Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
Avery
The Sanctuary on the Bluffs looked like Christmas had booked itself a luxury wellness retreat.
White poinsettias lined the glass stairway like obedient elves, garlands shimmered along the balcony rails, and peppermint candles flickered against panoramic windows that framed the Pacific in cinematic glory.
Even the ocean breeze smelled like expensive eucalyptus, cinnamon, and self-improvement.
“Well, what do you think?” Ash asked, clutching Jake’s hand as we walked in.
“I think this was the perfect idea to get away from all the bullshit of the last couple of weeks,” I said.
Laney peered around from Collin’s side. “It’s going to be the perfect reset to get you both through the rest of the holidays.”
“I talked to Cat this morning,” I added. “She said everything’s ahead of schedule, and I’m going to be blown away when I see the set on Monday.”
“Since you and Jim are finally back to normal again, did you actually break down and let him in on your little prank with the Scrooge set?” Ash asked with a grin.
“I hope to hell you didn’t,” Jake responded instantly, dragging his attention away from Collin and fixing it on me like I’d just confessed to tax evasion.
“I didn’t,” I said, laughing. “But considering that the last innocent prank landed us at this couples yoga session for emotional realignment…maybe I should’ve.”
“Nonsense,” Collin said. “The only reason that shit went sideways was because Jimmy can’t prank worth a damn.”
“Yeah,” Jake added. “Everyone knows you don’t stage a fight with your wife. He ignored the rulebook.”
“Well, I’m just glad it’s over.” I scanned the serene lobby. “He’s still not here yet. He said he had to visit a nearby site with Titus first.”
“So, the guy is already screwing up couples yoga?” Collin shook his head.
Jake smirked, “Thank God this thing starts with couples therapy before we start balancing together.”
My eyes widened. “Therapy?”
“Couples counseling,” Ash said brightly. “You start by clearing the toxic thoughts that poison your connection. Then you move into balancing poses, where you’re training your bodies to work together like your hearts and words do.”
“Full union,” Collin said, sounding way too enlightened. “I like this shit already.”
“Oh, God. Full union?” I repeated. “As in sex?”
Laney laughed. “Sounds like someone didn’t get enough of that makeup sex with her man last night.”
“Not sex,” Ash said. “It’s more like teaching your body and mind to dance again.”
“Sounds like you and Jake do this all the time,” I said, completely unsurprised.
“Sex is amazing afterward,” Jake said. “Trust me.”
“It’s the only reason Laney and I are here,” Collin added. “But trying to trust your ass during the holidays is pretty much how people wind up trending on social media these days, so there’s that.”
“Okay,” Ash said. “Men through those doors, and ladies are in the saunas over here,” she smiled at me. “Saunas and massages to loosen everything up and prepare for the session.”
“Ash, it’s a good thing we love you and all of your hippie ways,” I said, seeing her eyes transform into some form of meditational excitement.
After massages and saunas—both long overdue and very much deserved—we met the guys out on a breezy bamboo balcony. All of us were in matching white robes, looking like cult initiates waiting for enlightenment or some shit.
Jim had finally arrived, freshly shaven and smelling like confidence and sandalwood. “You smell so good,” I leaned into him. “I’ve missed you.”
“It must be the steam-room bergamot scent that those two idiots cranked up,” he said, kissing my nose. “And I missed you more. Sorry that I was late.”
“The word sorry is the first mistake in all marriages,” a woman announced as she appeared from nowhere, wrapped in chiffon and purpose with black hair pulled into a bun tight enough to give me a headache.
“Forgive me for listening in,” she smiled serenely, “but every couple that has entered my sessions discovers that sorry is the seed of failure.”
“Huh?” I blinked, trying to process what she said. “And how is that?”
“Ah.” She smiled wider. “You’ve already said it. Words without awareness.”
Jim arched a brow. “And you are?” he asked the woman.
“I am Sage Luminara,” she said, settling gracefully onto her heels. “I am the vessel to be used for your union and restoration today.”
I glanced at Ash and Jake—Jake clearly only thinking about the great sex he’d get after this, Ash fully invested in the experience (God bless her), and Collin watching Jake like he was silently warning him that the sex had better be worth it.
Jim, as usual, had no expression, and I was just wondering what the hell was coming next.
The lady waved a white fan as if she were banishing bad vibes. “May I have your names?” she looked at me and Jim.
“I’m Jim. This is my wife, Avery. I’m apparently the one responsible for our marriage’s demise because you overheard me saying I was sorry.”
“Ah. Projection and sarcasm,” she said, noting something invisible on her clipboard of judgment.
Then she turned to Jake and Collin. “You two radiate the same ignorance, but with weaker egos.”
“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or not,” Collin arched an eyebrow at the woman.
Jake ignored Collin, “I do still have some sarcasm since my last session with my wife, but I’ve changed since last month’s chakra cleanse.”
“Bullshit,” Collin mouthed to his best friend.
“Chakra cleanse?” I questioned whether Jake Mitchell would even consider doing something like that. There was no fucking way in hell.
“Just go with it,” Ash murmured, totally in character.
Luminara fanned herself once, eyes closed. “The air is heavy with masculine defensiveness. Let us begin to clear it.”
Jim muttered, “God help me.”
She looked right at him. “He cannot. You must embrace the humility of the ego first.”
I bit my lip to keep from laughing.
“Let’s talk about egos and their apologies,” Luminara said. “They are the cheapest form of obedience to your vows.”
“Well,” I said. “I was fine with my husband’s apology. He meant it.”
“No, my dear. A man’s ego prevents true remorse. It thrives on empty sound.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Jim muttered under his breath.
“Foul language vibrates at low frequency,” she warned, waving her fan toward him like she was swatting something dark in his soul.
Jake nodded gravely. “She’s right. Your aura just dimmed a smidge, pal.”
Collin inhaled loudly through his nose. “I will get you back for this,” Collin mouthed to Jake.
Laney and I were the only ones biting back smiles and laughter, and I still wasn’t sure who was in on this little joke.
Ash always did this type of shit, so I honestly believed she was just excited we were all joining her.
She was my best friend, and that’s why I was playing along, but Jake? There was no way he was all about this.
“Let’s do an exercise,” Luminara said. “Husbands, face your wives.”
We did, because at this point, resistance most likely meant another hour of this, and I was ready for a damn cocktail and food.
“Now, Jim,” she started, “apologize to Avery again.”
“I’m sorry I was late,” he said flatly.
“Please act as though you meant it,” she insisted.
He sighed, then gave me that half-smile that always undid me. “I’m sorry, gorgeous.”
“Pet names,” she said. “Deflection through endearment. A manipulative man cloaks guilt with charm.”
My lips twitched; Jim saw it and smirked harder.
“Yes,” he said smoothly. “Seems to work every time,” he played along, finishing with a wink.
“It’s complacency,” she gasped. “And that’s tragic.”
Jake raised a hand. “May I assist my brother in enlightenment?”
“No,” Jim answered with a roll of his eyes.
“Please do,” she said.
“Whenever I mess up,” Jake said solemnly, taking Ash’s hands, “I never say sorry.”
“Oh, yeah?” Jim said, eying his brother. “What do you say then, smart guy?”
“I simply ask forgiveness for failing my wife,” he looked at the teacher as if that just scored him some meditation points.
Ash smiled, perfectly on script. “And I forgive him,” she finished, smiling at all of us.
Jim stared over at them like they’d joined a cult. “You’ve all lost your minds.”
“I tell her,” Jake continued, “that it was never my intention to hurt her.”
Luminara nodded. “Beautiful. Humility wrapped in awareness.”
“The hell it is,” Jim muttered. “It’s just a rebranded sorry.”
“Your resistance is your wound,” she said softly.
“Or my common sense.”
Her nostrils flared, but she recovered in one deep, expensive breath. “We will meditate.”
She closed her eyes and began humming a sound somewhere between a chant and a bird call.
“Now, focus,” Luminara said, eyes still shut. “Feel the breath of forgiveness. Release your need to win against your spouses.”
“That’s literally how I make a living,” Jim replied.
I leaned toward Ash. “What the hell is happening now?”
“Cleansing,” she whispered. “Isn’t it magical?”
“Ash, I love you, but this is insane,” I said.
Laney cracked first, snorting into her sleeve. “If anyone wants cocktails by dusk, I suggest we play along.”
Jim exhaled sharply. “I’m about three more exhales away from checking myself out.”
Luminara opened her eyes like a startled cat. “Distraction and avoidance are the enemy of healing.”
“Then you definitely don’t want to hear what I’m thinking,” Jim said.
She ignored him, rising gracefully. “We will now move into balance work. The body speaks when the mouth won’t.”
Luminara then began handing out bamboo staffs for our union alignment.
Jake already had his staff hoisted like a lightsaber. “Ah, yes, indeed.”
“Yeah,” Jim said dryly. “This is definitely going to fix everything.”
When Luminara announced that true love required a perfectly mirrored warrior pose, I had one very clear, very certain thought: This shit was not going to end well.