Better to Have Loved
My grandmother’s tired eyes stayed with me as I sat across the table, waiting for a man who was likely to dress me in something ridiculous. “I’m sure you have a lot of questions.”
A lot didn’t even cover it.
Swallowing around the discomfort in my throat, I nodded. “A few.”
“You should. I know I still do.”
Her voice expressed an anger I’d never seen on her. It was bitter. It sounded like someone who fought to hold back what they really wanted to say. It was a resentment floundering in the dark for years without anywhere to channel it.
“I’m just wondering why you never said anything until now,” I started, trying to keep my voice from giving away the betrayal I felt when I heard it from some strange man and not the woman who raised me.
“It feels like…well, I just don’t know why you thought I couldn’t handle hearing it.
I’d like to think I’ve taken all you’ve told me with a grace befitting the Queen of England. ”
Grams’s grief shined through despite her laughing breath. “It’s not that I didn’t trust you could handle it, but simply put, I wanted to wait.”
“For?”
“For you to be older. For you to be better trained. For you to live a little bit of a normal life, I suppose,” her voice softened. “I guess everything sounds like an excuse when I say it out loud.”
I bit my lower lip in frustration, heart held in a vice grip. “I get it, Grams. You were scared.”
When our gazes connected again, my grandmother who never cried in anyone’s presence, not one single time in my seventeen years, was misty-eyed. The remorse in her expression was heartbreaking.
Without saying a word, I could feel the pain and fear she’d suffered for years, alone, imprisoned by her desire to give me a chance at being normal. Though, I’d argue my life had been far from it. And I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around the strongest woman I’d ever known.
But Grams sucked in a deep breath and went on, “Other than Phillip, I couldn’t say a word to anyone.
Not your uncles. Not your grandfather.” Her hand wrapped around mine.
“And for a long time, I didn’t want to believe it.
Because the repercussions of such a truth would mean you’d never be safe.
You’d be turned into a weapon much like I was. ”
She paused, closing her eyes tightly. “I’ve known Phillip since I was twenty, and I saw for myself that he never aged and the immeasurable abilities he wields.
I was one of very few who knew, and I didn’t want to think they’d do it again.
” The tone she took was the weakest yet.
“But they did. To my own granddaughter, no less.”
“So, when did you know I had the same genetic makeup as Phillip?”
Grams shrugged, her weary eyes straying to the kitchen window over the sink.
She’d never looked more her age until that moment.
The years of heartbreak and suffering showed on her face, in her slouched shoulders, on her desperately fragile skin.
After seeing a classmate’s death the way I had, I could only imagine what seventy years of it could do to a person.
Grams never discussed who she’d lost, but I already knew it was more than several lives’ worth.
Where did someone put that sort of grief? Where did it go when you couldn’t talk to anyone about it? Did it sit on her chest the way Daxon and his family’s death had mine?
Seventy years is a long time to hold onto that kind of guilt.
“I didn’t suspect anything. Not until I first saw your strength and skill when you started training at the age of seven. It wasn’t the same as other young Hunters. Without our blood activated, not many could do what you did.”
Her hand balled into a fist on the table, the one not already resting over mine.
“Your parents’ deaths were suspicious, and I was given very few answers.
Seeing what I’ve seen, there were too many inconsistencies and questions.
The hush-hush nature concerned me, and when your abilities grew early on, I contacted Phillip.
Luckily, he already questioned the same things I did. ” Her eyes found mine again. “Many do.”
“We’re not just mindless drones,” I interjected hotly.
Her lips lifted—a look I knew all too well. “No we’re not. But the Organization is very powerful and can easily make any of us disappear the minute an insurrection is sniffed out.”
Her hand tightened around mine.
“You’ll need to be careful. Phillip may seem reckless and inconsiderate at first, but he’s clever and powerful.
He’s well respected in the Organization and knows the inner workings of it.
He’ll keep you safe.” My Grams’s eyes gleamed in a way that put me on edge.
“Especially when the time comes and I can’t protect you any longer. ”
“What do you mean?” I asked before the front door opened, and Grams quickly released my hand. “Grams?”
Her stoic face met my next glance, a sure sign I wouldn’t get an answer out of her. She greeted Phillip with a pat on his shoulder and left the room.
His eyes followed her exit before they found mine. Then those gorgeous eyes swept down my body and the Austrian’s mouth distorted with obvious distaste. “Did you even try to find something to wear for a night out?” he asked, sighing.
I looked down at my training clothes. “Like I said, I don’t own anything that even remotely fits the word you used.”
His happy grin agitated the feeling in my belly, but it distracted me from the cryptic statement Grams left me with. “Sexy?”
I glared at him and grabbed the dagger I’d set on the table. “Let’s just go. We both know you won’t be satisfied until you dress me up.”
His ocean eyes watched me stroll closer, but the asshole didn’t move out of the way. Only then did I notice he was in a tank-top that exposed a fair bit of his tattooed skin. There wasn’t an open space on arm or chest alike. Everything was covered in colorful ink.
A black snake winded around his bicep and slithered down his forearm over a hellscape of demon eyes and flames, its head nearly at his hand. Another snake was peeking in and out from where his shoulder and chest were exposed.
Like a massive canvas painting, his skin was covered with heat and death. Even if I spent a full day looking, I’d probably still find new, interesting things to look at.
The vampire hunter’s hair was styled differently today. It was swept off to the side, exposing his gorgeous face, and his eyeliner was a perfect contrast to his gem-like eyes. He hadn’t shaved in what looked like a day or two, because a dark shadow covered his jawline and top lip.
The five o’clock shadow was beyond sexy; it was temptation personified. And no surprise, many of the girls in class that day visibly swooned in fan girl glee.
The Austrian had worn jewelry in every piercing on his body, I assumed, because his snake bites, septum, and several along his ears were all in place. A silver cross hung from a thick chain around his neck. A dangling contradiction, but one that harmed vampires.
The vampire hunter had fashioned all his thick rings again.
New ones I hadn’t seen before that were both silver and gold, and some of them would definitely do damage if he threw a punch.
I admired his genius application of accessories, having modeled a few of my own similarly to inflict damage in a pinch.
Phillip’s danger meter was off the charts tonight, even without his weaponry exposed.
“Hoping to set off every metal detector wherever we go?”
Satisfied with himself, the other Hunter’s mouth lifted devilishly. “Definitely one of my goals for the evening.” He took a step and came close enough to me that my pulse reacted, sure to give my every thought away.
Though I didn’t need to breathe, apparently my heart still pumped just fine.
My body carried heat the way humans did.
I didn’t really understand for what reason it all worked, but here I was, heart racing, visibly flushed.
Unfortunately, there were plenty of ways to make it evident to the sultry Austrian I was definitely affected by his seduction play.
“I’d let you take some of them off. Or maybe you just want to touch a little.” Leaning close, Phillip whispered his challenge straight into my ear, even when it didn’t matter how soft his voice was. I heard it all just as loudly.
But the erotic lilt wasn’t lost in the volume. Not at all.
This asshole.
“Desperate?” I asked.
His face reacted enough to satisfy me. “Volunteering?”
“Not interested,” I replied coolly, refusing to surrender. I had to go to the tips of my toes, but I did it. I patted his head the same way he did to me more times than I could count. “But thanks for asking.”
His eyes followed me out of the kitchen as I lifted my chin and headed for the front door, pretty damn proud of myself.
If I survived him tonight, I’d survive anything. Something told me tonight would be the ultimate test—and one I better not fail.
Phillip didn’t even take me to a store. He’d already bought something, and the damn thing fit like a glove.
The ensemble was a low-dipping burgundy blouse tucked into a glossy pair of leather pants with classy silver stilettos to finish the look; shoes that would definitely break my ankle if not for my incredible agility.
How had he even gotten my measurements?
I was afraid to ask, because it was likely he’d measured me at some point with his hands, and that did things to my body I’d rather not say.
Fixing my top, I adjusted my cleavage so it wasn’t left exposed with the push-up bra I’d been forced to wear.
But nothing really helped. The heels clicked along the sidewalk as Phillip dragged me forward, our fingers interlocked.
Even in several-inch heels, I was still barely reaching the Austrian’s shoulder.
How damn tall was this dude?