Chapter 24
TWENTY-FOUR
Jim
I had no idea what the hell had gotten into me, trying to teach my wife a lesson about her silly little prank. I wasn’t even upset about it. Hell, I thought it was clever—cute, even—that she’d gotten me back the way she had.
Now, pretending I was pissed off about it had made the whole damn thing backfire on my ass, and I was the one getting the silent treatment.
“Dr. Mitchell just finished his last surgery of the day,” Jake’s receptionist said. “He should be checking in here after his rounds in about ten minutes.”
“I’ll wait in his office,” I told her, because apparently, I now needed the professional consultation of my prankster of a brother.
“Absolutely, Mr. Mitchell.” She pressed the button to buzz me into the private offices. I didn’t care how tired Jake was—he was going to help me figure out how to unfuck this mess.
I rolled my eyes as soon as I approached his office.
Jake’s doorway was flanked by two massive candy canes, framing it like a deranged Christmas arch. Two doors down, Jace’s office had life-size snowmen standing guard.
“What the hell are you guys trying to prove with all this Christmas paraphernalia?” I asked Jace Stone, who was heading toward me from the opposite end of the hall.
“I still haven’t figured out this year’s prank,” Jace said with a chuckle. “Collin set it up with a note that said, ‘May all your Christmases be white…’”
I slid my hands into my pockets and shook my head. “No doubt some sexual innuendo with that man. You all act like you’re in some kind of relationship.” I jerked my chin toward Jake’s door. “Let me guess, the candy canes mean something equally disturbing?”
“Well, Jake’s note said, ‘Peppermint cheeks when the entrance creaks.’”
“Dear God.” I sighed. “Is this what goes on every Christmas when I’m not here? None of that even makes sense.”
“Sure, it does, big guy,” Jake’s voice came from behind me. He was smirking as usual. “And you know? I never imagined my shit smelling like peppermint until I tried—”
“Save that disgusting shit for your night shifts,” I cut in before he could finish. “Spare me the visual of whatever you and Ash get up to.”
Jake gave a mock gasp. “Someone’s testy today. Could it be killing you that you can’t pretend to stay mad at Avery for more than a couple of days?”
“It’s been a damn week,” I said flatly. “We’re not on speaking terms, and she won’t so much as look at me.”
I exhaled, long and heavy, and they both exchanged that knowing smirk.
“Step into my office,” Jake said. “Fair warning—I’m no psychologist, but I’ll help however I can.”
“Good to see you, Jim,” Jace said before disappearing into his own office, leaving me to follow Jake inside.
I dropped into the chair across from his desk. “How was your surgery?”
Jake hung up his lab coat, slid into his suit jacket, and leaned against the edge of the desk. “Let’s just say the open-heart patient I operated on is looking a hell of a lot livelier than you are right now.”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “It was a bad idea, making Avery think I was upset with her.”
“I told your smart ass you don’t know how to prank worth a damn,” Jake said, half-amused, half-pitying. “Dangerous territory, pulling that crap on a woman.”
“I didn’t think it would turn into this.”
“Why wouldn’t it?” Jake chuckled. “You blamed your wife for something other people did to roast your ass. Of course, she’s going to make you pay for it.”
“So, what now?”
Jake looked me over. “God, man, you look pathetic. Focus on your party and let Avery come crawling back.”
“Would you do that with Ash?”
“No,” he said easily, “because I’d never blame my wife for jack shit, even if she had a hand in roasting me.”
I pointed toward the candy canes outside his door. “Obviously. Since you apparently enjoy shoving those up your ass to mask the smell of your shit, I’m sure you’d love getting roasted.”
“Now you’re just being a dick,” he shot back. “Hey, maybe that’ll end the fight. Have Avery shove a candy cane up your ass, and—”
“Fucking hell, man,” came Collin’s voice as he walked into the office. “Jesus, what did I just walk into? Jake’s therapy session about candy canes and ass play?”
“Isn’t that why you put them outside my door, dipshit?” Jake asked.
“God, no, you disgusting bastard,” Collin said, grinning. “Peppermint cheeks represent rosy, red cheeks on Ash’s face. I just added creaks because it rhymed. I’m off my game this year, but it seems we all know where your mind’s been, Mitchell.”
I couldn’t stop the smirk when Jake frowned.
“You didn’t actually shove a candy cane up your ass, did you?” Collin asked, laughing.
Jake ignored him. “Can we get back to Jim’s crisis? The man’s unraveling.”
“Right, right,” Collin said, turning to me. “Laney says Avery’s pretty fucking done with you. What the hell did you do to make it escalate this bad?”
“I stuck to my damn guns,” I admitted. “Thought if I held firm, she’d stop pranking me, and we’d get through our parties. Now I can’t seem to unfuck any of it.”
“You still letting the media run with the story?” Jake asked.
“My PR team killed it yesterday morning,” I said. “But if Avery doesn’t start talking to me soon—”
“Oh, quit acting like a little bitch,” Collin interrupted.
“So, you’d be fine if Laney iced you out for a week?” I shot back.
“God, no,” he said, laughing. “But I’m not stupid enough to start a fake fight with her and then double down.”
I exhaled hard. “Yeah. Jake said the same thing.”
Collin leaned on Jake’s desk. “So, what’s the plan, genius? Grovel? Flowers? Candy canes?”
Jake cut in. “I already suggested that maybe Avery should shove one up his ass. Might realign his priorities.”
“Can we please stop talking about shoving things up asses?” I snapped.
Jake laughed. “Fair enough. But you’re headed for the nuthouse if we don’t fix this.”
He grabbed his keys. “Here’s the plan: instead of meeting for drinks like normal people, we crash wherever the women are hiding out tonight.”
“They’re at the Malibu house,” I said reluctantly. “Avery insisted. She took the girls and said they were staying there.”
Collin tried to hold back a laugh and failed. “Already sleeping in separate houses? Shit went sideways fast, huh?”
Jake clapped me on the shoulder. “The song ‘I’ll Be Home for Christmas’ is about to hit a little too close to home for you, big guy.”
I groaned, rubbing my forehead. “And what if she doesn’t talk to me when we show up?”
Jake gave me a look. “What are you, in fifth grade? Grab what’s left of your balls. We’re bringing food and booze, and we’re crashing the girls’ beach-house night.”
“I don’t know,” I muttered.
“Or,” Collin said with a sly grin, “we have a bachelor night at your place. Poker, cigars… maybe invite a few people who still like you.”
Jake crossed his arms. “Your call. Enjoy the night off or own up to being a dumbass who can’t prank worth shit.”
“Maybe a little distance will help,” I said finally. “I’ll have the staff set everything up. Tell the guys we’re at my place tonight.”
“Unlike some of you,” Collin said, heading for the door, phone in hand as he started writing a text, “I need to clear it with my wife. Because, you know, we still talk.”
I let out another long sigh. “How the hell did it come to this?”
“Good call,” Jake said, already halfway out the door, eyes on his phone as he messaged Ash for permission to hang out with his own brother. “You blamed your wife for something she didn’t do and stayed fake mad about it. That’s usually the quickest way to earn silence,” he said, hitting send.
“I can’t believe I’m actually hearing Jim say that he and Avery need some distance,” Collin laughed as his phone chimed. He glanced at it and slid it back into his pocket. “Laney says I get to have a sleepover with the Grinch.”
“Ash is cool with it, too,” Jake said, frowning at his phone when it buzzed back. “She answered a little too fast and without question…”
I watched his concerned expression, “You think she’s pissed at you for starting something that got me and Avery into this position?”
“No, dipshit,” he laughed and shook his head. “Why the hell would she be pissed at me? She doesn’t deflect shit and emotionally manipulate like your sorry, soon-to-be bachelor on Christmas ass does.”
“You did start this shit. You and Spence,” I said, feeling frustrated with everyone and everything.
I missed my damn wife.
“You,” Jake hung onto the word, “started this shit by acting like a little bitch. We’ve already gone over this.”
“Come to think of it,” Collin pulled his phone out again, “Laney also answered a little too quickly.” He glanced around the room as if we were suddenly in a horror story.
“And she’s stuck with the kids,” he seemed to glance up at the ceiling for answers.
“It’s not like Laney to allow me to play all night while she’s stuck with the kids. ”
“That’s how pissed Avery is at Jim,” Jake said, seemingly answering Collin’s concern.
“Why would your wives allow you both to go play because mine is pissed off at me?” I asked.
“Simple,” Collin said, arching an eyebrow at me. “They’re likely backing Avery. The women stick together like this,” he ran a hand dramatically through his hair, “and it’s as if they’re allowing us to babysit you, so Avery can have some much-needed time away from your grumpy ass.”
“That makes sense,” I finally said. “Damn, I really fucked it up by playing these stupid games with her.”
“Quit being a codependent little hoe,” Jake said. “You both fucked this up.”
“He’s not wrong,” Collin added. “The fact that you both were even in a party planning war to begin with? Who does shit like that?”
“Avery and I,” I said, smiling at how cute it all was before it got blown out of proportion.
“Well, now you know, emotions are already too fragile during the holidays, so that’s probably not the best time to enter into a damn family war,” Jake said. “All right, Chinese is calling my name. Let’s get out of here and go act like bachelors before Jim truly becomes one by Christmas Eve.”