private joke.
She stayed standing by her bed. How could she make him leave?
The corners of his lips turned down. It made him look like he was pouting. “You aren’t going to thank me?”
“Thank you.”
He set the chocolates on her desk and got to his feet. She backed up, but he wasn’t coming toward her. He stood in front of her full-length mirror and stared at her in the reflection.
“I see you watching me in the mirror at the studio. Dancing for me.”
“I don’t. I don’t do that.”
He spun abruptly back to her desk, grabbed the chair, and walked it toward the door. He jammed it under the handle. “This is what you do, isn’t it?”
She ran for her balcony. She’d climb down. She didn’t care if she fell.
Steps behind her. His arm looped around her waist, lifting her. His cheek against hers. His aftershave, the booze on his breath. She twisted, tried to slide under his arm. He was moving backward, over to her bed, but he tripped and tumbled to the floor with her.
She scrambled away on her hands and knees. He grabbed her, flipped her over, and lunged over her body. He pinned her leg with his, his knee into her thigh.
Her breath was trapped in her throat, her eyes tearing.
“Mom! Mom!”
“She’s passed out.” He gripped her ponytail, wrapping it in his fist. Her scalp prickled. There was no pretense of him being tortured or sad this time. He didn’t even care to pretend.
“I’ll tell her tomorrow,” she sobbed.
“She won’t believe you. She’ll throw you out.”
Jenny knew the rest. She didn’t have relatives. No friends. No teacher she could confide in. Everyone liked Robert. Still, she tried to scream, but his hand came over her mouth. His face above hers.
She turned her head and squeezed her eyes shut until it was over.
Jenny hadn’t looked at Alice the entire time she’d been talking. She didn’t want to see disbelief, or maybe even an accusation. But Alice rested her hand on Jenny’s knee.
“I’m so sorry. I hope you know it wasn’t your fault.”
Jenny met her eyes and saw the truth of her words. Alice meant it. Even after everything that Jenny had put her through.
“The last time was when I got pregnant,” Jenny said. “Simon found me alone on our dock a week later and we became friends. Only friends—for months. He didn’t know I was pregnant until my mom kicked me out. I thought he would freak, but he took me in.”
She would always remember how sweet he was that night.
He’d insisted she take a shower, brought her towels and a pair of pajamas, and let her have his bedroom.
She’d emerged the next morning, with her hair a snarled mess, eyes puffy from crying, and found him on the couch, where he’d slept.
He’d smiled and gestured to a shoe box on the coffee table.
“Look.”
She opened it. Her stones and shells. Her green sea glass.
“I can’t believe you found them!”
His smile faded, his eyes turning serious. “I’d do anything for you.”
She’d wanted to kiss him for months, but she’d been so scared.
Of her mom, Robert, even of herself. But later that day, when they were sitting on the couch, the heat of his leg against hers, the smooth skin of his arm, the desire to touch him took over.
She kissed him, thrilled and shocked. Mad with a reckless feeling that she could do whatever she wanted now.
He trembled, holding her shoulder as though keeping her at a distance, and she pulled back, confused. “I’m nervous,” he whispered. “I’ve been in love with you for so long.”
She leaned forward again, bolstered by his confession. This was right and true. She was meant to be with him. It was the only thing that made sense.
They were together from then on.
She learned how things could be when you loved the person. Simon never hurt her. He listened to her and let her go at her own pace. They learned about each other.
She needed to be touching him all the time. To breathe in the scent of his skin and his hair. She loved greeting him at the door when he got home from work. He’d pick her up, and she’d wrap her legs around his waist, burying her face in the curve of his neck.
She began to feel love for the life growing inside her too. She could think of the baby without remembering Robert. He didn’t matter. Simon’s name would be on the birth certificate.
They’d made so many promises to each other, but they’d fallen along with his body, and now they were broken too. She was alone. She rested her head on his chest again and sobbed.