Chapter 16 Kaed
Kaed
“Iswear to the gods, Illyan, let me go!” In any other circumstances he would have killed the Fae, but somehow he found restraint, “Illyan, gods be damned—” He seized the arm around their neck and skillfully maneuvered his leg between the Fae’s open stance.
With all the strength in his upper body, he thrust his shoulder forward, causing Illyan to lose their grip and tumble to the ground.
“Ow!” Illyan cried. Their back hit the ground with a loud thud. “What the hell!?” The Fae quickly gathered themselves to stand at the front of the door. “You cannot go back to her!”
Kaed was sick of Illyan and was ready to snap their neck right then so that he could get back to her. “We left her alone! All alone! I can’t—how could you!?”
Illyan gritted its teeth, baring its canines at him. “You don’t think I know that. You don’t think I’m hurting just as much,” they hissed in anguish.
“No!” Kaed knew he was out of place.
“Then you’re a fool,” Illyan retorted, their voice laced with frustration. It was painfully evident that Illyan was suffering, their eyes swollen, body trembling, and shoulders slumped in defeat, unable to convey the depth of their pain.
There was a moment of still between the two of them. They both pled with one another in their way.
“Tell me why,” Kaed finally demanded.
Illyan relaxed ever so slightly and took a deep breath. The warmth of her home felt uncomfortable rather than comforting. “He will come to retrieve her body.”
“He…” As if those words put a dagger in his heart, Kaed fell. His knees hit the wooden floor with a crack. Emerald eyes unblinking while he stared at Illyan. There was a sympathetic expression on the Fae’s face.
“When she dies, as she has before, Goddrick—” The expression of confusion on Kaed’s face indicated that the name didn’t ring a bell. “The god brings her back.” As if a shock of realization surged through him, Kaed straightened his back, ready to say something. However, Illyan cut him off.
“She has always told me to never stay with her body. To always leave her where she is. No one—not even you—can imagine what he could do.” The Fae swallowed hard, their throat bobbing with emotion.
“Did she not tell you?” Tears finally broke through their strong facade.
“Ladybug, she’s... she’s too good not to have. ”
Kaed felt their sorrow.
Azahara had told him at the barn. She had asked him to promise to leave her if she were ever to die. It had been at a time when he’d have thought she was being cautious with the Gorruk chasing them. Now he understood why, but it didn’t make this situation any less painful.
Kaed’s head dropped, the blood on his hands not his own, the crimson liquid belonging to the one he loved.
From the moment he had laid eyes on her, he had known that he loved her. It was an unconditional love, far stronger than anything he had ever felt before. It was a terrifying feeling, one he had never experienced for anyone else.
The memory of ripping those words from her mouth at that moment tore at his heart. She was going to tell me… and I took that from her.
There was no room for words, nothing he could say to Illyan that would help. She was gone. Maybe not gone from this world, but gone from him.
For the first time, he wanted to destroy and not protect.
Every obstacle in his path to getting her back felt insurmountable. He was willing to move mountains, destroy forests, and dry up the seas if necessary to find her. This would be the one and only time that this world would take her away from him, Gods be damned.
After what felt like years, Illyan pressed a shaky hand onto his shoulder. “He took her.”
Kaed stood on weak legs and peered out the window. The rain was steadily becoming stronger, washing away the events of what had occurred. The clouds had covered the bright moonlight, leaving nothing visible except a white and black horse resting on the ground.
He leaned against the window, his Elf vision adapting quickly. It was Starlight. The horse rested there alone, in the place of its rider, or where she had been just moments before. The dark circle around him marked the spot where her heart had stopped.
His hands trembled and pushed back from the window. “I need to go and find her.”
Illyan shook his head. “You would only put her in more danger.”
Kaed knew it was true deep down, but he couldn’t bear to sit in her home, surrounded by her things, feeling comfortable, and just waiting for however long it took until she returned. “I can’t just—” he began, his voice heavy with frustration and helplessness.
Illyan turned away from him. “I’m going to pick up.” Their voice was low, deadpanning the conversation.
Around them, the home had been demolished. The Vaeragi had ransacked the place looking for them. That was likely when they had taken Illyan, and while he wasn’t against hurting the Fae, asking how they had been captured seemed ill-timed.
Taking a deep breath, he looked back out the window. Now, beside Starlight was Moondancer. She had finally found her way back to them after their separation in the woods. A strong force was pulling him to run out, mount her, and go off to find Azahara.
He stared at his mare comforting Starlight, just as the realization hit that Illyan was right, he understood that charging out blindly would be a foolish move.
Moreover, he had a feeling that, while Moondancer was his horse, at that moment, she belonged to Starlight.
Even a half-breed like himself was attuned to animals and nature.
They both probably knew the sacrifice Azahara had made to keep them both safe, and him as well.
It was hard for Kaed to comprehend that she had allowed herself to be killed for him. Aren’t I the one that is supposed to be protecting her? The amount of pain that tore at his heart was beyond anything he had ever felt before. If I had just been…
“Stop it,” her voice sounded, and he jerked around, looking for her.
Illyan hadn’t stopped what they were doing, picking up furniture and setting it back in place.
His heart was thudding quickly against his chest. “Please don’t do that.
” He turned, but nothing was there, just a flame that barely kept lit in the fireplace.
“We are both alive.” He was beginning to realize that he was hearing a previous conversation.
“You said that earlier; a scratch means nothing.”
“It means everything to me…” He searched for the couch and fell to a seated position.
“What’s that?” Illyan asked, finally turning to see him sitting there, his head in his hands.
“I’m hearing her voice.” There were no words that could keep his mind from going dark. He just kept thinking about how much pain she had been in, how he couldn’t take that away, and only watched as Ku`luk stopped her heart.
He stopped his heart. Her heart was his. It wasn’t anyone’s to take from him.
“In your ears?” Illyan continued.
“No.” Kaed shot him an irritated grimace. “In my nose.”
Illyan sped over to him. “What is your problem?”
Kaed knew he was being irrational towards Illyan.
However, all he could hear was them telling the Vaeragi not to kill him and helping Azahara to her demise.
He was angry that he didn’t use his Fae Magic, the most potent power aside from the gods, and the once mighty Dragons.
He bit his tongue, wanting to spew venom at the Fae for absolutely no reason other than to aid his wounds.
They stood over Kaed. “You think I’m happy seeing my best friend die in front of me?
Do you think I’ve ever felt that terrified in my entire existence?
You are smarter than that, Kaed.” Then, the proximity between them was none, and the Fae knelt before him.
“It was the only way.” Kaed tried to pull away, but Illyan held him in place. “You must trust her—”
“Trust me.” Again, he heard her beautiful voice.
“I would have gladly given my wings and life for her. That would have done nothing. They were here to kill you.” Illyan leaned back, and Kaed turned his stoic gaze to them.
The admission from Illyan was not needed, as Kaed knew that he was the target of Ku’luk.
The clear memory of the arrow flying through the air and piercing the female Vaeragi’s neck still played out before him.
He had only been protecting her then. He hadn’t cared about anyone or anything but her.
Her life was all that mattered, and he would do it all again to keep her alive.
“Why did the wards go down?” He wanted to understand, but the replaying of Azahara’s last words to him and the life leaving her eyes was keeping him from moving on.
Illyan let out a heavy sigh. “It would seem that…” There was a pause, and Kaed was preparing for them to lie. That would be a mistake. “My great-grandfather has been killed.”
“Fae are immortal. Only when their wings are removed from their back do their bodies then become mortal. Illyan’s great-grandfather is what is known as the Elder Fae, and has been since the War of Ilkiz.”
She was speaking to him, but this was new. Not something they had discussed before. It felt as if she were sitting right beside him.
He looked by the fireplace, and there she was. The translucency of her body indicated to him that she wasn’t physically there, but to see her even as a memory was something. Her glowing blue eyes looked at him, and the smile he adored spread across her face, forcing her freckled cheeks to rise.
He realized at that moment that as the vision of her disappeared, he had never told her how beautiful she was… is.
“Dead?” he finally said after his stent of silence. “How is that possible? I figured at that point, the Elder Fae would be impossible to kill.”
“Not impossible, but nearly so.” Illyan stood and returned to picking up. “Soon, they will be calling for the Rite. Which I will have no choice but to go to.”
Kaed put his hands on his knees and stood up. “What is the Rite?” Moving to the bookshelves, he began to pick up the ones that had toppled over and tried to put them back in place.
“It’s the appointment of the next Elder.”
“Isn’t it just the next oldest one?” Kaed said flatly.
“Essentially, but another major house can appoint their Elder. It’s about power and control. As all Magic is connected to the Fae, it’s important the Elder is selected with care.”
Something clicked. “Is that why…”
“Why I have no Magic, yes.” Kaed looked over at Illyan. The Fae’s head drooped, and at that moment, he felt the sting of guilt. “If I had, this would have never happened. I could have wethered the three of us away.”
Kaed dropped his head, staring down at the journal in his hand.
“Illyan, I’m—”
“It’s fine.” Their voice perked up. “I understand.”
“It doesn’t excuse it.”
“You obviously care deeply for my Ladybug, and she for you. I can’t fault you for your emotions.” A laugh cracked through as they spoke. “It is nice to see it, honestly.” The Fae smiled through their words.
Kaed only nodded in response.
“You should read them,” Illyan said before going back to picking up pieces of broken glass across the kitchen floor. “Since the cat’s out of the bag. She would want you to.”
Kaed hesitated. “I don’t know...”
“Ask her,” Illyan said, so matter of fact that it sounded normal.
“Uh.” He looked down, slightly baffled at the suggestion.
“You mentioned hearing her in your nose.” A smirk accompanied their words. “It’s not just Magic that connects you two. There’s something deeper, something... I’m not entirely certain, possibly even ethereal.”
Kaed tapped the book against his hand and returned it to its place. He didn’t venture into the unknown, and as much as he longed to hear her voice, speaking to nothing wasn’t in the cards.
He couldn’t shake the aching feeling to do as Illyan had said; ask her.
“Azahara…” he whispered, once again falling to his knees, and stared down at the books littering the floor.