Chapter 31
Jake
“So, what’s the backup plan?” I looked back at my brother, who sat huddled with Mark and Spence in the lopsided sled, trying to stay warm.
“You’re honestly asking me that question?” Jim asked through gritted teeth.
“Yeah. You always have something in the back of your head to bail us out of any silly situation I might get us into.”
“Silly?” Spencer grumbled. “You see this as silly?”
“Yeah, we’re in a pretty fucked-up predicament right now,” Collin acknowledged with a cringe.
“And Jim always pulls through with shit like this. There’s no way you don’t have a fucking backup phone on you.”
“Guess again, fucker,” Jim said. “No, I don’t, or else I would’ve used it an hour ago to bail your delightful and full-of-Christmas-spirit ass out of this situation.”
“I would’ve insisted Jake stays here while we warm up in the Asters’ steam room,” Mark said.
Now, I’d done it. I’d officially let down my once proud father-in-law.
Well, shit.
“We need to conjure an idea,” Spencer said.
“I imagine the ladies will send someone to find us,” Mark said. “Ash tends to worry more than Carmen, so I know she’s got to be concerned now that the sun is setting.”
“You’d think,” Jim said. “However, don’t forget the two nutcrackers who have created this entire festive week for everyone to marvel at.
The ladies aren’t worried at all. They know that Jake and Collin have been catering to them, making all their Christmas dreams come true while putting us through hell. ”
“No shit,” I admitted. “They probably think we’re keeping you out here purposefully.”
“Since you created this madness, and Jimbo doesn’t have your bailout backup plan,” Spencer snapped, “what the fuck do you plan on doing to get us out of this situation?”
“Well,” Collin said, eyeing me in a way to remind me that we never gave up and never surrendered, “we reach down, grab our balls, strap on the snowshoes, and lead the reindeer out of here in the direction we came.”
“Brilliant!” I cheered, then looked at Jim. “You see, we don’t just save lives through surgery; we save lives by thinking.”
“Thinking?” Jim answered. “It would’ve been nice if that was something you were doing before we rode a damn sleigh who knows how many miles into a forest.”
“Yeah, well, I’m thinking now, and that’s what’s saving lives. So, while I’m thinking,” I said, scrambling out of this situation I’d fucked us into, “let’s get a move on it before we get any colder and before it gets any darker.”
“Just so I’m clear,” Jim said, “in all your thinking, have you thought of how we’re supposed to see out here while we walk through a dark forest after the sun sets?”
“The light of the moon, of course,” Collin said cheerfully and back in action.
“You two aren’t the geniuses you believe yourselves to be. You know that, right? I have no clue how you two ended up at the top of your fields,” Spencer questioned with irritation.
“Keep your smug businessman insults to yourself, and let us brilliant, life-saving doctors save your asses, eh?” I answered, feeling confident we’d return in time for Christmas Eve.
Hopefully, we’d get there before our lovebugs went to bed, but at this point, the important part was making it back without frostbite.
“And what if Mark’s heart gives out?” Jim smarted off.
“Fat chance,” I said, looking at Mark. “I fixed that ticker so well that it probably works better than ours. Don’t let my brother put that nonsense in your head.”
“True that,” Collin said, eyeing Jim. “It’s you who should worry about heart failure after growing so comfortable accommodating Addy’s every McDonald’s whim.”
“Are we going to sit here all night while the sun races down the other side of that mountain, or are we going to get the hell out of here?” Mark questioned.
“Hey, Dad,” John said. “Do you think we can ride the reindeer?”
“Those guys aren’t made for that, buddy,” I said. “It would be nice if they were, though.”
“Another hole in your game revealed,” Jim said as we all began strapping on our snowshoes.
I wasn’t going down like this. I wasn’t going to crash and burn on my own game that was going so fucking well up until the sled cracked under pressure. No way in hell was that happening. So, I pressed forward and spun this into a tale that would make everyone believe this was the plan all along.
“That’s the best part,” I said while we all went to work unharnessing the reindeer from the sleigh. “This was all part of the plan.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Spencer said. “Try again, Jakey.”
“I’m serious. We shook all of you up, thinking we were stuck out here.
The ladies will soon be saddened that we haven’t returned in time for Christmas, and while they think they’re going to have a Blue Christmas…
” I sang as Collin looked over at me and grinned, “that’s when everyone will see us walking up that snow-plowed driveway, singing I’ll be Home for Christmas. ”
Jim stared blankly at both me and Collin and sighed, “Do you even realize how fucking cheesy all of this is?”
“Cheesy, as in the most ridiculous bullshit you’ve ever been through?” I cockily returned, guiding my deer by the reins and helping John with his as we all began walking the way we came.
“Yes. I may never sing another Christmas song again because of how stupid this has been,” Jim said.
“There’s our Grinch,” Mark chuckled. I loved this man for not getting pissy about this bullshit when he had every right to.
“Uncle Jim, you know Dad is just a big goofball,” John said, trying to ease Jim out of his cranky mood.
“This is true,” Jim smiled down at my son. “Let me ask you something, John?”
“Sure,” my son answered, unfazed by what we were going through.
“Are you having a good time? A Merry Christmas?”
I watched the amused expressions of Spencer and Mark, looking at John for his answer.
“I am. All I usually ever think about at Christmas time is getting presents, but this whole week, I haven’t even thought about them.”
“Well,” I said, my eyes widening in humor, “if anything makes all this worth it, it’s that statement.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t want any presents, Dad,” John insisted.
“Then what does it mean?” I questioned.
“It means this week has been so much fun. Even doing this,” he reached up to hold his grandpa’s hand, “I’ll never forget this as long as I live.”
“That’s a lot of years you’ll be thanking your dad for nearly killing all of us,” Spencer said with a laugh. “You’ll definitely never forget it if your toes freeze off.”
“Mom made sure I wore thick socks, and I’ve got a bunch of layers under my winter coat. I’m actually sweating a little bit,” John giggled like an eight-year-old, dropping his usual forty-year-old demeanor. “Seriously, Dad. This is so much fun. Everything has been.”
“Does it make up for me missing your band recital at Thanksgiving?” I asked.
John rolled his eyes. “I was never upset about that; that was Mom.”
“That’s good to know, but it makes me sad that your mother was upset,” I answered truthfully.
“I think she’s better now,” John grinned at me.
“I’m glad this has given you good memories,” Jim said before smiling at me with approval.
From the look in Jim’s eye and the change in his demeanor, I could tell things had become clear to him.
Jim and I were raised in a wealthy family, but our family had detrimental problems and gave us issues that nearly cost us our happiness.
Our mother was a drug abuser and alcoholic who was never present even on Christmas, and our father was a broken-hearted man who spent his days buried in work to escape the harsh reality of feeling unlovable.
My father had amassed a fortune but sacrificed all his relationships to get it, leaving himself isolated and unhappy.
Somewhere down the road, Jim and I started to see life differently. I’d like to say it was before we met our wives, but it was after nearly losing them that we worked to keep our heads out of our assess and appreciate everything in life that we were blessed with that money could not buy.
I was relieved my son didn’t rely on our wealth to make him happy. I loved that, at this age, he was experiencing that true happiness came from being around those you loved—even if it meant walking down some isolated path in the middle of the forest.
This was what it was all about, being together, doing stupid shit, and having fun. The most important thing was that we were together, and the only thing that came close to making me as happy as that was knowing that we would be home for Christmas.