Chapter 17
L ater that night, I’m walking under the apple trees.
It’s after nine, and I have been staying out of the apartment till past ten to make triple sure that Aiden is asleep before I go in.
I’m especially wary tonight after our fight about the hybrid apple this afternoon.
And I’m the one in the wrong. Completely wrong.
He asked me to keep it a secret, and I didn’t.
I knew the minute I tasted it that the Rosie Darling is a winner.
But Aiden never said he wanted the apple to be part of the festival.
And it’s his invention, not mine. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done.
I’m a total jerk.
I told myself a dozen times this afternoon to try to apologize again, but each time I peeked at him from behind the float, he looked more foreboding than he had the last time, a thunderous expression on his face. I finally abandoned the float and went back to the inn.
I wrap my hoodie more tightly around my shoulders. I’m still wearing the sweater and leggings I had on earlier, but now I’ve added mittens with llama faces on them. I came out here to have some quiet and to think. I used to do the same when I was in high school.
There’s nowhere more relaxing than under the apple trees on a crisp fall night.
The trees are especially pretty this evening with the twinkling lights that we added for the festival looping through the branches.
It’s like walking through the Milky Way.
I spin in a circle as leaves fall all around me.
It’s a moment that would be nearly perfect if I didn’t have so many worries on my mind.
I still haven’t told Mom and Dad about Geoff or my job. I keep telling myself that I’m waiting until I have a new job and a new place. As if those things will make the truth of what happened less awful. But I realize I’m just a coward.
And for more reasons than one.
Not only have I refused to tell my parents the truth about why I’m here, but I’ve also refused to tell Aiden the truth about how I feel about him.
And I’m clear about it now. I’m crushing on him.
Hard. I have been since I got here. But after our two kisses, I got scared.
Like really scared. I kept thinking about how things began with Geoff.
Friendly coworkers. An attraction. And then, bam, I’m living with him, getting dumped, and my ideas are stolen.
I won’t be able to take it if that ends up happening with Aiden.
I mean, I know he’s not going to steal my ideas, but the other part.
The getting-dumped part. The making-a-mistake part.
I’m not good at mistakes. I told Aiden I didn’t want to hurt him, but the truth is I don’t want him to hurt me. Which is why I’m a coward.
I’m about to take another step, when I hear a noise. My heart pounds.
What was that?
I freeze. A cold sweat breaks out on my back. I’m positive I just heard someone else nearby. It sounded like leaves crunching, and it stopped when I stopped. Which means whoever is there knows I’m here.
I hold my breath and listen. My heart is thumping so hard I can barely hear anything above it.
Maybe it’s just Miss Guin. I’ll never be happier to see that little tackle goat coming straight at me.
But if it’s Miss Guin, she would be bleating. She’s not subtle.
“Who’s there?” I force myself to say like I’m in a bad horror movie. It’s not like an ax murderer is going to provide his name and intentions.
I’m poised to start running back to the road when Aiden steps into the clearing.
My hand immediately shoots up to cover my heart. “You scared me,” I say, closing my eyes and breathing a deep sigh of relief.
“You scare me,” he says. The words come out funny and kind of jumbled.
“No, I meant you scared me just now. I didn’t know you were there,” I clarify.
“You scared me now too.”
I tilt my head and stare at him as he takes a few stumbly steps toward me. If I’m not mistaken, it seems one Mr. Aiden Parker, Apple Farmer Extraordinaire, is drunk!
I plant my llama-covered fists on my hips. “Did you come looking for me?”
“Yep.” He braces a hand against a nearby tree.
He’s wearing jeans and a gray-and-red Parker Orchard T-shirt tonight.
No sweatshirt. No gloves. His hair is mussed, and his eyes are ever-so-slightly red.
They are illuminated by the twinkling lights in the trees.
Even drunk, he’s hot. That seems unfair.
“How drunk are you?” I ask next, unable to hide my smile.
“Not enough,” he answers.
“Not enough for what?”
“Not enough to not follow you out here.”
Ooh, that’s an interesting answer. And we’re really getting somewhere. I like drunk Aiden. He’s willing to talk. “Why did you follow me?” I ask next.
“Because I can’t stop.” He crosses his arms over his chest and leans back against the tree.
I frown. “Can’t stop following me?”
“Can’t stop thinking about you.”
My breath catches. Did he just say that?
Truly say that? Because it made my heart flip.
“I can’t stop thinking about you either,” I say.
Partly because it’s true, partly because I need to stop being a coward, and partly because I wonder if he’ll even remember I said it tomorrow.
I don’t know how he reacts when he’s drinking. He may not even remember he saw me.
He pushes himself off the tree and stares at me, a kind of half smile on his lips. He dips his fingers into his jean pockets. “Can I ask you something, Ellie?”
“Yes,” I say, still kinda pinning my hopes on the fact that whatever I tell him may be forgotten by morning.
“Why did you leave? Like, really why did you leave?”
I rub my mittens together and blow into my hands in some sort of weird bid to gain time.
“I don’t know exactly,” I say. It’s true, but I need to elaborate.
I need to do my best to explain it. Aiden deserves that much.
This is clearly an important subject to him.
“I guess, around high school, I just started to realize... there was another whole big world out there. I wanted to see it. I wanted to be a part of it.”
“You went to college in the city. That wasn’t enough?”
I shrug. “I liked it. I like the hustle and the pace and lifestyle.”
His arms drop to his sides. “And you still like it?”
I have to think about my answer for a few moments. I’ve always loved the city, but honestly, being out here the last several days has been the first time in years that I’ve felt... home. Settled. Calm. “I still like it,” I answer because that’s true. “And I like it here too.”
He tips his head up to look at the sky. “Do you remember the night we watched the super blue?”
I blink. The super blue. Wow. That was a long time ago. A super blue moon only comes around once every ten years. I must have been a freshman in high school. “Yeah, I remember. It was pretty cool.”
His chin dips, and our gazes meet. “Do you remember what you told me that night?”
Oh God. No. I have no idea. I remember we went out into one of the fields and found a spot with no trees. We lay in the back of a wagon. I think Aiden brought a quilt that night too. It was soon after that we stopped hanging out. “No.” I shake my head. There’s no use lying to him.
A sad smile shapes his lips. “You told me we’d be business partners one day. That you’d own the inn, and I’d own the orchard. And we’d stay in business just like our parents.”
I feel like a hay bale has dropped directly onto my chest. I can’t breathe. “I said that?” I ask, but it’s really only to buy time, because of course I said that if he says I did.
“Yeah.” He nods. His voice is quiet when he adds, “And I know we talked about it a lot when we were kids, but that time... that time I thought you meant it.”
Oh my God. I did. I did leave Aiden. And all these years he’s known it.
I may have just been a kid when I said that to him, but so was he, and he remembered it.
I must have said it thinking that one day I’d inherit the inn and he’d inherit the orchard.
I clearly hadn’t considered it as significant as he had.
And then I remember what he said at the drive-in that night. He’d tried to tell me. “ I kinda always thought we would be partners one day. ” He thought that because I’d said that.
I’m not just a jerk. I’m a huge jerk. A huge jerk with a bad memory.
Aiden turns as if he’s going to leave.
“Can I ask you a question?” I ask because I don’t want him to go.
He stops and turns halfway around. “What?”
“Why did you stay?” I honestly don’t know where that question came from. It just sort of formed on my tongue. But now that it’s floating in the air, I want to hear the answer. Like, really want to.
Aiden’s brow wrinkles, and then he smiles. I realize his smile is something I’ve come to look forward to. Covet, almost. It’s sexy, but also comforting, like feeling the sun on your face when it’s cold outside.
Soon he splays his arms out wide and says, “This land is my home. This orchard is my home. These trees are my home .”
I nod slowly. I know that feeling too. “Yeah, I get that.”
“You do?” His head is cocked, and he blinks at me.
“Yes, and I’m really sorry we publicized the Rosie Darling without your permission. I have a big mouth, and I thought you knew how good it was just because I told you so and—”
He lifts his head to the sky again. “No. It’s not you. I’m afraid of my own success,” he mumbles.
My brows shoot up. “What?”
“Jesse says I’m afraid of my own success.”
Oh, this is getting more interesting by the second. Maybe those two don’t have bad blood after all? Or maybe Jesse telling him he’s afraid of his own success is why they have bad blood. “Is that where you’ve been? Drinking with Jesse?”
“Nah.” Aiden shakes his head. “Jesse doesn’t drink. I’ve been drinking next to Jesse.”
First, it’s news to me that a brewer doesn’t drink. It’s an interesting fact to stash away for future reference. Second, I’m completely intrigued by Aiden’s “afraid of my own success” comment. “Why are you afraid of succeeding?” I ask.
He is quiet for a few moments before he meets my gaze again. “Because things might change,” he says.
His answer hits me like a punch to the gut. That’s it, isn’t it? That’s the truth. That’s why anyone is afraid of succeeding.
“That’s why I didn’t sell my science fair project way back when,” he mumbles. “They offered me a lot of money. I said no.”
My eyes go wide. “Really?”
He nods. “Yep.”
“Your parents didn’t try to talk you into it?” Okay, I had to ask.
“They tried,” Aiden says, the half smile turning up his lips. “But in the end Dad said it was my decision. I wanted everything to stay the same. I wanted to go to college and come back here. I wanted the life I have right now.”
I nod slowly and exhale. As much as I had wanted to go work in Manhattan, I get why Aiden wanted to stay here. “I understand,” I say. And I really do.
His eyes narrow on me. “Why are you afraid of success?”
“Oh, I’m not...” I’m about to brush off his question as nothing more than the parroting of a drunk person, when I realize it’s actually a really profound thing to think about.
Am I afraid of success? Two weeks ago, I would have immediately answered, hell no .
But... I mean. I had the biggest account at the company.
I was poised on the brink of bringing their event home.
And I just let them fire me based on a lie.
Why? And why did I date someone for years, despite knowing I was settling for less?
It’s not that I’m blaming myself for Steve and Geoff’s sins.
It’s more like examining my own part in all of it.
And I realize in that moment, I’ve never done that before. And it’s about time.
It’s so much easier to blame someone else.
Oh damn.
“I don’t know why,” I whisper in answer to Aiden’s question. And that’s the truest thing I’ve said in years, maybe. “I would have told you that one of the reasons I left is because I’m not afraid of success, but now I really don’t know.”
Aiden just nods. I can tell he gets it. I don’t have to explain any more.
It’s one of the many things I like about him.
There are so many unspoken things that he just knows.
And I’m not sure if it’s because we grew up in the same place, or we used to be friends, or we’re just kindred souls, but it feels like the most effortless thing in the world to be in his company. It’s like he fills in my blanks.
“Why was Jesse mad at you about the Biergarten?” I ask, because I am well aware that this is my opportunity to get answers to all my burning Aiden-related questions.
Aiden smiles. “Because he thought of that idea two years ago, and I shot it down.”
“Ah, and now you’re reconsidering,” I say.
“You’re not really one to take no for an answer,” he tells me.
Now it’s my turn to smile. I walk over to him and slide my arm through his. I try to ignore the shiver that makes its way through my body as his warmth spreads to me. “Let’s get you home,” I say.
He looks down at me, leering. “You’re not going to try to take advantage of my drunken state and kiss me?” He’s grinning. I know he’s kidding. It’s endearing.
I laugh. “No, that would be wrong.”
“Are you suuuure?” He draws out the last word loud and long.
I laugh again. “I’m sure. Being skeevy applies to both men and women, you know. I would never take advantage of a drunk person. Even a hot one.”
Okay, that last part was prompted by the devil on my shoulder. Hopefully Aiden’s drunk enough to forget. He just smiles at me.
I tug his arm, and we begin to walk through the twinkly orchard back to the road. We’re silent the entire way. The kind of comfortable silence that is only possible when you’re around certain people who get why being silent is preferable sometimes.
Before we get to the door up to the apartment, I think of one more question I want to ask drunk Aiden. “What have you told Jesse about me? Did you tell him that I ‘left you’?”
“Nah,” Aiden says. “I just told him I’ve had a crush on you forever.”
While I reel from that bit of info, Aiden begins climbing the stairs.
I scramble to follow him, and once we make it inside the apartment, I stay silent as I tuck him into bed, fully clothed, though sans boots.
Thank God his boots were the only things he removed, because honestly, if he had stripped, I would have been tempted to be a little skeevy.
Once Aiden is settled, I go to my own room, change into my autumn PJs, and snuggle into the big, fluffy feather bed. I try to fall asleep, but I can’t help but obsessively think about three things. I did leave Aiden. He’s had a crush on me forever. And what exactly is it that I’m afraid of?