Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Leighton
I stand on the stairs to listen in for a second and overhear Hayes ask Monroe, “What’s up with the bubble tea thing?”
I’m curious if she’ll share her obsession with him.
After Sky and Patrick died, I completely forgot about her National Day list until she started crying one day out of the blue.
Lincoln had to remind me, and ever since, I’ve been bending over backward to make sure we cross off the designated item every day.
My energy is already tapped from getting off shift three hours ago.
It was my first day back after using my bereavement pay and personal days and vacation time.
I won’t be seeing that beach vacation I’ve been dreaming about any time soon.
Single moms should walk the streets while people bow at their feet, I swear.
Luckily, I have my mom and Aunt Iris to watch them after school when needed.
They do a good job as a duo, and I’m thankful for their help, but the minute I walked in the door, Lake was on me about the sleepover on Friday and Monroe about her bubble tea.
Then Lincoln’s teacher called, asking if I had five minutes to spare.
And now Hayes is sitting downstairs. Thanks, Callie.
When I came down in my pajamas, I assumed it was the delivery guy with the bubble tea and at least one of the crises would be averted.
The last person I thought would be standing on the porch was Hayes.
It was stupid of me not to think of him as a possibility, given that Callie was on the phone earlier when the chaos erupted.
I shouldn’t have answered the phone, but I wanted to wish her good luck on the podcast, and if I didn’t do it right then, I’d forget and be a shitty best friend.
All I wanted to tell her was a quick “you got this” and “I’m in your corner,” but then Monroe threw herself on the ground, saying she had to have bubble tea tonight, and Lincoln with that damn ball against the wall.
Pound, pound, pound. He kept giving me recaps of the game and how well Hayes was playing, which spurred Hayes to infiltrate my already cluttered mind.
But Lincoln doesn’t know that I’ve had a crush on Hayes for years.
I haven’t done anything about it because I value my friendship with Callie far more than any potential fling with her brother.
And from what I’ve witnessed from the sidelines, he doesn’t really do long-term relationships, so it would inevitably end and where would that leave me with Callie?
I shake my head to get rid of the thoughts and start up the stairs. I have way too much going on to be worrying about a relationship with Hayes that will never happen.
I knock on Lake’s door. She doesn’t tell me to come in. Not surprising. She’s as stubborn as her mother—and me, if I’m honest. One thing I’ve realized is that being a guardian to three kids really puts my flaws into perspective.
I open the door and peek in. “Lake, we need to talk.”
“The sleepover doesn’t matter. Forget it. I won’t go.” She grabs a pillow, stuffing it in her lap, and hugs it to her body.
I blow out a breath. I hate that I need her so much.
She’s the oldest, so I have to rely on her to watch the younger kids sometimes.
I worry though. She’s just shy of twelve and too young to be so responsible, but I know Sky was already putting her in charge when she’d run to the grocery store or do a quick errand.
At the same time, Lake has lost so much—I don’t want her to lose her childhood too. Then she’ll end up a thirty-year-old nurse with no love prospects and trust issues.
“You can go. I’ll figure something out. I’ll get someone to take my shift, or I’ll get a babysitter, but it’s not for you to worry about.”
Guilt fills Lake’s sigh, and she looks away from me. Lake is old enough to understand a little more about the sacrifices that have to be made.
This new dynamic is going to change my relationship with Lake, and I’ll have to mourn what we were or could’ve been because there’s no changing it.
I can’t be her best friend, the one who sides with her against Sky so she can get her ears pierced.
I wanted to be the fun aunt figure—the one who joked with her and gossiped about crushes.
I don’t want to be the one to discipline her or forbid her from doing something.
But whether we like it or not, that’s where we find ourselves.
I sit on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry.
I’d just gotten off shift, and it was a really long day.
I’m tired, and I wasn’t thinking. Well, I was only thinking about myself honestly—about how I needed to get us dinner and get Lincoln’s homework done.
I had an instant reaction when you asked, and I apologize, but you’re going to the sleepover. ”
“I’m sorry too. It’s fine. I don’t have to go.”
I shake my head and squeeze her leg. “You’re going, Lake.”
She holds the pillow tight to her chest, and god, she looks so much like Sky did at her age. Tears come to my eyes, but I swallow them down.
I pat her leg. “I’ll figure it out.”
“I can go late. I can wait until you get home, and then I’ll go.”
Oh, Sky, you raised a good one.
“No.” I shake my head. “You’re going to go enjoy the whole thing.”
She shouldn’t have to sacrifice any fun. She lost her parents, for fuck’s sake. I know she really wants to go, and it’s not her being selfish—it’s just that this is her world. And right now, her friends might be the only happy part of her world.
“Thanks, but honestly—”
“Nope. End of discussion. Now come on.” I slide off the bed and hold out my hand.
“Okay, thanks.” She accepts my hand, and I open my arms.
Lake steps into me, and we hold one another longer than we ever have before.
She’s the first to pull away, and the smirk on her face says she’s going to ask me something I don’t want to talk about. “So, you let him stick around?”
An eleven-year-old should not be my confidante, but I don’t have many options right now.
“Yeah,” I say. “Well, Callie called him, because you know… he’s Callie’s brother.”
“How come I never met him before? And why is he coming around? Do you like him or something?”
“No!” My reaction is way too quick.
Her eyes go wide. “Oh my god, you do!”
My head whips toward the door as if Hayes might be standing there. “No, I don’t.”
“Your face says you do.” She laughs and circles her finger over my very heated face.
“It does not.”
“You look like Jess when I ask her if she has a crush on Robbie.”
“Well, I’m not Jess, and he’s not Robbie, and there are no crushes.”
“Your voice is doing that high-pitched thing. Just like that time Mom tried to get the number of that guy at Navy Pier for you.”
“Okay, enough of that. Anyway, he ordered pizza, and he’s helping Lincoln with homework, and Monroe is waiting for her bubble tea. Why don’t you come down and finish your homework too?”
“I’m done with my homework. I finished it after school.”
God, she’s so responsible—classic firstborn daughter.
She reminds me a lot of myself—taking on too much responsibility at a young age.
I was twelve when I adopted my new role since my parents weren’t able to keep their shit together.
I won’t let Lake go down the same path. She will have every experience a girl her age should have.
“Come and have pizza then.”
She exhales and nods. Thank God—one crisis averted. Now I just need that damn bubble tea to show up and Lincoln to finish his homework. Then maybe this house will start to feel normal again. A sliver of hope winds around me that I can make this work.
I put my arm around Lake, and we walk toward the stairs. At the landing, we hear Monroe giving her play-by-play to Hayes, telling him about her goal for the rest of the year.
That’s when it really hits me—the rest of the year.
It sounds so daunting. I don’t know why Sky or Patrick allowed her to do it, but I won’t take it away from her.
Monroe is going to reach her goal, just as I promised Lake she’ll get to be a kid.
And Lincoln—he’s on cloud nine that Hayes is here.
One thing I can give him is a major league baseball player to play catch with.
But as Lake and I reach the bottom of the stairs, and I feel like we finally have a small win, I hear Lincoln say, “Will you be my baseball coach? My dad was supposed to do it this year, but he died.”
My feet slide to a stop before we can be seen. Panic mixes with devastation at his words.
Lake and I look at one another.
My body goes into reaction mode, and I scramble to get into the kitchen before Hayes has the chance to answer.
This is not his responsibility—it’s mine.
I know him. I know Callie. I know all of the Carlisles.
They’ll step in, they’ll help, they’ll want to make it all work.
But Hayes has his own things to accomplish this year, and I want him to have all the success he’s dreamed of.
Last year was a challenging year for the Carlisle family, and I want all of them to be happy.
Hayes getting the Gold Glove—that would make them all so happy.
I won’t let my life detour his in any way.
The doorbell rings before he can answer Lincoln, but I see Hayes’s stunned expression.
He doesn’t want to tell a nine-year-old boy, I can’t coach your baseball team.
I’m really sorry your dad just died, but I play in the major leagues, kid, and I’m in the middle of my season.
Then he’ll feel guilty, I’ll feel guilty, and guilt is already drowning us in this house.
I’m about to tell Lincoln, “No, no, no, we can figure it out—don’t put that pressure on him,” when the doorbell rings again. Finally, the bubble tea.
Hayes bolts up from the table. “I’ll get it. It’s probably the pizza.”
“Or my bubble tea!” Monroe trails him.
“Well, let’s see if it is!” Hayes waits a second for her.
Lake puts her arm through mine. “Let’s go get the paper plates.”
This job is exhausting. One crisis is handled, only for another to pop right back up. How did Sky do this every day?