Toxic Masculinity 101
Now I understood why there were so many songs about sex.
Addicting. Powerful. A pleasure that couldn’t be put into words, or really even described without experiencing it. Sex was everything I expected it to be.
With Phillip, a total game changer. Of course, not in a way that was helpful.
The hope was it’d clarify things between us, or clear up some of the confusing feelings I had about him.
It did neither. It muddled it all up. It soared through with euphoric bursts of sensation and left me a hell of a lot more jumbled up than before.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
As ignorant as it may seem to justify using sex to clarify anything, I genuinely thought it might help. Instead, I still wasn’t sure how I felt about the older Hunter. And now probably addicted to sex.
It hadn’t really clarified anything other than I may or may not be a total nymphomaniac. Or maybe Phillip was just that good. In this scenario, it could easily be either case, but sex was just about all I could think of now.
“Something’s different about you,” Kate mused beside me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Did you pierce your nose?!”
“Uh, yeah.”
“So awesome! I should get one, too. Only got my belly button pierced. Maybe septum?”
“Sure,” I responded, not listening.
As a Hunter with superior senses, it was pretty ridiculous how little I noticed today. I hadn’t heard her come over. Barely noticed anyone else at all.
My head was off in another world, lost to the memory of Phillip over me, handsome face between my legs.
Bulky arms wrapped around me. Scruffy beard brushing everywhere he moved.
His powerful body moving under me, spearing up and burying inside of me.
His kisses made my lips painfully plump and my face red, especially when the serum was in effect, and I loved the way it felt.
Oh, God. I’m definitely a nymphomaniac. Maybe even a little bit of a masochist?
I shuddered to myself, gasping for air I didn’t even need.
When the serum wore off, the pleasure was so damn strong I actually worried it’d kill me.
I spent minutes convinced anything that powerful plowing into me in delicious, overwhelming waves couldn’t be real.
Only the intensity of pain ever came close to the fear I felt.
So, it was concluded in a span of seconds that sex may actually be the end of me.
Death I didn’t fear; pleasure so intense it veered on otherworldly, yeah, that scared the shit out of me.
“It’s okay. Just hold onto me.”
Call him a jerk, it wouldn’t be wrong, but Phillip lived up to the confidence he spouted on the daily.
He was considerate while dominant in the bedroom.
Which would seem contradictory, but the dude made it work.
As if my body was his, the other Hunter knew what I wanted and when I wanted it.
It was pretty impressive the way he sometimes knew what I needed even before I’d figured it out.
Not to mention a Kamasutra level of positions.
And the sex was amazing.
I didn’t have any other experience to draw from, but I was almost ninety-nine percent confident he was superior to anyone I may sleep with in the future.
Definitely better than the teen boys around me, who only thought about themselves, from what Kate told me.
Probably one of the benefits of choosing an older lover—centuries old, in fact—to be my first partner.
If I got anything out of our night together, it was an unrealistic expectation of sex with my peers. Even I realized it wouldn’t get better than Phil, and it was a terrifying notion that he was the only one who could possibly give it to me that way.
I’d never be caught dead telling him so, but the dude knew exactly how to pleasure a woman. It annoyed me, because it wasn’t something I wanted to admit, but I also knew when I’d lost.
Last night, I lost a part of myself. But then I gained a whole new part.
Ugh. I sound like some kind of self-proclaimed teen poet.
“Did you and Nigel make up?”
I jerked out of the memory of Phil’s beautiful body moving over mine. “Sorry?”
“Nigel,” Kate emphasized with a glance over to said person. I finally noticed Nigel’s gaze, and guilt was a vindictive bitch. “He’s been staring at you like he wants to say something.”
Closing my eyes, I let loose a sigh, terrorized by shame. “We’re friends.”
“Just friends?” she questioned, clearly not convinced.
“Yes. Just friends,” I confirmed slowly.
I stole a glance at the tall Shifter, whose face projected an emotion nothing close to welcome.
He looked unexpectedly angry. It took me by surprise to see his body postured as if he was about to fight, the muscles in his chest and arms pulled tight.
The look in his eyes could only be described as homicidal.
They were the eyes of someone who wanted revenge.
But before I could make sense out of it, Nigel turned away and walked off the other direction, opposite the classroom Kate and I planned to step into.
“Did he seem angry to you?” my friend asked, throwing an arm around my stiff shoulders. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him angry before.”
“Me either,” I said softly, staring the direction he went.
Finally done with school—I’d been the most distracted in Biology class for obvious reasons—I headed for the back lot where Phillip usually parked. Now that everyone knew we lived together, it wasn’t weird for me to come to school or head home with him.
I hadn’t been very attentive in class, and it was a problem because I’d be out with the other Hunters and pack for another scout mission to find the Shadow Goblins’ hiding place.
Loss of concentration was the number one reason Hunters were injured or killed.
Granted, I’d regenerate, but I didn’t really love the idea that it was likely to hurt if I didn’t get my head in the game.
I adjusted the shoulder strap of my backpack and brushed my hair back with the other hand. But a shadow eclipsed mine on the sidewalk, and my eyes shot up to find Nigel’s much taller body blocking my path. The anger from before still gleamed in his stare, and it made me freeze mid-step.
“Hey…?”
His jaw visibly clenched. “You said there wasn’t anything between you two.”
Confused, I tilted my head. Then it hit me. Nigel was a Shifter with a crazy Shifter nose.
Maybe…
Irritated, I narrowed my eyes on him. “And? We’re not together, Nigel. What I do is my business.”
Nigel took a step forward, further blocking my way. “I thought you couldn’t be with anyone right now and that’s why we aren’t. But V—”
“It’s just sex!” I nearly shouted.
Way to go, V. Make sure the entire school knows it.
Looking around with a twitch in my cheek, I cleared my throat and crossed my arms over my chest. “I-It’s just sex, Nigel. No big deal.”
Nigel’s entire face shifted, expressing intense frustration.
“It’s never just sex, V. That’s why I—” His jaw snapped shut and he palmed his head roughly, the fury manifesting in the many ticks Nigel was prone to when anxious.
“I thought you wanted your first time to be special. You never struck me as the type to give it away to just anyone.”
“What…?”
Nigel shook his head, jaw working. “The girl I knew wouldn’t whore herself out to some guy who was just going to toss her aside later. That Hunter doesn’t care about you. He’ll use you and throw you out the minute he’s bored. V, you’re better than this.”
Did he just call me a whore?
Nigel pulled a full dick move, and I couldn’t even deal. And just like that, I no longer felt guilty. Anger didn’t encompass how upset his words made me.
I was seeing red when I looked at the guy who never said a single mean thing to me over the course of three years.
The self-righteous speech was riddled with misogyny and chauvinistic bullshit, and it wasn’t like him.
Nigel was a bit protective and definitely struck me as the strong alpha type, but not this.
Not all this toxic masculinity horseshit.
Maybe that was why it took me so long to open my mouth. I didn’t know who this guy was. My body shook all over, responding as if I was under attack. And in a way I was. I wanted to scream at him and demand he explain himself.
But I didn’t get the chance.
Phillip was in front of me, his entire body projecting an intense wrath. “I’d rethink some of the things you say to my partner, dog. She may be willing to forgive you later for what you say, but I have a tendency to hold a grudge.”
Nigel turned furious eyes on the Austrian, postured for a fight. “Don’t act like you’re not the problem here. Before you came, she would’ve never done this.”
“That’s rich coming from you. What could you possibly mean by this? Live? Have a bit of fun? Show interest in someone other than you?”
“You’re a fucking bastard,” Nigel barked and took a warning step towards my partner. “You think you’re clever, but she’ll see right through you.”
“Unlike you, I don’t hide what I am,” the Austrian clapped back, also taking a step.
“Stop,” I interrupted angrily, touching Phillip’s arm gently. “That’s enough. I think I’ve got a good idea what Nigel’s trying to say.”
In an instant, both men paused.
Nigel tried to take a step my direction, but I put my hand up and sneered at him. It took a minute to get my emotions calmed down enough to say anything, but I did it.
“I should’ve known the nice guy you pretended to be was all an act,” I started, verbal venom aimed at the Shifter. “You pretend to be good, but only assholes tell a girl she’s a whore for having sex.”
“That’s not—” he tried to cut in, but I put myself between the two men.
“Like you haven’t slept with anyone. Like you’re a virgin. You dated someone else for years, but what, it’s okay for you? You can have sex all you want if it lives up to your standards?”
Nigel stiffened, clearly not ready for me to lay into him. “I didn’t mean it like that.”