Chapter 16
JAYDEN
“This road trip was a shit show.”
“Yeah,” Stella replies. “I was watching.”
It’s Friday and we got home early this morning.
I slept on the overnight flight, but still headed straight to bed when I got in the door.
I just got back from picking up Frank at the doggy daycare and decided to call Stella.
“There’s more shit that’s been happening off the ice.
But yeah, on the ice has been bad enough.
” We lost both games in Pittsburgh and Nashville.
“Bishop really lost his mind after that goal got disallowed.”
Ugh. “Yeah, he was frustrated.”
He’d played shitty the whole game and when he finally got a goal, it was called back for goalie interference. Then when he crashed out on the ref, he got a ten-minute misconduct for abuse of an official. You can’t do shit like that.
But even worse was after the game. The mood in the dressing room was sullen. There wasn’t much talk but you could feel the animosity. Guys were pissed at Bish. Especially Sammy. A couple of times, he’d come back to the bench cursing because he’d been wide open and Bish hadn’t passed to him.
Seriously, what the fuck is that about?
Talking to Stella makes me feel a little calmer about it all, but I’m still agitated. “Can I take you out for dinner tonight?” I ask her now.
There’s a beat of silence, and then she says, “I’m sorry. I have plans tonight.”
“Ah. With your friends?”
“No.”
Wait. Is she seeing someone else? My body tenses.
“I have plans with a new face mask, a long bubble bath, and a bottle of wine,” she goes on.
Oh.
“Also a rewatch of Heated Rivalry with Betty.”
She’s turning me down for an evening at home with her dog. While I’m relieved it’s not another guy, I’m also disappointed. “How can I compete with Heated Rivalry,” I joke.
“It’s tough,” she agrees.
Is she blowing me off? I don’t want to assume that.
“Maybe we could go out next week…” I grab the schedule and pull it toward me.
Fuck. Games tomorrow and Sunday. And Tuesday.
And then a road trip with games Thursday, Saturday and Monday.
We’ll be back in town the Tuesday after that but a home game Wednesday. Off Thursday, Friday.
Jesus. I rub my forehead.
“Well,” I finally finish. “My schedule’s pretty busy until November 6.”
“Oh, wow. That’s a busy stretch.”
“No kidding.” I sigh. I really wanted to talk to Stella about the shit that’s going on and get her perspective on it. Also I want to just see her. And kiss her. And—
“What about Monday night?” she asks. “I’m looking at your schedule, too. We don’t have to go out, though. I could make dinner here.”
“Really?” I perk up.
“If that works for you.”
“Yeah. I can make that work.” Now I’m excited. That’s only three days away. I feel like we just beat the Stanley Cup champs and I got four goals. Trying to get myself into her schedule is like a competitive sport.
We settle on a time for Monday.
She turned me down, but then she made an effort to find a time for us to be together.
Does she… maybe… like me as much as I like her?
I know she said she’s not looking for anything serious, but…
what if this could be something? I’ve never had thoughts like this about a woman.
I had girlfriends. One was when we were teenagers.
We both knew we were probably going to go separate ways after high school.
The other one, I was older but I never thought I would spend the rest of my life with her.
But Stella… yeah, I think about it. Is that nuts?
Yeah, it’s nuts to think like that about a woman who’s determinedly single.
Probably best not think about things like that.
There are messages in the group chat—the small group chat, Pucks Deep—about plans for tonight.
LG
What’s everyone up to tonight. Wanna get sushi?
Cammy
Where?
Dolly
Not that place on Davie Street. It was terrible.
Finn
I’m good with anywhere.
I make a face. I guess I’m in.
Jayden
How about Maki Magic? It’s the best
Cammy
Expensive
Jayden
You’re a rich hockey player.
LG
@Cammy You’re tighter than a fish’s ass. Bring your credit card.
Cammy
Fine
Sammy
Good with me
We agree to meet there at seven. LG says he’ll make a reservation.
When I take Frank to the park later, I look around for Stella and Betty. But I guess with their big evening, they walked earlier. I swear Frank is disappointed, too, running around. I think he’s looking for Betty.
I can walk to Maki Magic from my place. I don’t have to go past Stella’s place to get there. But I do. The restaurant is literally four blocks away from her.
But as I stride up Richards Street, I feel stupid. Her front window looks onto the street. She could see me walk by. She’ll think I’m stalking her. I’ve just passed Helmcken, so I stop. A guy behind me nearly bumps into me.
“Sorry!”
“You lost, man?” he asks, pausing.
Do I look lost?
“No, I’m good,” I say quickly. “Just, uh, missed a turn.” I spin around and backtrack to turn onto Helmcken.
I pass a bunch of small, older houses that don’t seem to fit in among the high-rises in this area, and hoof it on down to Mainland Street.
There are lots of nice restaurants along here. I think I’ve been to most of them.
I enter Maki Magic and spot the others already there. I join them, unzipping my jacket. The open kitchen is a buzz of activity and delicious smells.
“Hey.” I pull out a chair and drop into it. “Sorry I’m late. Had to walk Frank.”
“You had all day to walk Frank,” Sammy says.
“I slept all morning,” I admit. “I was beat. Also, have you seen our schedule the next couple of weeks? I’m gonna die.”
“It’s the next couple of months,” LG says. “That’s normal. What are you whining about? You’re not even old.”
“I’m not whining.” Okay, maybe I am a little. He’s actually right. That’s what the NHL schedule is like. For seven-ish months. Or more. Not that we’ve made the playoffs in recent memory. “I was trying to plan a date, okay?”
“With the dog girl?” Cammy asks. “Oh, that came out bad.”
“I know what you meant. But let’s not call her a dog.
She’s gorgeous.” I’ve never mentioned to them who she is.
LG met her that day briefly, but he was too preoccupied with his date with the girl who worked there to ask about Stella.
Not that they would know her, probably. “She turned me down tonight to try a new face mask.”
They all crack up.
“Seriously?” LG says.
“I swear.”
“Bruh. She was trying to give you a hint.”
“I was once turned down by a woman because she had to wash her hair,” Cammy says. “For real.”
Flynn grins. “Once, a girl turned me down because I reminded her too much of her brother.”
I purse my lips and nod. “I feel that’s a valid reason.”
“Family zoned.” Cammy nods.
“I’ve never been turned down for a date,” LG says musingly.
We all make scornful noises.
He grins. “Okay, I was once told no because our astrological signs weren’t compatible.”
“Some people really believe in that stuff,” Finn says.
“You don’t believe in astrological signs?” LG stares at him.
“Uh…”
“I’m kidding.” LG laughs. “I don’t believe in it either. Pseudoscience.”
“So it was really a good thing she turned you down,” I point out.
“Yeah, it was.”
“My brother got turned down because he’s too hairy,” Finn says.
“Not enough manscaping?” I ask.
“Zero manscaping.” He shrugs.
“That’s not good.” LG pauses.
“I think you have to do some,” Finn agrees.
“Dude, you’re like a hairless chihuahua,” Cammy says.
“He’s a teenager,” I point out.
Finn’s face turns brick red. “I do have body hair.”
I pat his shoulder. “We know. We see you in the locker room.”
He’s a rookie. We’re obligated to give him a hard time. This is nothing compared to the hazing I saw kids get back in junior hockey. Which I don’t like to think about.
We spend a few minutes discussing what to order. We have to check off items on a piece of paper. Very old school. I feel like we order an enormous quantity of sushi, along with edamame and tataki tuna.
“Anyway,” I say once that’s done, “I’m going to her place for dinner on Monday.”
“So she’s really staying home to do a facial,” Sammy remarks.
“That is a seriously single woman,” Dolly says.
Hmmm. “Why do you say that?”
He folds a paper serviette and looks down at it. “A lot of women don’t want men anymore.”
“Don’t want? Or don’t need?” I hoist an eyebrow.
“Huh. Good question.” Cammy nods.
“They absolutely don’t need men anymore,” I continue. “They don’t have to rely on a man to be the breadwinner. They can get their own mortgages and credit cards now.”
“Yeah, they used to have to get married,” Cammy agrees.
“They still need us for some things,” LG says with a sly look.
“Phhht. Haven’t you heard of vibrators?”
Of course that’s just when our server returns with our drinks. I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and fall silent as she sets them in front of us. I think she’s trying not to laugh.
“Good timing,” Flynn says when she’s gone.
“Right?” I roll my eyes.
“Okay, you have a point,” Dolly says. “They have to need us for something.”
“Why?” I pick up my Coke Zero. “Why do you feel you have to be needed?”
“This is turning into a therapy session,” LG says.
“Hey, some guys have a hard time accepting that,” I say. “They’re struggling with it. Instead, it should be… freeing. Wouldn’t you rather be wanted instead of needed?”
“I guess.” Finn nods.
“We still need women, though.” Cammy’s smile is crooked.
“Do we?” I ask.
“I don’t know. I think so.”
I think of Stella’s ex. Ugh. “I don’t think we should need them either,” I say. “But wanting is a different thing.”
Sammy has been silent through all this.
“Women have their friends,” LG says. “They talk to them about anything.”
“We have friends.” Flynn makes a circle with his index finger.
“Yeah. But I don’t know if we talk to each other about everything.” LG tilts his head.
“Like what?” Cammy asks.
LG pauses. “Guys don’t like making themselves vulnerable. You wanna talk about your divorce?”
Cammy’s face tightens. “No.”
“See?” LG shrugs.
LG has a point.
“How about how shitty you played last night?” LG asks.
“Everyone played shitty.” Cammy scowls.
“We need to be honest with each other,” I say. “Things will never change if we don’t talk about that stuff.”
I wanted to talk to Stella about it.
Shit.
Okay. At one time in my life, I didn’t stand up for what I believed in.
I was scared. And that’s something so deep down vulnerable that I’ll probably never talk to anyone about it.
But right now, I can do something to walk the talk.
“When I was about ten, I went to a friend’s house for dinner.
His mom asked if I liked the food, and I said no.
It was true! She told me I needed to learn some manners and they never invited me again. ”
They all stare at me.
“So much for honesty,” LG says.
“Right?”
I look at Sammy. “What was with Bish not passing to you? You were wide open a few times, and he didn’t pass to you.”
“I don’t know.” Sammy scowls. “Believe me, I’m asking that question, too.”
“Have you asked Bish?” LG says.
“No.” Sammy drops his gaze. “That never goes well.”
“I know he has a hot temper,” LG agrees, “but we can’t let that stop us from holding him accountable. We can’t all be afraid of him.”
I shift in my seat. Fear fucks you up. I don’t want to be weak and pathetic.
“Remember the movie, Dune?” Cammy asks. “Fear is the mind killer.”
I nod. “Right. It stops us from thinking rationally. Which leads to inaction, and failure.” I look around the table at my friends and teammates. “What else are you afraid of?”
“Mice,” Dolly says.
We all burst out laughing. It relieves a little of the heaviness surrounding us.
“I bet we’re all afraid of the same thing,” I say. “Looking stupid. Weak.”
“Failure,” LG adds.
“Yeah.”
“Agree,” Cammy says, and the others all nod. “In fact, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
I see he’s sort of joking. But sort of not.
“I’m claustrophobic.” Sammy shrugs.
“I knew a guy who’s afraid of mascots,” LG says.
“Wow.”
“It’s not that uncommon. Lots of people are afraid of clowns.”
“True.”
“I’m afraid of dogs,” Finn says, giving me an uncomfortable look.
“What? You’re afraid of Frank?”
“Sort of.”
He puts on a good act. I’ve never even noticed. “But he’s harmless.” Well, that was a stupid thing to say. That’s not going to help.
“It’s irrational,” Finn says. “Sorry. It’s nothing against your dog.”
“No, that’s okay, I know that. You should have told me.”
He gives me a look.
Right. Even stupid fears about little things are hard to open up about.
“Okay.” I drag my gaze from man to man. “From now on, we’re going to talk about this shit. We’ll never get better if we don’t.”
“Fuck,” Cammy mutters.
I lift an eyebrow at him.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Sure.”