Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
LELAND
I see that I have two missed calls when the plane lands.
One is from Lucas, the other is from Patel.
Neither is a person I really want to talk to.
Instead, I send Waylon a text that we’ve arrived, but we’re stopping at our agency first with the plan of showing our face to Patel so she doesn’t think we’re off murdering Raul.
Me: I saw you called. We’re running to the agency, do you need something?
Patel: I’ll see you there.
Me: Really… you don’t need to.
Patel: I’ll be there within an hour.
Me: Bring chocolate.
Me: No! Cookies.
Me: Brownies, even.
Me: Food in general.
Me: Please don’t poison it.
Me: The lack of a reply is concerning.
“Jackson, she didn’t reply,” I whine.
“I thought that was the goal? To have her not reply?” Jackson asks as our group walks out of the airport. We head to the parking garage where our vehicles wait.
“Before you guys go, I have something really important to say,” I announce.
Everyone turns to look at me.
“I really couldn’t do this without all of you… and I am glad to have so many people surrounding Jackson to coat his body in protection.”
“I knew it was going to be something horrible,” Tavish says.
“And I would like you all to come over for the birthday of The Fence,” I add.
“Fuck your fence!” Micah says.
“How dare you. We’re going to sing songs and Ellis is going to make me more fence cookies.”
“Those were so hard to make,” Ellis says, which kind of sounds like he’s not planning on making them again.
“But, Ellis, I loved them.”
“I will make you two dozen. Is that enough?” he asks, caving so quickly.
“Good boy.” I smile and pat his shoulder. What a gullible man.
Turning to the others, I ask, “You’re all heading to my safe house after you get your things, right?”
“You really think we need to?” Tavish asks.
Jackson shrugs. “What’s it hurt?”
“My soul,” Tavish says.
“It’ll be good for you,” I decide. “Jackson and I will be there shortly.”
“Shouldn’t someone go with you two?” Ellis asks. “I can go back with Cassel and Jeremy, and Tavish can go with you.”
“I’ll go with you too,” Everly offers. “I still haven’t gotten to punch you yet.”
“I mean, I can definitely go too if I get to punch you,” Micah says.
I wave these vicious men off. “No, I don’t need anyone to punch me. Really, I don’t need any—”
“Sure, we’d love for you guys to come,” Jackson says before I can even finish.
I grumble but must do as my husband says. We rearrange who is going in which vehicle and off we go. Honestly, the car with Cassel, Jeremy, and Ellis seems significantly nicer, but I force myself to deal with the cards I’ve been played. And what better way to get through them than with some music?
“You know what this calls for?” I ask from where I’m stuck in the middle seat in the back. I really think I deserved the front seat, but Everly had hurried over to it, much to Micah’s displeasure. “A… sonnggg.”
“No… please… no! Let me out! Let me out!” Tavish cries as he unrolls the window and reaches for Ellis who is in the process of getting into Cassel’s car while Henry drives off alone.
“You got this!” Ellis says with a smile and a high five, even though his boyfriend is obviously asking for help.
I grab Tavish by the hair and pull him back in; the issue is that his body doesn’t really bend that way, and I kind of ram it against the top of the window frame.
“Whoops. Tavish, I’m sorry, but this very moment calls for a song,” I decide.
“Which part? Bloodying my head?” Tavish growls. “ELLISSS. Why did you do this to me?”
I look back just to see Ellis waving wildly.
“His innocence creeps me out,” I declare.
Tavish slowly looks over at me. “For being normal?”
“Don’t you dare sass me by making me seem like the bad guy!
You bashed his head against a dumpster, threw him in a trunk, and handed him off to a bad guy,” I remind him.
And then I clear my throat to prepare for the greatest song known to mankind and beyond.
“Muuuurrrder… Jackson won’t let me muuuurder Tavish…
so I guess I have to settle for this radish.
Dice it up, mince it, and fry it… come on, don’t you want to try it—”
“Is your horrendous song about murdering and eating me?” Tavish asks, like he has any room to be shocked.
“No! I was singing about radishes. What kind of song were you listening to?”
“Hon… it did kind of sound like you were talking about Tavish,” Jackson says.
“How dare you take his side? Fine. I shall try again. Are you ready?” I clear my throat once more.
“You may know me as the Sandman, but my story starts with a trash bag. All you need is a bit of rope but don’t lose hope.
A splash of bleach… what? No, I definitely didn’t hear a screech.
What’s this saw for? Just another chore—”
“Are you chopping up my body now?” Tavish cries.
“Why do you keep thinking these songs are about you? I was cutting down a tree, obviously. You’re so in love with yourself that you keep thinking that I’m singing about you. How weird.”
Tavish gawks at me. “What was the bleach for if not to dilute the blood?”
“To clean up afterward. Like… maybe there was poison ivy on the tree or something,” I respond. “I have literally never met a crew pickier than all of you! I don’t hear any of you singing.”
“The world is not ready for my songs,” Tavish says, as if he could accomplish anything as majestic as I have with that body of his.
“What about a song about The Fence?” Jackson innocently asks.
“Is this the point where I can use my one free punch ticket?” Everly asks as he stretches his wrist like he doesn’t want to sprain it when he socks me.
“I’d be careful or he’ll start singing about you next,” Tavish says.
“I’m just remembering that I don’t want to be in this vehicle and would prefer to get in a different one,” Micah complains.
“You’re stuck with us now,” I inform him. “The feel of your grain never makes my heart strain; you’re Jackson’s bane—”
“Stop! Please, I’m begging you,” Everly pleads.
“I would like to erase this song from my memory. Does anyone have duct tape?” Jackson asks.
I give my husband a look so he’s well aware of my displeasure over his dislike of my song. “Jackson! I was singing a ballad for you.”
Tavish hands some duct tape back while I stare at my one true love in horror.
“You would betray me like this?” I whisper.
“It’s…” Jackson grimaces a little but still tears a piece off.
“I’m sorry, Leland. It’s just better for all of us this way.
” And then he smooths it over my lips. He gives me a soft smile, kisses my taped lips, and then everyone starts chatting about sports.
Like who the fuck cares about sports when we have a fence to sing about?
I glower at the happy men all the way back to the agency, where I finally rip the tape off and slap it on Jackson’s cheek. After parking, we head inside to see Mason sleeping on his desk.
“Mason, I thought we told you not to come into work today,” Jackson says. “Remember? Shit’s going on so it’s safest for you to stay home?”
“I just had to grab a file, and then… my girlfriend is babysitting her niece for a few days and… how do people sleep with babies in the house?” he whines.
“I borrowed a baby for a few days once,” Micah says. “Got me all of the attention. I didn’t even have to fight to draw my subject in. She trotted right over.”
“How do you borrow a baby?” Everly asks.
“We borrowed a young child for a while,” I comment. “We kept her in the closet—”
Of course that’s the moment the door opens and Patel waltzes in. “I’m… wildly interested in hearing about this child.”
“She was so cute, I wanted to keep her for myself,” I say.
“She was a neighbor in a bad situation,” Jackson explains, like he’s worried Patel might get the wrong idea based off something I said.
“We found her father, though. She… knew we were PIs and was hoping we could figure out who her father was.” It’s impressive how well he makes what really happened condense down into something that sounds legitimate.
“Oh…” Patel seems to be taken aback by our level of epicness. I don’t blame her. Maybe she wants to be adopted by us too and chill in our closet.
“You needed something?” Jackson asks.
She’s back to business as usual. “I do. Where were you yesterday?”
“The real question is… where were you all my life?” Micah asks with a grin and a wink.
Patel’s expression doesn’t even change, yet Micah is undeterred. Does this man really think he’s going to flirt his way into making Patel stop bothering us? I’m afraid he has a lot to learn if he thinks he’s going to win any part of this.
“And you are?” she asks, like she’s asking a tick that is attached to her pet.
“You can call me anything you’d like,” he says.
Patel seems to decide she has no interest at all in dealing with Micah, and instead, fixates on Everly who is over there fiddling with things on my desk.
I can’t help but wonder if she recognizes Everly from her time dealing with Waylon’s brother and venturing into the prison more than once because of Lucas’s annoying ass.
Turning back to me, she asks, “Where were you yesterday?”
I gesture toward Micah. “Our friend Micah had a get-together at his place. Jackson and I ended up having too much to drink and stayed over. What’s going on?” I question, acting as if I’m concerned.
“Where do you live?” Patel asks Micah, as though she’s going to head right over to his place and verify that my body was present at some point during the past twenty-four hours. Like is she going to dig through the trash and try to find a can with my fingerprints on it?
Micah winks. “Usually, I take a girl out on a date before I invite her inside.”
“I’m sorry,” Jackson says. “I don’t want to seem rude, but… what’s this about? Did something happen?”