Chapter 11 #2
Azahara took a deep inhale of him and the fresh air before answering, “I think I’m okay.” Images of that moment plagued her, even now looking at him. Fragments of his neck slicing open threatened her vision. She blinked them away. “I’m so sorry—”
“What happened?” He pulled her back in for an embrace, and she welcomed it.
Her arms wrapped around his back, her head resting against his chest. Feeling his heartbeat under her temple soothed her mind.
He was alive. I have never felt so terrified in my life…
She thought as another intake of air was brought into her lungs, a deep sigh following.
She was searching for how to explain what had happened. Knowing he knew her less truthful answers, she had to be cautious. Telling him about Goddrick may be his death sentence, but she wasn’t sure.
The only person she had ever told was Illyan, and that was specific. Plus, with Illyan preferring the company of men and with no sexual interest in her, it felt safe. That was almost two hundred years ago, and they still took breath.
Kaed didn’t loosen his grip on her and patiently waited for her to speak. It would take a few minutes, but she would finally give him an answer.
“I saw something that I thought only lived in my nightmares.” She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. “It felt so real. The blood was warm on my skin. It stung my eyes. The life I had come to care for, gone in an instant.” Kaed physically tensed.
“Who…”
“Yours.” He backed from her, and she opened her eyes to see him. “I want to tell you everything. I just can’t.”
Kaed lowered his shoulders in defeat, seemingly fighting whether to be angry or upset.
“But,” she continued, “I’m mentally exhausted. While I can say that time isn’t my friend, I want to ask you for it.” His eyebrows furrowed. “Give me time to figure out how to tell you everything.” His stoic expression softened, and it looked like he was contemplating her words.
He touched her cheek, and she leaned into it, welcoming his warmth. “The look on your face…” Her throat felt clogged as if she couldn’t swallow. “All of the color was gone. Those beautiful freckles disappeared. I thought I had done something wrong…”
The feeling of anxiety wrapped her in its embrace. “You did nothing wrong.” The only thing she wanted right then and there was to have that moment back. His last words. “Every time you do that, I get jealous. I want to be the one biting it”. “I hadn’t lied when you asked if I wanted you.”
Fighting a boyish smile, he pulled her in. This time, she turned her head, and it killed her to do it. “But…”
“There always is one of those but’s,” he said with a soft laugh. It surprised her that he wasn’t angry, or even just upset.
“I just need—”
“Time. I know, sweetheart.” He took her chin into his hand and leaned away from her. “I understand, and I’m willing to wait.” She felt sweat gathering at her palms. “I’d wait lifetimes.” His lips pressed against her forehead, and she felt a myriad of emotions all at once.
“Even if it’s not in this life, I will find you somehow and continue to wait.”
Tears gathered at the corners of her eyes. Why does it feel like I’ve known you all along?
Her head fell, and he pulled her again to his chest. His warm embrace was like a blanket: comfortable and warm. “I don’t deserve it.”
But don’t you.
“That’s a lie, Ladybug.” She sniffled and rubbed her eyes against his chest before gazing at Illyan, who was perched against the doorframe. “Remember, he can tell.”
“You know,” Kaed whispered. “I can’t tell if I dislike or hate him... her…?”
Azahara laughed and shook her head. “They grow on you.” She swiped away her tears as he let her go reluctantly. “Illyan has no gender. They denounced it years ago. I’m sure they’d tell you all about it; they love to talk.”
Kaed let out an exasperated sigh, causing her to laugh softly.
He looked down at her. Leaning in, he whispered, “I love your laugh.” Her lips pressed together as she fought a girly smile.
The sound of hooves clicking caught her attention, and when she turned, a large white and black spotted steed was charging her way. Its soft rounded green eyes elated to see her. Its relaxed jaw and happy neigh as it approached, made her smile widely.
Her arms outstretched as his large head slammed into her. Kaed’s strong arm caught around her back, or else she’d have fallen.
Letting out a joyful laugh, she scratched under the scruff of his neck.
“Starlight. It’s good to see you, boy.” Moondancer walked up behind Starlight, surprising Azahara with her head brushing against her hand.
“Oh. Hi there.” She began to stroke the brown mare’s coat. “Hope you two are getting along.”
“AHEM!” Illyan called out, playful annoyance in their tone. “Come eat, the both of you, right now.”
Starlight and Moondancer stepped away, and both headed inside. There was still a lot for them to talk about, but for now, something as mundane as lunch felt safer and needed.
Before they walked through the door, Kaed paused, which caused her to do the same. “By the way,” he started.
“Hmm?”
“You deserve everything. Don’t ever think otherwise.”