Chapter 9
Nine
Ella
I went to the bedroom that was assigned to me, closed the door, and waited on the bed. I knew it wouldn’t be long.
It wasn’t.
Within two minutes, Milly came through the door with only a cursory knock to alert me that she was coming. Recovering from the torture at Bryna’s hands or not, she was still a whirlwind when she wanted to be.
Anna was less than a foot behind her, carrying a plate of snacky type food with her. The baked goods and some cheese had all been pillaged from the meal I’d planned for everyone.
Get over it. Stop trying to focus on that to avoid the bigger subjects.
“You’re upset,” Milly pronounced, as if I didn’t already know, half throwing herself onto the bed next to me.
“Something like that,” I grumbled as Anna came around to the other side of me, holding out the plate.
I took a pair of biscuits and topped them with cheese. If my mouth was full, I wouldn’t have to talk.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed,” Anna said as I munched. “A lot happened all at once. Your mate bond. Mate marks. And then your dragon coming out for your first shift. Not to mention the Reds attacking. It was a lot.”
“And I lost my mind,” I added, speaking around the food still in my mouth. “Can’t forget that part.”
“Which is completely acceptable,” Anna said as Milly stuffed her mouth with biscuit.
“What?” I stared at her. “How do you think? You did fine.”
Anna laughed. “El, I had weeks to come to terms with my growing mate bond and then the idea my dragon might awaken. You had none. It was immediate, zero to one hundred. Come on, Ella, you’re the brains of this organization. Start using them.”
“I hurt Dirk badly. I hurt both of you.”
“Nobody thinks it was intentional,” Anna countered.
“Dirk might,” I pointed out.
“No, he won’t,” she said, shaking her head.
Milly reached across me to take another biscuit and pair of cheese slices, nodding in agreement with Anna.
“Why are you so upset over this?” Anna asked, scrunching up one side of her mouth in confusion. “Your dragon is here. You have a mate bond with a good man. It’s great. I mean, if you ask me, being mated is the best thing ever. I couldn’t imagine a life without Caz. I—”
“Anna,” Milly said, interrupting with gentle directness. “Look at Ella.”
“What?”
I stared at the wall, hearing the interaction but not processing it. I needed them to understand that this couldn’t be the way it was. Maybe for them, but not for me.
“Ella doesn’t need the bubbly new-in-love attitude right now,” Milly said. “She needs to be listened to.”
Anna subsided into silence, and we sat there, letting the quiet go on, aside from Milly’s continued crunching of the biscuits as she ate.
“I’m sorry,” Anna said after a minute or two. “Apparently, Milly is the only one of us using brains right now.”
Milly snorted. “I’m just as confused as you two. Don’t worry.”
A ghost of a smile twitched at my lips while the other two shared a laugh.
“El, what’s going on in there?” Anna urged, leaning against my shoulder in support. “It’s me and Mil. You can talk to us.”
“I can’t do this,” I whispered, shaking my head. “I can’t.”
“But you’ve already got the marks,” Anna countered.
“I don’t care. I’m not doing it.”
Milly made a noise. “Now you’re just being stubborn. Trust me, I know what that looks like.”
I stood up sharply to stop them from seeing the shaking in my legs. “I don’t care! You can tell me I’m being hysterical all you want, but nobody asked me what I want. He’s just taking it from me. All they do is take from me!”
My friends were silent as I rubbed my hands against one another, trying to stop the shakes. “You don’t understand.”
Anna cleared her throat quietly. “Then help us understand, El.” She paused. “What did he take from you?”
“My choice,” I said hoarsely. “My independence. He took it without asking.” My shoulders jerked as I stifled a sob.
Arms wrapped themselves around my shoulders, and I leaned into Anna. “Does this have to do with what happened to you … before us?”
My head moved up and down a fraction of an inch.
“Do you want to tell us?”
I hadn’t told anyone what happened to me up there. On the surface. How could I and have them still look at me the same? I didn’t want their pity. It wouldn’t change anything.
“My dragon has never been there for me when I needed it most,” I whispered, telling them the only thing they needed to know. “So it doesn’t get to dictate an orb-damned thing to me now. And that includes who I do or don’t mate.”