Chapter Twelve
Lilly
My head is splitting. My perfect, fun getaway weekend quickly turned into a nightmare.
Much like most experiences we've had in the last two years.
That's such an odd thing to process. I can't imagine not knowing Cass.
I know that I existed before him, but that feels like such a long time ago.
Like a time so distant in my memory, it almost doesn't feel real.
"Since you're suffering from head trauma, maybe I can finally get you to make some wedding decisions," Mindy says, plopping on the couch beside me. The jolt makes my head ache and I squint my eyes at her. She winces and offers me an apologetic smile.
"Sorry."
I wave her off. "It's fine. It's just my head."
Mindy rubs a hand over her belly, arching her back as she attempts to resituate herself on my couch.
"Any day now," I note.
"Today would be great," she says, wincing again, this time from her physical pain.
I lean in toward her stomach. "You don't listen to her, Baby M. You stay put until you're good and ready. But, we're all ready to meet you whenever you're done baking in there."
"Oh!" Mindy exclaims.
"What?" I ask, sitting up and immediately regretting the quick transition.
"Baby M is kicking you," she giggles, grabbing my hand and pressing it to the side of her stomach closest to me.
Sure enough, a small foot makes Mindy's stomach beneath my hand protrude out with their kicks.
Mindy and Linc decided that the gender would be a surprise, but they've decided on a boy and girl name that both start with the letter 'M'.
So, that's what I've been calling them until they are born, and we know what they will be.
Mindy thinks boy, Linc wants a boy, and I want them to be a girl. We're on the home stretch of finding out, though and I cannot wait. Cass says he could care less, they all look like worms when they're born.
Linc is pacing outside on the phone, likely with Cass.
I'm anxious to know what happened, though I doubt I actually get the information from Cass.
I'll have to read it in an article online or something.
Or get it from one of the other ol' ladies whose husband shares a little too much information with them over their bedtime pillow talk. Either or.
I can't say I've rested easily the last few months, always worried about when the rug is going to ripped out from beneath me. Never knowing what's waiting around the corner.
Bud dog's cold, wet nose nudges me. He's waiting to climb onto the couch. I move my feet out of his way and he climbs onto the center cushion, just between me and Mindy. He curls himself into a ball and rests half of his upper body across my legs, knocking the wind out of me when he plops.
"Okay. So back to the wedding," Mindy prompts, petting Bud dog.
The audible sigh he lets out makes us both laugh.
"I don't know, Min. I think I just want it to be a small elopement, honestly."
"What about bridesmaids? You've gone back and forth on whether or not you want to even have a bridal party," she huffs.
"How about just one bridesmaid?" I ask, raising my eyebrows in her direction.
She claps with glee. "Yes! I cannot wait to have this baby and then put on a bridesmaids dress."
Her sarcasm doesn't go unnoticed and I laugh, out loud; so unbecoming of a lady.
"You're beautiful, in every shape and form. Now, what color would you like to wear?" I ask.
She smiles at me, subconsciously rubbing her stomach. "How about a burgundy?"
"Burgundy is good. Our color will be burgundy. Done."
"You're really one of the simplest humans I've ever met, Lilly. You didn't even offer another color," she says.
"I didn't need to. I like burgundy," I say nonchalantly. Because I do. And she's the one who's going to be wearing the dress anyway.
We spend the evening picking and choosing different wedding details, like the cake and where we're holding the reception because she wouldn't let me not have a reception. The park doesn’t have a space that I’d like to use, so we opt that our first choice is the Oklahoma City clubhouse.
Cass is going to have to clear that with the club though.
I’ve got a list in the notes app on my phone for the things I need him to do.
Decide what he wants to get married in. I would imagine he’s going to opt for his cut-off and a pair of blue jeans. Consult with the club in Oklahoma City. Decide on a honeymoon destination from the list of places I’ve narrowed it down to. That’s it. A small list of things that I need from him.
It's getting dark outside and Linc has been on the phone on and off for most of the day.
I don't know what's going on but there is something happening and I have this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Linc is standing just inside the front doorway and his phone rings again.
He answers it and as he's about to walk outside, he stops dead in his tracks.
"What the fuck?!" he asks, pausing as if someone trapped him there. Holding him firmly in place.
"Why the fuck was he alone?" Linc looks like he's seen a ghost. His face is pale, but his hands are shaking. Something happened. Something bad.
"Where are they taking him?" he asks.
He motions for Mindy and I to follow him.
We're getting in the truck. I'm going to be sick.
My stomach is in knots as I await instruction.
As I await the words that will come from his mouth once he hangs up that fucking rectangle.
We are in the truck and Linc is driving like he stole the damned thing.
Mindy is holding onto the 'oh shit' handle and I'm sitting directly behind her seat, not looking out the windshield.
I'm terrified if I do, I may cry and throw up simultaneously.
We're on the interstate before Linc finally hangs up the phone. My mind is reeling as I play the questions Linc asked over on a loop, trying to fill in the blanks.
Where was he? Why was he alone? Who did it? What hospital are they taking him to? Is he going to make it? Do you have eyes on him? Did anyone see where they went?
I tuned out whatever came next while the blood drained from my face.
I knew without asking that the person in question was my fiancé.
I know without a doubt that something has happened to Cass.
My heart is tight inside my chest, and my stomach has the biggest knot, twisting around itself while I wait for the words to come.
"Lilly..." Linc begins, but pauses. He looks over his shoulder and his worried eyes meet mine. Tears well in my eyes as I prepare for the worst.
"What happened to him?" I ask, my voice cracking as I try to maintain my composure.
"He was run down by three Moccasins. They got him on the side of the road and they beat him pretty bad.
He's alive. But they shot him, Lil. He's at the hospital now," he says the words and all the air is sucked from my lungs.
I can't breathe. I can't breathe on a planet where he doesn't exist. He got shot.
My mind cannot process the words that I've heard.
Gater. Fucking Gater did this. I know it in my bones.
Anger rushes over me. I am so mad that I cannot see straight.
I feel so goddamned helpless and I don't know what to do.
I want to hurt the people who hurt my fiancé.
I want to rip them to shreds. They went after the fucking light in my life.
The man that simultaneously gets on my absolute last nerve and makes life the most fun that it's ever been.
The hospital is only ten minutes away and when Linc screeches up to the front door, I am out of the truck and on my feet.
My wobbly, shaky feet carry me faster than I thought possible inside the hospital.
I do not wait for Mindy and Linc. I could care less if they are right behind me or if they brought me here to drop me off and leave.
I just need to see him. I need to put my eyes on Cass.
The lady at the front desk greets me with a smile but her smile quickly fades when she sees the expression on my face. "How can I help you?" she asks solemnly.
"Caine Sonnier. He came in by ambulance," I say.
"It looks like he's in surgery, dear," she says softly, opening a map and pointing me in the direction of the surgery waiting room.
Footsteps behind me make me whip my head around. Linc and Mindy have caught up.
"We're going to the third floor to wait.
He's in surgery," I relay the information just as it was told to me.
I'm hollow. If you bounced a ball inside of my chest, it would echo.
There is no matter left inside of me. I want to cry and scream and shatter the glass of every window in this building.
Instead, I walk quietly to the elevator and ride it up to the third floor.
Once we're there, we're directed to the surgery waiting area.
It's a room of its own with about thirty chairs, a table on one end with a coffee maker, creamer, and sugar, and a stack of Styrofoam cups.
There's a water dispenser beside it with the tiny cone shaped cups on top.
I fill one and down the small cup of water.
Mindy has been radio silent and when I look over at her, I see that she's got tears streaming down both her cheeks.
I avert my eyes, knowing if I look at her crying, I won't be able to hold it together.
One by one, our family begins pouring in.
Scott is first, the solemn look on his face nearly rips my heart out of my chest. Aaron and Conner show up together.
Then Digger, Snapper, and Leo roll in. Snapper is stewing as he sits alone, no doubt imagining the ways that he will make Gater pay for this.
No one has said it, but I know it. Without a doubt, without a question.
As sure as I know my name, I know he is the one who's behind this.
Five hours later, a doctor enters the room looking as tired as I feel.
"Here for the family of Caine Sonnier," he says.