CHAPTER TWELVE
Scott
Now
“Who will be taking care of us now?” little Sammy, adorable Sammy, asked with tear tracks still
streaking his face.
“I will,” I reassured him.
His eyes widened and he frowned.
All six pairs of my children’s eyes locked on me.
I felt my face growing hot under the scrutiny.
Sutton finally broke the silence. “This isn’t a time to joke, Dad. Who’s going to help? Gam? Aunt Carrie?”
I sucked in a breath. “I’m not joking. I’m going to take care of all of you.”
The looks of disbelief were slowly changing to… Oh my God. Was that horror on their faces? Actual horror at the thought of me becoming their primary—their only—caregiver?
Sammy and Sophia broke into a fresh round of sobs.
The twins looked dubious, as if someone was going to run out and tell them this had all been a horrible misunderstanding.
Sutton pretended to be unaffected and looked at her phone.
She didn’t pull it off. Her phone was upside down and her bottom lip was trembling.
But it was Selene who summed up everyone’s feelings.
She looked at me with resignation, arms crossed over her chest protectively, and said, “This is not going to go well.”
I felt helpless. How could I assure them I’d be great at taking care of them when I didn’t have any confidence I could do it, either?
Carrie patted me on the back and took over. Thank God for her. She would know how to handle this.
“Y’all,” she said. “Your daddy is a smart man. He’s a dentist, for goodness’ sake. People trust him enough to let him use actual drills on their teeth. You think he can’t cook dinner?” She looked at her watch. “I’m sorry guys; I have to go. But I’ll be back soon. Be good for your dad.”
And with that, she was gone.
My heart dropped. Carrie hadn’t helped at all. If anything, she’d made it worse. Cook dinner? Jesus. I didn’t even know which cabinet the fucking pots and pans were in.
The kids’ faces were even more full of doubt, and I didn’t blame them.
Sammy suddenly stepped forward, wiping the tears off his face. He looked both sorrowful and determined. “I’ll help you, Dad. I helped Mom cook.”
Selene backed him up. “Sammy’s good, Dad. He might only be six, but he’ll be better than you.”
I smiled, not sure how to take her statement. Was she trying to be encouraging? Blair had warned me that while beautiful and highly talented in athletics and academics, Selene was more than a bit… blunt.
Of course, I knew that on some level. I might not be the most present father in the world, but I had a basic understanding of my children’s personalities.
But hearing Selene now? I realized I might have passed my social awkwardness down to her.
She seemed worse than I was, though. I winced inwardly.
I’d wanted the kids to get all of Blair’s personality. Not mine.
“I’ll learn,” I said, and the comment sounded weak even to my own ears.
No one looked convinced. And then the questions started flying one after another. They were so rapid-fire it was hard to tell who they were coming from or to answer any of them.
“What about car rider line?”
“Who’s going to help me straighten my hair?”
“Who will get me to me to my practice?”
“I have a recital this weekend.”
“I need to go shopping for the Homecoming Dance, and I’m the representative for the junior class on the court.”
“We’re on Homecoming Court, too. What are we supposed to wear?”
“I’m allergic to pears. Did you even know that?”
“It’s parent night at school this week.”
“Mom is on PTO at all of our schools. She handles a lot of things. Are you going to take over?”
“Enough!” I shouted louder than I meant to.
Six sets of eyes turned to look at me, at least three of them welling up with tears.
“Guys.” My shoulders slumped. “We’re going to get through this.
I don’t know exactly how, okay? I have some things I need to learn.
But I will take care of you. I promise.”
“But… but what if Mommy goes to heaven? What will happen to us then?” Sammy’s big brown eyes that looked so much like Blair’s stared up at me.
And then I was crying. Before I knew it, I had been basically tackled by my six children. The six of us sat there like that on the floor of our living room—basically a large blob of tears, fear, and sadness—until we could all breathe again.
I was clutching Sammy to my chest, my large hand on the back of his head as he laid it on my shoulder. “I don’t know all the answers,” I said quietly, “and I’m not saying any of this is going to be easy. But we’ll get through it. Together.”
Everyone nodded, and we began to pull away from each other a bit.
Even Selene was wiping tears from her face. “I miss her so much,” she confessed. “She’s my favorite person.”
I pulled her in for a hug. I was surprised when she threw her arms around me and held on tight. “I think she’s everyone’s favorite person,” I whispered.
The doorbell rang, and I walked over, happy to carry Selene and Sammy in my arms. Selene reached out and opened the door.
Sadie and her mother stood there. “Hey, Scott.” Sadie looked exhausted, her eyes puffy and red from crying. “We’re here to stay with the kids so you can go back to Blair.”
I got emotional again, and both women looked shocked by the tears in my eyes. “Thank you,” I choked out. “Thank you so much.”
Sadie got a smile on her face. “Hey, kiddos. I brought my favorite book from when I was about Selene’s age with me.
I thought I’d read a few chapters before y’all go to bed.
” She held up a copy of Bunnicula, which was apparently about a vegetarian vampire rabbit.
“But everyone has to get ready first. I need to know who takes baths or showers in the mornings and who does it at night. Sutton, you can help me with all of that.”
I was proud of my oldest child when she nodded and stepped into action.
“Then I need teeth brushed, jammies on, and everyone to meet back here, ready for story time. I’m giving everyone thirty minutes.” She looked at her watch and gave them a countdown. “On your marks, get set… GO!”
Everyone sprang into action, and I walked out the door. At least I knew they were safe and cared for.
I tried to hold it together as I drove back to the hospital.
How was I going to do this? With a sick, horrible feeling, I realized just how much I’d expected Blair to handle without me.
I’d been a dad for fifteen years, but I was beginning to understand just how little I’d let that affect my daily life.
The guilt almost overwhelmed me, both for my wife and my children.
I shouldn’t be this worried about taking over for my wife, but I was. It was my own fault, too. She’d tried to tell me she needed help, but I’d just kissed her head and walked out the door.
It was finally time for me to learn my lesson.
It might be fifteen years too late, but I was about to get a crash course in parenting.