Chapter 23 Isla
ISLA
“Yes,” I whisper.
The word leaves my mouth before my brain can interfere with my highly questionable decision making. But I don’t retract it, even when Kai reaches for me and pulls me in so slowly and deliberately, I have time to tell him no.
It’s like he can sense the turmoil beneath the three letters, leaving room for me to be scared and nervous and to change my mind.
His palms slip beneath the hoodie I’m wearing, the warmth of them heating my stomach as he does.
They slide slowly to my waist, and he pauses for a moment, studying my face, before letting them move higher.
I don’t have a bra on. I stripped as soon as I got home, with plans to shower.
My breath catches as his thumbs stroke the underside of my breasts.
I expected hunger. Desperation. Something…wild. That’s how all the other bikers had treated me, something to fulfil an all-consuming urge.
What I get is gentleness.
My fingers gather his T-shirt, knuckles brushing the hard line of his chest. His body is firmer than Garrett’s. And, God, I want him close, I want the pressure of him against me, but then a knot unlocks in my throat because I feel Garrett’s eyes on me.
“Wait,” I say, softly.
Kai stops instantly, stepping back an inch and removing his hands.
“I like you,” I say to him, deciding that honesty is the one thing I promised myself, and that Garrett requires.
“I like…you both. But I don’t…after the clubhouse and things…
I don’t like exhibitionism. It’s something I’ve had to work through.
There were things I didn’t really want to do, but I did them anyway, consenting out loud but not in my heart.
And I don’t blame Smoke and the others; everything I said and did gave the impression I did like it. ”
Kai touches my cheek tenderly. “Oh, sunshine.”
The sympathy washes over me, but instead of floating to the surface, I feel like I’m drowning in it. “I’m fine. Honestly. It’s just—”
“Hey,” Garrett says, struggling to his feet. “Don’t do that. Don’t pretend it’s fine when it’s not.”
“Says the man trying to walk to me when he’s so injured,” I reply. “Please sit back down.”
Garrett rolls his eyes. “Sitting in that chair hurts more than standing.”
“Liar,” Isla says.
“One thing you’ll learn is that he always does what he wants,” Kai mutters, his lips close to my ear.
Garrett takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “I hate that consent wasn’t clear at the club and now you’re doubting yourself.”
I sigh and shake my head. “I’m the one at fault, though. I can use my words. I could have said no. I could have left two years ago. It’s like I have nothing left to give because all of me feels tainted somehow.”
“For an intelligent girl, you’re shaming yourself pretty hard,” Kai says. “You don’t need to do that here.”
I blow out a breath. Could I find that place? The one where I’m confident in who I am again. Where I make peace with what I’ve put myself through.
“There’s a flaw to your logic,” Kai says, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear as Garrett’s hand shifts to my lower back.
“What’s that?”
“Exhibitionism draws attention to yourself and can sometimes be a compulsion to behave sexually in public. The three of us, in the safety of our homes, aren’t performing for anybody.
There’s no audience. You’re not on display.
You’re part of what’s happening. And if, one day, I want to sit back and watch you and Garrett have sex, it’s because I’m a part of it.
And my enjoyment comes from being a part of what the three of us build. ”
Garrett raises his hand to Kai’s cheek. “Couldn’t have said it better, Wild.”
Kai kisses Garrett’s palm, then continues. “And if you ever see me watching, it won’t be to judge or compare you to anyone. Maybe I’ll be making sure you’re okay. Or seeing where I could join in.”
The knot in my belly loosens a little. “So, we just…is it always all of us…? How does it…?”
“We forge our own relationships with each other and together,” Kai replies. “But no one relationship should overpower the others.”
Garrett huffs. “And, as you might have seen, Kai and I spend nearly all our time together. If I had to state a preference, I’d like to add you to that.”
I glance between the two of them, my neck strained slightly, given how tall they both are. “Okay. I just needed to say it.”
“Good,” Garrett says. “Can I kiss you real quick? Because I really need to sit the fuck back down.”
My eyes narrow. “I knew you were lying about the standing hurting less than seating.”
He grins and then winces. “Then kiss me and I’ll go sit.”
I step onto my toes and let my lips brush his. They’re soft, but firm, and his hand tugs me closer to him for a second, but then quickly releases me.
“Not even close to enough,” he says. “But my ribs are in pieces.”
Kai boops the end of my nose. “You stay right there while I get this old man to his chair.”
“I got it,” Garrett grumbles.
“I know you do, tough guy,” Kai says, taking Garrett’s waist.
Garrett whispers something to Kai I can’t hear, and Kai laughs, before kissing Garrett.
I’d never seen two men kiss in front of me before I got to know these two for real.
This small town I’ve lived in my whole life isn’t that diverse.
But there’s something incredibly erotic about the way their energy collides.
I want what they have, and yet, I hope my presence doesn’t ruin the clear love they have for one another.
Garrett offers his hand to Kai once he’s seated, and Kai squeezes it for a moment before sliding his hand until just their fingertips touch.
“Okay, where was I?” He walks over to me and leans back against the kitchen cabinets like he was.
“Right, I think I was standing right here, and then said I knew you weren’t wearing a bra and that I wanted to slide my hand under your hoodie.
And you gave me some sass about being a health and safety auditor, then I asked yes or no. And then you said…?”
Kai is so genuinely hot when he smiles.
“I said yes, then had an existential crisis,” I reply
Kai chuckles, grabbing for my hips. “I appreciate the honesty. But I don’t want to replay all that. I want to do this.”
I feel far less confused when his lips brush mine, this time. They’re slow and exploring, like he wants to learn my mouth. His thumbs stroke the skin above my waistband. When they reach the curve of my ribs, a steady warmth fills me.
But then, something unexpected happens. Kai pulls his mouth away just far enough to look over my shoulder to Garrett.
“You good, Bear?” he asks.
Garrett’s answer is a low rumble. “Better than good.”
Kai grins as he slides his hands farther beneath my shirt, eyes on me the whole time. When his thumbs brush over my nipples, I suck in a breath of air and bite down on my lip.
“You should tell him,” Garrett says from the fireplace.
I jump, and I can’t tell whether it’s from the way Kai is currently playing with my nipples or the instruction in Garrett’s tone. “Tell him what?”
“What happened in the bathroom. Kai said he wanted to know.”
My mouth opens slightly. “Is that a thing? We have to share details?”
Kai slides his arms around my back, pulling me close to his body. In this position, I can feel just how hard he is for me. “It is in this house.” He lets his mouth drop to my ear. “Tell me, Sunshine.”
I look between them, cheeks burning. “I feel like sharing this is something you build up to.”
“Good luck with that,” Garrett says. “Remember I told you how Kai and I disagree on how long we’ve been together. He goes all in fast.”
Kai shoots him a look, then lifts me so I’m sitting on the kitchen island. He steps between my legs, pushing them open, then reaches around my butt to tug me to him so all our best bits line up.
“But telling you is…embarrassing.”
“I happen to like embarrassing. But my guess is, it was hot.” He cups my jaw with both hands so I can’t turn away from him. “Use your words, Isla. Tell me what the two of you did.”
My pulse thunders, and I find I want to check in with Garrett for reassurance, but Kai has me held firmly in place.
“He was taking a bath,” I whisper.
“Trying to take a bath,” Garrett corrects.
Kai glances over to Garrett and rolls his eyes. “What did he do?”
“I brought some food. And I had just let myself in when I heard him cry out.”
Garrett huffs. “I think I actually just yelled motherfucker.”
I force myself out of Kai’s hands and turn around. “Are you telling this story, or am I?”
Garrett chuckles and leans back in the chair. “Well, if you’re gonna tell it, at least tell it right.”
“Anyway, I was worried. So, of course, I ran into the bathroom, and he was in the bath and he was…” I don’t know why I can’t say hard, but I do some weird combination of facial movements and hand gestures.
Kai strokes a knuckle down my cheek. “We’re really going to have to work on you if you can’t say his dick was erect.”
I groan and bury my head in his shoulder, and he has the audacity to chuckle as he slides his hands up and down my back.
Kai says, “This should be romantic and momentous, and instead, you’re slowly dying inside, right?”
“Yes! Urgh.”
And I don’t know why, because when I think about all the dirty talking in my past—
Well, I do know. The difference is, this matters. “I want to do this right.”
My words are mumbled against Kai’s thick hoodie, but he grabs my shoulders to nudge me back to sitting. “You look really fucking pretty when you’re embarrassed, Sunshine.”
Garrett’s voice drops to gravel. “She kissed me.”
I look at Kai and try not to flinch. “I did. I kissed him. I asked if it would help him.”
His eyes flare. “And did you like it?”
“I did,” I reply, even though my cheeks burn. “And then, I…well…I helped. You know. Until he…came.”
Kai groans against my mouth as he kisses me. “Fuck.”
There’s a quiet laugh from the fireplace. “She was perfect.”
Those three words trickle through me. Genuine praise from someone I realize I want it from.
“Sounds like the two of you had quite a moment without me,” Kai says, but I don’t hear any anger or frustration in his tone. If anything, he sounds…pleased. “Did you enjoy it?”
“Yes. I only went home because I was a little overwhelmed by everything that’s happened.”
“And now?” Kai asks.
It’s the million-dollar question, but my trust in these two men is growing. “Now, I’m not as confused.”
He looks over to Garrett. “And what about you? I’m guessing you enjoyed it.”
“Understatement of the decade,” he replies.
Kai kisses me, then. It’s deeper and hungrier than before, but I don’t feel trapped or cornered.
There’s no need to perform. His hands slip beneath my hoodie again.
His warm and calloused fingertips drag along my skin, slip beneath the waistband of my pajamas until he’s cupping my ass, then tugs us back together.
“Still okay?” he asks.
“Yes.” A soft sound escapes me, one that is both embarrassing and breathless.
“There it is,” Garrett says. “That was the sound she made for me.”
Kai growls against my lips. “Fuck’s sake, don’t tell me that unless you want me to lose the last bit of control I have.”
I slide my hands into Kai’s hair like I wanted to this morning. It’s long and thick and cool to the touch. Suddenly, I feel braver. Empowered. “Then, lose it.”
He lifts me off the kitchen island with zero effort, and I wrap my legs around him. “Why don’t we all go upstairs so Garrett can get more comfortable? You can start to show us and tell us what you like best in bed.”
But before his lips can descend on mine again, headlights sweep across the room from down the hall and out on the driveway.
“Oh, come on,” Kai groans, lowering me to the floor.
A vehicle door slams, then a second one.
Catfish’s voice cuts through the cold air as he hammers on the door. “Jackal? Shade? You guys home? Grudge and some of the brothers are setting up a patrol outside, but Wren and I gotta talk to you.”
Kai slips his hands from beneath my hoodie, then rearranges the distinct bulge in his jeans. “Don’t go far,” he murmurs. “Because once they’re gone”—he leans in, lips brushing the shell of my ear—“We’re finishing the conversation we started.”
Garrett huffs. “Let’s hope they don’t stay long.”
But my stomach flips at Wren and Catfish knocking on our door so late, because I can’t help but wonder if they know more about the person stalking me than I do.