Chapter 12
Ash
Thank God Jim owned the private jet company that housed dozens of charter jets, turning what would’ve been a two-day flight into one. I wasn’t one to cash in on all the luxuries that being married to a billionaire offered, but when it came to traveling, I was more than willing to take advantage.
“Okay, so,” Jake said, grinning from ear to ear, “where’s our sex shack, baby?”
I looked over at Elena, knowing this would be the hardest part of this trip.
In fact, I was dreading it, but I was going with the flow.
The holistic and wellness approach for all of us to detox the stress of our lives would improve this experience.
It was part of the wellness and intimacy therapy retreat, and it had been far too long since I’d grounded my energy.
Jake was never really into this type of thing, but I knew he would love it.
After this first part was over, of course.
“That look?” Jake frowned, studying my face as we stood in the entryway of the retreat. “What the hell is that look?”
“Ladies and Gentlemen, husbands and wives,” a man announced, wearing a vibrant, multi-colored scarf around his waist—wearing only that.
Jake and Collin snapped around, and their eyes widened like they’d just witnessed a murder.
“Careful, my man. One gust of wind and your fancy scarf will be long gone. Then I’m really going to need sex therapy,” Collin said, prompting the man to smirk as if he couldn’t wait to get the sessions started.
“You will be wearing one as well,” the man said. “I am Gustoff Lauyanance,” he started, speaking to all the couples waiting for instructions on where to put our luggage.
“If I’m wearing nothing but that scarf, angel,” Jake eyed me with a flirty look that I hadn’t seen on his face in forever, “you’re not going to be able to get me off of—”
“If I may have order and silence, please,” the man interrupted Jake screwing around.
“Ladies,” he held out his hand toward where staff waited with silk cloths folded neatly in their arms, “please join Hammond and her team. You will be taken and instructed for your coaching sessions, which will begin as soon as you are changed.”
“I’ll see you tonight,” I said with a smile to Jake. I kissed his cheek and prayed the man would cooperate and follow his yoga and meditation instructors.
“Yes, yes,” Gustoff said with a bright smile.
“I nearly forgot. Please kiss and say your farewells to your spouses and partners,” he offered with a nod.
“Once everyone is detoxed, cleansed, and, of course, educated, you will rejoin your loved one and begin practicing your newly enlightened and awakened routine of love and passion.”
“What the hell?” Jake and Collin said in unison while I thought it in my head.
“Gustoff,” Collin started before Jake could, “I do hope your cute little session lasts no longer than a couple of hours because I’ve got plans to practice my enlightened, passionate moves on my wife.”
“This, friends, is why the detoxification process usually takes longer with the male subjects,” Gustoff stated. “Ego death is very hard to achieve with our masculine friends. Though not impossible, it does take time.”
“Ego death?” Jake said, looking at me as if I knew what that meant. “What the fuck is he talking about?”
“You will learn,” Gustoff said to Collin and Jake, who seemed to be the only males in the room who couldn’t remain silent long enough for us to get our instructions. “You will also learn that using curse words to frame a question for your partner is forbidden here on the island.”
“Forbidden? Where the hell are we even at?” Collin said, looking at Jake, then back to Gustoff. “I framed that question for my best buddy here, not my wife. So, look at me; ego death is already happening.”
Unsurprisingly, Gustoff seemed to be losing his patience with the two men.
Laney and I could only cover our mouths to hide our smiles at what Spencer, Jim, Sebastian, and Alex had arranged.
Sure, they had sent us on a love retreat, but for Jake and Collin, it was like trying to get two hyper kindergartners to meditate.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Jim had cameras everywhere to watch the guys’ meltdown in real time.
Honestly, I was a total yogi who tried to meditate every day, but even this seemed like it might be an extreme version of what I thought was normal.
And what I thought was normal was equivalent to being a full-blown hippie to everyone else I knew, so I couldn’t imagine how this was going to go for the guys.
“It’s easy to see you are not fully aware of how our intimacy sessions work here,” Gustoff said.
“All I saw was the hut I would be staying in with my wife,” Jake said.
“We refer to those as our overwater bungalows,” Gustoff corrected Jake. “Your wives will be staying there while going through their meditations and personal masturbations.”
“Excuse me, what?” Collin said. “What is happening?”
“I truly hope we can achieve ego death with you both,” Gustoff said, eyeing them skeptically. “If not, you will not rejoin your wives in your designated bungalows.”
“Understood,” Jake grimly answered. “How long, sir, does it take for, let’s say,” he pointed at a man in a business suit, staring at him with irritation, “a normal guy like him, who doesn’t curse or even speak up, to achieve ego death?”
“Five to seven days,” Gustoff answered, prompting Jake and Collin to shut their mouths and follow Gustoff’s lead. “For you and your friend, I’m concerned. It’s not impossible, but much detoxification must be done.”
“Jesus God. They’re turning us into monks for a fucking week? I will murder my brother when we get home,” Jake said to Collin.
“You have much to heal, young man. You speak of murder and frame it as a joke, mocking spiritual people. You have no shame.”
Jake’s jaw clenched tightly, and it took all my strength not to burst out laughing.
I felt Jake’s pain because this seemed ridiculous, especially for a nonbeliever who thought he had nothing to gain.
I knew those boys well enough to know it was taking every thread of energy they possessed not to unleash on Gustoff.
“I gotta be honest here, Gus,” Jake said. “I’m just a little pissed the fuck off at this very moment. I thought this was a sex retreat, not a goddamn situation where I’m being judged for saying things my drug-addict mother taught me.”
“That is interesting. We will discuss the culprit for your anger issues in one of your therapy sessions tomorrow,” Gustoff said. “Ladies, join Hammond, would you please? Gentlemen, follow me.”
That’s all that was said before Jake and Collin were led away with the other men. Jake didn’t even look back at me to say goodbye, which was a relief because I wouldn’t have been able to hold in my laughter if he had.
“I can’t even imagine the shit Jake and Collin will give that group,” Laney said with a laugh.
“You know I’m all about this stuff, but I think we’re at extreme levels here,” I whispered.
“No shit. That’s why I wish I could be a fly on the wall with whatever the men will be going through.”
“I have a feeling Jim had to have set this all up to be like this?”
“I wouldn’t doubt it,” Laney said. “I imagine everyone who had a hand in sending us here helped create this environment.”
“Well, hopefully, we’ll smash through this ego death thing quick and be lounging in our bungalows when the men return, detoxed and refreshed.”
“Knowing Jake and Collin, they’ll probably just sneak over to us at night for a quickie without getting caught,” Laney said a little too loudly.
“The men are being shuttled further inland. They will be miles away from the bungalows,” Hammond said in a soft and soothing voice. “There is no way they will be able to escape the destination where they are being taken.”
I laughed out loud. “My husband will find a way, especially since you just used the word escape,” I said in complete disbelief at where we’d all ended up. “We shall see.”
“That we shall,” Hammond said with a smile. “Now, allow me to bring all of you into our first session room, where we have raw vegetables and fish to eat to begin your detoxification process.”
If this didn’t bring Jake and me closer together intimacy-wise, it would surely expedite the divorce process.