Chapter 5 #2
“Oh,” I say, caught off guard. Charlie’s paintings are usually of sweet moments. Pets with their hearts in their eyes.
“I asked her to paint him like that because he was a little shit. Always snarling at people and causing them trouble, but he was my little shit, and I liked him just the way he was.” She shakes her head, smiling at the memory. “Love’s a funny thing.”
There’s a sad look on her face for half a second, and I make a mental note to ask Eileen if she thinks Portia’s lonely.
Then she bags the candy canes and hands them over.
“You go get yourself a sexy Santa Claus. I’ll let you know when to come by for the taffy pulling.
You won’t want to miss it. No one will.”
No, I don’t want to miss it. But I especially don’t want to miss whatever Erica has in store for Enzo.
When I get to the café, Eileen is in the small kitchen in the back, frowning down at a tin tray of Bowlful of Jellies.
She has her red, scalloped apron on, and she looks positively adorable.
The Bowlful of Jellies do not. She used circular molds to make the lingonberry and cream jellies.
The unfortunate end product is a pile of jiggling pink balls.
To be perfectly honest, they look like testicles.
Yes, I have seen testicles. I’ve been to third base enough times to know my way around a dick. I’ve just never rounded the bases to home.
“Would you eat one of these?” Eileen asks, jolting me from my thoughts.
I glance down at the jiggling “treats.” “I don’t think so? But I also don’t like Jello. They always put it on Mom’s hospital trays, and sometimes I ate it out of pure desperation, but yeah, not good.”
She glances up and meets my eyes. “They had panettone favors for every guest at Hidden Italy. Handmade.”
I hear her. I want to respond. But my mind is elsewhere entirely.
“What is Erica going to do with Enzo?” I blurt.
Damn it. That sounded much too eager. I try again.
“Uh, I mean, I talked to Portia earlier, when I went in to pick up the treats, and she told me all about the Cafieros’ copycat auction.
Enzo obviously did it because he knew our Advent calendar unveiling would be way more memorable, so it serves him right if she makes him do something embarrassing.
He’s going to have to wear a Larry costume, isn’t he?
Or, wait, is he going to be one of the mayor’s elves? ”
Mayor Locke always dresses up as the town’s Santa Claus. God help me, it would be amazing to see Enzo dressed as an elf, in some ridiculous curling shoes, hopefully with fake pointy ears. Maybe I can even offer to help Erica source the outfit for ultimate embarrassment.
A strange look passes over Eileen’s face. “So you’ve heard about the auction. Let’s sit down for a moment.”
We enter the main part of the café, then slide into the big corner booth with its plush, pink, faux-fur seat. Last night, we moved the tables in preparation for the big event, but we haven’t set out the decorations yet. The café looks like it normally does, white and pink, pretty, and full of love.
“Santa Speed Dating is going to be so much cooler than their auction,” I say, feeling my cheeks heat. “I’ll bet they didn’t even dress up.”
“They were wearing very fine suits, Erica said. But there wasn’t a single Santa hat in the place.
A missed opportunity, if you ask me, but let me get to the point…
” She pauses, having undoubtedly honed her flair for dramatic timing in her beauty queen years.
“I have to confess…Erica participated in the auction on my behalf. When she called me last night and told me the Cafiero boys were setting up an impromptu auction, I thought it might be a nice opportunity for us, because of what we discussed the other night.”
My pulse quickens. “What do you mean?”
“I asked her to bid on one of Enzo’s younger brothers for you.
Now, I know what you’re going to say, but they’re fine-looking boys, and going on a date with one of them would be excellent practice for you.
Plus, Erica was already at their event, and she was happy to help.
” Her lips pucker. “Unfortunately, she drank too many limoncello samples and got a little carried away by the spirit of the evening. She forgot which boy was which and bid on the one she found most attractive.”
My heart pounds faster, harder. “You mean…”
“She won the date with Enzo for you, Lucy.”
A memory of his hard chest flashes through my mind, and I cross my arms to steel myself against it. My id will not win. My id will not win. “There’s no way I’m having dinner with him.”
Eileen nods as if this is no more than she expected. “I’ll dine with the young man myself. Maybe I can find him a new girlfriend, and then—”
“No.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Why not? Men are so much more agreeable when they’re in love.”
“Not him,” I insist, my heart pounding hard. “He doesn’t deserve it. Can we please just make him dress up like a Christmas elf or lobster and call it a day?”
“Leave this to me,” she says in a placating tone I’ve heard a dozen times. I know what that means. She still one hundred percent intends to find a girlfriend for Enzo. Maybe she’s right, and he’d be a different man if he were getting laid. And yet…
“I don’t like him.”
“I know, dear,” she says with a soft smile. “You know, I’d hoped to have a different friend bid on someone for you at the auction at Hook, Wine, and Sinker, but the competition was fierce. I’m afraid I don’t have that much money in my reserves.”
“At least Enzo was cheap.”
She laughs. “I didn’t say he was cheap.”
Less expensive would still gall him, I’m sure.
“I don’t want you to help him, Eileen. I mean it. He was an awful boyfriend to Rachelle.”
She sighs softly. “Indeed, but I heard from Wren, that lovely young woman who runs The Haven with her father, that Rachelle was a bit of a nightmare as a guest. She snuck her phone into yoga class and kept complaining about the poor reception.”
“I’m sure she was upset about Enzo. He is upsetting.”
“Very possible. But I’ve also heard that she asked her massage therapist to do something that made the young man very uncomfortable, and then she left The Haven a one-star review and didn’t tip anyone.”
“Seriously?” I ask, appalled.
“Oh, yes. Wren was very upset. She’d gone out of her way to be kind to her.”
“Okay, fine,” I concede. “Rachelle does sound terrible. But that doesn’t mean Enzo doesn’t suck, too, Eileen. He’s not a nice man. Actually, it makes sense that two awful people would find each other.”
“I understand why you think so, of course.”
Still, she doesn’t promise she won’t help him, and the thought of her finding him a nice, sweet girlfriend to love him and inflate his huge ego creates a sore spot in my chest, one that no amount of rubbing will subdue.
The door at the front of the café opens, and Charlie enters. “Lucy, why are you rubbing your tits?”
“I’m not.” I drop my hand and open the box of decorations we’d organized. “I have a psychological ailment that has physical manifestations.”
“The bowlfuls of jelly didn’t work out, I’m afraid,” Eileen tells her. “They look a little like testicles.”
I swallow a laugh, then snap my fingers. “Audrey can save us.”
Making Whoopie is right next door. The owner, Audrey, makes whoopie pies that are to-die-for. Charlie and I took a cake decorating class with her a few months ago, and we’ve gone out for drinks a few times. Of course Eileen is dying to set her up with someone.
Oh, dear God, I can’t let her set up poor Audrey with Enzo. What if she gets tricked into liking him, and then he gets to eat her delicious whoopie pies every night? He doesn’t deserve her whoopie pies!
I’ll have to convince Eileen not to have dinner with him, but now’s not the time. We need to pull off a Christmas coup first.
“We can decorate the whoopie pies to look like elves,” I add, feeling inspired. “This is going to work. Everything is going to be awesome. So much better than last night at Hidden Italy.”
Eileen grins in response. “That’s the spirit.”
So why do I feel like I just jinxed us?