23. Hyacinth #2
“Huh? Who the fuck locked this?” The door rattles some more, then whoever’s on the other side walks off.
I cover my mouth to hide my giggles.
Zane looks torn between amusement and trepidation. “Fuck,” he mutters. He goes and grabs his mask, but he doesn’t put it back on. Instead, he comes to sit down on the couch, avoiding the cum-stained cushion.
I sit down next to him, then rest my head against his shoulder.
I hate how relieved I feel when he doesn’t push me away.
He wraps his arm around me, drawing me closer.
I wish this could be my life.
“Who told you about Keith?” I ask after a few moments. “I’m going to have to kill them.”
“I have my sources,” Zane says. “And no, you aren’t going to kill them.” He pauses, then adds, “But I might have to kill Harrington.”
I lower my gaze. “You should. He deserves it.”
Keith deserves it for how he’d left me, for how he’d nearly broken me, for the sheer humiliation of it all.
And he deserves it even more for daring to openly date that other man, the perfectly acceptable, bland little doll he parades around as his partner.
“If he ever tries to lay a finger on you again, I might,” Zane replies. His arm tightens around me. “What happened?”
The question is simple, stark, but it brings so many emotions and memories back to the surface.
I clutch Zane’s shirt. “He kept me. I was his. Leashed, obedient, and I… I loved it. But then suddenly, I wasn’t… I wasn’t enough for him. And I was trapped, and Forest had to dig me out of that mess.” I laugh bitterly. “He didn’t help me out of the goodness of his heart. He wanted me to owe him.”
I wonder if Zane will put the pieces together.
“Trapped?” Zane repeats. “He found chains that could hold you?”
I shake my head. “Nope. I could have left at any time. That’s the stupidest part of it.” I clutch my arms and dig my nails into my skin. “Forest couldn’t believe what a fucking idiot I’d been.”
“We’re all idiots when we care about someone,” Zane mutters. “That’s why trusting other people is dangerous.”
His voice is filled with pained understanding.
I look at him, searching his eyes. “Who did you trust?”
His lips twist into a grimace. “Someone who should’ve been safe. I was only sixteen, but I still should’ve known better. My father paid the price for it.”
By the time I was sixteen, I’d already killed three men.
“Did you get your revenge?” I ask.
If he hasn’t, I’ll do it for him. I’ll take down whoever hurt him.
Zane nods. “It took time. Too much time. But they’re dead and gone now.” He closes his eyes. “So’s my father, though. And it didn’t change that fact.”
I rest my head against him again.
It’s strange to sit with him in this melancholy, our pain hanging between us, but with no desire to go out and kill.
Zane strokes the back of my head, carding his fingers through my hair.
“Were you serious?” I ask, my voice even more unsteady. “Am I yours? Because I can’t… I can’t do Keith again.”
He slowly lets out a breath. “I can’t be out yet,” he says quietly. “Not in public. I can…” He swallows audibly. “I can test it in my inner circle, but I’m not ready to be open to the world. I don’t expect you to stay locked away and hidden, Hyacinth. Not for me, not for anyone.”
The anger slams into me once more. I sit up and glare at him. “Then what’s the point? Why be so fucking powerful if you’re going to be such a coward? You can’t even handle going out in public with me? You think you’re so famous that everybody in New Valence would recognize you?”
Zane stares back at me. “I think that my enemies would see this as the perfect opportunity to target me, and I do have plenty of those who are waiting to see me trip up — your family included, and you can’t tell me that they’re not.”
I move to straddle his hips, and he places his hands on my sides.
“If what I saw Dante and Avery getting up to is any indication, my family is going to give zero fucks about you dating a man. They already know I’m gay, anyway.
More to the point, you think I can’t protect you from them?
From anyone else who might want to hurt you?
I won’t hesitate to slit anyone’s throat if they threaten you. ”
Why am I even arguing with him? I was fully committed to murdering him just an hour ago.
But he’d claimed me in front of Keith.
And murder was never really on the table. Light torture, though, I could still do.
He strokes my hips, and I can see the unfamiliar, raw uncertainty in his expression. “I don’t know how to be out and openly bisexual in this world,” he replies. “Maybe that makes me weak, to be afraid of losing everything. Maybe that makes me a coward. But I… I don’t know.”
I bark out an annoyed laugh. “You live your fucking life, Zane. You show them that their opinion doesn’t matter, and if they have a problem with it, you send me after them.
” I lean closer, my hair cascading around us.
“That’s what it means to own me, Zane. I’m yours to command.
But it only works if you’re willing to take me as I am. ”
Zane is quiet for long enough to where I think he’s not going to say anything, but right as my lips part so I can speak, he says, “I want to.”
“Nobody’s stopping you,” I answer. I draw my hand along his cheek. “I’d be so good for you, Zane. I’ll help bend the world to your will. And I’ll take your whip, your cane, your flogger—”
He leans in to press his lips against mine in a kiss that’s far more tender, far less brutal, than the earlier kisses had been.
“I know. I know you’ll be so good for me.
But we have to take this at my pace.” Before I can get in the angry retort that’s about to come out of my mouth, he continues, “That means dates before public declarations, starting tomorrow. Be ready at six.”
I laugh, and this time it’s a happy, light sound. “Oh. Yes. I can do that. Sir.”
My heart soars in a way that’s unfamiliar.
But it’s good, too.
For once, it feels like I matter.
And I’ll prove to Zane that I’m the only person he’ll ever need.
Even if that means I need to kill a few people who get in the way.