Chapter 39
Matteo
No?
Did I hear her right?
There’s a collective hush about the room. I look up to find Giovanni, Luca, Anthony, and Broadie all staring wordlessly at Sydney. Doesn’t she understand the magnitude of this situation? I mean, the whole world thinks she’s dead.
Or is it me she doesn’t want to be trapped on a desert island with?
“I think we should let these two have a moment,” Broadie says before turning to walk down the hallway to Giovanni’s office.
G places a hand on my shoulder before following him.
Luca’s eyes are filled with emotion. Understanding. He’s been here before. If anyone can relate to what we’re going through, it’s him. He shoots me a look. One I’ve seen before. My brother pleading with me to be calm. Don’t make things worse out of fear or anger. He gives me a reassuring nod as he strolls out of the room, his head down.
Pulling Sydney’s hands between mine, I look into her eyes. There’s so much pain in their depths. Agony is etched all over her beautiful face.
I did this to her.
“I heard you were in rehab.”
“How—” Ah, the conversation with G and Broadie just now.
“Luigi. And Luna. Well, Antonia,” she adds with a timid smile.
I lift a brow, shocked. How had that happened?
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, principessa. I’m more than okay.” I lift both of her hands to my face, kissing the pads of her fingers. “You’re alive. How can I not be?”
“It broke me that you didn’t care enough to let me in.”
My heart stops. I was so relieved to see her; I hadn’t mentally prepared for this. What can I say to make her understand?
“We made commitments to each other, Matteo. I thought you loved me.”
“I did! I do. Everything I’ve done has been for you.”
“That’s not true. You did what you wanted to do. You chose your secrets over me.”
My mind is racing. As I’d shifted from overwhelming grief to gratitude, I’d allowed myself to believe our happily ever after had arrived. But her tone has me concerned. “You don’t want to go to an island? Or you don’t want to go there with me?”
Her brows draw together, and I realize I’ve hit the mark. My heart squeezes within my chest. I shouldn’t be surprised after all I’ve put her through. I’ve fucked up everything with my obsessive need to protect her.
“I love you, Tey. But I don’t know how to trust you anymore.” She looks away, blinking back tears. The sight of her anguish guts me. “When you left the first time, I was crushed. There was no explanation. For years, I thought you’d left me for someone else. Or the freedom to pursue other women.”
“No, no.” I shake my head frantically. Desperate for her to get it. “I only wanted to protect you. I couldn’t tell you what was happening because you deserved to keep living the life you’d worked hard for. I didn’t want you living in fear.”
A large, solitary teardrop falls. “But walking around lifeless, living with rejection and heartbreak was okay?”
I hang my head in shame. “I didn’t know what else to do. It was wrong to lure someone as beautiful and giving as you into my world. But I was so in love with you. I didn’t have the strength to walk away.”
“But you did,” she snaps. “You did walk away. Never explained any of your secrets to me. Never shared you were struggling with alcohol. And what’s worse, I ignored all of that when you came back.” She chuckles sardonically. “I was so stupid. Blinded by love. Then you ghosted me again. And all the hurt from the first time you left me came flooding back. Except this time, I hated myself for allowing it to happen.”
She’s right. How could I have fucked this up so badly?
“I don’t know you, Matteo. Is that even your name?” Another frustrated laugh falls from her lips. “I don’t think I ever really knew you. What was true? What was a lie?”
I run my hands through my hair in frustration. Fuck! What have I done to us?
“My opinion was of no consequence. That’s abundantly clear. How do we move forward with a marriage when someone acts as if they hold all of the power over you? You should’ve told me what was happening. That you were going to rehab. Afterward, if you wanted to walk away and do it on your own, at least I would’ve known it wasn’t about me. I deserved that much.”
“You don’t know what it’s like to be so blinded by your addictions that rational thought isn’t possible.”
She gives me a weary glance. It’s clear she doesn’t realize it’s her I’m obsessed with.
“I’m not talking about alcohol, mia cara.” My eyes hold hers until it’s evident I’m referring to her. “I couldn’t sit back and allow you to give up a career you worked so hard for. Living day in and day out in fear. Or worse, becoming co-dependent when I couldn’t get my head out of my ass and throw away the bottle.”
I stand from where I’m crouched, my anxiety causing me to pace. “I needed to do this on my own because every day I was there, I wanted to come home to you.” Dragging my hand down my face, I beg the universe to give me the right words. So, she’ll have the heart to forgive me. To give us one more chance.
“When I was in rehab, I had nothing but time. At my lowest moments, I questioned why I’d ever been born. When I was alone, wondered what my purpose was. If there was a reason to keep going. The one thing that always came through clearly was you. I had to get clean and sober, not only for me. But to be the man you deserved.”
Tears tumble down Sydney’s sweet face. The sight of her crying tears me apart.
“I want to be there, to support you. So, you can continue working in the field you love. Giving back to people who need you. I’ve been so focused on vengeance, it robbed me of perspective.”
“What do you mean?”
“I thought my calling was avenging my mother and sister; and stopping any more harm coming to Luna. And then you. But my obsession with protection and retribution cost me everything. You’re the best thing in my life. Please, don’t give up on me.”
Sydney
How can I make this foolish man understand?
I can’t keep letting Matteo hold all the strings. When he walked away the second time, it broke me. Despite all the sweet Italian notes and his pleas to wait for him, I was gutted. It had reopened an old wound. And this time it’s refusing to heal.
“How can I trust you again, Matteo? You left once and didn’t look back. Then I risked it all, allowing you back in. Only to have you disappear again. What’s the saying? First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me. What happens when—”
“There won’t be a third time!”
“But who’s to say? What about the next time something goes wrong? Giovanni shares concerns about a threat, and you leave to put distance between us. Or you slip up, take a drink, and don’t want to admit you’re human. Hell, what if you’re hurt or in an accident? Do I go in search of you? Or do you just not want to be found?”
“Sydney, I swear it will never happen again. I’m never leaving you. Ever.”
I push up from my chair and Matteo rushes to help me. Flinging my hands up, I push my palms in his direction, signaling that I need to do this on my own. I’ve been sitting here so long my body’s becoming stiff.
Slowly, I make my way to the back of Giovanni’s grand home. It’s magnificent. Beyond anything that my parents own. And they’re seasoned pros at opulent spending. I peer out the glass doors that look out over the pool and lush back yard. It’s serene. The polar opposite of how I’m feeling right now.
As I peer outside, I consider how my life will change. The whole world now thinks I’m dead. My eye catches another bird as it flies by. The familiar sound of chirping reminding me of the innocence of this morning. That seems a lifetime ago.
I guess for me, it was.
The little red and brown feathered finch squeaks a delightful sound, and for a moment, it makes me smile. What’s that line? Even a sad bird sings.
“What else, Matteo? What else did you lie about?”
He stands motionless.
“Tey? What about your business?”
I watch as his face contorts, and I instantly know. “It’s not real. Is it?”
He gives me a wary glance. “Yes and no.”
I raise a suspicious brow.
“It’s a legit business. But not because I’ve made it so. It was a fortunate accident that I managed to recruit some of the best auto body men and women in the area. I hired a smart office manager. And luck was on our side. It was intended to be a front. G and I have been trying to infiltrate my father’s organization. Disrupt their illegal arms, drugs, and sex trafficking operations.”
My mouth falls open in shock. Come on, Syd. What did you think a crime family did? But learning it through Drug Lords and Crime Bosses on Netflix, and hearing it and living with it first-hand is a whole different story. “Is there a way for you to remain involved without bringing more threats against you?”
“It’s not the threats on me I’m concern with.” He turns away from me. “But I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’re not living in a state of constant worry. Perhaps I can find a less dangerous way to work with Giovanni.”
Matteo walks over to me with renewed purpose. “I only wanted to keep you safe, doing all of the things you loved.” He stretches his arm behind him, rubbing at his neck as he’s done so many of the nights I’ve watched him. In all the time I’d wondered what was on his mind to cause him such stress, I would’ve never comprehended this. “Please, principessa. Run away with me. If not there, somewhere else. I can’t live without you.”
This is what I’ve been longing for. A chance for us to regain the joy we had when we were first married. But at what cost? “When I heard those men… figured out they were there for me… I was so scared.”
He steps forward.
I step back. “I’ve never been more afraid of anything in my life.” The memory of my morning, quaking in fear, comes rushing back. “The first person I wanted to run to was you.” As I look at this handsome, broken man, the pendulum of doubts begins to sway.
“Have a little mercy on me,” his tone is different now. He’s no longer begging. These words have more of a bite to them. And it annoys me. Lighting a fire that’s been simmering within me for years.
“Oh, like you did with me when you walked out not once, but twice? Did you have mercy when I cried myself to sleep night after night? And I know you must have watched it all happen. You could see the whole thing unfold on the cameras you placed inside my house,” I snap.
“You’re right. You’re right. I don’t know what else to say. I understand why you don’t trust me. I fucked everything up. But I was consumed with fear. And rage. What little space in my brain I had left was drowning at the bottom of a bottle of booze.”
I close my eyes, the hopelessness in his voice mimicking how I feel. I want so desperately to throw myself into his arms and just pretend the last few years never happened. But my self respect is clawing at me to keep my feet firmly planted on the floor.
“I don’t want to live in the dark anymore, Matteo. I can’t live that way any longer. No secrets. No staying hidden at home or behind drawn curtains. I don’t care if it’s risky. I deserve to enjoy life. Not cower. I’d rather have a few amazing days than a lifetime living like a prisoner, punished for a crime I didn’t commit!”
“Yes, you do. I want that for you. Give me a chance to make this right. I’m begging you. At least let me be near you. I won’t be able to bear it if I’m unable to see you’re okay.”
“Well, the days of watching my every move on camera are long gone, Matteo.”
He throws his hands up in surrender. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. I’ll never invade your privacy again. The only cameras will be from a normal security system.”
Normal?
Something tells me none of the men in this house have any concept of what a normal security system looks like. Ha. A normal anything, for that matter.
He pauses, looking to the ceiling for a moment. When I don’t say anything, he continues, “I love you, Syd. I’ll walk away if that’s what you want. Once I know they’ve found a way to keep you safe.” His big green eyes search out mine, imploring. Like a puppy dog who’s giving you that sorrowful, wide-eyed look. Pleading your forgiveness for ruining your favorite Louis Vuitton heels.
Yet this is my life we’re talking about. Not that I’ll recognize it anymore.
I miss him. The last thing I want is for him to walk away. But this overbearing Italian has to learn he can’t snap his fingers and act like this is all okay.
“Uh hm,” a throat clears, and I spin to find Broadie, Giovanni, and a third man I don’t recognize standing behind us.
“Max,” Matteo greets as he swiftly approaches the stranger. “Sydney, meet my friend, Max.”
“Hello.”
His bright smile and dazzling blue eyes melt some of the ice from my veins that’s developed arguing with Matteo. Geez, how are all of these men so attractive? “It’s a pleasure to finally meet the woman Matteo goes on and on about.”
A blush stains my cheeks. I’m immediately flooded with guilt, pushing back on Matteo. Yet I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place. I love him more than life itself. I know his decisions haven’t been easy ones. But I can’t continue to let him steamroll over me. I’m a strong woman in all other aspects of my life. I’m done being a pushover for this man.
Giovanni comes into the room, taking a seat next to Matteo. “I couldn’t help but overhear some of your concerns. And I understand. Your life will be completely different from this point on. Maybe one day a deserted island oasis may appeal to you, but we have other options.”
“Like what, cugino?”
“Devon Sly’s brother, Ben, has also offered a few condos at the Inn he purchased. He’s at very limited capacity right now because they’re doing construction on it. It was a typical inexpensive family beachside hotel when he acquired it, but he’s remodeling it into a high-end boutique resort.”
Matteo’s eyes search mine.
“I’ve seen some of his other properties. He’s got quite the vision. He’ll register you under a fake name until we can get all of those details straight.”
“Beachside. Is it in the states?” I ask.
“Yes. Until we can manage to get new passports with your new identities, we’ll have to find somewhere you can maintain a low profile. The resort is on Sanibel Island. Hurricane Ian blew through in 2022 and caused a lot of destruction. The entire area has been slowly rebuilding. But tourism isn’t what it used to be. It could be the perfect place to fly under the radar.”
Wow. I’ve never been there. But I remember Beatrice talking about a trip to the Sanibel and Captiva Islands. If my life has to be in limbo for a while, what better place to do it?
“Did you say we can have two separate rooms?”
“Syd?” Matteo looks at me in disgust.
Giovanni gives him a shove. “Sono felice che ti stia ancora parlando.” ( Be glad she’s still talking to you .) “Yes. He has offered two condos. You don’t have to look at his ugly mug unless you want to.”
Matteo rolls his eyes.
“Okay.” I grin. “Let’s do it. Let’s start there.”