20. Zane
TWENTY
ZANE
I reach over, pulling the sheet up around Hyacinth’s chest, as my heart pounds in my chest.
This is not the way I wanted to be outed.
Of course, I’d never planned on getting outed at all.
For all that Richard was my father’s best friend and I’m like a son to him, he’s also in the mafia business. I’ve heard his disgusted words about the robust gay community in town. If I lose his respect, how can I hope to have anyone else’s?
At least he didn’t barge in when we were in the playroom.
I hadn’t locked that door, secure in the fact that this is my fucking house, but I guess that’s going to have to change.
After I rip Richard a new one for encroaching into my personal space.
“Get out,” I bark at Richard. “For fuck’s sake, Richard! This is my goddamned bedroom. What the fuck is so important—” I cut myself off. “Never mind. Get out.”
Hyacinth drapes an arm across my chest. “Yeah, Richard. Get out.” He turns to mouth along my skin.
Normally, I’d be flush with arousal at the sensation, but with Richard here, my cheeks are burning with embarrassment and even a bit of unwelcome shame. I shouldn’t care.
But I do.
“Get out. I’ll be downstairs shortly,” I tell Richard, my voice calmer. I grip Hyacinth’s hair, forcing him to stop.
Richard scowls, but he finally backs out of the room. Stefan shuts the door.
Hyacinth smiles up at me. “Looks like at least one person knows, now. Do you think he’ll gossip to all his friends?”
I narrow my eyes at Hyacinth. “That would be a major problem, Hyacinth,” I tell him, my voice terse. “Because I have no intention of having fucking homophobes gunning for me. Just you being after me is bad enough.”
If anyone outed me, I’d lose everything. My father’s legacy would be thrown out, set on fire and the earth salted in its wake, and there would be no recovering from it.
I can’t have that.
I can’t.
Even for Hyacinth.
Maybe especially for Hyacinth Cuore.
I get out of bed, quickly pulling on a shirt. “Stay here,” I order Hyacinth. “We have things to discuss when I’m done with Richard.”
Hyacinth’s eyes narrow, then he shrugs. “Okay.” He pulls a pillow closer and settles in again, his eyes fluttering closed.
“I’m serious,” I tell him, even though I know perfectly well he’s not going to stay put. The only question is whether he’s going to take the window out or if he’s going to come downstairs to try to eavesdrop. “Or the next time we go into that playroom, it won’t be for you to have fun.”
I turn for the door, irritation and anxiety suffusing me as I make my way downstairs to where Richard is waiting in the living room.
He looks every bit as agitated as I feel.
“What the fuck was so important that you had to barge into my goddamned bedroom?” I snarl. “It had better be good.”
“I heard you’d been shot at today. Excuse me for being worried,” Richard says, his lips pulled thin. “And I was going to share what I found out about the attack at that fundraiser.”
I glare at him. “You could’ve at least knocked,” I snap, but some of the wind has been taken out of my sails.
I listen for footsteps, waiting for Hyacinth to disobey me — either despite my warning or because of the promise of violence in those words.
“As you can see,” I continue, “I’m fine.” I gesture to the couch. “At least sit down.”
Richard does sit, the movement heavy, and sighs. “For God’s sake, Zane. Do you have time to be taking up with a… a… man? Where did you even find him? You got shot at.”
Well, at least Stefan hasn’t been snitching on me to Richard.
“Something about being shot at made me realize I only have so much time,” I tell him, realizing as I speak that it’s true. Having a very real brush with mortality several times over the past month has taken its toll on me. “Do you have a problem with it?”
“Me?” Richard meets my gaze. “Zane, you’re risking destroying everything. I can overlook this, but I don’t know about all our underlings. The Bouchards, Cuores, and Courroux will take advantage of every single weakness, too.”
My sexuality shouldn’t be a weakness, but then, it had let Hyacinth get close to me.
For the first time, it really occurs to me that Hyacinth had to have known, or at least suspected, that I was as interested in men as I am in women.
How?
“I’m aware,” I tell him. “I have no intention of parading through the streets shouting it at the top of my lungs, Richard. I’m not like Silvano Cresci. I’ve had male partners before, and you’ve never noticed. I’m discreet.”
I sink down into the armchair.
Would it be bad, to be like Silvano Cresci? He’s one of the five families operating in New Bristol, second only to the Pavones. Being openly gay hasn’t stopped him.
If anything, he’s only gotten stronger since his wedding to Kyran Winters — strong enough to where word of it has spread across the country to New Valence.
“Yet,” Richard points out. “You haven’t been outed yet. It depends on your partners being discreet. Did you vet this one? Or did you pull him off the street?”
Before I can answer, Hyacinth’s clear voice responds, “Oh, he pulled me off the street.”
We both turn to stare at him. He leans against the doorframe, wearing only a button-up shirt. My button-up shirt. It’s shorter on him, and I think I can count myself lucky that he put on one of my pairs of boxer briefs, too.
How the fuck had he snuck up on us? I’d been listening for him, and he’d still managed to get downstairs without me hearing.
“Get back upstairs,” I snap at him, my cheeks flushing hotter. “This isn’t a conversation for you to be involved in.”
Hyacinth ignores me and pads into the room. His bare feet are completely silent. He stops next to my chair and winks at Richard. “Nice to meet you, Richard.”
Then he sinks down onto his knees and rests his head against my thigh.
My world comes to a screeching halt.
I both want to smooth my fingers through his hair and tangle them in those strands to yank him back all at once, and I’m not sure which desire is greater. My heart is still racing, and I don’t know what to make of this development.
Well. There’s no sense in delaying this any longer.
“Richard, this is Hyacinth… Cuore,” I say, the words heavy on my tongue. “Hyacinth, you already know who Richard Moore is, it seems.”
“Your second-in-command,” Hyacinth says. He wraps one arm around my calf. “Yes, I know.”
Richard’s mouth hangs open like a gutted fish. After a few seconds he collects himself. “Hyacinth Cuore?” He gives me an incredulous look. “Are you insane, Zane?”
“Apparently,” I tell him with a brittle smile. I do pat Hyacinth on the head, though I still want to yank him up by the hair and demand that he leave the room immediately.
“Dante Cuore could use this as an excuse to attack you!” Richard stands up and paces across the room, then points at Hyacinth. “Fuck! He could be here to kill you!”
If only he knew.
The fact that he doesn’t is a testament to my bodyguards’ discretion.
At least they’re doing something right.
Hyacinth laughs. “I’m here to get fucked. And don’t worry, Dante has more important things on his plate. You’re insignificant to him.”
“Hyacinth isn’t the one who tried to shoot me,” I say. “He got me out of there.” I purse my lips. He’d been more useful than my bodyguard, which seems to be a theme lately. Hyacinth isn’t wrong that they’re useless, with the exception of Stefan — and even Stefan had been off his game.
“I did attempt to kill you twice, though,” Hyacinth points out. He smiles up at me. “I’m probably past that. Probably.”
I glare daggers down at him. “That was not information he needed,” I snarl, and this time, I do tangle my fingers in his hair so I can jerk his head painfully back.
It probably is information that Richard needs, but the humiliation is so stark that I’m not sure how the fuck to react.
Hyacinth licks his lips. “Why not? It’s fine. I told you, I’m done with that whole thing.”
Richard scoffs loudly. “I can’t believe it. You’re throwing your father’s legacy away for… for… this?”
This.
He means Hyacinth.
The idea of Hyacinth relegated to a “this” has my jaw clenching. “I am not throwing anything away,” I tell him through gritted teeth. “Hyacinth is discreet. Neither of us want anyone else involved in this.”
Hyacinth’s grip on my leg tightens briefly, but he doesn’t contradict me.
“Other people…” Richard shakes his head. “You’re being stupid, Zane. You’re letting your cock lead you around. I thought you were above that! After the whole fiasco with…”
“That was a decade ago!” I snap, releasing Hyacinth’s hair as I abruptly get to my feet. “When will you let it go?”
When will I let it go?
Maybe after the guilt stops eating away at me.
Maybe after he stops blaming me for the death of his best friend.
It wasn’t my fault. I’d been a teenager. Of course I’d been led astray by my cock then. I hadn’t known any better. And ultimately, I’d gotten my revenge for that, with Di Palazzo’s slow demise in acid.
This is different.
It has to be different.
I glance down at Hyacinth, the man who’d tried to kill me more than once, the man whose mother tried to kill me again today. I can’t guarantee that he won’t try again. He isn’t someone I can fall asleep with, because I might wake up with a knife between my ribs.
He isn’t worth the risk of losing everything for.
Is he?
I’ll do worse to him than bathe him in acid if he betrays me.
“I’ll let go of it when I’m on my deathbed!” Richard snaps back. “I’m trying to keep you safe, Zane! Your father died for you!”
“Don’t you think I’m aware of that?” I shout. “Don’t you think I remember that every single fucking day? What do you expect from me, Richard?”
My head is pounding, the rage surging through me, and it’s a damn good thing I don’t have a weapon because I don’t know what I’d do right now if I did.
Hyacinth stands up and brushes his hair back. “It sounds like I’m not wanted here after all. I’ll get out of here.” He starts to walk away, but I grab his arm, squeezing tight.
“No,” I growl. “You aren’t going anywhere. I’m not done with you yet.” My grip tightens hard enough to leave bruises.
Hyacinth looks down at my hand and pulls. I refuse to let go.
“Hmm.” Hyacinth places his free arm on my shoulder. “Careful, Zane. I told you. I don’t do things by halves. I’m messy.”
I grit my teeth. “Both of you, back down,” I bark. “I’m still in charge, Richard. My decisions are my own. Advise me all you want, but in the end, I make the calls.”
I’m not going to let anyone dictate my actions. Certainly not Richard.
But not Hyacinth, either.
“I’ll meet you at the office tomorrow to discuss the information you have on the fundraiser,” I tell Richard. “If you’re done trying to guilt trip me…” I point toward the door with my free hand.
Richard glares at me, but he moves toward the door. “Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He sneers at Hyacinth. “You’re going to regret that one.”
I bare my teeth. Richard leaves the room, and I wait until I hear the front door shut before I turn to Hyacinth.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” I ask, anger making the blood beat in my ears as I stare at him. I grab his other arm and shake him. “I didn’t say you could leave.”
“You implied it,” Hyacinth argues, although he doesn’t fight me. “You wanted to hide me.”
I have to take a deep breath to keep from snarling at him, and it’s by the barest of margins that I manage to keep my voice somewhat calm. “I told you I can’t be out. You knew that.”
Hyacinth nods. “Yes. But the moment I’m at your side, you’ll be out. So you need to make a choice, Zane.” He smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I’m very, very possessive, Zane. If I’m yours, everybody is going to know it.”
Frustration fights the rage, coming out on top as I stare at him. “No,” I tell him. “I would lose everything I’ve ever worked for, everything my father ever worked for.”
And for someone who tried to kill me, someone who might continue to try to kill me. I can’t come out for him.
I can’t lose everything for a man. Richard is right about that, at least.
Hyacinth nods, and the smile is still there, still wrong. “All right. Then let go of my arms.”
I only squeeze tighter, pushing my fingers into his flesh in a dark, visceral need to mark him. “You said you’d give me anything. That you’re mine,” I growl. “I’m the one who dictates the rules. You do what I say.”
Why does everyone want to squeeze me dry?
Hyacinth’s silver eyes stare back at me, completely blank.
He looks horrible like this.
He should be desperate for me. Begging for me. Angry at me. Ready to kill me.
Not empty.
I loosen my grip, and Hyacinth shrugs my hands off in a smooth motion. Then he goes for his clothes. He strips off my shirt and underwear to put on his own clothes, and I hate it. I hate every inch of skin that gets covered up; I hate that he isn’t in my clothes anymore.
When he’s done, he turns to me. The skirt twirls lightly.
I could pass him off as a woman, maybe.
“I want you to be for me,” Hyacinth says. “I’ll be everything for you, Zane. But only if you’re willing to take it.”
This isn’t how it’s supposed to play out.
I’m the one in control.
Yet I feel helpless.
I want it. I want to take what he’s offering. I want to say to hell with it all and claim him right here and now.
I don’t look away. I’m not that much of a coward.
But I don’t say anything, either.
It rips me to shreds from the inside out.
Hyacinth steps up to me and leans in to kiss me.
It’s a surprisingly gentle kiss.
When he pulls away, he’s no longer smiling.
“I’ll talk to Dante about the whole situation,” Hyacinth says. “But I can’t guarantee anything.”
He leaves the living room. His footsteps are heavy and deliberate this time, and I hear the front door open and close.
I sink heavily down into the armchair again.
I miss my father with a ferocity that takes my breath away.
He would know what to do.
But I’m not him.
And all I can do is sit here in my misery.
Somebody has to pay for this.
But I know that the only person at fault here is me.