Chapter 14
Matteo
My brain feels like a balloon slowly being inflated, the pressure constantly mounting against the surface of my skull. Man, I tied one on last night. This one was the worst in a while. And that’s saying something.
It’s a miracle I hadn’t done any real harm to myself after Sydney stormed off. Still shocked at the fact I let her know she is, in fact, still my wife, I proceeded to knock the drinks back. Until I could barely put one foot in front of the other. Luckily, I had the wherewithal to summon Anthony to come and get me so his security guys could trail Syd back to her place uninterrupted.
I’d barely made it through the front door before the walls started to sway, and I went sprawling onto the floor with a crashing thump. The room continued to swirl as I stared up at the ceiling, the tilt awhirl sensation evoking the first waves of vomiting.
Once I was done, I gave up after multiple attempts at trying to stand on my own and decided to just lie there with the discarded remains of the high dollar scotch.
Stepping into the body shop restroom, I splash cold water on my face and instantly wish I could do the same to my alcohol-soaked brain. Looking into the mirror, my eyes are a lattice of red streaks over white. The devil on my shoulder goads me. Aren’t you over this yet, Matteo?
I’d already made the mistake of having one drink while I sat on the upper level of The Zone watching her. Between the way she looked in that sexy dress, the men hovering around her like flies on a juicy piece of steak, and the fact we should’ve been celebrating our fourth anniversary together, not apart, had me coming undone.
But once I saw her standing there, I couldn’t hold back. The closer I got, engulfed by her sweet scent of jasmine, I snapped.
That kiss sent me spiraling. You don’t realize just how much you miss something until you are reintroduced. The taste of her, the familiar feel of her pulse thrumming beneath my hand… it all took me right back to a time I never wanted to leave. Is that what possessed me to share our divorce papers were all a lie?
Alcohol doesn’t merely dull pain, it robs you of self-control. It allows you to do harm in much the same way a firework created of shards of glass might. Fracturing on impact, shredding everything and everyone in its wake.
Shaking my head, I make my way back to my desk. Forcing down another bottle of water before attempting to drink the nastiest cup of black coffee known to man. Who buys this swill?
My head feels as if it will crack in two. Several attempts at brushing my teeth, gums, and lips this morning have fallen short after hours of violent retching last night. A layer of dehydrated saliva continues to coat my cracked lips.
Twisting open my second bottle of water, I chug down half of the bottle just as Giovanni comes strolling in.
“Good morning, lover boy.” He bends down to eye level with me and chuckles. “Or is it?”
I flick him the middle finger as I continue hydrating.
“You look like shit.”
“So do you. What’s your excuse?”
“In your dreams.” He proudly runs the flats of his palms down his immaculate three-piece suit, looking like the town mayor here to address his subjects. Or make that subject.
“What are you doing here so early?” I know full well. Anthony. I’m sure it didn’t take long for him to tell Giovanni everything.
“Well, some of us like to make the most of each day. While you were worshipping the porcelain throne, I was getting a workout in before flying here to set up a video chat.”
Scratching the back of my head, I search the inner recesses of my mind for any memory of a meeting scheduled for today. Nope. Can’t remember a damn thing.
“Who—”
Giovanni rotates my laptop, making quick work of typing something before spinning it back around to face me. My eyes blink repeatedly in an attempt to clear the ever-present fog. I sit there like this for what seems like hours, but is likely only seconds. Then the screen changes and my baby brother, Luca, comes into view.
The semblance of a smile takes over my face. At least, I hope that’s what it looks like from his end. Because I feel like I no longer have control of my body any longer. “Luca,” I wheeze out, my throat raspy after the continued heavy retching from last night. And this morning.
Luca’s voice comes out soft, almost pleading, “Matteo. You holding up okay, fratello?” ( brother )
“Does it look like he’s okay? His eyeballs look like a subway map.”
“Shut the fuck up, G,” I groan.
“Rough night?”
I hang my head. This is humiliating. Why can’t I get my shit together?
“Did you see her?”
“Yes,” my reply is barely above a whisper. “I told her.”
Glancing up, I find Luca’s eyes have gone wide. “About the threats?”
“No, no. That we’re still married.”
Again, he wears a similar shocked expression. “Matteo. She didn’t know?”
Fuck . I drag my palm down my face. “No. Thought it was best she thought we were divorced so she could move on.”
“I don’t understand. Then how are you still married?”
I rub my temples. “I couldn’t go through with it.”
“Jesus.” Looking up, I find Giovanni with his arms crossed over his chest, looking at me like I’ve lost my mind. Okay, maybe I have. But I haven’t been able to think clearly for the last several years.
“Matteo. What can I do to help? You need to stop drinking. It’ll be easier to make sound decisions if you’re clear-headed from now on.”
“I know. I know.” My face falls into my hands.
“He’d done well, Luca,” Giovanni interrupts. “He’d made it four months. Stayed completely dry. Until he saw her again.”
“I understand, fratello. I’d likely do the same if… well, we all want to help in any way we can. Do you need to consider entering a rehab facility?”
My head bolts up. “No! Who will watch Sydney while I’m gone?” That’s a risk I’m not willing to take.
“Well, you need to find a counselor. And something to replace the alcohol.”
“Besides Sydney,” Giovanni adds.
My middle finger is working overtime with this asshole. “Like what? Your ridiculous candy?” My brother was able to quit smoking by eating Dum Dum sucker candies. I don’t see how that could possibly work in my situation.
Giovanni laughs. “Well, considering the only woman you want, you can’t have. You’d probably better choose something besides pussy.”
Luca glances over his shoulder before turning back to the camera. “I’m sorry, Matteo. I have to go. Please think about what I said. And if you need me to come home, I will.”
I love my brother. And as much as I’d give to see him in person, I don’t want to disrupt his family life. There has to be a way to figure this out short of rehab. “I love you, Luca.” My voice is broken. And I can’t blame this on the aftereffects of my drinking. I miss him. And her . I’m so tired of hurting. Is it any wonder I continually try to dull the pain?
“I love you, fratello. Give Antonia and Mimmo a big hug from me.”
This brings the first genuine smile I’ve felt in so long. Because I know they miss him too.
“Stay in touch, cugino,” Giovanni says before reaching over to sign off of the video chat. He lifts my hand, a comical smirk curling his lips. Clean and dry, barely any callouses remain, given how rarely I’ve done any physical labor lately. “Not a speck of grease.” He chuckles, knowing how poor an acting job I’m doing at this ruse of a body shop. “Talk soon, Matteo.”
“Okay.”
I try to spend the remainder of the day being productive, even taking a break to go to the gym and workout during lunch. Once I return, I find Reggie standing in my doorway with a box.
“Hey, Reg. What’s that?”
“Don’t know. It came couriered special delivery to you.”
The cube-shaped white cardboard box is without a return address. No sticker to indicate what might be inside. After verifying there’s no fragile sticker anywhere on it, I shake the box. The contents are light. It literally sounds like crinkled plastic inside.
Reggie thankfully wanders off. I can’t trust Giovanni not to send shit here to fuck with me. Pulling open my desk drawer, I retrieve a pair of scissors and slice open the top of the package. There’s a white note folded on top.
Matteo,
G helped me arrange this.
I remember how much you enjoyed J?germeister.
It may seem ridiculous, but it could at least offer a temporary delay to allow your brain to consider another choice. Nothing lost by trying.
I love you, fratello.
Luca
Opening the lid, I peer inside and laugh. There must be hundreds and hundreds of fireball candies inside. Grabbing one, I tear open the cellophane and pop it inside my mouth.
No harm in trying.