Chapter 33
Jake
Five minutes before pulling up to the chalet…
Thank God Mrs. Gersbach went along with our little white lie and informed Ash that we were all fine and good. We didn’t want to lie to our wives on Christmas Eve—of all the nights—but we also didn’t want them to know we’d nearly screwed up the whole thing either.
Ultimately, it was determined that the women were enjoying the festivities far too much for us to ruin it with a tiny little mess-up, most notably, not behaving like the responsible adults we were supposed to be and bringing our phones.
Ah, who am I kidding? We voted unanimously not to tell the women because we’d fucked up massively, and no one wanted to get drilled for it. We’d banded together to save our egos, especially because the ladies had saved our asses by calling the tree farm to see if we were okay.
“All right, everyone knows where we go from here?” I said, turning around from the front seat and eyeing the rest of the pathetic pack of wannabe alpha males sitting in the back two rows in this van.
“You think singing some Christmas carols will distract them from the fact that we hired a crew to decorate a tree we purchased?” Jim asked, arching an eyebrow at me.
“I’m beginning to think you’re only going along with this idea because you want to watch me and Collin finally fuck it up,” I said.
Jim smirked as he eyed Spencer, sitting next to him in the back row, then returned his relaxed expression to me.
“That’s exactly why I’m going along with it and have offered zero advice about how to ensure the women don’t find out that your festive sleigh ride into the middle of the Alps didn’t end in disaster,” he chuckled.
“Zero advice, eh?” Collin quipped. “What do you call your statement when we hired people to help us decorate the stupid tree?”
“Right,” I answered. “I think you said that if we allow the women to believe we hired these people, they won’t ask questions because it showed we were doting on them and the kids.”
“They’re not wrong,” Spencer said to Jim. “You’re the one who added to this nonsensical scheme to save your ass, too.”
“What can I say?” Jim smirked. “I’m in the mood for bourbon with a splash of eggnog and watching my three best ladies enjoy their Christmas Eve. I’d hate for them to waste it watching me kick my brother’s ass.”
“All of you can say what you will, but this plan is doomed,” Mark said. “Carmen will see right through our scheme, and we will end up looking like cowardly fools for not showing gratitude to the women for saving our behinds,” he said with a laugh while ruffling the top of John’s head.
“Do you think Grandma Carm will find out?” John cringed.
“Not if your dad and uncles are convincing enough,” Mark looked out the window as the van pulled into the driveway. “Singing Blue Christmas might help us, though,” he smiled at me. “That sassy vixen loves Elvis Presley.”
I grinned and rubbed my hands together, “Then, the plan is to stay the course and give these beautiful wives and children of ours the best Christmas Eve ever.”
“Santa might not come if we lie to the people we love on Christmas Eve,” Jim taunted.
I eyed my son, who stopped believing in Santa years ago because the idea of a man traversing the world in one night didn’t make sense to his logical brain. “Nice try, Uncle Jim,” I said. “John’s too old for those silly threats.”
“Uncle Jim is right, Dad,” John said. “If mom finds out you’re lying to her to save your butt, I’m pretty sure it’s really going to be a Blue Christmas.”
“You listen to Uncle Jimmy too much, John,” I said. “He lives his life playing defense with paranoia, but your dad and Uncle Collin don’t think like that.”
“Well, we’re about to see if Uncle Jimmy is right or wrong because we’ve all decided to keep the truth from the ladies tonight, and they’re walking out of the house to greet us. Let’s hope this Christmas Carol nonsense saves Christmas,” Spencer said.
We stepped out of the van, and Collin and I instantly busted out in song while the people we hired to bring in the tree and set it up in the grand living room bustled around. From the looks of them, we even amplified their moods and Christmas Spirit with all our festiveness and singing.
I had no idea what they truly thought of us weirdos, but I’m sure we were making a statement.
“Jake,” Ash said with a smile before focusing on John. “Hi, sweetheart. Look at you,” she said, hugging our son, making me instantly feel guilty for having him lie to his mother. “Did you have fun?”
“I did,” John answered.
“And what’s the meaning behind you singing Blue Christmas?” Nat questioned.
Her calculating expression threw me off a bit, but Nat was never a match for me and my wit when it came to things like this.
“Simple,” I smiled cheerfully at her while Ash went with John to see our Christmas tree.
“The fact that you ladies had to call the Christmas Tree Farm to check on us showed us that you were lonely and having a Blue Christmas without us. It played perfectly into the reasons why we were running late.”
“Which are?” Carmen questioned. Now I really was off step because I didn’t want to lie to her and have her delicious tamales taken away from me for the upcoming year.
“Huh?” I questioned, my moral compass beginning to spin out of control.
“Why are you late, Jacob?” she asked. “You just said there were reasons.”
I blinked, totally frozen by the thought of tamale deprivation of all things.
“The reasons are what he just told you,” Mark said, coming to my defense, “because we wanted to be able to sing your favorite Christmas song.”
Carmen eyed Mark as if searching his soul for the truth, and something told me that the women were onto us.
“Is that so?” she offered. “Well, I can’t say I’m upset about that part, but I am upset that you’re late.”
“We plan to make up for that, but let’s get into the house because I’m freezing my ass off,” Collin said, running interference because he’d also noticed that our ship might be sunk already.
“Question,” Avery said, turning to Jim where they sat. “What happened to all of us decorating the tree together?”
We’d only been in the house for twenty minutes, warming up in the large living room and listening to Christmas music, which was beefing up the Christmas vibe so much so that, fifteen minutes ago, I thought we were off the hook.
Naturally, I should’ve known better. This was another hurdle we would have to jump, but we were prepared for it.
The only question now was whether Jim could hold his own against his wife. I looked at him, seeing his expression grow somber, and I knew my brother was going to stay the course.
“Ask Jake or Collin. That part was their idea,” he deflected immediately.
“So?” Avery eyed me.
The thing about lying to cover up being a jackass was that you had to stack one lie on top of another lie.
Gone were the days when I was polished and actively practicing this art form.
Since I’d become a happily married man, settling down and keeping no secrets from my beloved, I’d had no need for such skills.
I had to dig deep into my old ways to keep up this facade and then pray the women got drunk on eggnog so the interrogation would end.
“The truth is,” I looked at Jim and then at Spencer. Everyone but the kids, who were helping the staff decorate the tree, was quietly waiting for me to speak. “Forget it. I hate to say it because I don’t want to ruin Christmas.”
“Go ahead, baby,” my wife offered with a mischievous grin. “I’m sure there’s no way you could ruin Christmas after everything you guys have done to make it the perfect holiday.”
“I’ll say it,” Collin said. “Jim and Spence were bitching that they would have to decorate a Christmas tree after their prissy little fingernails got dirty while cutting down the tree we searched far and wide to find.”
“Exactly,” I said, mildly thrown off because I could tell my wife saw through my bullshit, “and so, as a peace offering and a Christmas Eve gift, we decided to let them off the hook.”
“Jim was going on and on, and Spencer was whining just the same,” Collin continued. “And Jake and I said it was a sorry way to take away from all of the Christmas cheer we’d created for everyone, but we told them we’d let Jim hire tree decorators so—”
“So, I could spend the evening with my beautiful wife and daughters,” Jim interrupted Collin.
“You’re the best man ever,” Avery said, caressing Jim’s face and kissing his lips. “Thank you for thinking about us like that.”
Collin and I eyed each other, watching Jim get off the hook without trying. For some reason, Laney and Ash’s reproachful stares told me we wouldn’t be so lucky.
“I still don’t understand why we needed to hire anyone to decorate the Christmas tree?” Nat pressed. “It would’ve been fine without the additional decorations, and we already have decorated trees in every room of this house, including the kitchen.”
“On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…” Collin busted into song.
“A partridge in a pear tree,” I added.
“Nice soprano, buddy,” Collin said, raising his glass in the hope that his sudden outburst of song would derail the questioning women.
I raised my glass in response. “Thanks, man. I learned from the best, you.”
“All right, I’m completely done with the Christmas singing of it all,” Ash said in annoyance. “If one of you doesn’t tell us the truth about what happened tonight, all of you will be singing about your Blue Christmas in another place.”
“Ash, it’s all part of the—”
“Oh, no, it isn’t,” Laney gave herself away with a giggle. “Tell us what happened and who broke the sleigh,” she looked at Collin.
“Not me,” he held both hands up. “It was John,” he pointed at my innocent son hanging ornaments with the other children.
“John?” Jim said with a laugh.
“You’re blaming John because you and Jakey thought bringing a sleigh over unpacked snow would be a good idea, causing its runner to break?” Spencer added.