Chapter 40
TICKING BOMB
Carry You by Novo Amor
Natalie
A gnarly ear infection and a fever that wouldn’t come down. Even if it’s not that serious, it could’ve been worse, and I was an hour away from her because I was, what? Getting laid?
“I don’t even recognize myself anymore. This is not who I am. I’m a mother first,” I tell Allie, who’s been by Vero’s side since she brought her in. She gave me her hoodie too, so I could cover up.
“No. You’re not doing this. You’re not blaming yourself for missing this because you were spending some time on you. You deserve to, Nat.” She holds my hand. “Nobody wants their child to get sick, but this would’ve happened whether you went on a date or not. Please don’t blame yourself.”
“I feel so irresponsible.”
“Why? You came as soon as you found out. I should’ve known to take her in sooner, but sometimes, you need to give medicine time to work, you know?”
“You did everything right. I can’t believe I lost track of everything and let my phone run down. It will never happen again. Ever.”
The nurse walks in, handing me a stack of papers. “You’re good to go. We sent the antibiotics to the pharmacy on file.”
“Thank you,” I say, picking up a drowsy Vero.
“Can you take me home?”
“Of course. I’m this way.” Allie leads the way as I follow her with my sick child in my arms. Sitting in the waiting area, before we step outside, is Holden, who walks over as soon as he sees us.
“Is she okay?”
I nod. “An ear infection, but she’ll be fine. You didn’t have to wait here.”
“Of course I did.” He reaches for me, but I take a step back. “I can take you girls home.”
“No need. Allie will take me. I already called Ellie, and she’s opening the store today.”
He visibly swallows. “Do you need anything?”
“Nope.” He flinches at the coldness in my words, and I feel like such a bad person.
There’s no reason to treat him like this over my lack of common sense, but this is clearly not going to work out.
Our lives are so different. We live in two different cities, we have separate lives, and the biggest difference between us—I have two kids without the ability to have more, and he has none. My girls need me; I can’t do this.
“Call me later then?”
“Sure.”
“Bye-bye, Holen,” Vero whispers in a weak voice, and my heart breaks. Great, Natalie. You introduced them, and now you’re ripping them apart.
The drive to my place feels like a lifetime, because Allie and I don’t talk.
She knows how much I hate the hospital. It’s full of death and sickness and sadness.
I went in pregnant and left without a baby.
I went in married and left without a husband.
I went in pregnant again and left without a uterus. I hate it with every part of my body.
“Hey, Nat,” Allie says, finally breaking the silence as we pull up at my place.
“Mm?”
She leaves a hand on her steering wheel but turns her body my way. “Don’t let this make you push happiness away.”
“I don’t have time for this, Allie.” I close the door and lift Vero out of the seat. She definitely doesn’t feel good, and I just want to hold her. “Thanks for taking care of her. Would you bring Bella when you can?”
Allie allows the space I clearly need right now by not asking questions and not pushing the issue before she drives away.
We take a shower together, letting the skin-to-skin contact and the warm water help regulate her temperature.
My mom always says the biggest healing power comes from touch, so every time they’re sick, that’s all I want to do.
I make her a carqueja, yarrow, orange, and chamomile tea, I’m sure she won’t drink, but I’ll bribe her either way.
I even wrap a scarf around her neck, one of my mom’s old wives’ tales, just in case it works.
Bella gets home, and we all sit on the couch, watching cartoons for hours. I lose track of time except for when it’s time for Vero’s medicine. The day goes by like this—easy, simple, my girls and I, how it’s supposed to be.
“Mom, there’s a bag by the front door!” Bella shouts when she goes to take the trash out. She brings it to me, smiling like a little brat.
“Your boyfriend sent food,” she singsongs.
“I don’t—” I don’t finish the sentence, because if he’s not my boyfriend, then what is he? And I’m not in the business of lying to my kid, so in the meantime, I’ll table it for later.
She tosses a sandwich my way before handing me a note and a small tub of chicken noodle soup for Vero.
I didn’t know what else to do, but hopefully, this helps. Please call me if you need anything at all.
-Holden
Tears threaten to fill my eyes, but I don’t let them. I don’t have time to deal with the ticking bomb that is my personal life. Right now, all I need to be is their mom.