20. A Safe Haven
twenty
A Safe Haven
T his has always been my safe haven. The Blitzen High School gym hasn’t been upgraded since I played here. I know these hardwood floors like I know the silence before the swoosh—the thump, thump, thump of the ball bouncing off waxed floors, the same way I know the weight of the ball in my hands.
The floor’s sheen is interrupted only by colorful paint lines and scuff marks. Every one of those scuff marks has a little bit of a kid’s soul embedded in it. So many memories right here.
This morning, I’m chasing the good ones.
I pivot, jump—snap my wrist. The ball spins off my fingers and … Swoosh! A three-pointer. Yes.
As I race to retrieve the ball, I hear, “What are you doing McShotty!”
Turning to the voice—which I know too well—I see Helen clicking toward me briskly, in shiny black stiletto heels.
“Practicing. What does it look like?”
I turn my back dribbling… racing for a lay-up. “Two!”
Rebounding, snatching the ball in mid-air as it drops through the basket, I turn, smiling back at her. “I still got it.”
“Stop avoiding me. We need to talk.”
“Not avoiding you.” I dribble in place. Love the feel of this leather in my hands.
Helen glowers. She’s cute with her pixie hair and almond eyes, wearing a thousand-dollar white wool suit over a blue silk blouse. She’s probably headed to court.
She snaps, “Yes. You. Are. Now I want to talk, and I don’t have a lot of time.”
I tuck the ball underhanded, holding it at my waist, legs braced. “About what?”
She’s marched up so close, she’s straining her neck back to meet my gaze. “You know what. You being drunk last night.”
“Love ya’ but fuck off.” I spin with a jump shot— Swoosh!
“Two!”
She glares at me.
“I’ve got to practice. You realize Jamarcus is coming here and bringing some other NBA guys for the charity game. You don’t want me to look like a fool do you?”
“I heard. And you’d never look like a fool.” More glaring.
I sigh. “What, Helen?”
“Let’s talk in private.”
“About what?”
Fuck.
She lifts her brows. “Do you want me to twist your ear?”
That brings a raucous laugh that I can’t throttle as my head tilts back. “As if you could reach it.”
“Never underestimate me. Now come on. You’re here at the ass-crack of dawn. I know, because I’m here, too, trying to hunt you down.” She swings her arms as she sashays for the exit.
I’m not moving.
“Why do you feel the need to hunt me down? You should start with that.” I yell at her back.
She spins around on those heels that probably cost as much as the suit, with fire shooting from her eyes. “Really? Because I know you.”
“Not really.”
“Bullshit. Now are you going to have a coffee of not?”
I glance down at my legs and snicker, “I’m in shorts. It’s cold outside. I don’t want to get re-dressed.”
“Then come sit on the bleachers and let’s talk. Dammit.”
I’m not getting out of this. I follow my favorite person to the bleachers so she can get whatever it is off her chest.
She sits daintily, pulling her pencil skirt to her knees, which she tucks together, while I plunk down a row higher, my legs on the floor. “Shoot.”
Our gazes are latched.
“You were drunk last night.”
“Not the first time, Helen.”
“First in a while. What happened with you and Erika?”
None of your fucking business.
“Nothing.” My jaw grinds with a mind of its own.
“When I left you, I went to her.”
Ping in the gut. “How was she?”
“Drunk. Like you. What the fuck happened?”
I inhale my lungs full of cold gym air and exhale. “Nothing.”
Shit. Dammit. Hell.
I have no idea what I might’ve done if Walter hadn’t walked in when he did—I was seconds from leaning back, pulling her on top of me, and devouring the shit out of her. My dick hadn’t been that hard in years.
My hands wanted to be all over her warm body. They were on fire, right under her soft C-cups. It was all I could do not to slide them up and start fondling those perfect tits. Jeez-us.
“Kourt?”
“What?”
Her onyx eyes bore into me, the thin black brows drawn tight.
I scrub a hand over my jaw, shaking my head. “Nothing.”
Helen stands abruptly, so our eyes are dead even, as she gets loud. “I think you’ve said ‘nothing’ one too many times. Now come clean.”
A part of me wants to snicker at her acting so threatening with me. As if she thinks she can intimidate me like some idiot on her witness stand. She can’t.
But I know her as well as she knows me—and that tiny pit bull isn’t give up.
I hike a shoulder.
“I don’t know, Helen. She’s…” My gaze wanders across the gym. I can’t bring myself to say it. But I finally do. “Different, I guess.” My eyes meet hers. “Nobody’s made me feel like that since—”
“Say it. Angie.”
I glare back. Jaw clamped tight.
“Kourt. If you two had been together for fifty years that’d be one thing. But you were married two years when she died.” She holds up two fingers. “You cannot not go on living. You’re too young to say never again.”
“Life already said it for me.” Our gazes are locked tight, and I hear the bite in my voice. “Now fucking let this go.”
“The hell I will. I’ve known you longer than you knew Angie or Erika and I’ve always had your back.
I’m telling you; I see a spark between you and Erika that may be stronger than what I saw between you and Angie, may she rest in peace.
You two married because it was expected.
It was the natural course of things, being together through high school.
You stayed together through college, with an engagement just after.
You were almost forced into it. Both of you.
But I swear to God, Kourt—I see it. Erika makes you glow in a way you never have before. With anyone .”
I open my mouth to speak, but she cuts me off, drilling her manicured fingernail into my chest. “I’m not wrong about this.” She stomps off.
Four-inch heels echo off the gym walls, dragging me back to that fucking cave.
I groan. She’s right.
My wife. I loved Angie. I’ll always love her. Her death knocked me to my fucking knees, and I couldn’t get up for a year. How do you comprehend—one minute she was here and the next she was gone?
But the truth was that, after two years of marriage, we were already rocky.
It was her idea to come back here after college, which I did, for her.
After a year, she changed her mind. She wanted me to try for an NBA spot, or get a position as a college assistant coach because my high school coach’s salary and her teacher’s salary weren’t enough to keep her in the lifestyle she had in mind.
We argued again and again, me trying to get it through her pretty blonde head that, “I can’t take a job and quit after one year.” No one would hire me.
Then… she was gone. Ice.
Shake it off .
I go back to the court, dribble, set my feet, and take a shot—and miss.
Crap. The ball bounces off the backboard.
“Rebound, Coach!” Logan Ramsey yells from the sidelines. One of my best seniors. He’s got real talent.
“ You rebound!” I yell back.
“Come on, Coach. Let me see you sink a three-pointer!”
I’ve been doing it all morning.
I dribble behind the three-point line—jump—spin—and the ball rolls off my fingertips . It cuts through the air. Swoosh! The ball kisses net on its way through.
No way I’m even trying to stop this smile.
“I can’t wait to see you play, Coach! You and Jamarcus Holloway. Sweet!”
“Hey Logan, no game this Friday.”
“Why?”
“Jonesborough cancelled. Said the weather’s too risky for this away game for them. They’re not chancing getting the bus up here.”
“Dang , I was ready to kick their asses.” He trudges toward the lockers.
“You will next semester. We’ll reschedule.”
I dribble —jump—bank shot.
The corners of my mouth rise to gloat. Now Erika doesn’t have a date this Friday.
Helen missed our FaceTime tonight. I let her. We talked this morning—more than enough.
I’m lying flat on my back, staring at the ceiling, cutting my eyes at the bedside clock. 11:00 p.m. Erika never reached out, and neither did I. Maybe we both need a break.
I haven’t slept since I left that cave. Drawn to her? Fuck, yes. Too much. But I don’t understand the rest of it. A kaleidoscope of thoughts, made up of blue eyes, lip curling smirks and long dark waves invade my mind. Over a fire truck and a town Christmas festival? I’m sure that’s all this is.
We got too close hanging out every day trying to make the holidays happen in Blitzen. The town absorbs her. I absorbed her. If it wasn’t for the fundraisers, she’d just be Josephine’s hot niece that came to visit who hit me with her car. We would never have gotten this close. Are we… close?
It’s her fucking innocence that has me so damn curious.
No, hell, no—She’s not all that innocent.
She’s a woman who knows exactly what she wants.
That’s what intrigues me. But still, she’s…
I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it.
She’s wicked smart, but then so genuine and trusting of other people—strangers even.
She’s curved like a fucking walking hourglass but makes me wonder if she knows it.
She doesn’t realize how hot she is. What does that say about her?
She’s also climbing the ladder at her ad agency in Chicago, so the appeal of Blitzen, other than a fun escape provided by her great aunt, is beyond me. What she’s done here, organizing, pulling this festival together, it’s—she’s moved mountains.
I’m pretty fucking happy right here. I chose to stay in small town Kentucky, and I had my share of other offers. I don’t need to earn three figures a year to be happy. Different strokes for different folks. I’m just not clear on what hers are.
I knew last night—both of us wanted it. She was so warm against me. The dark cold cave had nothing on the heat between us when I wrapped my arms around her. I wanted to rip that coat off of her, get my hands under that sweater—
Stop it, McClain!
If you go there you might not want to come back. And you made up your mind, once was enough.
This will pass.
I roll onto my side. Tomorrow’s another day. And I need to be at the gym early. Be damned if I’ll make a fool out of myself in front of Jamarcus and the rest of the world.