Chapter 38 Azahara
Azahara
The moon ascended into the vast expanse of the midnight sky, casting a silvery glow upon Azahara and the realm. The sounds of the forest and the rhythmic hoofbeats echoed in harmony with her racing heart, forming a soothing melody that accompanied her deep thoughts.
The wind whispered through her hair as she urged Starlight into a trot.
Due to the weight of her self-imposed condemnation burdened her, the crisp, cold air was easily ignored.
Her thoughts wandered through the labyrinth of her depleted mind, delving deep into the recesses of fear and pain, so much so that she hadn’t been mindful of their direction.
Starlight appeared to sense her need for tranquility, carrying her effortlessly and unwaveringly through all the obstacles they encountered.
She felt thankful for his loyalty and strength, a sense of pride welling up that she had been the one to raise him.
At the same time, a pang of sadness tugged at her chest, knowing she had given him to Illyan because of how challenging it had been for them.
The night offered her a sanctuary for introspection, allowing her to untangle the events and dig into her thoughts and emotions. The weight she felt on her shoulders was not only for herself, but for those that she loved.
How could they not see this is so stupid… She leaned against Starlight, her head pressing against his mane. How could they even ask this of me…
They couldn’t understand how scared she was, not only for them, but for herself. Every scar she endured would be gone, and soon, the memory of them as well. Most would find that a blessing, but those things still happened to her. They would be etched into her body with invisible ink.
Everything you see and everything you don’t…
Azahara was consumed by a surge of rage that made her throw her head back and release another scream.
This one erupted from the depths of her being, pouring forth with raw, intense meaning that couldn’t be translated into words.
It was a sonic manifestation of the tumultuous storm brewing within her chest, a piercing sound that echoed throughout the surrounding space.
The sound of Starlight whimpering captured her, and she took a deep breath, which caught in her throat.
They had come to a stop. The space around them was an open grassy meadow that vaguely reminded her of home, with nothing in sight, not even wildlife.
She dismounted and then came around to the front of Starlight. Her hand stroked his head gently before pressing her forehead against it. “Sorry, boy.” He nudged her head, confirming that he was okay. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
In the twilight, she turned and walked across the meadow, bathed in the pale glow of the crescent moonlight.
The soft symphony of crickets filled the air, and the whimsical dance of fireflies surrounded her.
Their tiny bodies adorned with ethereal luminescence, displaying a rainbow of colors in an otherwise dull world.
“Why...” she said aloud to no one. “We—I’m not a hero…”
She had every right to feel the way she did. Going after Thall was stupid; whether it was for information or an attempt on his life, they would be going into the lion’s den as sheep.
However, she also knew it was the only way.
Going to the king or the Order and telling them that they heard from a Yuul that someone unknown had murdered the Elder Fae, and let’s not forget he was aided by his grandson, would be ill-advised; almost as suicidal as going to find Thall.
They would question everyone and likely delve too deeply into what occurred in Howl.
Azahara wasn’t sure about their stance on someone being kissed by Death and having powers from a god, but odds are they wouldn’t take a liking to it.
She groaned and fell backward, her arms splayed outward.
The crickets and fireflies all seemed to be attracted to her.
Some landed on her lifted knee, others hovered around, while the crickets chirped in her ear.
Other small critters crawled up to her hands and across her arm.
This was their home; she was just a visitor. “Just don’t bite me, please.”
Her heart thumped against her chest. Knowing it was the only way didn’t make it any easier on her. Just like them going to So’ol, she knew going to wherever Thall was would end badly, and then what of Jaakobai? She shut her eyes.
“Love to break it to you, but I’ve been watching you.
” His grating, irritating voice rang in her ear.
“Become mine and yield your powers to me.” She clenched her jaw.
“If you did as I commanded, I would give you everything. Including that god’s head on a spike.
” Tears fell from her eyes. “I’d kill your little lover boy. ”
A soft gasp escaped her lips, and her eyes shot open.
The stars above were still there, but the sounds of the forest were beginning to shift from the creatures of the night to those that roamed in the day.
Small animals scurried across the meadow, leaving their burrows to find food before the larger scavengers awoke.
“Did… I fall asleep?” She looked between both arms, and her alabaster skin seemed almost translucent, nearly bluish. The cold, brisk air must have reduced her blood flow, and lying there hadn’t helped.
Slowly rising to a sitting position, she tucked her arms under her chest and held herself close. She spotted Starlight, who was a few yards away, eating grass.
On the horizon, she could see the color of the midnight sky slowly beginning to turn to hues of orange. She had fallen asleep.
“Illyan.” Her mind opened to the winnox.
Ladybug… thank the Mother. Where are you?
“I just wanted to let you know I’m fine. I accidentally fell asleep.” She curled her legs up to her chest and put her arms around them. “I’ll be back soon.”
I didn’t—we didn’t mean to upset you. She closed the winnox before they could continue. Everything about their situation sucked, and it broke her heart that she had to separate herself from them.
“Maybe I was better in the cage,” she murmured, her body trembling in the cold. The sound of hooves closing in on her and then a thud made her look up. Starlight slowly went down to her, and she leaned against him.
“I don’t deserve you.” Starlight dipped and raised his head before curling his long neck into her lap like a blanket.
“What am I going to do, Starlight? They are right, but I don’t want them to be.
I want to go home.” She let out a soft laugh while stroking his snout. “For once, I can’t wait to forget…”
That was tough to say aloud; forgetting the last week would also come with losing the memory of Kaed, Zhal, Illyan, and Starlight—everyone. Yet she still wanted to, regardless of that fact.
They sat there for a bit longer, allowing the sun to show itself over the skyline before making their way back. Starlight knew the way, thankfully, because she really hadn’t been paying much attention to which way she had gone in her haste to get away.
When they arrived, Kaed was already outside. His arms were at his side, a heavy frown on his face. His posture dropped, and his usually bright and lively eyes were now downcast, carrying the weight of his emotions.
Despite him being upset, there was no trace of anger directed at her when she slipped from Starlight and approached him.
Instead, she felt an inevitable resignation and understanding, as if he had accepted what she had done.
Seeing him like this was tearing her up inside.
Her heart ached, and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that his did as well.
Merely a foot between one another, she dropped her head. “I’m sorry,” she said with such vulnerability that it cast a shadow over her heart.
“Don’t be.” He didn’t reach for her, patiently waiting for her to be ready.
“I’m scared, and it isn’t just for me that I am. I love you and Zhal and Illyan. I just want to go home—”
“I know you do.”
“Please, let me finish…” They both met each other’s gaze, and he gave her a nod. “I just want to go home but know we can’t.” Surprise crossed his expression. “I have every right to feel the way I do, and I don’t like what we are going to do. That doesn’t make it the wrong decision.”
She took a long, deep breath in. “I just need you to promise me that if things get bad, we leave immediately and stick together. There is no separation. I can’t, I—”
Kaed was against her then, his arms coming around her as she instinctively did to him. She put her forehead to his chest and took a deep breath, soaking in his scent.
“I promise.” His lips were against her head as he spoke. “If we have to run, we will run. We will stay together. I’ll never leave you again. Ever.”
A profound relief filled her; although she still didn’t like the plan, she felt better about it thanks to his promise.
The following week had come and gone relatively quickly.
Illyan had to begin training both Kaed and Zhal to use the wether portals, and it hadn’t gone as smoothly as they had expected.
They would spend from sun up to sundown training their bodies to go a distance of five feet in the portal without losing their minds.
As strong as the two were, they’d both vomited and nearly broke down after the first attempt.
Azahara had kept herself busy throughout the day, whether doing physical training, helping the family they were staying with, doing chores around their home, or assisting with schoolwork for the kids.
They had really taken a liking to her, which she had no complaints about. It had all been a good distraction.
During the day, she was back to normal, as if nothing had happened. However, once the night fell, her entire world would fall apart. She had opted the second night to sleep in their outhouse because of the screaming.