Chapter 47
47
Christmas came and went, with little progress made on either side. Tanner largely avoided Olivia, despite their brief encounter at the dance and, with the weather deteriorating rapidly, she had fewer reasons to be outside. It was Benji who told her that the undergardener had been fitted for a wooden prosthetic arm, one with articulated joints, no less, but that he’d found it cumbersome and never wore it. Apparently, the stubborn man had announced that prosthetics and face masks were as much to protect the sensibilities of others as for the benefit of the veteran. She thought Tanner had a point and yet again admired his stoicism.
It took Olivia three months to finish the novel. She’d had one book rejected and was fully prepared for it to happen again. Everyone had a period of apprenticeship, in whatever field they worked in – from the surgeon to the artist – and she realised that her earlier effort had been a necessary part of her training. What had made her think that she could get it right first time? She’d accepted that there was unlikely to be a husband to fill her forthcoming years, so ‘merry spinster attempting to get published’ it was. She had nothing to lose by writing the story that she wanted to tell – only time, and she had plenty of that. This one was for Seth, for her father and, ultimately, for herself.
In the March of 1920, she received a visit from her father’s former editor. Not a letter but a visit. He had called, he explained, to offer to publish her manuscript. Her wild yarn of space aeroplanes and travelling in time, spellcasters and clever, futuristic machines was good. So good, in fact, it could have been written by a man. She bit her tongue. They negotiated terms, but it was never about money for her, and he asked if she would consider writing under a pseudonym – a male one, so as not to put men off buying the book, but she dug her heels in and persuaded him that the Davenport name would help sales. He accepted that she may have a point. Besides, she said, feeling brave and adventurous, there were other publishers she could try…
Seth told her he hadn’t seen his Miss Davenport since the discovery of human remains in the shrieking pit, as she’d apparently returned to Windy Acres with her parents. The trial of Ernest Dunn was to be held at Norwich Crown Court and he would be called as a witness, as would Miss Davenport, so she knew the paths of the two would cross again.
Absent for several days, he finally returned to the tower to fill an anxious Olivia in on the proceedings. Spring hadn’t quite sprung and she had a thick shawl wrapped around her shoulders. The fire in the room was blazing away but the single-brick structure of the tower had always been difficult to heat.
‘Guilty of manslaughter,’ he announced through the wall, his tone reflecting his disappointment with the verdict. ‘There was no doubt he killed her but, in the end, it couldn’t be proved that it was premeditated,’ he said. ‘He had a good lawyer and managed to charm the jury and convinced everyone that she’d become hysterical and attacked him. He claimed he’d been forced to defend himself. I’m old-fashioned, however, and have always believed in an eye for an eye. He’ll be out in eight years, but Annie’ll never get to walk this earth again. How is that fair?’
They were both silent for a while and Olivia felt equally dispirited. Perhaps justice had been better served in her world where Ernest had died.
‘Do you think we’ll ever find happiness?’ he eventually asked. ‘I want to believe that it’s our destiny to be together and that’s why all this happened through the wall. Two happy Seths and Olivias? Because all I feel at the moment is anger and injustice. I’ll find my joy again but right now, I feel so glum.’
She decided to lift him from his unusual, but perfectly understandable, mood by being creative with the truth, all the time remembering she mustn’t mention Tanner’s injuries – something else that would bring him down.
‘Then perhaps I have news that will cheer you up. I stumbled across Tanner working by the lake today and he finally admitted that he does feel something for me.’
She closed her eyes and imagined the scenario that she had so been hoping for these past few weeks, where he would be bold enough to cast his worries aside and fight for love. Even at the dance, she’d sensed his attraction to her. Men were not as good as women at hiding their feelings. And yet still he had done nothing. The words she’d just spoken to Seth were her greatest wish, but they were an absolute lie.
There was a pause and, as always, she was frustrated not to be able to see his face. So much of their conversations relied on the tone of their voice, which meant when she heard no sound, it was impossible to know what he was thinking. Was he happy or jealous?
‘He did? That’s so good to hear. I’ve news, too, as it happens, but was worried how you’d react. Now I know you’ll be as happy as me.’
He had something else to tell her? She shuffled to face the wall.
‘You’ve spoken to Miss Davenport? Has she decided to shock society by running off with a gardener and sailing around the world? Perhaps she will finally do something with her life now that she’s got rid of her insincere fiancé.’ Olivia was frustrated that it had taken the death of her parents and the loss of Howard to push her to write. In Seth’s world, she had led a charmed life by comparison, and somehow that lack of drama and heartache had removed her childhood desire to achieve.
‘Not quite, but I was so despairing of the verdict that I forgot to tell you that she sought me out afterwards. Came over to me in the corridor to offer her sympathies and wondered how she’d not known of Mr Dunn’s temper. She’s asked me to visit Windy Acres on my next afternoon off. I think we’re at the start of something.’
This was a pleasant surprise for Olivia as she’d expected her other self to take longer to warm to someone who was, after all, practically a stranger, and who worked for the Fairchilds. With this new information, she couldn’t admit to him that Tanner wanted nothing to do with her. The encounter in the stables had pushed him too far, too fast, and even the sight of her dressed as a fairy, after his admonishing description of her as exactly that, hadn’t moved anything within him.
‘And my… her parents didn’t mind? My father was not protective so soon after his prospective son-in-law had been exposed as a liar?’
‘Quite the opposite. He shook me by the hand and thanked me for saving his daughter from a dangerous marriage. For such a wealthy, famous and highly educated man, he’s very down to earth. Mind you, he was the reason the trial became so sensationalised – he was within a cat’s whisker of becoming the father-in-law of the accused. You wouldn’t believe how much has been written in the newspapers. Sales of his books have only got better, and they were damn impressive before.’
‘And Howard?’ she asked. ‘Was he present?’
Her former fiancé had been on her mind, ever since Seth had told her that he’d survived the war. It was possible to love two men equally, much as she imagined a mother would love two children, but there was a part of her that wanted Miss Davenport to at least have the chance to choose between the two great loves of her life.
‘Master Howard’s a sorry fellow. He dint have a good war and he’s far from the joker he was in his youth, but he wasn’t around for the trial because he’s still in France. I forgot to tell you that he’s finally tracked down his French nurse and now plans to bring her back to the manor.’ He chuckled. ‘Her Ladyship’s in a right muddle there; wants her son to be happy but is quite alarmed at the thought of some French chit in charge at Merriford.’
That was it then; Howard had found someone. Why would Seth think this information would be of any interest to her? He knew nothing of what had passed between them. She shook her head as if to dislodge her former sweetheart from her mind. He was alive and he was in love. She couldn’t wish more for him than that, and it was not her place to interfere. In Seth’s world, he had never been Miss Davenport’s to lose.
‘So, it would seem love might be on the horizon for everyone,’ he finished.
Olivia couldn’t bring herself to answer and rolled away from the wall. She tried desperately not to mind that whilst everything was going so well in Seth’s world, it was far from good in hers. Strangely, neither of them made any further comment, and she eventually drifted off into a troubled and melancholy sleep.
* * *
Even though Olivia didn’t think her heart could take another battering, a few days later, Seth had one further announcement through the bricks. They had both been more reticent with each other of late and conversations through the wall had been stilted and fleeting. He was undoubtedly reflecting on his imminent romance, whilst she wallowed in self-pity, frustrated by Tanner’s inaction.
‘You’re not going to like what I’m about to say, but I’ve given this a great deal of thought.’
She braced herself.
‘We gain nothing by continuing to meet and I feel a dishonesty about being in touch with you when I’m pursuing the attentions of another. It’s a betrayal of a sort to Miss Davenport, because when I give myself to someone, I give myself completely.’
Olivia knew this to be true. Look at his loyalty to Annie.
‘The visit to Windy Acres went well, then?’ she concluded.
‘Yes, we had a lovely afternoon. I’ve high hopes but, much like your efforts with Tanner, it’ll take time. It may not be written in the stars, but I reckon our love stories have always run through the seam of metal that lies beneath this tower.’
‘Then we have done the very thing we set out to do,’ she agreed. ‘Find each other in our own worlds to enable us to move on from the happiness that we’ve had together here.’
In truth, she couldn’t bear to hear the details of his courtship as it progressed over the following weeks. Severing all ties might be the kindest thing she could do for herself. They’d both always known that neither could remain in the tower forever. It was a twist of the knife every time he talked of a Miss Davenport who, it now seemed, might one day be his completely, and in every sense of the word.
Tears started to trickle down her cheeks but she kept her voice level, not wanting him to know how much she was suffering in that moment. Things with Tanner were worse, if anything, and she knew it was time to move back to Windy Acres. She was of age and, if Seth was imminently to desert her, there would be no reason for her to remain.
‘Then we part now – tonight.’ She was surprised by her clarity of thought in that moment. ‘I will ask to move back into the house tomorrow. Cynthia will be delighted.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘When I’m with her, it’s not fair to be thinking of you. She deserves all my love and all my attention. I can only have one Olivia Davenport in my life, and you must only have one Seth Tanner. I’m glad you managed to get him to swallow his pride, and for myself, I feel fortunate that a lady such as Miss Davenport has taken a chance on someone like me.’
Someone like me . His words echoed around her head. If only Tanner had chosen her. Miss Davenport was the lucky one – he was everything. The only time the self-pitying undergardener of her world would hold her close, or kiss her lips, would be in her imagination.
‘Then this really is the end?’ she asked, her heart thumping wildly.
‘I reckon it’s for the best.’
‘Then please accept my thanks,’ she said, ‘for everything you have done for me over the years. Your friendship has shaped me in so many ways, and has seen me through some incredibly difficult times. I love you. I will always love you.’
Letting him go was the only option.
‘And I will always love both of you,’ he replied.
And as they said goodnight to each other for the very last time, she silently acknowledged that she, unfortunately, would only ever be loved by one version of him.