Chapter 26
Harrison
Pulling into the hangar, I’ve barely got my truck in park before I’m throwing open the door and reaching for my bag. Rushing toward the plane, I slow my steps as I notice Gavin gesturing to slow down with his hands held out as if he was a crossing guard at an elementary school.
“You’re fine. I submitted the flight plan for an hour from now after we flew back last time. I suspected you might have a lot to accomplish before we returned to Miami and wanted to have a buffer.”
Bending over, I place my hands on my knees and take a few steady inhales to catch my breath. “Sorry, man. My orthopedist said he could fit me in before I left. I wasn’t sure I could fit it in, but hell… I was dying to get that cast off.” I still have to wear this Velcro wrist brace for a while, but it’s a far cry from that awful cast.
“Well, that was worth the heart attack you nearly gave yourself trying to get here in time. Go on up and settle in. Catch your breath. I’ve got your bag.” He chuckles.
“Thanks.” I give myself a good stretch before ascending into the plane. I’ve definitely given this little biplane a workout since I started commuting back and forth.
I’d casually said something to Matthew about wishing I could get to and from Miami faster and within twenty-four-hours he had the name of a pilot that was willing to help. Gavin Gold was doing private charters in Sycamore Mountain, but business had been slow enough to consider a short-term relocation. I was grateful he was willing to consider flying me to and from Miami several times a week, even if it required him to relocate his operations to southern Florida temporarily. I sweetened the deal on our contract, but he reassured me that he and his wife, Joey, would love the chance to spend some time in the Keys. She’s apparently a tomboy and enjoys that scene a bit more than Miami. But they are making the most of both locations.
At first, I struggled with spending this kind of money on traveling by private plane. Yet, Hightower Construction is easily bringing in enough income to offset the expense. And it’s much easier for me to rationalize working away from Mom, knowing I can get home on a moment’s notice.
Dropping my pounding head against the headrest once I reach my seat, I take a few cleansing breaths and hope to still the pulse thrumming in my ears. Once my heart rate feels it’s going in the right direction, I bend, grabbing hold of the cooler Gavin keeps stocked for a bottle of water. Glancing inside, I notice the pink lemonade lying on ice.
Real men don’t drink pink lemonade.
My hand returns to my chest, rubbing the familiar circular pattern whenever that ache decides to pay a visit. That was such a phenomenal day. Who’d know springing her boys on me like that would have affected me in such a way? Hell, I hadn’t wanted them to leave.
4:30 p.m.
Harrison
I’m sorry. I wish I’d had time to say goodbye. I was rushing to get to my orthopedist before I had to leave.
Taking a quick picture of my right wrist in the new black Velcro brace, I send it along to her.
But it’s not enough. It wouldn’t have taken me but a few minutes to run over and kiss her goodbye. I’m just feeling guilty for pulling away when she’s been nothing but sweet to me. Yet, I’m discovering there’s not enough room for all of the things I feel guilty over. I can’t keep up with it all. My damn plate is too full.
Downing half of my water, I lay my head back, hoping to clear my thoughts. There’s no sense worrying about things I can’t change. As much as I miss spending time with Harlow and her boys, my life is entirely too complicated to do any more than I am right now. Hopefully, she’ll understand. Her life is equally busy. I just hope that once things calm down, she’ll forgive me for not making her more of a priority. But relationships have never worked out in my favor. So, I need to stay focused on Mom and work right now, because those are the two I can’t mess around with.
Fidgeting in my seat, I’m having a hard time getting comfortable. Which is odd. Now that the damn cast and sling are off, you’d think I’d feel like a million bucks. I buckle in, look out the window at the runway, and hope for an easy flight. I admit Jo’s prediction about storms ahead has me worried. If I were home when he’d said it, I probably would’ve consulted the Magic 8 ball. I can practically see the answer:
Outlook Not So Good.
It isn’t long before Gavin is seated in the cockpit, ready for takeoff. “Just relax, Harrison. We’ve got clear skies all the way to Miami. We’ll be there in no time.”
See. Don’t go borrowing trouble, Harrison. Why am I letting that old coot get in my head?
“Hey, Joyce. Sorry for the late call. I’m trying to get caught up here. How’s everything going?”
“Slow. I think the move back home and introducing her to the new nurse and therapy team on top of the sedating medication has made her exhausted. She should sleep well tonight.”
Well, I guess that’s something. “She doesn’t appear to be in pain, does she?”
“No, Harry. I’m trying to be careful to only give her what she needs. But she seems much more cooperative now that she’s back home. And when she tries to move without help, the pain reminds her to slow down.”
“Did she eat anything?”
“Not a lot, but some. I’ll try to make her that chicken tortilla soup she likes tomorrow.”
I smile. A genuine smile. At least I can sleep tonight, knowing Mom is in her own bed, with someone looking out for her that knows what she needs. “You’re a gem, Joyce. I’ll try to call you tomorrow. Give her a kiss for me.”
“I always do.”
The next two weeks bring more of the same. Flying back and forth during the week and trying to spend quality time with Mom on the weekends. Luckily, Matt has flown out whenever he’s had a few days off in a row, which has given Joyce a break and helped to ease my mind.
Both have shared that Mom doesn’t have any interest in participating in therapy, thus it will likely end soon, if it hasn’t already. I’m afraid her cognition has caused their hard work to go to waste. The last time I saw her, she was carrying her walker down the hall as if it was a prop a lion tamer would use at the circus. A lot of good that thing does if she’s swinging it through the air.
Joyce hasn’t been giving her much pain medication, but she hasn’t needed it as she spends most days in bed. I guess she’s safer that way.
10:02 p.m.
Harrison
Hey… know it’s late. Had been thinking about you and…
Delete, delete, delete.
10:02 p.m.
Harrison
Hey, Harlow. Sorry it’s been a while…
Delete, delete, delete.
No. That’s just dumb. Shit . I really need to search Amazon for a Dating for Dummies book.
10:02 p.m.
Harrison
I miss you.
There… that’s the truth, right? But do I have any right to say it, given how absent I’ve been. Maybe I should wait and message when I get home and have enough time to actually see her.
Delete, delete, delete.
Flipping my phone over on the nightstand at my short-term rental, I reach up and rub my chest. The dull ache is back. Maybe I should get an appointment and check this out when I get home.
It’s for the best, holding off on reopening the door to questions I’m not certain I can answer. When will you be back? Do you think we can get together? How’s your mom? The boys want to know if they can come over. Yet my fears about getting backed into a corner with these types of inquiries are all in my head. Because she’s been nothing but respectful. She’s never asked for more than I can give. I’m only feeling guilty because I want to do more but can’t.
While I did receive a short reply from Harlow saying she understood about my needing to rush off before my flight the other day, it felt off. I’m tempted to call her and try to make things right, but what do I say? I can’t pretend there won’t be more of the same. My life feels so out of control at the moment, I’m surprised I’ve been able to keep my emotions in check at work. Gus is used to my temperament, but I can’t allow my current situation to fray my nerves to the point where I snap. Especially with Braxton and his team.
And the last person who’d deserve that kind of behavior is Harlow.
Harlow
“Boys, I’m going to need to drop you off with your dads early. I have to bring some things by Grandma’s house for when I’m gone.”
I can’t believe it’s almost here. My two weeks of drill each summer is usually here in Florida. We get hit with enough storms across the state that they keep us busy here. But apparently, we’re going global this year.
It wasn’t official until recently, but we’re heading to Germany. We’ll have the opportunity to train some of their military there as well as work on some mutual aid projects. I’ve heard from some other guard members who’ve been able to go overseas that they allow you to have some downtime while you’re there as well. Which is amazing, since this momma rarely has the opportunity to go anywhere except work, little league, and the Jingle Mart.
I have to admit, I was hoping I would’ve heard more from Harrison before I left. Heck, he’s been so absent, I haven’t even told him I’m going. But the texts have been so brief, there really hasn’t felt like there was an opening to start a real conversation. The messages have been short, to the point, pleasantries. More like you’d get from the parent-teacher group. Not a man you’ve seen naked.
The walls have started to go up since I felt the brush off at the emergency room construction site several weeks ago. I know he messaged saying he was busy, but it wouldn’t have taken but a few moments to come say hello. Hell, even a smile would’ve been better than the greeting I got.
I try to remind myself of the pressure he’s under, but heck, life’s not easy for me, either. And I’m tired of being in relationships with people who don’t even try to fit me in, much less make me a priority in their lives. Maybe I went about this all wrong. Perhaps showing him the real me by bringing my boys to his place has backfired. Sheesh, Harlow, you even brought your damn exes over there.
Yet, at the time, he was so open and seemed to want to know whether we could make things work around all of our responsibilities. Had he decided after meeting all of my baggage that it wasn’t worth the hassle?
Grabbing another set of pajamas for each of the boys from the laundry room, I toss it into the bag I’m bringing to Mom’s. She probably has everything they need. They spend enough time there when I’m working. But I haven’t checked lately and they’ve both been having a growth spurt. However, it is summer vacation in Florida. They barely wear anything.
“C’mon, guys. Let’s roll.”
“I can’t believe you get to go to Germany,” Justin says as he rushes down the stairs.
“What’s so cool about Germany?” his brother asks after he jumps halfway down the steps to meet us.
“It’s a country with a whole different set of customs, language, and food,” I mutter aloud.
“And castles!” Justin adds. “You think you’ll get to see any castles?”
“Hmm. I hadn’t thought about that. Maybe?”
“Do they have any tin soldiers out front? Or alligators in the water around the castles?”
I laugh. “I don’t think so.”
“I think they drink a lot of beer there,” Justin says. “And eat pretzels.”
This really makes me giggle. “Have you been googling Germany?”
“Yeah, there are pictures of men in funny short pants and women with braids carrying great big pitches of beer. And the food pictures were of pretzels, sausages, cheese, and something called sauerkraut.”
“What’s a sour crowd?” Alec asks with his nose wrinkled adorably.
“Sauerkraut is like boiled cabbage.”
“Oh, gross!” Alec makes overdramatic gagging noises before flopping over sideways like he’s been mortally wounded. By the sour crowd.
We back out of the drive, and I try to soak in these moments. That’s the hardest part about being away for any length of time. Missing the boys. We don’t get to communicate often while I’m away. And these casual moments with them are often my favorite. You quite honestly never know what will come out of the mouths of babes. Isn’t that the saying?
“Well, I say we do some research and try to plan a big German meal with Grandma for before I go. Then when I get back, I’ll let you know if they actually eat any of that stuff.”
“Can we have beer and pretzels for dinner? And cheese!” Alec squeals from the backseat.
“Maybe root beer.”
“With ice cream? Yes!” Alec punches the air. “I like Germany.”
“Somehow, I don’t think root beer floats are a German thing.” But what do I know?
After dropping off the boys with their dads, I make my way to my mother’s house with their extra things. It already feels lonely in this quiet car without their endless chatter. And after getting a small taste of what life could be like with a man like Harrison, I’m feeling lonelier now than before. Even trying to make careful decisions by taking things slow with Stewart hadn’t made me miss him when we were apart. But deep down, I probably knew it wasn’t meant to be. Harrison was the first man I was excited to consider going all in with since my divorces.
There was a time I’d thought I’d never remarry. But he’d given me hope there were real men out there. One who could respect me as an equal and want to spend time with me. Not just treat me as the live-in help. But as much as I’ve fallen for him, I’m glad to be going away where I’m not tempted to text. Because I miss him.
And it hurts more than I’d like to admit that he doesn’t appear to feel the same.