Chapter 12
Noelle
I’d done plenty of stupid things in my life, but none so blatantly idiotic as this. As I leaned in, I could practically hear the alarm bells. This man had offered me a place to stay. Technically, he was my landlord. And I was thinking about kissing him.
The cloth slipped from my hand. My fingers curled into his ridiculous cardigan. Would he push me away? Would he bolt? He wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met. Being with him felt like time travel, like I’d stumbled into a bygone era and found a man who shouldn’t exist.
I should have let go. I wasn’t ready for this. But my better judgment had left the building. It had probably driven out of town and fled the state. I’d been alone for so long, starving for touch—for something.
He held still, his breathing as ragged as mine, lips parted.
I leaned a little closer. “I’m so curious,” I whispered. “It’s terrible. It’s like a disease.”
“A disease?”
“You know, whatever it was that killed the cat. I have it.”
His mouth curved faintly. “That’s quite the ailment.”
His chin brushed my nose, and I tilted my head, aligning my lips with his. My breath came in shallow gasps.
“We really shouldn’t.” A smile ghosted my lips. “It’s probably better in my imagination anyway.”
Still, I leaned closer, as if pulled by an invisible force.
Our lips brushed, like striking a match, and everything ignited. His hands cupped my face, and he brought our lips together.
Oh. My. God.
I hadn’t expected this. Not the rush, nor the intensity.
His mouth landed on mine, and he grabbed me like he’d been waiting his whole life.
One of his hands slid under the back of my overalls, tracing a slow path up my spine, and my skin erupted in goose bumps.
I let out a small, broken sound into his mouth, and he backed me against the wall.
Our tongues met, and a bolt of pleasure shot through me.
It felt so much better than I’d ever imagined. Fire and sugar and spice. My whole body hummed on a higher frequency, my heartbeat settling between my thighs, amplifying the hunger I couldn’t hold back or hide.
I grasped at his cardigan, pulling him closer, scared this moment might vanish. That he might come to his senses and step away. The kiss deepened, turning raw and hungry. For a moment, nothing else existed. Only a white-hot, pulsing need. A desperate desire.
And then—
He jolted. His hands fell away, and he stumbled backward.
“I can’t.”
I blinked, dazed. “You can’t?”
“I’m not the right guy.” His voice was taut, frustrated. “If you’re looking for a small-town fling, try Jackson. Try the Cafiero brothers. The Hawthornes. Not me.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, mortified.
“It’s okay.” The fury in his eyes faded, and he cleared his throat. “We’ll pretend it never happened.”
I nodded. Sure. Pretend. Except the kiss was already branded into my long-term memory. I’d kissed him with reckless abandon, ready to offer him anything. And he’d kissed me back like a drowning man who’d just found air. I’d been lonely for a year. How long had it been for him?
I steadied myself against the wall. My knees still felt like Jell-O.
“Never happened,” I said, my voice ringing with forced cheer. “We were just cleaning up and talking about… what did we talk about?”
He frowned. “I don’t think we need a cover story.”
“Right.” I picked up the cloth I’d dropped and escaped to the bathroom, rinsing it until my hands were raw.
I couldn’t act normally around him. I said the wrong thing and did the wrong thing.
Spencer was right. I had no impulse control.
I couldn’t be let loose in a town like this.
I’d been safe on the ship, with its monotonous routines, strict rules, and protocols.
Now, I was roaming free, improvising… And it was dangerous.
“You okay?” Fredrik appeared at the doorway.
I looked up and saw his concerned eyes in the mirror.
“I’m just angry with myself,” I said. “I should have never… I don’t know why I…”
“Nothing happened.”
“Okay, but—”
“There’s one blanket and pillow and a set of sheets. Do you need extra blankets or anything else?”
I swallowed, trying to adjust to the tonal shift. “I can take one from my shop.”
“Is it even big enough? It’s a child’s bed.”
“No, it’s just a little short.”
He gave me a measured look. “Just like a child is a little shorter than an adult.”
I smiled a little. “It’s fine! But we need to talk about rent.”
“What rent?”
“The rent you must charge me for living in your store.”
“Absolutely not.”
“But I can’t sleep a wink if I’m in your debt. Especially since I already kissed you against your will!”
“No, you didn’t—”
“I can’t do this!” I shouted, my frustration boiling over. “I can’t pretend nothing happened. That’s not how my brain works.” I chewed on my bottom lip as a hot tear rolled down my cheek.
He handed me a towel. “No. I meant you didn’t kiss me against my will. I was very much on board. But it’s not a good idea, so let’s move on. I don’t really know how to handle this, I’m sorry.”
He looked so distressed, and my heart went out to him. “I don’t know how to handle this, either. I’m sorry I kissed you. I made everything weird.”
“No, you didn’t… but I don’t do casual. I’ve never been that guy.”
Panic flared in my chest. What did he think of me?
“I don’t do casual, either!” I blurted. “I don’t go around kissing guys… I’ve never had a casual relationship of any kind. What does that even mean?”
“I don’t know. Ask Jackson.”
I let out a shaky breath. “Okay. So we’re both totally hopeless and should avoid kissing from now on so as not to complicate our lives. Even though I think you’re cute.”
He caught the tear that had reached my chin, brushing a rough thumb across my skin. “And I think you’re distractingly beautiful.” His voice was as rough as his touch, sending tremors down my spine.
I held still, listening to blood whooshing in my ears, until he broke the spell. “You already have the key. And you know my hours.”
“I’ll keep out of your way! I’ll set my alarm and make sure—”
He held up a hand. “Our paths are going to cross, so we better get along. As friends.”
“Friends,” I repeated. “Of course. And if you need any help in the store, or with anything else, I’m here.”
“Thanks, but don’t worry about it. Focus on your own store.”
He headed downstairs, and I followed, trying to push down the turmoil in my chest. I couldn’t focus on the rejection. He was doing this amazing thing for me. I had to show him I could be his friend. I could keep my hands off him and channel my energy into something productive.
“I could help you decorate for Christmas,” I suggested as we passed the display window.
“That’s a great idea!” Kailee piped up. She was sitting cross-legged in the armchair, a book in her lap. “I’ll help, too!”
Fredrik threw us a look. “I don’t need decorations.”
“But your store does!” Kailee argued. “And I do!”
“Your customers would love it,” I echoed.
“What customers?” His tone was biting.
Kailee sighed loudly. “Maybe they’d find it here if you had some lights. Seems to work for everyone else.”
Fredrik stared at her like she’d grown a second head.
Her gaze snapped onto mine, and I smiled. Sure, neither of us had any say on how Fredrik ran his business, but right now, he was outnumbered. And this was something I could really help him with.
Shaking off any remnants of embarrassment over what had happened between us a moment earlier, I approached his desk. “Do you have a measuring tape?”
He looked up from his battered laptop, which didn’t even seem to be on. “Somewhere upstairs. Why?”
“I’ll plan your window display! My treat. I can grab anything from my store at wholesale prices, and I want to thank you for allowing me to stay here. Since you won’t accept rent payments.”
“No.”
“Come on! You have to let me pay you back somehow. Otherwise, I’ll…” I glanced at Kailee for help. What could I possibly threaten him with? More kissing? It was so dark and dreary in here, and Christmas was coming.
Kailee appeared beside me. “Otherwise, we’ll do it without your permission, and you have no say on what goes where.”
I threw a horrified look at her. That was a little bold.
Fredrik glared at us. Kailee had slung her arm over my shoulders.
She was tall like her mother and towered over me.
I noticed Fredrik’s gaze flick to that arm casually hanging by my ear, and again, I had a feeling this wasn’t how Kailee usually acted.
I was here for it, though, if she needed a girlfriend. God knew I needed one. Or five.
Fredrik drew a breath, still frowning. “Nothing that blinks. Nothing with those blue pinprick lights or purple glitter. And absolutely nothing that plays Christmas music.”
“Deal!” we shouted in unison, then burst out in laughter.
Kailee let go of my shoulder, and I high-fived her. “Nice work, partner! Would you like to come over tomorrow to choose some items? I’ll have the shop open until five o’clock.”
“I’ll come straight from school.” Kailee’s eyes shone. “I can stay as late as I want. Mom’s going to the crochet club anyway, so she won’t be home all night.”
“Wait, what?” Fredrik sat up. “That doesn’t mean you stay out all night. We agreed I would send you straight home after I closed.”
Something occurred to me. “Your mom goes to the crochet club? I heard about it from this old lady I sat next to on the bus. Ida! She taught me how to do a basic flower and invited me to come along… What time is it?”
“At seven. My mom runs the club with Eileen.”
I turned to Fredrik. “Perfect! Kailee and I can go together!”
Kailee frowned, suddenly looking a lot like Fredrik. “Do I have to crochet?”
“No! I’m sure it’s fine if you don’t.”
“I think they also share books,” Fredrik offered. “Felicity keeps ordering them for the club.”
“Yeah!” Kailee gave me a grave look. “The Doctor’s Secret Baby. The Doctor Who Railed Me… I’m surprised she can even see the doctor after reading those.”
“There’s no book titled The Doctor Who Railed Me,” Fredrik corrected. “But they’ve gone through a lot of medical romance lately.”
“It’s because our new attending looks like Henry Cavill,” Kailee explained.
“What’s the required reading for tomorrow?” I wandered over to the corner shelf with Fredrik’s romance titles.
“I’ll show you the one Mom’s reading right now!” Kailee browsed the shelves until she found the book and handed it to me.
The Doctor’s Secret Baby.
“Great! I’ll take it.”
I took the book to the counter.
Fredrik handed it back. “You don’t have to buy it. You live here. Read anything you like, just don’t crack the spines.”
“Oh, but I will! I’ll highlight and underline and use little stickers to annotate. I’m finally on dry land, and I’m going to interact with physical things like there’s no tomorrow.”
I handed him my lost-and-found credit card, and he rang up the purchase, shaking his head like he couldn’t understand a word I’d said.
“Hold it for me, would you?” I asked him once I’d paid. “I’ll go pick up my stuff so I can settle in for the night. It’s been a long day, and I think I need a good reading session.”
“See you tomorrow!” Kailee called after me, and I waved goodbye, rushing out the door.
I had to get out before I cracked and could no longer pretend I was fine.
Because I wasn’t. I’d kissed him, and he’d pushed me away.
There was no other way to look at it. And as much as I wanted to forget all about it and be okay, the hurt burned behind my eyes.
As soon as I stepped outside the store, my throat tightened and tears burst out.
I felt the sting of rejection, but also disappointment.
Because I liked him.
Being around Fredrik calmed my frazzled nerves. There was something about him that my soul latched onto. Maybe it was the freedom to be myself, or the way he kept showing up for me, expecting nothing in return.
Yes. I was developing a crush on a man who’d already friend zoned me.
And now I was practically moving in with him.
Things were going from bad to worse.