Chapter 6 Dawson
DAWSON
I can’t stop thinking about Briar’s expression when we were talking to Mark and Michael. Is he still in love with his ex? He said he wasn’t, but maybe it’s something he didn’t want to admit or didn’t realize himself. Or hell, maybe he’s just wishing I were Nathan.
I’ve been trying to ignore that thought all afternoon while working at the farm.
It was fun being out there, seeing Briar interact with people he’s known most of his life, and though it makes me an asshole, I like pretending to be his boyfriend.
I like the scent of sandalwood and vanilla on his skin, the warmth that radiates from his body, and the way sometimes it felt like he was leaning against me. Like maybe he forgot this isn’t real.
Which is an absolutely ridiculous thing to think, and I really need to curb this crush I have on him.
His mom made a roast, potatoes, and carrots for dinner.
We sat around the table, eating together, in this way that doesn’t feel real to me.
It never feels this intimate with my family.
The vibe isn’t the same. I want it to be, though, want to find a way for us to be closer, and maybe I need to take a step to make that happen.
“It’s pretty dark out,” Briar tells me after the two of us finish washing dishes. His mom had argued with us about doing them, but we insisted since she cooked. “We might want to wait until tomorrow to go snowmobiling.”
“Yeah, I agree.” A yawn hits me out of nowhere, and though I try to hide it, I can’t.
“It was a long day. We can hit the sack early tonight if you want.”
I’m more tired than I want to admit. Part of it might just be the excitement and nerves of the day, but going to sleep early means the awkwardness of being in bed with Briar, and that…
yeah, that’ll be interesting. “I don’t want to ruin your time with your family.
We can stay up if you want. Or if I go, you can stay. ”
“We’re heading to bed,” Donna says, entering the room.
“We’ll be up early and back at it,” Jeffrey adds.
“Yeah, I’m ready as well,” Briar says, and shit, that didn’t go as planned.
“All right, then,” I reply.
Donna gives Briar a hug and kiss on the cheek before walking over to me. “I’ll make breakfast in the morning. We’ll have some things planned while you’re here, but you and Briar should go out on your own. I’m sure he’d love to show you around town. It’s quite magical this time of year.”
“That’s exactly the word Dawson used,” Briar tells her. “He likes those holiday movies you adore, Mom. He’s been so excited to see our town.”
I enjoy hearing Briar talk about me like he knows me so well, love hearing him talk to his family about me.
“Well, you’ve picked the perfect town, if I do say so myself,” Jeffrey tells me. “We’re quite fond of our little town and hope you come back with Briar to visit more often.”
I try to swallow down my shame at lying to them. Briar and I aren’t real, and I won’t be returning.
Briar clears his throat. “Let’s take it one visit at a time, Dad.”
We say our good-nights, and they lock up while I follow Briar upstairs. We’re behind the closed door when he says, “Do you want to take a shower or anything? It’s small, but I have the bathroom off my bedroom.”
“Yes, actually. That’d be nice.” I need it after a day in the car and working on the farm, but it’ll also give me a few minutes to get my head around how in the hell this night is going to work out.
“There should be towels on the shelf.” Briar stuffs his hands into his pockets as if he’s not sure what else to do with them.
“Thanks.”
I smile.
He smiles.
Then we both chuckle like we realize how silly we’re being. “I’ll be quick.”
As much as I want to, I don’t linger. I take a fast shower, brush my teeth, then pull on a pair of briefs and the flannel pajama bottoms I brought. Usually I prefer to sleep naked, but that didn’t seem like a good idea in this situation.
Briar has got his bag in hand when I’m back in his room, waiting for his turn. “Look, I know we said it’d be fine, but I can sleep on the floor.”
“I can as well,” I reply.
“I don’t want you to have to do that.”
“Well, I don’t want you to have to do that either.
” We both chuckle again. My hair falls into my face, and I push it back.
“We’re both adults. It’ll be fine. If you feel comfortable, I do too, but if you don’t, please let me know.
I would never want to make you feel strange or invade your space that way. ”
He cocks his head slightly, like he’s trying to figure something out. I’m not sure what it would be, but he says, “You’re a good guy, Dawson.”
My pulse kicks up a notch. “Because I don’t want to force myself into someone’s bed?”
“No. Just because you are. I’m good with sleeping in the same bed as long as you’re willing to let me have the right side.” He grins.
“You expect me to lie on the left side? That’s a step too far!”
Our playfulness lightens the mood, and then Briar excuses himself to the bathroom. I busy myself by plugging my phone into the charger, then climb into bed, lying on my back and looking at the ceiling while I wait for him.
When he comes back out, he says, “You look like you’re dead.”
Because clearly, I’m awesome at this nonchalance thing. I must look stiff as a board. “Well, that’s the best compliment I’ve gotten in a long time,” I joke, trying to loosen up so I don’t look so awkward.
“I don’t believe that. You’re gorgeous.”
My head whips in his direction, hopeful tingling running up and down my arms. It’s one thing to kindly call me handsome earlier, but Briar calling me gorgeous right now feels different.
“I didn’t mean…well, you are, but I wasn’t trying to…oh hell, am I supposed to say that about my ex’s twin brother?”
“I think we’ve already crossed a few lines. At least we’re in this strange new territory together.” And I can’t lie, I like the idea of being gorgeous to him.
“It’s nice not to be here alone.”
I watch as he walks toward the light switch. He’s wearing similar pajama bottoms, no shirt, just like I am. He hits the switch and the room goes dark, the only sounds his soft footsteps across the floor and my rapidly beating heart.
He pulls the blanket back. The bed dips. His arm touches mine.
Then…we lie there.
“Feels like we put a whole lot of worry into nothing,” Briar says.
I chuckle. “Right? The thing is, I was exhausted half an hour ago. Now it’s like my eyes refuse to close.”
“Same! Don’t you hate it when that happens? My mind is going a million miles an hour.”
“That makes two of us,” I reply, then ask, “Are you worried about this? What we’re doing while we’re here?”
“Not because of anything that has to do with you. I just hate lying to people.”
“I hear you. Try not to look at it like that, though. We’re friends. We’ll stay friends. People break up all the time. It’s not like we’re telling them we’re married.”
He’s quiet for a moment, then asks, “Do you want that? To be married?”
“Are you proposing?” I tease.
“We are boyfriends, after all,” he plays along, and then silence envelops us again.
“I do,” I finally answer. “I want someone to come home to. I want someone who’s mine. You?”
“Yes,” Briar replies softly. “I want that too.”
“You’ll find it.”
“So will you.”
“I am gorgeous, so I’m sure you’re right,” I joke, and Briar lets out a ridiculous snort-laugh, then groans in embarrassment before we’re both giggling like a couple of teenagers. God, he’s fun. Every moment I spend with him, I like him more.
“What about your past relationships?” Briar asks. “Have you ever been serious about anyone?”
I think for a moment. “Not really. I’ve dated, but I’ve never been in love.
I can’t see any patterns in my relationships, they’ve just never been right.
Sometimes I’d break up with him and others he’d break up with me.
I’ve just never found my person.” Like with most things in my life, my dating history is pretty boring.
“He’s out there.” His arm presses against mine.
“I hope so.” After a moment of silence, I ask, “What are the plans for tomorrow?” not wanting the conversation to end.
“It’s up to you. I’d love to show you around Bright’s Hollow. We can hit up the shops, and there’s a diner that has the best blueberry pie in the state. You definitely need to have a slice. Then there’s the tree lighting—”
“We’re not missing that,” I interrupt.
“I wouldn’t think of it. I’d never rob you of that holiday-movie experience,” he jokes.
“It wouldn’t be a coming-home-to-a-small-town story without it. Is there caroling?”
“Is that even a question? Of course there is. And there’s also a holiday festival. Mom will have a booth with stuff from the Blooming Acres shop. People sell homemade gifts, hot chocolate, baked goods.”
“I think I’m in love.”
He presses his arm against mine again. “It’s cute how much you like this stuff.”
“I love the city, don’t get me wrong, but this…not now, but one day, this is what I want, I think. I’d love to have my own place in a town like this, know everyone’s name and for them to all know mine.”
“You like connection.”
I shift uncomfortably. “Doesn’t everyone?”
“Not as much as you do. I hope I didn’t overstep when I said that.
It’s a good thing. It’s one of my favorite things about you.
It’s your draw to people, your ability to make them feel welcome and…
like they’re seen, even before you know them.
I think it’s what compelled you to start talking to me.
If you hadn’t, I might not be lucky enough to call you a friend now. ”
I grin into the darkness. “I’m glad we’re friends.”
“Same.” He yawns, and it’s contagious. I can’t stop myself from doing the same.
My eyes are getting heavy again, and I can tell by Briar’s breathing that he’s getting sleepy again.
“Good night, Briar.”
“Good night, Dawson…and…I’m happy you’re here.”
I’m happy I’m here too.