Chapter 22
SIENNA
My mind is buzzing, the edges of sleep lifting as my brain that can’t seem to fully relax moves toward consciousness.
I’m in that drowsy, dopey state where I’m sort of in control of my dreams. And, of course, my brain is taking me to a gym where I’m cornered against a row of cubbyholes and this guy is trying to kiss me.
Two lips land on mine, the pressure soft and sweet, the feel so familiar, but because I’m still half dreaming, all I can see is Davis. So I push the guy away with a gasp, my eyes snapping open as I shove and slap…
Oh shit, my husband.
“Whoa.” Zander rears back, cradling his cheek for a second before bulging his eyes at me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to… scare… you.” He looks kind of confused and a little hurt by my severe reaction, but all I can do is close my eyes and cover my face.
“Baby, I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I was dreaming, and I just…” My words trail off into a shudder, and Zander takes a seat on the edge of the bed, resting his hand on my thigh.
“I’m okay.”
I creep my eyes open with a doubtful, guilt-ridden frown.
And he lets out a gruff laugh, shaking his head. “So much for a romantic wake-up on Valentine’s Day.”
He hands me a homemade card and a little bag of gifts.
I set them in my lap, staring down at them. Wow. He didn’t forget after all. I thought he totally had.
And now he’s sitting here, all handsome in his boxer shorts and ratty old Nolan U T-shirt, and he’s handing me sweet gifts and a handmade card, and… all I can do is sniff. My eyes flood with tears before I can stop them.
“Sparks?” His tender voice is laced with worry, and I have to tell him. I have to tell him right now.
Looking up, I lean into his palm when he cups my cheek and whimper. “I have to tell you something.”
“What is it?” The poor guy is looking really freaked out, so I quickly slash the tears off my cheeks and sit up properly, pulling myself together.
“Don’t worry, I’m not dying,” I assure him with a watery laugh.
“But something is definitely wrong,” he murmurs. “You’ve been off lately, Sen, and I really want to know why.”
Dipping my head with a groan, I let my hair provide a curtain around me as I quickly spit out the major thing that’s bothering me. “Davis kissed me yesterday.”
There’s a small pause as Zander takes that in… and then comes the explosive “What?!”
“I know.” I look up at him, resting my hand on his taut forearm.
“He fucking kissed you? When? Where? What the fuck happened?” His volume increases with each question, and I stroke his arm to try and quiet him.
Biting my bottom lip for a second, I pull in a breath, then calmly explain.
“It was after our gym session. He tried to give me a red rose and—” Zander opens his mouth with a scowl, but I hold up my finger to stop him.
“I told him I already have a valentine, and although it was really sweet, I didn’t want it.
Then he just kind of boxed me in against the lockers and tried to sell me on how great we are together. ”
Zander’s nostrils flare, his jaw clenching so tight I can practically hear his teeth grinding.
“I reminded him that he’s married, and then he said, ‘They wouldn’t have to know.
’” I put on a mocking voice, my scorn ripe and real.
“And then he just leaned in and kissed me. When I opened my mouth to protest, he shoved his tongue in there and—bluch!” I stick out my tongue. “It was so gross, Zander.”
My husband growls. “I can’t believe that asshole. What the fuck is wrong with him?” He’s still snapping and growling like an angry bear.
In contrast, my voice is soft and wispy. “I’m so gutted, you know? Because I really loved training with him. He was funny and he challenged me, and I was getting great results. But now he’s gone and ruined it, and I’m furious with him and—” My face crumples, fresh tears lining my lashes.
Zander lets out one more huffing breath before his shoulders slump.
Giving him a second, I watch him work through his annoyance before touching his arm again.
He glances up, his look of sympathy mixed with a touch of fury both sexy and sweet. “I’m sorry he did that to you.” Running his hand up my thigh, he gives it a tender squeeze.
“I know it was just a kiss and I can shake it off, but—”
“Don’t use the word just like this isn’t a big deal.
” His eyebrows dip into a sharp V. “That asshole violated your space. He took without permission. He crossed a line, and you have every right to be pissed off and upset about it.” His growl is gruff and primal, but his touch is soft when he reaches for my face, brushing his thumb over my cheek and whispering, “Why didn’t you call me? I would have dropped everything to—”
“I know.” I smile at him, then try to ease this tension with a joke. “Davis might be a butthead, but he doesn’t need a broken nose, and you don’t need any charges pressed against you.”
He snickers and shakes his head. “He deserves a broken nose. Asshole. Kissing my woman. I mean, what the actual fuck?”
“I know, baby,” I console him, brushing my hand down his arm.
“But I pushed him away. Told him I never want to see him again and…” I sigh, my chest filling with that heavy cloud I can’t seem to shake.
“That’s what I’m really upset about.” I sniff, finally getting to this thing that’s been festering inside me for weeks… months.
Zander lets me go, his head jerking back in confusion. “You’re upset that you can’t see him again?”
Oh shit, he looks so wounded. I reach for his hand, shaking my head. “That’s not what I’m saying. I don’t care that I’ll never see him again. I’m just gutted that this one thing I was doing… this thing that was helping ease all of this…” I pat my stomach, not even sure what to call it.
“All of this what?” Zander frowns.
“This angst inside me.” I wrestle to explain. “The gym was easing that, you know? And now I can’t go back there. And I’ll have to find someone else to work with, and I just… I… I…” I let out a pathetic little whimper and run my hand into my hair.
“Baby, what’s going on here? Help me understand this. Please.”
My shoulders slump and I take his thumb, curling my fingers around it, then playing with his other digits as I speak.
“I don’t even know if I can explain it. I’m just…
feeling really lost right now. Ever since Olly started kindergarten, I’ve just been…
trying to figure out where I fit. I was always Mom, you know?
That was my role, and now… we’re not having any more kids… and… what am I supposed to do?”
He absorbs that for a second, then gives me a pained smile. “I thought you were upset because I’ve been so busy this year. Away a lot. I thought you were pissed at me. I had no idea you were wrestling with a life crisis.”
I let out a watery laugh. “That makes it sound way worse than it is. I’m not about to leave you for an underwear model and buy a sports car.”
“Hey, this is valid, Sparks.” He leans in, pecking my cheek. “The older the kids get, the less they need you.”
“I know,” I wail, so grateful that they still need me now, but sensing the end on the horizon already.
I flick my hand up. “I thought getting super fit and healthy would fill a gap, and it kind of has a little. But I’m still searching for a sense of direction, you know?
” I huff. “And now Davis made a move on me, and I’m just pissed off…
and feeling… like I’m feeling…” I let out an aggravated little yell. “I can’t even explain how I’m feeling!”
“You’re doing a great job explaining it.” Zander’s smile is kind, his eyes so beautiful I want to jump right into those pools and spend the day there.
I want to nestle into his arms and let him hold me so I don’t have to think about tomorrow or the next day.
“We’re going to find something that lights you up, baby.
” He skims his knuckles down my cheek. “It’s your time, you know?
Even since you got pregnant with Zoey, you’ve been putting someone else before you.
Now’s your chance to really figure out what you want for you.
This can’t be about anyone else. And I will support you in whatever capacity I can.
If you want to go to college or find a job or whatever? We’ll make it work.”
My eyes start to shimmer with fresh tears, though these are filled with gratitude and relief.
“I love you,” I squeak, kicking off the sheets so I can crawl onto his lap and straddle him.
He rests his hands on my hips and grins at me. “I love you too, Sparky.”
Pressing my smile against his lips, I kiss him deep, then wrap my arms around him. I love the way his hand splays between my shoulder blades, then runs down to the base of my spine.
Closing my eyes, I rest my chin on his shoulder and absorb his beautiful, glorious energy.
“Hey, can you promise me something?” he whispers.
I resist the urge to say, “Anything,” and lean back so I can look at his face. “Sure.”
His gaze drinks me in, his expression serious. “Can you let me in a little sooner next time? I really want to be there to support you, and I can’t do that if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”
I pull in a slow breath, then let it out in a rush.
“Yeah, okay. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything.
I’ve just been trying to work it out myself.
And as for the whole Davis kiss, if we hadn’t been trying to get the kids in the car and rush to the airport, then I probably would have fessed up as soon as I walked in the door.
But I knew you’d be pissed, and I didn’t want to put that on you. ”
“You don’t have to carry my burdens too, baby.”
“I’m a mother and a wife—it’s what I do. I carry all the angst to lighten the load for everyone else.”
“And who’s lightening your load?”
My lips curl into a smile as I lean toward him again. “You are.” I kiss him, reveling in the feel of his tongue gliding against mine, filling me up, completing me.
He moans, gripping me a little closer to him, and I’m about ready to rip this Nolan U shirt off his body and have my way with the guy.
It is Valentine’s Day, after all.
Leaning back with a playful grin, I tell him exactly what I want without saying a word, and his bearlike growl sends a thrill of anticipation right through me.
Grabbing my hips, he quickly stands and throws me back onto the bed.
I land with a giggle, reaching for him when he crawls over top of me and finds a happy home between my legs.
“Love you, baby,” he murmurs between kisses.
And I’m about to say, “Love you too,” when a piercing scream fills the air and we’re torn apart.