Chapter 8
CHAPTER EIGHT
Daisy
We won the Freedom Cup, mostly because Hemi returned for the second game and played like he was trying to break records. When he wasn’t training, he was on his phone. Wānaka had been good for him.
We’re finally back in New Zealand after two weeks in South Africa, and I’m excited about my own bed. And I wouldn’t mind if Jamie was in it with me. I’ve never been so glad to live in Auckland than now when Jamie and I can walk out of the airport to head straight home, instead of catching another flight to Christchurch or Wellington like some of the other guys. Or Wānaka, in Hemi’s case, who will reach Queenstown and then have an hour’s drive—if it’s good weather. The boys have a few days off and everyone’s taking advantage of it to return to their families and relax before the last game of the series with Australia.
Jamie hauls our bags into my car, and I hop in the driver’s seat and turn on the heating. It’s dark and cold and I can smell the rain that will arrive later tonight. But we’re home.
I breathe deeply and massage the tightness in my neck. Jamie collapses in the passenger seat and strong fingers replace mine, digging deeply into the tight tissue.
I moan softly, dropping my head back and turn to face him. “You’re good at that.”
“We need to get you your own physio. Or a massage therapist.” Jamie trails a finger down my neck and brushes my collarbone. “We could get a massage together tomorrow.”
“That sounds amazing. Flying that long is awful.” I pull out of the car park and follow the confusing signs to exit the airport. Once I’m on the motorway, I say, “Do you know why Adam treated you this week? They wouldn’t tell me, just said they shuffled everything around.”
It’s weird he was taken off my roster since I’ve been treating him so long, especially when there wasn’t a meeting about it. Adam pulled me aside and said he was taking Jamie from now on, said it came from the higher-ups, but he said it with a strange glint of excitement in his eyes. While odd, it does mean there’s less conflict of interest, especially after my moment of weakness blowjob, so I decided to wait to figure out why it happened.
Jamie shifts in the seat to face me better, but I keep my eyes on the road and indicate to change lanes, so we’re in the right exit lane once we’re over the bridge to the North Shore. I hate changing lanes on the bridge; I feel like I’ll accidentally drive myself off it.
“I do know.”
I glance at him in surprise. I didn’t think he’d know unless he requested it. It could have been a random shuffle, but Adam acted weird, so I thought I’d ask. “What happened?”
“Remember when I came to your room after we won the first game?” He waits for my nod, and I shove the image of looking up at his dark brown eyes and the weight of him in my mouth out of my mind. “I came to tell you something, but got sidetracked.”
“Really? Did something happen?”
“I had a meeting with Linda before the game.”
I frown at the name, and my hands clench the steering wheel. “Linda from management?”
“I wanted to discuss the development in our relationship with her. Make sure everything was okay.”
“Our relationship,” I respond flatly and indicate left to exit the motorway.
“Yeah. I signed the declaration of personal relationship form. Adam’s taken me on so that everything’s all good for us to date.”
“You signed the form.”
“Yeah,” he says, drawing out the word as apprehension enters his voice.
“Without talking to me.”
“I was going to talk to you that night, but we got distracted, and I thought it would be easier to talk about it when we got home.”
I pull into his driveway, park the car, and turn to face him. “So you signed the form declaring we’re in a relationship, everyone in management and Adam knows, and I was removed as your physio, and all of this happened without you discussing it with me.” What if I lose my licence?
Jamie’s throat bobs and his brow furrows. “I guess? But I was going to tell you tonight so we could talk about it.”
“But you already signed the form!”
He draws back at my hard tone. “I did. I didn’t want either of us to get in trouble and wanted to discuss it with Linda so we can explore our relationship without the threat of losing our jobs hanging over us.”
“What if I don’t want a relationship? We weren’t even in a relationship when you signed it. We aren’t in one now. What if they decide to take me to the disciplinary board because they think something happened?” I can’t stop the words flying out of me, and I hardly know what I’m saying.
All I can focus on is that he made a decision involving my job without me. He took that choice from me. It doesn’t matter that I would have signed the form too. He signed it behind my back without a discussion first. Didn’t discuss what we’d do about my licence, and whether or not we tell them about the bad choices I made in my hotel room.
“We aren’t? You don’t want one?” Jamie crosses his arms and the hurt in his voice finally penetrates the haze of worry and anger.
“Of course I want a relationship with you, Jamie.” And I do. He’s been my closest friend for years. I just didn’t realise it was something more until recently. It is the most natural thing in the world kissing him, talking to him. Being with him. “But why did you sign anything without me there? Without talking to me?”
“Because I was telling them about my change of feelings, not yours. I didn’t mention anything about you, Daisy, besides the fact I want to be with you and want the chance to have that, so requested a shift to Adam’s roster.” Jamie scrubs a hand through his hair and sighs sharply. “You still need to sign something if the feelings are returned. At the moment, they have a record of me declaring I want a relationship and removing myself from the situation before any power imbalance can enter it. Or issues with code of conduct.” He sighs again and glances at his villa. “Look, let’s go inside, order food, and talk some more.”
I shake my head quickly. “No. No, I—I want to think and need some space.”
“Daisy—”
“Jamie, please. Just let me think.” My limbs are shaky, and I feel weak, like I could barely hold a glass of water, but I squeeze his hand fleetingly. “I’ll text you, yeah?”
“Yeah, okay. If that’s what you want.” He opens the door and the chilly night air invades the car, and I shiver. Jamie turns back to me. “I promise I didn’t do it to ruin your job or go behind your back. I wanted to make sure nothing bad would happen to either of us. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner or speak to you before I signed it.”
I nod and blow out a breath. I clench my shaking hands on the wheel. “Okay. I’ll text you.”
Jamie nods and gets out of the car, snags his bags from the boot, passes his roses, and gives me a small wave before he enters his villa and flicks the lights on. He doesn’t hold his fist out for me to bump before he leaves and for some reason it causes my throat to tighten, making it difficult to breathe.
I pull out of his driveway and park in my garage. I drop my head to the wheel and dig my nails into my palms.
The worst part is, he’s not wrong.
We do need to sign stuff with management to make sure everything’s fine, but I was under the impression we’d have a discussion about it first. Talk about what we want and if it’s long term, because if it isn’t there’s no point in getting anyone involved, and we can stay friends instead.
I want it to be long term. Want to be there when he retires, to move in with him, and maybe adopt a dog together.
I finally enter the house, and my shoulders slump when no skittering claws come to greet me. It’s too late to pick up Westley, so I won’t see him until tomorrow. My house feels empty. No Westley. No Jamie.
Only my stupid thoughts to keep me company, going around in my head and questioning if I overreacted. It’s not signing the form I have an issue with, it’s the lack of discussion. What if they took it badly and I lost my job and my licence? I thought we’d talk and figure out how to approach management without implicating anyone.
But I suppose if he doesn’t know how I feel, he wouldn’t want to involve me. But why would he want to sign the form if he doesn’t know how I feel? There would be no need to sign anything. Unless he doesn’t want to be friends anymore if I don’t feel the same? But that’s not like Jamie.
It was strange this past week, not treating him without knowing why with odd looks from Adam to make it worse. I groan and collapse on the couch. Linda must have told Adam why Jamie wanted to be on his roster. Adam knows about us, or at least about Jamie’s feelings, and that’s why he kept shooting me smug looks.
I guess it was na?ve to expect no ribbing or gossip when it got out that Jamie and I are…whatever we are. Dating? I think? Still friends, at least. Probably.
I change into pyjamas and tug the covers over me, too tired to shower the plane off me, let alone wash my hair. I’ll wash the sheets tomorrow and face the shower and conversation later.
* * *
My day off passes in a blur of visiting family, showering Westley with love, and buying groceries so I don’t starve. A day after our argument, Jamie texts me about a new show he’s watching that he thinks I’ll enjoy. I click on the show and settle in to watch the first episode. And he’s right. I do like it. And I’m reminded that he knows me. He gets me.
Even though he didn’t talk to me before discussing us with Linda, usually we’re on the same wavelength.
I chew on my cheek and grab my phone to text him back and the night passes with messages back and forth with Jamie, who’s only a few doors away from me, and I have to stop myself from walking down the road and knocking on his door.
Work the next day is slow without the boys around, filled with meetings and treatment plans to prepare for our last game with Australia. It’s a lonely drive without Jamie. I miss him. I’ve never missed him before and I realise it’s because we’ve never really been apart, not that two days without seeing each other is apart, but I feel the distance in the heaviness in my chest.
But I’m still angry at him. I can spend time with him and be angry. Right?
I know exactly what my decision will be as soon as I’ve sorted my thoughts out and it involves him being in my life. I’m just not ready to talk about it yet.
The day the team is set to begin training again, there’s a knock on my door. I frown and head down the hall. Technically, it’s Jamie’s day to drive, but I figured we’d probably put a hold on carpooling until we fix everything. The knock came from my front door not the ranchslider he usually uses, anyway.
I open the door, and my eyes widen in surprise. It’s Jamie. Holding a clear plastic cup filled with ice and green liquid, and wearing a serious, drawn look on his face. “Hi, Jamie.”
“Hey, Daze.” He hands me the drink and I take it with numb fingers. He bought me matcha.
“What are you doing here?”
He shrugs his oversized shoulders. “My turn to drive. I can take you if you like, or I’ll see you at work later if you prefer I don’t.”
I hesitate and bite my lip. In the time I make my decision, Jamie nods and rakes a hand through his hair, messing up his curls, and steps away from the door. “You can drive me,” I say in a rush.
A tiny smile forms on his face. “Yeah?”
I nod and head back to the hallway to grab my bags and lock everything behind me.
“No Westley today?”
“Nah, dropped him off yesterday.” Jamie pouts as he gets in the car, and I can’t help the smile tugging at my lips. “You can see him in a few days.”
Jamie clears his throat and pulls out of my driveway. “I can?”
And I realise I’ve inadvertently told him he’s welcome back to my house. Even if it’s just to carpool, saying he’ll see my dog again means he’ll see me again. “Yeah, he misses you.”
A proper smile spreads across his face and we settle in for the drive. We talk about everything except our disagreement, instead deciding to focus on discussing family and spoiling the TV show for each other.
When we reach the training area, he parks the car and shoots me a tight smile. He doesn’t hold out his hand like he usually would and reaches for the door, and I can’t take it.
I reach across the centre console and tap his shoulder before he can get out of the car. Jamie turns back to me, and I hold out my fisted hand. He tilts his head, and to answer his unspoken question, I shake my fist.
He bumps his fist against mine gently, a baffled but pleased look on his face, and I open my hand, holding my palm out to him, facing up. Jamie taps it quietly and before he can remove his hand, I close my fingers around his and squeeze. I press a fleeting kiss to his thumb.
“I’m not ready to talk about it yet, but when I am, you’ll be the first person to know,” I say softly.
He squeezes my fingers and nods, gets out of the car, but ducks his head back down. “I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk. No matter the outcome.”
I smile at him and grab my stuff from the car and head to the medic room for my first appointment.
Suli is waiting on my bench when I enter the room. He was put on my roster when Jamie was removed. He’s quieter than Jamie and has issues with his shoulder and back, being one of the locks for the team. He’s older and has been in the game professionally for years, but I don’t know much about him. He keeps to himself and so far prefers it when I keep quiet during our sessions instead of chatting like so many of the others prefer.
So it takes me completely off-guard when he starts a conversation. About Jamie, no less. “I’m the one that told him to talk to management.”
I pause with my hands digging into his shoulder, but continue sweeping them forward after the surprise. “Oh?”
“Didn’t want anything bad to happen to either of you, so when you got together in South Africa, I told him to get management involved.”
I glance around the room to make sure no one’s listening, but we’re the only ones here. “You know about that?”
“We roomed together.”
“Right.”
Suli looks over his shoulder at me. “Don’t be mad at him. I’m the one that bugged him to do it until he did.”
“But he signed it without talking to me. What if they decided to fire me?” No one’s said anything to me since Jamie was taken off my roster, so I’m assuming I still have a job for a little longer.
“You know that’s not what would have happened. He told them about his feelings, not yours. Besides, they wouldn’t fire you without proof of misconduct, which is why I told him to sign the form.” He watches me unwaveringly. “Before there was.”
I grimace and dig my thumbs into muscle again when Suli turns back. “I know. I just wanted a conversation about it first.”
“That I agree with.” He snorts and shakes his head. “Don’t know why he didn’t text you about it, at least. Too excited maybe.”
“Yeah, maybe.” I smile. In a way, it’s almost flattering that he tried to organise it. He must have done it after we fell asleep together. From that one moment, he decided he wanted Adam as his physio so we could continue.
“Just think about it. He didn’t do it to be malicious. He’s just an idiot.”
I laugh and shake my head. “I’ll think about it.”
I’ve already been thinking about it, and I need a meeting with Linda.