Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
EVA
Tobias. Was. Pissed.
On the outside, he looked exactly the same as he had seconds ago. Crystal-blue eyes. Attractive beard. A charcoal sweater that shouldn’t have been sexy but was because it showcased his strong arms and broad shoulders.
It was his hands that gave him away. His hands always matched his mood.
His fingers dug into his thighs and the veins that traced up from his knuckles to his sinewed forearms were pulsing.
“It’s only for six to eight months.” Or a year if we hit any delays, but I’d work extra hard to make sure it was done on time.
“Six. To. Eight. Months?”
Oops. One-word enunciation wasn’t a good sign. Clearly explaining my job was not the right thing to say. “It, er... goes by fast.”
Tobias blinked.
“London’s not that far away.” Just a teeny, tiny ocean. And most of the contiguous United States .
His nostrils flared. Those hands clamped tighter on his legs.
Shut up, Eva. I opened my mouth, but my brain engaged and clamped my lips together before more spewed out and I caused more damage.
“This changes everything.” Tobias nodded to my belly. “Do I have a say in this?”
“In where I live? Well, no. I have a job. This is my career.”
“How are we going to parent living on opposite sides of the globe?”
“Maybe we could rent Santa’s sleigh?” I laughed.
Tobias did not. His hands balled into fists on the tops of his knees.
“I don’t know, okay?” I tossed up my hands. “I don’t know. I spent the past two days trying to wrap my head around the pregnancy. I haven’t gotten to the actual child-rearing yet.” I mean seriously, I was growing a human being. Wasn’t I entitled to a week or so to process that one first?
“We need a plan,” he declared.
Oh, how Tobias loved his plans. They were as dear to him as the first edition Millennium Falcon Lego set he’d had since middle school.
His talent for planning was what made him such a successful architect. His organizational skills and determination had made him a wealthy man, even at twenty-nine. But he clung to his plans like twinkle lights to a tree. Heaven forbid he give spontaneity a try.
Like move to New York with your girlfriend for one year. That was all I’d asked for. One year away from Montana, then we could assess. Make a new plan.
I’d loved him wholeheartedly, but I’d needed to spread my wings and see if they had the strength to fly.
Sure, Tobias had loved me too. Of that, I had no doubt. Maybe I hadn’t loved him enough to give up my dreams. But he hadn’t loved me enough to change his plans. He hadn’t loved me enough to ask me to stay.
Why hadn’t he asked me the night of the proposal to stay? I’d waited for it. I’d prepared a speech about the merits of living around other cultures and trying different experiences. Instead, he’d let me walk out the door.
And everything that I’d thought I’d known, everything I’d believed in—him, us—had been untethered. Shattered.
Turns out, I did know how to fly. I’d been flying on my own for years.
Our lives had split down different streams. Now we needed to find a way to merge them together again.
“We have time to figure this out. Months,” I said. “Let’s work together on a plan.”
A statement I was sure would make him relax, but instead, he shot off the couch and began pacing in front of his live-edge coffee table. His hands flexed and unflexed, over and over until I found myself copying the gesture too.
Gah! I tucked both beneath my legs.
“I don’t want to miss the pregnancy, Eva.”
“You don’t?”
He stopped pacing and sent me a glare.
“Okay,” I drawled. “Maybe you could fly out for some of the doctor’s appointments. And we can FaceTime.”
“FaceTime. You want me to be a father through FaceTime.”
“I’m just throwing out options.”
Tobias started pacing again. Back and forth. Back and forth. That poor, beautiful rug might not survive this pregnancy. “My life is here.”
I’d heard that one before. “My job is not.”
“This is bigger than your job.”
Now it was my turn to get mad. “Then give up yours.”
“You know I can’t do that. ”
I opened my mouth but once more my brain engaged and stopped the stream of expletives before they could escape. This would only lead to the same stalemate we’d landed in years ago on the night he’d proposed.
We hadn’t solved that puzzle then. I doubted we would today.
“I don’t want to fight,” I said.
“No, you just want to run away.”
Ouch . “That’s not fair.”
“It’s—sorry.” His feet stopped. His shoulders fell. His hands relaxed. “I don’t want to fight either.”
I believed him. But I also believed that if I stayed here for much longer, we’d end up going twelve rounds, and I hated fighting with Tobias. “I’m in town for the whole week. Now that we know we’re having this baby, let’s think on it. We’re intelligent adults. We can figure this out.”
There was a lot more confidence in my voice than I felt. Fake it until you make it.
“All right.” He nodded.
I stood from the couch and skirted the end table, stopping in front of him. Then I took his hands in mine and squeezed the last shreds of tension from his fingers. “I’m scared.”
Tobias laced his fingers with mine. “Same.”
“But if there’s anyone I’d do this with, it’s you.”
His eyes softened. “Again, same.”
“Call me later?”
“I will.” He let me go and escorted me to the door, helping me into my coat. Then he stood on the stoop, waiting until I pulled away from his house before going inside.
When his house had disappeared from my rearview, I let out the breath I’d been holding.
Not bad. Not great, but not bad.
He wanted the baby. That was a good thing. A great thing. Kids needed dads, and I couldn’t imagine life without my own. And Tobias would be a wonderful father.
We just had to figure out logistics, and luckily, he wasn’t the only specialist in that area. Yes, this was a lot different than constructing a building, but we’d manage, especially if we didn’t rush a decision.
There was time. I wasn’t leaving until New Year’s Day.
Traffic picked up as I reached the outskirts of town. Bozeman had grown considerably over the years since I’d been gone. As a kid, Dad would take my sister and me to Bozeman from our little town of Manhattan. The twenty-mile stretch between communities had been mostly prairie.
I’d driven out yesterday for nostalgia’s sake, even though a new family lived in the home I’d once called mine. Where open fields of wheat and barley had bloomed a decade ago, housing developments had sprouted instead.
But despite the traffic and influx of residents, this valley was still home. A landing place for the holidays. For the past three months, I’d been fortunate to call it home.
My company had been contracted to oversee the development of a data center. Another project liaison had been tasked with the beginning of the project. I’d already been assigned to a job in Houston, otherwise, I would have vied for it. But the other woman had quit three months ago, and I’d managed to slide in and take her place.
Turnover was fairly constant. Though my job paid well, it was demanding. Sometimes I’d see a project from start to finish. Other times, I’d be pulled to smooth the feathers of a frazzled client.
London was one of those jobs. The client was temperamental and didn’t like the current project manager. Enter Eva.
I’d be a fresh face for them to chastise. Or maybe I’d win them over .
Next week, I’d know which way this one was going to go.
But for now, I was savoring my last days in Montana.
Three months here had given me long-overdue time with my dad. I’d been able to spend evenings at Elena’s home, getting to know her two daughters.
And Tobias.
During my first month here, I’d worried about seeing him. If I wasn’t at the jobsite, Dad’s home or Elena’s place, I’d basically existed as a recluse. Mostly out of fear that he hated me. But partly at the idea of seeing him with another woman on his arm.
Then I’d bumped into his mom at the grocery store. Hannah had been so happy to see me that she’d pulled me into her arms with tears swimming in her eyes. I’d had them in mine too. Hannah Holiday was arguably the best woman I’d ever known. We’d stood in the frozen foods section for so long that the ice cream in my cart had melted.
She’d hinted that Tobias was single and had encouraged me to reach out. It had taken me days to work up the nerve. But one evening after a bottle of cabernet for bravery, I’d called the same number I’d memorized years ago and invited him to meet for a drink.
When I’d walked into the bar that night six weeks ago, he’d hugged me. And we’d just... clicked.
It was the reason I knew we could do this. He could still have his life here. I could have mine, and together, we’d have this baby.
“We can do this.” My reassurance rushed over the steering wheel. We could do this.
The condo my company had found for me was next to a golf course, the greens and fairways hidden by a blanket of pristine snow. The bare aspen and cottonwood trees were covered in ice, their branches glittering with crystals that caught the sun in the cloudless blue sky.
Bozeman was sunny, even in winter. I’d miss the constant sunshine when in London. The few times I’d visited, it had rained and rained.
There was a U-Haul moving truck in the driveway to the condo beside mine. As I parked and made my way to the front door, a man came out carrying a box. He waved, pausing like he was going to introduce himself. I simply waved and disappeared inside.
There was no point in introducing myself. I’d be gone before he unpacked.
It was cold inside the condo, or maybe it just seemed cold because it was empty. I dropped my purse and keys on the floor in the living room, then kicked off my shoes before walking to the one piece of furniture that hadn’t been shipped to England or sold online.
An air mattress.
It was pushed against the living room wall. The sleeping bag I’d bought was laid neatly on top. I’d decided to sleep here instead of in the bedroom because the gas fireplace kept this room cozy at night.
I plopped down on the mattress and grabbed my laptop from the floor, propping it on my lap as I leaned against the pillow. The data center was done, only waiting on the cleaning crew, and most people had taken this week off for the holidays. My inbox was mostly empty. With nothing to do at night but stare at the place where the TV had been, I’d resorted to working. Which wasn’t all that different than when the TV had been here.
My job was my best friend. And I loved her. Most days.
Today, I was a little lonely. This feeling usually came when I was wrapping up one project and gearing up for the next .
The barren rooms didn’t help. The movers had already come to clear out this condo. What I hadn’t wanted to ship, I’d sold on Facebook and Craigslist. Sure, I could just buy new furniture or lease a furnished home, but I had this thing about my own stuff. Especially my own bed.
My boss indulged the added expense, mostly because I never balked when he asked me to move. So my bed went with me everywhere. At the moment, it was being set up in my London apartment, hence the air mattress.
My suitcase in the bathroom had enough clothes and toiletries to last me the week. I’d pack it up too and board a plane on Sunday. Six days.
Then I wouldn’t have time to be lonely.
The London project was a fulfillment center for an online retailer. They were building a new warehouse outside the city, and given the most recent status update, it was proving to be a challenge.
Tobias would probably scoff if I told him that a square building made mostly of steel and concrete could be so complex. It was exactly the type of structure he’d loathe.
He’d already given me a ration of shit for helping on the data center monstrosity we’d built outside Bozeman. He wasn’t entirely wrong. The blocked walls did contrast sharply with the beautiful mountain landscape.
But aside from its lack of character, the center was done and now it was time for me to move along. I’d harass foremen and argue with suppliers until another ugly building was marring a different landscape.
The nature of my job meant I didn’t have a cushy office. I usually had a desk in a dirty construction trailer staged beside the portable toilets. Certainly no place for a baby.
I pressed my hand to my belly.
How was this going to work? My job was demanding. Twelve hours was a short day. I was usually the first to arrive on site and the last to leave. My boss liked having us hover close to each build, but maybe he’d be okay with me working from home a few days a week.
I’d have to hire a nanny. There was no question. It wasn’t like I’d have friends to babysit or pitch in. I never stayed long enough in one city to make reliable friends.
That hadn’t bothered me until today.
Who would I call in an emergency? Could I find a nanny who’d be willing to work the nights when I’d have dinner with clients? How often would we be able to get away and visit Tobias?
I couldn’t expect him to come to us every month. I took three, maybe four vacation days a year. The London project was behind schedule, and once I started, it would be a dead sprint to the finish line.
Unless... oh, God. What if he wanted full custody? What if I was the parent doing the visitation?
No . Tobias would never do that to me. He had to know that would break me apart.
He had to know I’d despise him for trying.
The questions and worries screamed at me in the empty space. The walls began closing in, so I climbed off the mattress and hurried toward the door. The car’s seats were still warm as I drove away.
There were two places I went regularly, either my sister’s or my dad’s, and the sedan seemed to steer itself to my father’s assisted living home. I parked in the same place I’d parked yesterday for Christmas, and walked inside the building, waving to the woman stationed at the reception desk. Dad called the receptionists his wardens because they kept track of when he left and when he came home.
Not that he left often. Most of his friends from my youth still lived in Manhattan. And the friends he’d made since moving here all lived close so he’d simply visit them in their respective apartments.
The home provided grocery deliveries and had a dining room, serving three meals per day. On occasion, my sister would take Dad to her house so he could play with the girls. But mostly, she’d bring her daughters here because Dad preferred it that way.
He’d confessed to me yesterday that he often felt like a burden on Elena.
I’d confessed to him yesterday that I often felt like I’d abandoned them both.
But it was my job that paid for this home. Elena was a stay-at-home mom with two kids, living off her husband’s single income. She couldn’t afford this facility. Dad hadn’t wanted an in-home nurse, and in another one of his confessions, he’d told me that the house reminded him too much of Mom.
He was happy in his apartment. Therefore, I’d happily pay so he had help close by if necessary.
Dad’s door was open as I walked down the hallway. The television was blaring.
I smirked before knocking loudly so he’d hear me over the noise.
“It’s loud enough, Nancy!” He shuffled out of the kitchen, his bad side leaning heavily into a cane. “Eva?”
“Hi, Daddy.”
“What did you say?”
I rolled my eyes and pointed to the television.
“Oh.” With his good hand, he reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out the remote, hitting the power button.
Blissful silence flooded the room.
“Eddy, I can’t hear it!” Nancy shouted from across the hall.
I pulled in my lips to hide my smile as I closed the door. “I see that Nancy still hasn’t gotten her television fixed.”
“No.” He grumbled something under his breath as he made his way to his recliner. “There’s a chance I’ll go deaf if she doesn’t get it replaced soon.”
Nancy had been Dad’s neighbor since he’d moved in. She was twenty years his senior and he treated her like a beloved grandparent. Her television wasn’t just old and outdated, the volume hadn’t worked in weeks. Rather than cross the hallway to watch Dad’s TV, Nancy preferred to watch from her own apartment so she could sit in her own chair. For the past month, she’d pick a channel and Dad would crank the volume on his so she could hear.
“What are you up to? Figured you’d be at work.” He pulled the lever to raise the footrest on his chair.
“No, today’s been quiet.” I unzipped my coat and tugged it off before plopping onto his overstuffed loveseat. “How are you feeling?”
He gave me a crooked smile. “Right as rain.”
Dad was the youngest resident at this home by decades. Three years ago, he’d suffered a massive, fluke stroke. He struggled with movement and function with the left side of his body. For a few terrifying days, we hadn’t known if he’d survive it. But he’d come a long way, thanks to extensive speech, physical and occupational therapies.
His words were still slurred and there were movements that would always cause him trouble, but he was alive. That was all I cared about.
This assisted living facility had been my idea after he’d rejected the idea of an in-home nurse. It was more like apartments than a nursing home and Dad had trained caregivers on hand in case of an emergency.
I hoped every day there wasn’t one. Because the guilt from being halfway across the country when he’d had his stroke plagued me daily.
Guilt was about to become a constant companion again. It always hit hard after a visit home, and having been here for so long this time, I was sure the feeling would linger. Especially when I tossed Tobias and the baby into the mix.
“You okay?” Dad asked.
“Great.” I forced a bright smile. “Just wanted to stop in and say hi. It’s pretty quiet at my place.”
“Want to watch something?” He waved the remote.
“Sure.” I tucked my legs under me and relaxed into the couch, as Dad found us a sitcom rerun.
I stayed for two episodes, then kissed Dad’s cheek goodbye because he’d fallen asleep.
It was getting dark as I drove home, the winter days short and cold. I shivered behind the wheel, wishing I had more work to do this week. Idle time was dangerous to my mental health. I didn’t want to think about how my life mirrored my mother’s more than my father’s.
Traveling and bouncing from address to address hadn’t been a problem a week ago. But then I’d taken that pregnancy test and now... everything was different.
My street was quiet. The moving truck was gone—maybe they’d finished unloading. The neighbors’ homes were all aglow. Only my condo sat dark and empty.
Except it wasn’t exactly empty. There was a truck in the driveway, parked beside my space.
My heart did a little flip.
It always flipped for Tobias.
I wasn’t sure why he was here, waiting on my porch. But it was nice to come home and not be alone.