Chapter 43
forty-three
. . .
Mason
I forgot how fast my old agent worked. One second, I was on the phone with Marty asking if the offer to play in the European pro league was still on the table, and now I’m looking at a round-trip ticket to the Czech Republic in my inbox. In a couple of weeks, I’d go through their training camp, meet with their coaches, and hopefully sign a three-year contract. Marty mentioned their doctors would take a look at me, but he didn’t seem worried about me gaining medical clearance. I was going to be a professional hockey player again. Words I never thought I’d be able to say when I took that hit so many years ago.
Hopeful feelings aside, I’m dreading breaking the news to Violet. Long distance would suck, but I know we’ll pull through. I devised a plan for managing the six-hour time difference as I made dinner. By the time I was done cooking, I was feeling excited about this next phase in my life, and I was thinking Violet might be excited too. I hear the door open, and I step out of the kitchen to greet her.
“Hey Vi, how was your—” She looks defeated. “Angel what’s wrong?” I remove her backpack and coat, opening my arms to her for a hug and placing a soft kiss on her forehead as she melts into me.
“Just a really shitty day.” She mumbles into my chest.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not now. Maybe later.”
We walk over to the dining room table where I had laid out dinner for us — chicken and saffron rice, a sweet and savory dish her mom had taught me to make. The sight of the familiar dish makes her smile. It’s a sad, “Wow I really needed this” kind of smile. Not the kind of smile you want to rub in good news to.
“How was practice today?” Violet asks as she finishes the last bit of food on her plate.
“Practice was fine…”
“Uh-oh. That doesn’t sound good.”
“Eh, the practice itself was fine. The conversation I had with Coach Jameson afterward…not so much.”
“What happened?”
“He told me he’s not renewing my contract after this season. He doesn’t feel like I am a good fit.” Even the abridged version of our conversation stung like hell.
“Oh Mason, I’m so sorry. I know how hard you worked to prove yourself. I can’t believe he didn’t see that.” She takes my hand into hers giving it a tight squeeze.
“Yeah, I was definitely caught off guard.”
“Well, whatever you choose to do next, I’ll always support you.” Violet leans over the table to press a kiss on my cheek.
“Do you really mean that?” I need her support more than anything.
“Of course I do. ”
“Even if it meant me going to Europe?”
Her eyebrows scrunch together. “That’s oddly specific…”
“I reached out to Marty, my old agent. He thinks I have a shot at working for the pro league in the Czech Republic. He approached me about it when we were at Connor’s award ceremony. I blew him off at the time…but I don’t think I can turn this offer down, Vi.” I sit on pins and needles, trying to read her face as the words settle over her. She looked pleased, I think.
“That’s amazing Mason. But are you sure you don’t want to look for a coaching position closer to home first? Maybe at Boston U? Or Even Northeastern?”
“I’m not going to Europe to coach, Violet. I’m going there to play.”
“What do you mean?”
“Marty thinks I will clear their medical requirements. He thinks I have a real shot at playing again.”
She rolls her eyes, letting out a laugh. “Marty is a shark. You could have one working brain cell and he’d try and pitch you a job. You’re a money sign to him.”
“Okay? That doesn’t make the job opportunity any less real. I have to try.”
Violet sucks in a deep breath. “Mason, no legitimate doctor is going to let you play again with your concussion history.”
“C’mon Vi, what’s in the past is in the past. I’m fine now.”
“So, the migraines you get every few weeks are a fluke? Or what about the fact that you feel unsteady whenever you get out of bed too fast?”
Shit. I had no idea Violet had even noticed those moments. But what hockey player didn’t have lingering aches and pains? “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not. And any team willing to sacrifice your health to make money isn’t worth your time.”
“You said you would support me no matter what,” I remind her.
“I said that when I thought you were looking for other coaching jobs. I didn’t think you would be dumb enough to try and play again.”
“Just because I’m not getting my PhD doesn’t make me dumb,” I snap back.
“I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that you don’t want to make any rash decisions after getting bad news. Give it some time. We’ll figure something else out.”
“Give it time? Like the time we wasted waiting for you to forgive me? I should wait three years to make a decision?”
She crosses her arms and looks away from me. When she looks back, she looks like she’s trying to collect herself. “Yes Mason. Time can be a good thing. Like the time you took to forgive your dad. When something or someone hurts us?—”
“I’m not one of your psychology experiments. I don’t want to hear this.” I stand up and lean against the counter.
“Well maybe you should, since I'm clearly the only one thinking rationally right now.”
She didn’t understand. She was smart and incredible and could accomplish anything she set her mind to. She wasn’t like me. She didn’t put all her eggs into one basket and now had nothing to show for it. She didn’t know what it felt like to have everyone look at you with pity. To have everyone know you peaked years ago. My spot with the Czech team could be my second chance.
And I should’ve told her that. Should’ve come clean about my insecurities. Instead, I let my frustration get the best of me. “You know what Violet? I really wasn’t asking for your permission. I was keeping you informed.” I regret the words as soon as they come out.
“Well if you want to ruin the rest of your life, I guess that’s your choice.” Violet’s tone is clipped, clearly hurt. “I’m going to stay at my apartment tonight.” She stands, starting to collect her things.
“Let me get my keys, I’ll drive you—” I search around the kitchen as she cuts me off .
“No need. I’ve already called an Uber.” I watch as she shrugs on her coat and grabs her backpack.
I should have stopped her. Should have ran outside and begged her to come inside and talk this out. Instead, I stand frozen in place, staring at the door Violet just slammed shut behind her. Flashbacks of Chicago flood my mind. My chasing after her never slowed her down, she just fled faster. I just hope that this time, she comes back.
As I roll around in bed trying to fall asleep, I wonder if the only time we would be together again would be in my dreams. Sleep evaded me. My thoughts were plagued with whether I had lost the best thing I ever had because I couldn’t let go of my past.