Chapter 7
CHAPTER SEVEN
EVA
“I’m sending you my final report as we speak.” My fingers flew over my laptop’s keyboard as I talked to my boss with my phone sandwiched between my ear and shoulder. “I stopped by the site this morning and everything looks polished. The cleaning crew did a great job. The clients are happy. We should be good to close this project out.”
“Thanks, Eva,” he said. “You did a fantastic job coming to the rescue, as always. All set for next week?”
“Yes.” My insides churned at the lie.
Six days ago, yes. Absolutely, yes. I’d been ready for London. Then that pregnancy test had changed everything and I wasn’t sure what to be excited about.
“Fantastic.” His keyboard clicked in the background. “Just got your email. I’ll reply if I have any questions. Touch base when you get to London.”
“Will do. Thanks.” I ended the call and set my phone on the island, staring at my empty inbox.
Normally zero emails would mean a happy dance and takeout dinner to celebrate. So why did I want to curl up in a ball and cry?
This was Tobias’s fault. He’d given me two orgasms last night and now I was an emotional mess. Or maybe it was the baby’s fault, which was actually his fault because his sperm had escaped the confines of a condom.
“Stupid sperm,” I muttered, shooting a glare down the hallway toward his bedroom.
When I’d woken up this morning, the house had been silent. I’d tiptoed toward his office, peeking my head through the door. When I’d found it empty, I’d snuck toward his bedroom, finding it empty as well. Then I’d double-checked the garage and my car had been alone in the last stall.
He hadn’t even left a note.
“Isn’t the mother of his child and the woman he just had sex with entitled to a note? I bet he left notes for his other girlfriends.”
My stomach roiled again. Don’t think about his other girlfriends. Do not think about his other girlfriends.
Eventually he’d start dating, right? I was going to have to deal with that at some point. Eventually my baby would have to meet the next woman. A stepmother.
“Oh, shit.” The bowl of bran flakes I’d scarfed for breakfast began its climb. I barely made it to the bathroom in time to hurl, then lingered on the cool tile floor until I felt steady again. My gaze drifted to the shower.
Okay, so maybe sex with Tobias had been a tad... reckless. But the minute he’d kissed me, rational thought had vanished, replaced by an urgent craving for more, more, more .
“Damn him and those washboard abs.” I shoved to my feet and went to the sink to brush my teeth. Again. Then I retreated to the kitchen to shut down my laptop and sign off for the day. Maybe I’d visit Dad or Elena.
I was filling a glass of water when the doorbell rang. A familiar face peered in through the sidelight.
Hannah Holiday didn’t seem at all surprised to see me staring back.
I crossed the space and unlocked the door, smiling as I pulled it open. “Hey, Hannah.”
“Eva!” She set her purse on the floor and pulled me into her arms. “Oh, it’s so good to see you.”
“You too.”
She smelled like gardenia and brown sugar, the scent as strong and comforting as her hug.
“I’ve missed your hugs,” she said, finally letting me go.
“I’ve missed yours too.”
Hannah had been like a mother to me during college. My junior year, I’d gotten a nasty cold, and the day Tobias told her I was sick, she’d showed up at my apartment door and had whisked me away to her home where she’d nursed me back to health with homemade chicken noodle soup.
She’d been there for me when my own mother hadn’t.
And then I’d lost her too.
That was something no one warned you about when you started dating. That you’d begin to love your boyfriend’s family. And that when you lost him, you lost his family too.
“I’ve brought you something.” She held up a finger, then bent to rifle through her purse, coming out with a bag of ginger lollipops. “In case you get sick.”
“Thanks.” My nose was stinging, but I sniffled it away before I cried. “Tobias told you?”
“No, not exactly. He told Maddox, who let it slip at breakfast this morning. Sorry.”
“It’s okay.” It was bound to come out sometime, but that meant I needed to tell my family before long. The last thing I wanted was for Dad or Elena to hear it through the gossip mill .
Bozeman had changed a lot over the years since I’d moved away, but at its heart, this was still a small town. And the Holidays were one of the most successful families in the valley.
Hannah was a real estate broker, her face on dozens of for-sale signs. Her brokerage was well-known and well-respected because they sold the best properties, including those built from Holiday Homes.
Keith had started his construction company decades ago and had grown it to be one of the most premier companies in the area. With Tobias designing their builds, I had no doubt that Keith’s legacy would live long.
“So tell me what’s new.” Hannah walked into the house, stripping off her coat and tossing it to the back of the couch before she moved to the kitchen, finding the single-brew pods and making herself some coffee.
“Well... I’m pregnant.” I laughed. “It’s strange. I haven’t said those words out loud to anyone but Tobias.”
“Give it time. Soon you won’t have to say a thing.” She smiled, opening the fridge to retrieve some cream. With her nearly white coffee, she came and sat at my side. “How are you feeling?”
“Some days are better than others. My morning sickness seems sporadic.” If it was even morning sickness. The days when my heart and head were in the most turmoil, seemed to translate to my stomach.
“It’ll pass. I didn’t have those lollipops when I was pregnant with the boys, but one of my agents just had her third and she swears by them.”
“Thank you.”
“Hopefully you can find them in London. If not, text me and I’ll stick some in the mail.”
“Okay.” Just the mention of London made my insides twist again .
Was I doing this? Was I really leaving home again? If there was a person in the world to talk about my doubts with, it was Hannah. When I looked at her, she was the mother I wanted to be someday.
She had a flourishing career. She was a fantastic parent. She had found that magical balance. How?
I opened my mouth, ready to ask, but stopped myself. Hannah was Tobias’s. She was his mother, not mine. If I dragged her into this mess, it would only put her in a tough position. I didn’t want her to be the mediator if he went to her with his own frustrations and fears. I didn’t want her feeling responsible to play both sides.
So I stuck to a safe topic. Work. “How is business?”
“Busy.” She blew out a long breath. “So busy. But a good kind of busy. Any chance you want to become an agent? I could use a smart cookie like you.”
“Oh, um...” I scrunched up my nose. Selling homes sounded more like torture. “No, thanks.”
“Damn.” She winked. “I was secretly hoping that you have been dying for a career in real estate.”
“If that changes, you’ll be my first phone call.” I giggled.
“Oh, it’s so good to hear your laugh. Tell me more about what you’ve been doing. Are you excited for London? How is your dad?”
We spent the next hour catching up. Not once did Hannah ask me about the baby. Not once did she comment about how nice it would be if her grandchild lived in the same country. Not once did she ask how Tobias and I were going to handle the situation.
She simply talked to me the way she’d talked to me years ago. Like a daughter.
Like a friend.
The hum of the garage door halted our conversation .
Tobias walked in and found us both at the island. He went straight to his mom, not sparing me a glance, and kissed her cheek. “Hey.”
“Hi.” She patted his beard. “Where were you?”
“The office. What’s up?”
“Nothing.” She stood from her stool and carried her empty coffee mug to the dishwasher. “I just wanted to say hi.”
“Hi.” He leaned against the counter, his back to me. There was stiffness to his spine, likely caused by me.
“I’ll leave you guys alone to visit.” I slid off my seat. “It was so good to see you, Hannah.”
“You too, honey.” She came over and gave me another hug. “And congratulations.”
“Thanks.” I squeezed my eyes shut so I wouldn’t cry.
She was the first to say congratulations. And it struck me right then, with her arms around me, that there was more here to be excited about than to fear.
I was having a baby.
Oh, God. I was having a baby.
Maybe he or she would have my hazel eyes. Maybe Tobias’s straight nose and soft lips. The idea of a miniature Tobias Holiday put a small smile on my face.
“Love you,” she whispered.
“Love you too.”
“See you soon,” Hannah said, letting me go.
“Okay.” I waved and left the kitchen, feeling Tobias’s gaze as I retreated to the guest bedroom where I hovered inside the door, hearing him blow out a long breath.
“So I take it Maddox told you,” he said.
“Yeah.” Hannah sighed. “You doing okay?”
“No.”
That one word, barely audible, hit like a sledgehammer to my sternum .
I eased the door closed behind me, not because I wasn’t curious about their conversation, but because I wasn’t sure I had the strength to hear Tobias’s truths.
“Oof.” I plopped onto the edge of the bed and pinched the bridge of my nose.
My phone and laptop were still in the kitchen, so all I could do was sit and wait, letting the minutes pass until finally the front door closed, and from beyond the windows, a car engine started.
It wouldn’t always be like this. It would get easier as we had more time to adjust. All major life decisions took time to comprehend. Maybe coming up with a plan—Tobias would do cartwheels when I tossed out that word—would help ease the stress.
I could book an airline ticket to fly back in two months. Or three? Would I have time for a trip home by then? Would Tobias want to come to London? When would we be able to find out the sex of the baby? How often would I go to the doctor?
As the questions raced through my mind, I realized how woefully unprepared I was for a pregnancy. My stomach began another round of dizzying laps, and I shoved to my feet, hoping one of Hannah’s lollipops might help. But after one step, I gagged and changed directions for the bathroom.
There wasn’t anything in my stomach but I dry-heaved and coughed regardless.
“Oh, this sucks.” I groaned. Sweat beaded on my forehead as I shifted to lean against the wall. My entire body felt twisted inside out. My muscles were somehow locked but trembling. My head was spinning and I wanted to cry.
So I did.
I buried my face in my hands and cried. I let the emotions leak down my face. I let the fears sob from my mouth .
There was no reason I should feel so lonely here. I was at home. My dad was ten minutes away. So was Elena. But this bathroom felt like a black hole. Just me and my baby. Just me and the soul-deep fear that I was going to fail. I was going to let this kid down.
How was I going to do this? How was I going to be a good mom? Tobias didn’t believe in me. Hell, I didn’t believe in myself.
I was crying so hard that I didn’t hear the door open.
One moment I was on the cool tile, the next I was against Tobias’s chest as he swept me into his arms. “Breathe, babe.”
I nodded, too far gone to stop. But instead of crying into my hands alone, I cried into his shoulder as he carried me to the bed and cradled me in his lap. “I hate this.”
“It’ll get better. Morning sickness doesn’t last forever.”
“It’s not that. At least, I don’t think.” I pulled away, wiping my face dry and sniffling through the last of the tears.
Except this queasy feeling originated from my heart. The magnitude of what we were facing was breaking me into pieces.
Stress didn’t bother me. Hell, I thrived on it. I’d made a career of thriving on it. But the anxiety... God, the anxiety was paralyzing.
“I don’t know.” I moved out of his lap and into the space between his spread legs, hugging my knees to my chest.
He tucked a lock of my hair behind an ear. “When we were younger, I think we took for granted how well we knew each other.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, we didn’t have to talk. You could look at me and, most days, know exactly what I was thinking or how I was feeling. It was always... easy.”
“I loved that about us.” I gave him a small smile. Tobias was the one person who always made it easy .
“Yeah, me too. But it meant we didn’t fight.”
“You want to fight? Okay, I think the paint color you picked for this room is too gray. It’s boring.”
He chuckled. “You really want to fight about paint colors?”
“You just asked me to fight with you.”
“Woman.” He shook his head, a grin on his lips. “My point... I think we got used to it being so good. I think we were happy. And then we didn’t do anything to fuck it up. Like talk to each other. Or let it get messy.”
I sighed. “I should have told you I wanted to move.”
“Yeah, you should have.” There was a sharpness to his voice, a tone that slashed straight to the bone. Every cell in my body went on edge.
This was exactly the feeling I’d get during the rare times we had argued. It made me want to hurl all over again. Wow . How had I not realized that before? He was right. So damn right.
I hated it when Tobias was angry with me. Hated. It. So I’d done everything in my power to avoid a fight, including hiding my dreams.
Hiding had only lasted so long. And in the end, the truth had finally come to light.
“Don’t hate me,” I whispered, my eyes locking with his. “I won’t survive it.”
“I could never hate you.” He caught a new tear with his thumb and brushed it away. “But I can be pissed at you. You can be pissed at me. And we can get to the other side by talking it out. So talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your head.”
I sagged, the air rushing from my lungs. “I don’t want to give up my job.”
Oof . That confession felt like walking down Main Street buck-ass naked.
It shouldn’t have been so hard to say. Tobias was just as committed to his career as I was to mine. But I guess, deep down, I was still the woman who’d felt it necessary to hide her dreams. The one woman who’d chosen that job over him. The one who feared he’d never truly forgive me for breaking us apart.
“It’s my identity,” I told him. “I’m not sure who I am without it anymore. It saved me when I was at my lowest. And it’s more than the money, it’s my pride.”
“Hey.” Tobias hooked his finger under my chin, lifting it so I could meet his gaze. Then there it was, the familiar comfort in his eyes. The understanding that he knew what it was like to love a job. To have a career fill a void.
A void that I’d created in his life when I’d left Montana.
The energy seemed to leave my body at once, like a light being turned off with a flick of a switch. I barely had the strength to scoot to the pillows and collapse.
Tobias stretched out beside me, his body on one half of the bed, mine on the other. There was a clear line between us, his pillows, my pillows. Except for one touch. He took my hand, lacing our fingers together, and held it tight until I drifted off to sleep.
A ding woke me up, my head fuzzy as I lifted off the pillow. I shoved the hair out of my face and swung my legs off the bed, taking a few long breaths before getting to my feet.
I braced for a wave of nausea that never came. My stomach felt solid as a rock. Normal. Maybe what I’d needed wasn’t lollipops and saltines, but a release. To talk it out with Tobias.
To fight, if that got us to a better place.
I shuffled out of the room and down the hallway, my bare feet quiet on the hardwood floors. The flip of the door’s lock gave an audible pop. Then came a woman’s voice.
“Hey. I know I should have called first but I thought... what the hell? I’d take the chance you were home and had a few hours free. ”
“Chelsea . . .”
Chelsea? Wait. One of my friends from college was named Chelsea, but I hadn’t spoken to her in years.
“I know, you hate surprises. I’ll make it up to you in bed.”
What. The. Fuck.
Tobias did hate surprises. I wasn’t a fan of them myself.
Especially when the surprise was a pretty blonde standing in the entryway with her lips on Tobias’s mouth.