Chapter 25
Chapter Twenty-Five
“You can take the bed,” Jonny said, gesturing to the bed frame and mattress that took up most of the space in the small room up the stairs.
He had taken Ada to meet his mother and sister following their late afternoon snack of eggs and toast.
After he had told her exactly how he felt about her, and she had stared at him, wide-eyed and scared, as though he had said too much.
He understood.
She had almost been married to someone else yesterday.
She would hardly want to jump into anything else, even if they had been intimate with one another before.
It was a lot all at once, and he needed her to know that she was safe with him, that he didn’t expect anything from her in return for staying here.
Which is why he didn’t lean forward and take her lips as he longed to. He didn’t crush her in an embrace, holding her close when he promised her she would always be safe with him.
For she would. He would make sure of it. He had been a fool to tell her to marry David Carter — he had realized that when he stood in the church and watched as Carter, indifferently, observed Sharpe trying to take Ada away.
Meanwhile, every instinct within Jonny had yelled at him to run in and take her away, to never see any of these people again.
That would have to be her own decision.
She deserved better than him, a man who had grown up under Blackwood’s wing, who still might be pulled down with him.
When they defeated Sharpe, perhaps he would see if his life could move forward with Ada.
Until then, until he knew he was free — he couldn’t offer her his heart, for there was too great a chance that it all might be taken away from him again.
“I can’t take your bed,” she said, bringing him back to the moment. “You have a match in the morning. You need to sleep well. I will be fine on the sofa.”
“Absolutely not,” he countered.
He began walking out of the room, but she stepped in front of the door, bracing her hands on either side of it so that he couldn’t leave. “You will not sleep on the sofa,” she glared at him, and he could tell she was trying to be menacing.
One corner of his mouth curled up in a quick grin.
“Are you trying to intimidate me?” he asked.
“Is it working?”
“Somewhat,” he laughed, reaching down, wrapping his arms around her hips, twirling her around so that they reversed positions. “But you can’t outmuscle me.”
Suddenly, all of the mirth left her eyes as she stared at him, her gaze slightly hooded.
“What is it?” he asked.
She shook her head. “Nothing.”
“What?”
She swallowed hard. “I just… was remembering.”
The air suddenly became tense, as they both were obviously thinking back to the last time his hands had been on her when they had been in a room alone together, just the two of them.
“Ada—” he began, but she interrupted him.
“I know,” she said. “I know that you do not want anything from me in the future. I understand that, and I am not asking you to give me anything that you are not willing to. But maybe… maybe you could just sleep next to me in the bed? Maybe hold me so I don’t feel so alone?”
Jonny didn’t see how he could possibly say no to that, even if he knew it would take everything within him to hold himself back from offering her any more.
“Of course,” he said, swallowing hard.
This was going to be a long night.
“I’ll leave you to prepare,” he said, stepping outside of the room for a moment, trying to calm his racing heart. Just sleep, Jonny. Sleep and give her the comfort and reassurance she needs.
Until he could give her more. Until he could promise her forever.
For if the opportunity presented itself, he would. He knew that now, knew that he could never watch her wed another, that no one would ever feel for her as he did.
He wished it were another way, that she would find someone better, but he would make up for all of his shortcomings with how he treated her.
He would promise her that.
One day, very soon.
Hopefully.
When he no longer heard her footsteps, he knocked lightly on the door.
“Come in,” she said, and he entered, closing the door softly behind him.
She was tucked under the blanket, turned to one side of the room, her burnished red hair fanned out on the pillow behind her. Jonny gave her his back, removing his shirt and unfastening his trousers, although he didn’t remove them entirely, instead leaving just his boots and socks beside the bed.
He blew out the candles, lifted back the covers, and slipped between them, turning toward Ada, not saying anything, but waiting to see what she needed, what she wanted.
He couldn’t take his eyes off her, even in the dim light of the moon that shone through his uncovered window.
Her long neck sloped down to her beautiful shoulder, mostly uncovered as he realized she must be sleeping in her shift.
The thought forced him to close his eyes, trying to think of something else, so that he could be here for her without wanting anything more than she was likely in the frame of mind to give.
It was only then that he realized her shoulder was shaking slightly.
“Ada?” he said in a low voice, breaking through the quiet. “Are you cold?”
“No,” she said, her voice trembling as much as her body.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just…” She finally turned around, facing him, her long lashes floating down over her freckled cheeks. “Today could have gone so differently. Now that it’s finished, I am realizing just how close I was to losing any choice in my future. And if you hadn’t come…”
Then she could be with Sharpe right now, a man with no scruples and no care for anyone – man, woman, or child.
“I know,” he said softly, reaching out, his arm wrapping around her shoulder, bringing her in close. “I know. But I did come, and you’re here now. Safe.”
She took his invitation and wrapped her arms around him, burrowing her head in the crook between his neck and shoulder.
He slipped an arm beneath her, holding her tightly, offering his bicep as her pillow.
He stroked her back, felt the first tear drop on his skin, taking it, letting her feel what she needed to feel.
“You’re here now, luv. You’re fine. You’re safe,” he murmured, over and over, hoping that, eventually, she would believe it. When she pressed the entire front of her body against him, he responded, shifting his hips back so that she wouldn’t feel what she was doing to him.
“Jonny,” she said, lifting her eyes to him, “we can—”
“No,” he said swiftly. “Absolutely not. Tonight, we are just here. Together. The rest can come later.” He paused. “Parts of my body just have a mind of their own when it comes to you,” he muttered, and she laughed softly.
“Tell me something about you,” she said, leaning her head back against his arms, her beautiful blue-green eyes staring up at him.
He didn’t like to share much about his past, his life, or his family, but he also wanted to keep her from crying again, and when she looked at him like that, she could ask him nearly anything she’d like. He would share with her. But only her.
“I never meant to become a football player,” he offered.
“You didn’t?”
“No,” he shook his head. “I boxed to get my mind off everything, to take out all my frustration. Still do. One of my sparring partners played football and he had me come out for a match. He played for the Athletics, and we faced Manchester Central in an exhibition game. They didn’t have enough players, so they asked me to come on their team as we had an extra. ”
“And then you never left?”
“Nope,” he said with a smile. “It seemed like I had found my best fit. They needed a half-back, and I fit the position well.”
“It was meant to be,” she said. “Did you play as a child?”
“I did. Will was more interested in it, but I always went with him to keep my eye on him. Seems I wasn’t as bad as I thought.”
“Of course you weren’t. I have a feeling that you’re good at anything you put your mind to.”
“I try,” he said, staring down at her. He could hold her in his arms forever.
“Tell me something about you.”
“Let’s see. I loved fairy tales as a child,” she said, looking down for a moment. “I always dreamed that someday, a handsome prince would come rescue me from the plans my parents had made for me and the villains — in my mind — who came after my family.”
He hated that he had been one such villain, sent to come after them.
“Then one day, not long after my father taught me to shoot, I realized that I had to be the hero of my own story. But that’s all turned out upside-down, hasn’t it?”
Jonny stroked her cheek, tucking hair behind her ear as he did so. “You do an impressive job of looking after yourself,” he said. “I’ve learned recently, however, that sometimes it’s not so bad to ask for help.”
She smiled up at him. “I think you’re right about that.”
He stared at her, unable to look away, still uncertain about how a woman so incredibly beautiful and perfect for him in every way was lying here in his bed. He wanted to tell her that he could be that prince for her, would be there to help her achieve all of her dreams, but he couldn’t do that yet.
So instead, he settled for showing her how he was feeling.
He leaned down, pressing a brief, soft kiss against her lips. He felt rather than heard her swift intake of breath as she pressed her lips back against his, accepting and giving all she could.
He would have liked to delve into her mouth, to find the sweetness within, but not now. That could come later. Instead, he placed gentle kisses on one corner of her lips, then the other, before landing on her nose, her forehead, and finally one flush against her lips again.
She stared up at him, her eyes slightly hazy.
“Goodnight, Ada,” he said softly.
“Goodnight, Jonny,” she responded, and when he kept his arm beneath her, wrapping the other one around her and holding her close, she only burrowed deeper against him.
He didn’t think he would ever sleep, as he wanted to stay awake and relish every moment of holding her in his arms, just in case it never happened again.
But within what seemed like seconds, it was morning. He had fallen asleep and rested more soundly than he had in as long as he could remember.
As he stared down at Ada, still sleeping in his arms, his one arm slightly numb, he knew that he would do anything for this woman.
He almost didn’t know what to do with the sensation, but he knew this. He would love her as best he could.
Which meant, above all, keeping her safe.
Starting today.