Chapter 32
CARSON
“Nylah!” I shout as I kick the door open and carry my little girl inside.
She’s an ice cube, and it’s freaking me out. I paused to put her jacket and beanie on, but she’s still shaking. Thankfully, she’s stopped crying now, but the wails have turned to soft whimpers, and she hasn’t said a fucking word. Her only response to my repeated you okays has been soft snivels.
Shit, shit, shit!
She better be okay.
I’m losing my fucking mind here!
Nylah will know what to do.
“We need to get them warm,” Grady says from behind me.
Oh yeah, I forgot that I was with Bear. The guy is a walking encyclopedia when it comes to this kind of shit.
I swivel sideways and let him walk past me into the kitchen.
“You found them?” Blake rushes into the room, her pale face streaked with tears, her eyes puffy and red. “Kenny, baby.”
“Hi, Mommy.” Her voice is muffled within Grady’s big jacket, and the second Blake hears it, she starts bawling.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” Blake blubbers while Grady sets their girl down on the kitchen counter.
“Okay, guys. Back up. Give them some room.” Wily stops the horde of children from coming into the kitchen.
I’m still looking for Nylah and am about to call her name again when Satch tells me, “She’s just coming down the stairs.”
“Harley?” Nylah calls.
“Mommy.” Harley starts struggling in my arms but then just kind of flops against me like the effort is too much.
I hold her tighter, panic coursing through me.
“It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay.” I start rubbing her back while Grady orders the older boys around.
“I need blankets. Go grab the warmest ones you can find.”
The boys dart away from the doorway, nearly knocking Nylah over.
“Sorry!” Dom shouts as he bounds up the stairs, but Nylah doesn’t even notice him, rushing into the room with Portia trailing behind her.
“Harley.” She runs up to our daughter, checking her face and hugging us both. “Hey, sweet girl.” Kissing her cheek, she pushes those golden locks back from her wet face and tries to smile, but her eyes are so full of tears.
“It’s okay.” I rub her back, feeling anything but fine as I try to comfort my family.
Portia wraps her little arms around my leg, and I reach down, stroking the top of her head.
“Should we get them into a hot bath or something?” Satch asks.
“No, that’s dangerous.” Grady’s voice is clipped and efficient as he rubs Kendall’s arm, then starts stripping off her clothes. “We need to warm them up slowly. Get them out of these damp clothes. Some warm water for their hands is okay. Blake, can you also make them some cocoa?”
“I’ll help.” Satch moves to the kitchen counter, running her hand down Blake’s back and smiling at her before grabbing a bottle of milk from the fridge.
“I’ll get the warm water.” Zoey darts out of the room, and I set Harley down to strip off her clothes.
“What happened?” Nylah gently asks before kissing Harley’s cheek. I wrestle my daughter’s quaking limbs out of her sweater.
“Harley f-f-fell into a h-hole,” Kendall tells us, her voice still bright and unaffected despite the fact that her teeth are chattering.
“I didn’t see it.” Harley voice is so soft we can barely hear her. “I was running.”
“I was ch-ch-chasing h-her.” Kendall giggles.
“Baby,” Blake kind of whines. “You shouldn’t have left the house without asking. You didn’t have your coat. You were totally unprepared.”
Is she seriously telling her off right now?
That part can wait.
I frown at Blake but don’t get a chance to catch her eye before Nylah hisses. “Ouch.”
Whipping down to look at my wife, I then wince at the gnarly graze and deep bruise on Harley’s leg. Shit, I was holding her right there. She didn’t say it hurt.
My shaking fingers hover over the area as I croak, “Grady.”
He’s the first aid guru. Glancing up, he catches my onset of panic and rushes around the island.
“What is it?” The second he spots Harley’s leg, his nose wrinkles, but he hides the rest behind a kind smile. “Wow. That’s a decent bruise there, kiddo.”
Harley’s big brown eyes gaze up at him, and he bops her nose.
“You’re one brave kid, you know that?”
She shakes her head.
“Oh yes, you are,” he confirms with a smile. “And I’ve got the perfect cream to fix you up, okay? We just need to get you warm first.”
“Okay,” she whispers.
“Okay.” Kissing her forehead, he moves back around the counter to Blake and Kendall just as the boys rush in with a mound of blankets and duvets that make me wonder if they stripped every bed in the house.
“Is this good?” Logan trips over himself, rushing into the kitchen.
Zander catches his arm before he face-plants, and Sienna snorts before breaking into a laugh.
“I’m sorry,” she tries to apologize. “That’s just a lot of blankets.”
“What?” Cole frowns. “You said get blankets.”
“Yeah, you did good, buddy,” Zander assures him while his mother continues to laugh… and that sets off Nylah. Her laughter is watery—a mix of joy and tearful relief—as I shake out a blanket and hand one to Grady before wrapping the next around my baby girl.
Pulling her close, I lift her off the counter and onto my lap, making sure she’s bundled up nice and warm.
Her shakes are easing now that we’re back inside, but I’m not letting her out of this cocoon until I’m sure she’s defrosted.
“Here you go.” Zoey walks in with two small basins of water.
Grady checks the temperature, then adds a splash of cold water to each before passing one our way.
“You need to put your hands in here, baby.” Nylah tries to free Harley’s fingers, but she doesn’t want to.
Curling into my chest, she shakes her head and whimpers a soft, whiny wail.
“It’s okay,” Nylah coaxes her. “We need to get those little fingers warm.”
“They hurt,” Harley whispers.
“And the water will make them feel better.”
“It’s okay, Harley.” Portia strokes her sister’s knee. “It’ll make it better.”
Harley gives her sister a long, assessing look before glancing at her mother. And then those soft, brown eyes look up to me.
I smile down at her. “Portia’s right. It’ll make it better.”
With a hesitant sigh, she pokes one hand out from the blanket, dipping the tips of her fingers into the water before realizing that it’s not so bad and sitting away from me so she can soak her other hand as well.
“Once their fingers are warm, we may as well do their toes and feet too,” Grady tells us.
“Here’s the cocoa.” Satch moves around the island, handing a plastic mug to Nylah, who checks the temperature before nodding and encouraging Harley to take a sip.
And that’s how the next twenty minutes go as we slowly warm the girls up.
Kendall gets chattier by the second, but Harley remains quiet on my lap. She stops drinking the cocoa and curls into a little ball again, resting her head on my chest.
Portia stands there watching her for a long time, her blue eyes working through a plethora of emotions. She’s sad, maybe a little scared… and now that her sister is okay, she wants in on this daddy hug.
She’s always been my little girl.
I don’t know why or how it happened, but Portia seemed to like me best and Harley always went to Nylah for everything. But now Harley’s on my knee, and for once, she’s not reaching for Mommy.
I kind of want to cherish this moment for a second.
She’s safe.
She’s okay.
And she wants me.
“Let’s take a look at that bruise again.” Grady walks up with his first aid kit, and Harley tenses on my knee.
“It’s okay.” I kiss the top of her head.
Grady squats down in front of her and gently peels back the blanket.
“You must have done this when you fell into the hole.” Grady’s voice is sweet and gentle. He should have become a paramedic or something. As he dabs at Harley’s wounded skin, he chatters away, telling a funny story from when he was a kid and making Portia laugh. I think Harley must be smiling.
The look on Nylah’s face tells me that she is.
I catch my wife’s eye, and we share a meaningful smile. She looks nearly sick with relief, and I get it. I’ve been sitting here with a quaking belly, trying not to think about just how bad it could have gone today.
Once the nasty graze on Harley’s thigh is cleaned up and cream applied to the bruise that has taken over half her leg, Grady bundles Harley back up and assures us that both girls are gonna be just fine.
Blake’s holding Kendall close, quietly talking to her as they walk out of the room, and soon it’s just the four McAvoys left by the kitchen table.
“I want to sit on Daddy’s knee.” Portia’s voice is uncharacteristically small and vulnerable.
I glance at her and shake my head. “Harley’s on my knee right now, blueberry.”
“But she’s warm now. Uncle Grady just said so.”
“Portia.” Nylah sighs her name more than says it. “You will get your turn, okay?” Pulling out a chair, she takes a seat and pats her knee. “You can sit with me while you wait.”
Portia gives her a you’re not as good as Daddy look, and I have to bite back my grin.
That girl knows how to make you feel as small as an ant. Her facial expressions are priceless.
Dipping my eyebrows, I put on a frown when she glances my way and shake my head.
“You really need to learn how to share, kid,” Nylah tells her with a pointed look. “Now, don’t you have something you want to say to your sister?”
Portia’s blue eyes get bright with resistance, and then that sadness washes through them again.
Turning back to Harley, she sniffs and mumbles, “I’m sorry. I do want you to be my sister.”
Harley doesn’t say anything for a second, then softly whispers, “I want you to be my sister too.”
My little blueberry’s lips twitch, and I give in, beckoning her with my hand and making room on my other leg.
The girls both lean against my chest, staring at each other.
“You know what would be great?” I ask.
“What, Daddy?” Portia glances up at me.
“It’d be so great if you two could stop arguing about stuff and be nice to each other.
You just said you wanted to be sisters. And when your little brother comes along, we really need you working as a team.
Mommy and I are gonna be outnumbered, and we’re gonna need your help to raise this little guy. ”
“We can help.” Portia sits up straight. “I wanna help. I wanna feed him and play with him.”
“Me too.” Harley’s voice is much softer, but she sits up the same way her sister is. “I want to hold him.”
“Me too. Me too.” Portia shoots her hand into the air. “I wanna hold him.”
“You’ll both get to.” Nylah grins. “But you’ll have to take turns. We can’t have you fighting over your brother. He’s not a toy you can rip apart.”
Portia lets out a guilty giggle while Harley curls into my chest again.
“There’s enough love for everyone. It’s not a competition.
” Nylah moves off her chair so she can kneel in front of them.
Taking one hand each, she looks between our daughters.
“Nothing you two do has to be a competition. Look at Cole and Logan. They’re besties.
They don’t bicker and fight all the time.
They do stuff together. And I know that you two are opposites and it’s hard to understand each other sometimes.
Your brains work differently, and you don’t get why the other person acts the way they do or says the things they say. ”
I glance down in time to see both girls are a little confused by what Nylah’s trying to say.
They’re only four, I guess.
“But it’s something you have to learn to do.
You have to give each other space to be yourselves.
It’s okay to be different, but it’s not okay to make the other person feel bad about it.
” She closes her eyes. “And you have to share your stuff. Unless it’s been specifically given to you, it belongs to you both. ”
“Just like your little brother,” I say. “He belongs to both of you, and you can’t fight over him.”
“And no one’s allowed to go running away again either.” Nylah brushes her hand over Harley’s head. “Daddy and I need you to be our helpers. We don’t have time and space for unnecessary drama.”
“What does uncecesary mean?” Portia’s voice is so cute, my heart feels like it’s folding in half.
Nylah’s lips twitch with amusement as she softly explains, “It means not needed. You two love each other, and you have to remember that when you’re feeling confused by what the other person says or does, that’s okay. But you still love them anyway. Love covers all.”
“What?” Harley rubs her eyes. “What does that mean?”
“It means that love is like a superpower, and if you use it properly, it can forgive anything and heal anything.”
Holy shit, I love this woman.
She is a walking testament to that. I owe her so fucking much. She found me, loved me, saved my fucking soul.
And now she’s teaching our girls to be just like her.
It makes me want to keep them close and protect them from every asshole who might try and damage them.
I hurt Nylah back when we were first in love. I hurt her in a bid to protect her, and I nearly lost her for good. But she was strong enough to love me through it all.
And your girls will be too.
“Did love find Harley today?” Portia asks before looking at her sister. “Because I was wishing for that so super hard.”
I lean back so I can see the shy smile curling Harley’s lips.
“Yes,” Nylah whispers, her voice watery. “Really big love found Harley today.”
“Good.” Portia leans forward, pulling her sister into a tight squeeze, and all I can do is look over the tops of their heads and smile at my wife.
“I love you,” she mouths, and shit, my throat’s going all thick and gummy.
I nod, blowing her a soft kiss and pouring every ounce of affection I can into my smile.
I’m not always great at showing her just how much she means to me, but I’m desperate for her to see it now.
And as her smile softens to something mushy and even sweeter than it was before, I have to believe she can.