Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Jamie
Ever since we found Westley under the bridge and broke our unspoken rule about no physical affection, things with Daisy have been amazing. Not that it isn’t always amazing, but I feel like I don’t need to hide my feelings as much. She hasn’t said anything about me kissing her hand at the end of our handshake, so I keep doing it. Every night, I kiss her hand and go home and jerk off to the sensation of her skin on my lips.
Pathetic, but also the only thing I’ve got.
At work it’s still the same, no hand kisses, and no staying at my place. The guest room doesn’t even smell like her because she used my soap and shampoo.
It’s wishful thinking, but I swear she looks at me differently. More…attentively maybe? Or with more interest? Or I could be making something out of nothing. But why would she let me kiss her hand the past three nights if she wasn’t interested?
I cross the airport lounge we’re waiting in to board our next gruelling flight to reach South Africa. Two eleven hour flights is too long to sit in a cubicle and play top game immediately after. Thank fuck management decided to send us early, so we have a free day when we arrive to acclimatise and explore before training starts for the two games coming up.
I shake the plastic cup with ice in front of her face, and Daisy’s eyes pop open. “I found some of the green shit you like.”
“Thank Jesus Christ, you found some,” she exclaims and takes the sweating cup, wrapping her lips around the straw and hollowing her cheeks.
I glance away and take a seat beside her and sip my coffee. The team, coaches, and medic team are scattered around the lounge, reminding me we are technically at work. “I don’t think Jesus Christ will care I found you matcha.”
“He should. It means I won’t murder my neighbours.” I roll my eyes at the butchered commandments and tense when her hand lands on mine, resting on my thigh. She brushes my hand quickly and retreats. “Thank you for finding it for me. I appreciate it. I hate flying.”
“I know, but we’re sitting together for the next leg, so we could watch a movie together and distract ourselves. And then, before you know it, you’ll be in a hotel bed with room service on the way.”
She sighs happily and settles deeper in the chair. “That sounds fantastic.”
We aren’t usually seated together, usually it’s random, but I asked management to seat us together. Besides a few raised eyebrows, no one said anything.
Suli keeps staring at me, his mouth buried under his beard, which I’ve decided to ignore and hope he forgets whatever has him looking like that. Pretty sure he’ll jump me as soon as training starts if his frown is anything to go by. Bloody captain knowing everything that goes on with his team.
He stares at the drink Daisy’s sipping and crosses his arms. I thought we’d been acting the same at work—nothing’s really changed—but something must be different if Suli’s dark eyes keep glaring at me whenever I get close to her. What’s worse is his glare is one of confusion and speculation, not of anger. If it were anger, we could work it out on the field. But I have a sinking feeling in my stomach he’s realised I have feelings for Daisy. Ugh.
Can’t a guy buy his physiotherapist a matcha every once in a while? Without anyone questioning his intentions?
I glance at Daisy smiling around the straw at her phone and avert my eyes when her cheeks hollow again. Fuck. Probably not.
I slip my phone out of my pocket and open an ebook to avoid staring at her and pretend everything is normal. I’m not about to have a semi in the airport lounge surrounded by my teammates.
She laughs at something on her phone and nudges my arm. “Sounds like Liam and Hemi are having a great time.”
“I still can’t believe Hemi went to Wānaka.”
“He needs to get out of his head. They went hiking together,” Daisy whispers gleefully.
“And that’s big news because…?”
“Liam doesn’t hike. He hibernates when he’s drafting.”
“He lives in Wānaka and he doesn’t hike?” I hardly ever hike, but if you live by Lake Wānaka in the South Island, surrounded by the beautiful scenery, leading to alpine lakes and glaciers, you have to hike.
She shifts until her leg is on the chair, and her body faces mine. “I dragged him on a hike once when I visited him. Never again,” she swears with a laugh.
“Well done Hemi. At least he can check out the filming locations for The Lord of the Rings while he’s there if hiking is off the table now.”
“I can’t believe I didn’t think of that! Liam would love that.” She types something on her phone quickly and stashes it in her bag when we’re called to board the plane while I’m still revelling in the sensation of being useful.
It’s an addicting sensation, one that spreads from my chest out to the rest of my body, leaving me hard-pressed to control my grin and the burn in my hand to hold hers. Instead, I busy myself with grabbing my bag and snagging hers. Holding her bag is fine, right? Just being polite.
My eyes scan the boys to see if anyone’s paying attention and cares. The only one who’s noticed is Suli. I sigh. I’m in for it now.
We show our tickets to the flight attendant, and she directs us to business class on the left. I follow Daisy to two seats halfway down the aisle and collapse into the aisle seat while she takes the window. I wriggle in the seat to get comfortable and spread my legs out, happy the aisle seat means there’s more legroom. Flying sucks. Flying when you’re a big guy is even worse, especially when you have to play a rugby game a few days after twenty-four hours of travel.
At least it’s business class. Once on a flight home we were in economy since we didn’t have a game for a few days, so would theoretically have time to recover. We lost that game and management decided to shell out more money next time. I’m fine with economy if it’s a shorter flight. But twenty-four hours? I’d rather stay at home.
“Comfy?” an amused voice asks me.
“Very.”
She pokes her head around the divider between our seats and smiles at me. “Good. Don’t want any tight muscles. Or people falling over because of how tired they are.”
I snort and look around the seats to see if I can find Johnny. He had a rough go of it last season and did not take well to the long-distance flights. The kid’s from Christchurch and had only flown to Aussie before, flying to South Africa was a shock to his system.
The only person who locks eyes with me is Suli, who’s noticed Daisy sitting beside me. I look away quickly and ignore the tingling on my neck, letting me know he’s still staring.
I’ll need to deal with him sooner rather than later to make sure he doesn’t cause any issues. He’s not the kind of guy to do that, but he’s also not the kind of guy who glares at me.
The plane takes off and people stand and move around and swap seats or tug their eye masks down and put noise cancelling headphones on. I pop my head around the barrier to ask Daisy if she wants to watch a movie together and pause when I see her.
She’s curled up in her chair, arms slack in her lap, mouth parted slightly, breathing in and out slowly. A strand of hair escaped her plait and is caught in whatever she’s wearing on her lips. Some glossy thing that’s hard to look away from. I lean forward and carefully swipe the strand of hair off her lips and behind her ear so she doesn’t inhale it. She frowns in her sleep and sniffs, turning towards me, but settles. I shove down the urge to rub my thumb over her lips, deep down, and sit back in my seat to watch a movie to pass the time and pretend I don’t want to watch Daisy sleep.
The day after we land is a free day to explore and acclimatise to the new time zone, and I manage to avoid Suli by joining the younger guys’ sightseeing adventure. Which means I spent the day convincing them not to do stupid things that could hurt them before a big game. We’re here to win the Freedom Cup, not jump off rocks.
I’m not so lucky during training.
I’m lying on my back, panting, when he corners me. He lies on the grass beside me and raises an eyebrow. I gulp water. “Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“You know like what. What do you want? I’m dying over here.” I sit up and brush the grass out of my hair.
“I wanna know what’s going on with you and Daisy.”
My heart pounds and sweat prickles on the back of my neck. This time it has nothing to do with training. “Nothing.”
Suli scoffs. “You’ve always been close, but not sitting on the plane close.”
“The seats are selected randomly.” I don’t know why this is stressing me so much. Nothing’s happened between us, so there’s nothing to hide, but his dark eyes burn holes through me, and I feel like when Mum would catch me doodling on my homework instead of doing it. Dread about the incoming lecture.
“Sure, but usually the boys are put together. Can’t say I remember ever seeing a player sitting beside someone else.”
“Maybe they’re trying something new.” Damn it. Why couldn’t I control myself instead of asking them to seat her beside me? I would have survived without her. But it was calming seeing her face beside mine.
“Are you fucking her?”
“No!” I send a paranoid glance around the field, but no one’s paying attention. “And keep your voice down, you fucker.”
He rolls his eyes. “So what are you doing then?”
“Nothing. Unfortunately,” I mutter glumly.
“Ask her on a date. All you need to do is sign those relationship forms with management so they know there’s no abuse of power.” Suli shrugs and sits up beside me, stretching his legs out.
“I don’t know if she wants to date me. And it’s complicated since she’s my physio.” There’s probably a clause about physiotherapists not dating patients. Are they like doctors?
But she lets me kiss her hand. That’s not a platonic thing, is it?
“She drives you home after games.”
“So? We live on the same street. Any friend would do that.”
“I wouldn’t,” he murmurs.
“That’s because you don’t like other people in your space. Doesn’t stop you gossiping, though.”
He raises an eyebrow, and I stop myself from slapping my hand over it. “Exactly. She doesn’t mind you in her space. She met your mum yet?”
I avert my gaze and mumble, “No, but they’ve talked on the phone. Mum wants me to bring her to dinner.”
Suli laughs and falls backwards, hitting the grass, messing up his tight curls he’s managed to maintain during training, and clutches his chest.
“If you don’t shut up, I will make you shut up,” I threaten and shove his shoulder. It doesn’t stop his laughter from fucking turning into giggles. Suli isn’t Samoan but his family’s Tongan, so he understands the importance of my mum wanting to meet Daisy. And we aren’t even dating.
“You’re screwed if your mum wants to meet her,” he says breathlessly after he finally stops giggling.
I sigh and lie on the grass again. “I know.”
“Talk to management anyway. So they know you’re in love with her and can cover your asses. It’s better she stops treating you now before they think something happened.”
I rub my chest. “Who said anything about love?”
“You didn’t need to, cuz. You bought her matcha.” Suli stands and drags me up with him. He claps my shoulder. “Talk to management before something happens and you both lose your jobs.”
“I’ll think about it.” I hesitate but decide to ask, “You don’t think what I’m doing is stupid? I thought all the glaring at the airport meant murder.”
“Thought you weren’t doing anything?”
“I’m not…but I want to. And sometimes I think she does too.”
“If all you wanted was to sleep with her, then it would be murder. But that’s not what you want, is it?” Suli asks.
“No, it’s not.”
“Then go about it the right way, so no one takes issue with it. You’ve kind of stuffed yourself falling in love with your medical provider.” He slaps my shoulder and jogs to the field where training’s beginning again and calls over his shoulder, “Good luck!”
I’m gonna need it.
I hadn’t considered involving management until something happens, or she agrees to date me. Don’t see a point in causing issues if there aren’t any. But I don’t want either of us to get in trouble, even if nothing happens. Maybe I should talk to management? Mention my feelings for her and ask for a different physio in case anything happens.
But…what if Daisy doesn’t want that? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable by telling her about my feelings if she doesn’t feel the same and doesn’t think involving management is necessary. Either way, I still want her to be my friend.
I hold a tackle pad in front of my body and wait for Johnny to run at me. His cheeks are bright red, completely covering his white skin, and his sandy hair is dripping with sweat. I stagger under the impact, but keep my feet under me. Now isn’t the time to figure out what to do about Daisy and management. I need to focus on winning the cup. That’s what’s important right now. When the season’s over, I can talk to Daisy.
My new philosophy doesn’t last long.
We’re given Friday off to relax before the game tomorrow, and I’m in the hotel lounge with Suli and Johnny after dinner, playing go fish to pass the time. Some of the boys found a place to play basketball, others went swimming, but I need to forget about it all and make sure my body isn’t too tired tomorrow. It’s times like this I remember I’m one of the oldest guys on the team, and next season will probably be my last. My body is begging me to stop throwing myself at people. Doesn’t mean I’ll stop soon, though.
Daisy trudges through the lobby, head lowered.
If I retired, it would be easier to ask her out without the implications for our careers. I shut the thought down hard. I play for the national New Zealand rugby team, and I’m dreaming of retirement so I can ask out a woman? My sixteen-year-old self would kick me in the balls if he could hear me. A woman over footy? No way.
I track her walk to the lifts and frown when I notice her tightly crossed arms, hand white-knuckled on her phone, and a curtain of hair covering her face. She was more reserved today, didn’t talk as much during training and smiled less. You’d only know there was something wrong if you knew what to look for. She doesn’t usually have tight lines at the corner of her eyes, which added to everything else, confirms something’s wrong.
Suddenly the woman does seem more important than footy. Family and friends last longer than the game I’ve played over half my life.
“Do you have the four of spades?”
“Go fish, J-boy. I gotta check on something.” I drop my cards on the table and stand.
“What?” Suli asks.
“Something. See you tomorrow.” I stride to the lifts and click level ten, ignoring Suli’s searching gaze and Johnny’s confused stare.
The doors close and the lift dings when it reaches Daisy’s level, letting me into the nondescript beige hallway. Somehow, Daisy crept up on the level of importance radar in my mind to surpass rugby to be on par with my family. Footy will end for me one day soon. I don’t want to throw an opportunity away for my life after footy because of complications now. I’ll make sure she’s okay, and then I’ll be on my way to prepare for tomorrow and figure out how to talk to management about us. About my side of us, at least.
I reach her room and knock on the door softly.
The door opens and what I see on her face causes me to push the door wider, enter the room, and close it behind me.