Chapter 45
forty-five
. . .
Violet
Watching Mason step up and lead his team inspired me. If he could tackle his insecurities and confront his past demons, then so could I. After he left, I emailed the department chair, Dr. Wayne. His assistant responded immediately saying he had a last-minute cancellation, but the meeting time aligned with the start of Mason’s game. I debated asking for a later appointment, but I knew the longer I put this off the more I would talk myself out of doing it. I knew Mason would understand.
A few hours later I’m sitting outside of Dr. Wayne’s office, bouncing my leg up and down, on the verge of a panic attack. It’s not lost on me that I was in this exact position two years ago when I reported Dr. Atkins for stealing my work. I remember the way my hands shook as I presented all the evidence of her abuse. The way Dr. Wayne gave me a sympathetic look. Most of all I remembered how unsurprised he was. It was then that I realized I was one of many students she had harmed over the years.
“Violet, nice to see you. C’mon in.” Dr. Wayne’s voice snaps me out of my flashback, and I take a seat across from him. His office looks the same.
“Thanks for seeing me on such short notice.”
“Of course. Now what brings you in?”
“I recently submitted an application for the department’s Dissertation Award. It has come to my attention that Dr. Atkins was involved in reviewing my application. My application was rejected, and I would accept this decision, however, all my other reviewers stated my proposal was exactly what they were looking to support. I’m here today asking for a fair review.” I hand over the stack of documents for him to see, which included the feedback from my three reviewers.
He takes his time reading through the documents. I try to stay calm and remind myself that I’m not on trial. Even someone who was unaware of our volatile history could see that her comments were unsubstantiated. He finally breaks the silence. “I’m sorry you’ve been put in this situation, Violet. Her conflict of interest was a large oversight on the part of the review committee.”
I nod in agreement.
“Unfortunately, there isn’t much I can do at this time. The person selected for the fellowship already accepted their offer. And asking for all applications to be reviewed again would invalidate our review process.”
“So, she gets away with mistreating students again?” I summarize.
“What I can do is inform all future fellowship committees that Dr. Atkins is not permitted to review your application materials. Frankly that’s what should’ve happened in the first place. I can’t reiterate how sorry I am about this oversight. ”
“I see. Well, I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me.”
I leave his office feeling deflated but proud. Violet three years ago would have been devastated by the events of the past few days. She never would have stood up for herself the way current Violet just did. Current Violet wasn’t knocked down as easily. Even if I didn’t get the outcome I was hoping for, I wouldn’t live as a shell of myself anymore. Dr. Atkins had taken enough of my joy, and I refused to let her take any more of it.
I sent Bethany a quick email updating her on how my meeting went. She provided some words of encouragement that further fueled my desire to push past this. Starting tomorrow, I will compile a list of all the other fellowships I could apply to. Tonight, I had a hockey game to attend and a partner, who I loved more than anything, to cheer for.
Though Mason tried to put on a brave face this morning, I knew he was petrified heading into this game. Monroe had texted me earlier saying she corralled our parents, as well as Mikey and Bradon, into coming out to the game in support. I decided to keep that bit of information to myself. He was already feeling the pressure of not letting his team down. Knowing all his loved ones were also in attendance would stress Mason out even more.
I check my phone as I walk over to the Hockey arena, hoping for an update from Monroe. I had tasked her with sending me regular texts about the game. When I make it inside the arena, I can hear the crowd gasp loudly followed by a large groan. Maybe that was just the UCONN students. Fans of the away team usually showed up for major tournaments like these.
I tried to stay positive but that got harder as I climbed up the stairs toward the friends and family suite. My heart drops when I enter the room and see pained expressions on everyone’s faces. We were in a three-goal deficit as UCONN scored a fourth in the last three seconds of the first period. I looked down at the players bench just in time to see Mason snapping his clipboard on the bench as the team shuffled back into the locker room. Monroe reaches over to squeeze my hand, neither of us having the strength to voice what we were thinking. Short of a miracle happening, Westchester’s season was over. And Mason would be known as the coach that was responsible for the biggest choke this season.