10. Parker
Parker
Iroll over again, hoping that maybe on this side, the couch won’t feel like I’m lying on cement. But the hard cushion—if you can even call it a cushion—digs into my hip and shoulder. Sleep is futile.
I move to my back and grab my phone. May as well read or check my email if I’m not going to get any sleep. It’s already one in the morning, and I’ve been tossing and turning all night. I could blame only the couch, but I know it’s more than that.
My mind won’t shut up. After Juliet and I agreed to fake date, there was more hand-holding, more flirting, and my mind is buzzing.
“It’s not real,” I say out loud as I pull open the email app on my phone. “Not real, just getting her ex off her back. Not real. Not real. Not real.”
“You okay?”
Startled, I drop the phone and it hits my face. “Ow,” I cry out.
Blair simply laughs as she appears in front of me, wrapped in a blanket. “Do you always talk to yourself in the middle of the night?”
“Why do you walk around like you’re a ghost?” I ask, rubbing my nose where my phone hit. “I didn’t hear anything.”
“That’s because you were talking to yourself,” she sing-songs.
“You seem to be feeling better,” I grumble. But if she’s feeling better, maybe I can get the bed back.
“I am, mostly, anyway. I think I’m past the worst of it.”
“Can I have my room back, then?” I ask.
“Only once you tell me what you were talking about. Whose ex are you trying to get off your back?”
I groan. “Juliet’s ex is here.”
Even in the darkness, I can see how she scowls. “You’d think that her management team would have done something about that. He’s bad news.”
I nod. “I know.”
“So how exactly are you trying to get him off her back?” Blair moves closer to me and I sit up. I’m not getting any sleep anyway; don’t know why I’m trying to lie down on this horrible couch.
I clear my throat. “We’re, uh, I’m pretending to be her boyfriend.”
Blair cackles like this is the most hilarious thing she’s heard in her entire life, which confirms the suspicion I’ve had all along: Jules has never looked twice at me, and there will never be anything real between us.
“Is it really so hard to believe that she’d date someone like me?” My words are gruff, but I can’t hide the pain.
Her laughter stops immediately. “You like her.”
Her statement hangs in the air between us. I can’t deny it, because it would be a lie. But I don’t want to confirm it. Jules is her best friend, and while I’m her brother, I know they have no secrets between them.
She scoots closer so she’s sitting right next to me. “You really like her. Everything makes sense now.”
“What makes sense?”
“Why you were so nervous to come up here. I thought it was because you didn’t want to leave your routine—I know how anxious that makes you. But it’s because of Jules.”
“Stop,” I say. I can’t take this. I’m going to have to lie to my sister. “I don’t like her, not like that. But her ex is a creep, and I’m here. It makes sense that I can help out.”
She reaches over, squeezing my cheek as if I’m four and not twenty-four. “Always so giving, Brother. You really should do something for yourself, you know. You don’t always have to take care of everything. Jules is a big girl. She knows how to handle herself.”
I stand abruptly. “You think I don’t know that?
Of course she can take care of herself. She was the one who said she wanted to pretend we had something.
” I rub my hand up and down my face. I don’t want to betray Jules, but Blair has to understand the situation.
“You didn’t see her after she saw him—she completely shut down.
I’d do anything to make that better. I know what it’s like to not be able to do anything because your body and mind freeze and it feels like you’ll never feel normal again. ”
She stands too. “I was the one who went to her after he left,” she hisses at me. “I helped pick up the pieces. I know exactly what Axel Ashgrove is capable of.”
“She froze, Blair. I had to do something.”
“She doesn’t need you swooping in and playing superman.
” She’s mad, and I don’t understand why.
I didn’t do anything wrong; everything I’ve done with Juliet—which has only been hand-holding—has been consensual.
I’m not trying to be a hero; I don’t know if I could be a hero even if I tried.
How did we go from her accusing me of liking her best friend to this?
“I’m not playing hero. I’m just helping.
A little hand-holding when he’s around, that’s it. ”
She steps closer, eyeing me carefully, and I have no clue what she’s thinking.
“Can I have the bed?” I ask. If she’s feeling better, she can go back to sharing a room with Juliet and I can get some sleep.
“Nope,” she says, turning on her heel and disappearing back into the bedroom.
There’s a kink in my neck when I wake up the next morning, but waking up means I got at least a tiny bit of sleep. Even if it didn’t happen until a couple of hours ago, I’m calling it a win.
The light is dim outside, which means I definitely didn’t sleep for long, but hopefully I’ve slept enough to make it through the day. I take a quick shower since both ladies are still asleep, or at least both still in their rooms.
I’m reading one of my books—and actually reading—when the door at the end of the hallway opens and Juliet appears. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep so long,” she mumbles before stumbling into the bathroom. The door clicks shut behind her. I bite back a grin and grab my phone.
Me
You going to join us among the living today?
Blair texts back within seconds.
Blair
Nope. Still feeling a little queasy. I’ll take it easy today.
Bummer.
Have fun flirting with Jules ;)
I hate you.
You love me. And one day, you’ll thank me.
Thank you?
Yes. You’ll thank me.
*eye roll emoji* I seriously doubt that.
I wait a few seconds, but she doesn’t reply to that text. I’m tempted to go ask her what she means by that, but I don’t move. The walls in the cabin are too thin, and with Blair being right across from the bathroom, I don’t want Juliet to hear our conversation, even if my sister makes no sense.
“I was wondering if we could check out the gym at the resort today?” Juliet asks, emerging from the bathroom while putting her hair up in a high bun again. “My body is itching to move.”
“Sure,” I say. I’ve already showered, but I wouldn’t mind lifting some weights or running on a treadmill if they have one. “Let me change real quick.”
Once I’ve slipped into my sweats, we grab our coats and head out into the cool morning air.
“Is Blair still sick? I haven’t seen her since yesterday when she was mad about me meeting Cooper Caffrey,” Juliet says, pulling a granola bar from her coat pocket. “Want one?” She pulls out another one, which I take.
“She said she hasn’t thrown up in almost twenty-four hours,” I say and she shudders. “But she said she wants to take it easy today just to make sure she is actually feeling better.”
“That’s fair. I just hope we don’t get it.
” She munches on her granola bar. “I should have woken up earlier, especially since I knew I wanted to hit the gym today. What I’d really like is to find a space where I can practice some kicks.
It’s been like three days since I was on the field, and that’s too long. ”
I laugh. “You’ve always been that way with soccer. If you weren’t playing, you got antsy.”
“Did not,” she says.
“Did too. Even when you were at our house hanging out with Blair, I knew you wanted to be on the field. I sometimes caught you looking at your ball and cleats longingly. Also, the fact that you brought those to our house showed exactly what you wanted to be doing.”
She sticks her tongue out at me. “Most of the time I came straight from practice, so of course I had my stuff with me.”
I bump her shoulder with mine. “Come on, you can tell me. You wanted to be playing still.”
“I love hanging out with Blair.”
“Not saying that you don’t, just saying that soccer is your one true love, and I don’t think anything else will ever compete with it. It’s fine; I’m the same way with math.”
Her head tilts up to mine, an eyebrow raised. “You know what, I was going to say that I don’t think that’s true. But Blair said that this is the first time you’ve taken an actual break in almost two years, so I believe you.”
What she doesn’t know is that I let math consume me.
It’s easier to think about math—especially when I’m focused on helping my students understand algebra—than it is to think about anything else.
If I’m thinking about math, my mind can’t worry about real and unreal threats.
Math helps my mind stay quiet, which I like.
I’d never be able to do anything if I didn’t have math.
“Thanks, I think.”
I see her breath in the cold air in front of us as she laughs. “It’s nice to have someone in my life who also has something that consumes their every waking thought.”
“And Blair’s work doesn’t do that?”
“I mean it does, at least a little. But she’s a lot better at putting her phone or computer away when someone needs something.
She’s good at separating it from her personal life.
Everything I do is soccer-related. Even this trip.
The only reason I’m here is because I’m a soccer player and this whole thing is athletes raising funds for Winterbrook, which is cool, but it’s still all part of my career. ”
“Does that bother you? That everything in your life is your career?” I ask as we reach the lodge. I open the door for her and she steps inside, grinning up at me.
“Thank you, boyfriend.” Her eyes are mischievous.
“You’re welcome, girlfriend.” Two can play at this game.
She grabs my hand as we walk through the lobby. “Just in case we see you-know-who.”
“Sure,” I say. “But I did notice you avoided my question about your whole life being soccer.”
“Nothing gets past you, huh?”
“Not when it comes to you.” The words slip out, and the world slows for a beat. Two beats. She blinks up at me. I clear my throat. “Are you going to answer?”
“I think we should delve into that confession of yours instead.”
I shake my head. “Nope.” Not going to go there. This isn’t real.
She sighs. “I love soccer more than anything. I have since I was a kid. You know that. But sometimes I wonder…”
“Wonder?” I ask as we reach the lodge’s gym and use our cabin key to get in. There are a few people in here already, but since it’s a little after ten, I’m not surprised that it’s mostly empty. Despite the lodge being full of athletes, most athletes I know are early risers.
She slips off her coat before answering. “Sometimes I wonder if I’m missing something. I see my teammates who have partners and families and I just…I don’t know, it’s silly.”
I hang my coat up on a hook beside hers. “It’s not silly to want a family or wonder if you’re missing out by not having one. Do you want kids?”
She nods. “Once I retire in a few years, I’d like to have a few kids, I think. With the right guy.” A shadow flits across her face; if I hadn’t been watching her, I would have missed it completely. I know she’s thinking about her ex, but then she looks at me. “Do you want kids?”
My stomach twists. I don’t want to lie to her, but if she wants kids, that’s another reason why this wouldn’t ever work out. “I’m not sure.” It’s not a lie; I really don’t know if I want kids or not. Truthfully, the idea of having to raise a tiny human completely freaks me out.
“You’ll be a great dad,” she says and then steps onto one of the treadmills. I get on the one next to her.
“You think so?”
“I know so; you’re so good with kids. Remember that summer when we were waiting for Blair to pick us up after the camps our high school put on?
I didn’t have my license yet, and Blair was who-knows-where with whatever person she was dating at the time, and there were a few kids who had to wait for their parents.
I tried to play soccer with them, but none of them were interested.
You came up with some game—I can’t even remember now exactly what you did—but they were all laughing and having the best time that they didn’t want to leave when their parents did show up. ”
My chest warms as I remember that. I’d been going into my freshman year, but they’d asked me to help with the math camps. Then when I had to wait afterwards for Blair to pick up both me and Juliet, I was in heaven.
“In all honesty,” I say, looking down at all of the buttons on the treadmill so I’m not looking at her when I say this, “I saw how disappointed you were when the kids didn’t want to play soccer, and I wanted to make you smile. So I tried to get them to laugh.”
“You did that for me?” Her voice is all soft.
“I was a dumb teenager with a crush on his older sister’s best friend,” I murmur. I can’t bring myself to look at her. I shouldn’t have told her, but I can’t keep that part of me to myself anymore. For some idiotic reason, I need her to know.
“You had a crush on me?” She sounds like this is the most unbelievable thing she’s ever heard.
“Mm-hm.” I hit the pace button, bumping it up so I can run. Then I hit start, going from zero to sixty in a second. Just like I did with my confession.
Thankfully, she doesn’t say anything and starts her own treadmill. I try to lose myself in the run, but mostly, I wonder if I’m being a complete idiot for telling her that I had a crush on her all those years ago.
Especially since I still have a crush on her.