Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Twenty-Five Years Ago
With a shiver, Helen wrapped the belt of her cardigan around her waist, hugged herself. It was snowing. It hardly ever snowed in Atlanta, but it was today. There was a thin white blanket covering the grassy area by the road. It wasn’t sticking on the dock or the lake yet, but it had left a few flakes behind on the fir trees on the hill.
She wiped her nose with a tissue, then sneezed. She had an awful cold. It had come on strong two days earlier with the temperature drop. And Helen was ready for it to be over.
“Are you coming?” she called.
Rita appeared at the door. “Hold your horses.”
“Time is of the essence,” Helen countered with a smirk.
“Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Rita slid her feet into a pair of boots.
“Let’s get this party started!”
“Patience is a virtue,” Rita crooned.
Helen laughed. “Okay, I’m out. I can’t think of any others.”
“So … I win?”
Helen hated to lose. She huffed. “Fine, yes, you win.”
“Where are we going?”
“I need to get a few things at the store. Pregnancy test, of course.”
“That’s right, you had another implantation a few weeks ago, didn’t you?”
Helen swallowed, her stomach churning. Another implantation of embryos. Another disappointment incoming. It was six months since she’d first stepped into that IVF clinic and since then she’d gone through a battery of tests, treatments, egg harvesting, hormones and now implantations. It’d been the hardest six months of her life. Her moods had swung up and down, Paul was out of reach most of the time on various missions, and she’d been doing a lot of night shifts for some reason. She’d scheduled a time to speak with her supervisor about that, although she wasn’t sure it’d make much difference. Lack of sleep really knocked her around.
“Cathy called earlier,” Rita said, with an eye roll.
The two sisters walked to Helen’s car.
“Really? What did the ice queen want?”
“She’s upset that Tyler got a slot at the daycare over on Fairview Street. We’ve been on the waiting list for two years. He finally got Thursdays and Fridays. And apparently, she wanted that slot for her precious Brent.”
“So? There’s nothing you can do about it. The daycare chooses who gets those spots.”
“I know, but she wanted me to give it to her. Said she needed it more than me since I only work at the cafe.” Rita snorted. “Some cousin she is. Who needs enemies with family like her around?”
“She never thinks of anyone else’s needs. You can’t take the kids to the cafe with you all the time. It’s not safe, for one thing.”
“And they get so bored. I try to keep them close by, but Tyler can only colour for so long before he starts playing up. And I have to call Mom to come and get them.”
“Just ignore her. She’s always trying to cause trouble.” Helen started the car. “We should grab some Chick-Fil-A on the way. I’m starving.”
“Sounds good. I could eat a chicken sandwich and waffle fries.”
“I’m going to get a chicken biscuit. I’ve been craving them lately.”
They stopped at the restaurant’s drive through and placed their order, and then ate on their way to Walmart where Helen picked out a pregnancy test.
“Should I use the bathroom here or go home?” she asked, waving the test in front of Rita.
Rita shrugged. “Do it here if you like. I don’t mind waiting. Also, I need to get a few things for the cafe.”
Helen wandered through the massive store in search of the bathroom. Finally, she found it in the back. She carried the stick back out with her to the sink and washed her hands, then stared at her reflection in the mirror. She looked tired. There were dark smudges beneath her eyes, and a few wrinkles on their edges she hadn’t noticed before. The idea of taking a nap sounded really good. She could go to sleep right there on the counter if she laid her head down.
She peeped at the test. There was a pink line. The same pink line she always saw. Never mind. She’d just have to do another implantation. Although every time she did the procedure, it cost them money. A lot of money. They wouldn’t be able to afford many more. But she was okay with that. She’d come to terms with the possibility of them never having a baby. There was nothing more she could do about it—she’d done everything right, followed every piece of advice from the doctor. And she would have to be okay with their life looking a little different to what they’d planned. She didn’t have a choice. But how would Paul feel about it?
With the pregnancy test in hand, she traipsed back to where Rita waited, chewing on a red vine, the rest of the bag poking out of her jacket pocket.
“Want one?”
“Thanks.” Helen took the red vine and bit into it. She handed the pregnancy test to her sister.
“What’s it say?”
“Not pregnant. Again.”
“Are you sure?” Rita held it up and studied the test closely. Her eyes narrowed. “I swear that’s a second pink line.”
“What? No… I didn’t see anything.”
“There,” she said, pointing.
Helen looked. “It’s so faint though.”
“It doesn’t matter if it’s faint. That’s a second line. Mine looked like this when I had Sophie.”
Helen’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
Rita grinned. “You’re pregnant, hon.”
Emotion flooded through Helen. Her vision blurred. She sobbed. “I’m pregnant!”
“You’re pregnant!”
She jumped up and down in place, then leapt at her sister for a hug. They danced around in a circle together, both squealing with delight. Finally, they made their way back out to the car. They chattered in excitement together all the way back to the lake house, their shopping errands completely forgotten. Helen wanted to tell her parents the good news, and to call her husband in private. It’d been hard to reach him lately, but she’d give it a try anyway. He’d be so excited.
“You’re not going to tell everyone, though, are you?” Rita asked as they pulled into the driveway.
“Why not?”
“Usually people wait until after the first trimester to make it public. You know … just in case.”
She hadn’t thought about that. What if it went wrong? What if she lost the baby? Her excitement waned a little at that prospect.
“I’m sure it will all be fine,” added Rita hastily. “Don’t worry about that. You’re going to be great, and the baby is going to have such wonderful, loving parents. I can’t wait to see you raising her or him.”
Helen looked at her sister. She loved Rita more than she could say. Always ready with encouragement. Always building her up. “Thanks. You’re the best.”
Inside, they found their parents having a cup of coffee. They were arguing over a scrabble match.
“Onsen is not a word,” Dad hissed, shaking his head.
Mum set her hands on her hips. “Yes it is. It’s Japanese.”
“We’re not in Japan, are we? We’re in the good old United States of America. And in this country, we speak English.”
“It’s still a word.”
“You can’t use foreign jibber-jabber in scrabble. You’re breaking all the rules.”
“I don’t think that’s a rule,” Mum said, reaching for the box to read over the instructions.
Dad threw his hands up in the air with a groan. “I give up. Use whatever combination of letters you like. You’re always right.”
They bickered more these days since Dad wasn’t working at the cafe any longer, but they always made up. Helen cleared her throat and held out her hands to calm them. “Hello? Can you two stop fighting over Scrabble for a moment, please?”
Mom and Dad both fell quiet and looked up at her. Mom smiled warmly. Dad scowled.
“What is it, honey?”
“I’m pregnant!” She declared proudly.
They all celebrated then. Mom brought out the Hawaiian punch with ice cubes and slices of lime. Dad found the chocolate cake Mom had made the day before and cut slices for everyone. And they all sat together around the kitchen table and talked about the fun times ahead with another baby in the family.
“I want to see if I can reach Paul. I’m dying to tell him.” Helen stood and excused herself, grabbed the phone from the kitchen, then hurried out to the sunroom to be alone.
She dialled and waited while it rang and then was transferred, her heart pounding.
He answered quickly and his voice was clear. “Hey, honey.”
Tears clogged her throat. “Hey. You’re back at base?”
“Yeah, we got in last night. I slept like a log. I was so tired. How are you?”
“I’m good. I have news.”
“Good news, I hope?”
She smiled widely, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re pregnant? That’s fantastic. I’m so happy.”
“Me too. I wish you were here.”
“I wish I could give you a big hug. But I’m thinking of it, and I’ll definitely give you one the moment I get back stateside. I promise. Wow. This is so great. It’ll help keep me going. I’ve been struggling … well, anyway, you don’t need to hear about all that. You should take care of yourself. Get some rest.”
“I’ll try. I’ve got to do something about these night shifts.”
“Yeah, talk to your boss. I’m sure they can do something for you, especially now there’s a baby on the way.”
There was a loud explosion in the background. Helen hesitated. “Paul?”
“I’ve got to go, honey. We’ve got incoming mortar fire.”
“Take care of yourself. Get under cover,” she shouted, over the noise of more and bigger explosions.
“I will. I love you.”
“I love you so much,” she replied, her voice thick with tears.
The phone line went silent. Helen stared at it, weeping. Tears fell down her cheeks and wet her shirt. The sobs welled up inside her, making her whole body shake. This was unfair. He shouldn’t be so far away, in danger. Not while she was carrying their baby inside of her. Something primal within her wanted to scream, to rage, to go to him and drag him home to safety. But she couldn’t do that. She had to hold it together, be the supportive wife.
He was struggling, she’d heard his admission and knew him well enough to know he was holding back and not telling her all of it. She’d worried about him for months. He’d seemed down, not himself. And now he had something more to live for, she hoped it would give him the strength to pull through these final months away.
She made her way out to the kitchen, wiping her eyes as she went. She plastered a smile onto her face and the family all gaped at her.
“What’s wrong, honey?” Mom asked, rushing to her side.
“I don’t know … there were explosions. What if he’s hurt?”
Dad and Rita joined them, and they all locked together in an embrace with Helen at their centre.
“It’ll be okay. I know it will,” Rita said, her voice thin.
“Sure, he’s a smart man, he’ll find a place to shelter,” added Dad.
But his eyes were dull, and her heart felt hollow.
“I can’t live without him,” Helen said with a sob.
Mom squeezed her shoulder. They all stood in the kitchen, in silence, heads bowed, filled with worry.