Chapter 14
Fourteen
Ella
Crossing my arms, I confronted my two friends as the door to Milly’s room closed with a soft click.
“That wasn’t very nice.”
Anna and Milly exchanged a glance and then looked up at me from the edge of Milly’s bed. Both of them had innocent smiles plastered in place.
“I’m serious,” I said, calling them out on their “sneaky” plan to get me to sit directly across from Dirk at dinner. “That may have been the most awkward hour of my life.”
“Only because you made it that way,” Anna pointed out.
They didn’t know about my forest encounter with Dirk earlier that made it ten times worse, but it didn’t matter.
“I don’t need you two playing matchmaker for me.”
Milly sighed and scooted herself back further onto the bed. She looked drawn, and it hurt me to see my usually vibrant and energetic friend brought so low. By an Elite.
That was a bit of blame shifting. It wasn’t Milly’s fault the Hunters had caught us that night.
It was mine.
“We’re not,” Milly said. “Fate already did that part for us. We’re just trying to get you to see it.”
“I see it every time I look at myself in the mirror. Every time I shower. Every time I get dressed. Trust me, I can see it. That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
“You’re being stubborn as all hell.” Milly didn’t hold back in speaking her judgment. Although her body was still recovering, she remained the most outspoken one of us.
I looked away. They didn’t understand. I wasn’t stupid. I was aware I was refusing to accept something fate seemed inclined to force upon me. But I couldn’t be that person. That chance had been taken from me.
Anna jumped in, playing the middle. “I take it things didn’t go well with your dragon?”
“No.” I sank down to place my back against the wall. “Absolutely nothing. Not even a peep. It’s just gone.”
I leaned my head back against the wall with a thunk that expressed my feelings perfectly.
Anna moved off the edge of the bed and came to sit next to me. I leaned my head on her shoulder for support. That was the thing about besties. One moment they were calling out my attitude, and the next they were there for me, no matter the issue. I loved them for it.
“Do you have any ideas on how to get it to wake back up?” she asked, resting her head on top of mine.
I was silent.
“Just tell us,” Milly said, moving to lie on her side and looking down at us. She grabbed a pillow to put under her head so she could be comfortable with the silver band of the slave collar still around her throat. “It’s going to come out eventually.”
She was right. “I ran into Dirk outside. He heard my frustration and thought I was under attack. So he came running. It was awkward. I was pretty mean to him.”
“That explains dinner,” Anna said. “I thought even for you that was a bit cold.”
I shrugged gently, so as not to disturb her head. I didn’t keep many things from my friends. We shared just about all our secrets, thoughts, and dreams.
But my past was one thing I had never been able to vocalize. From the moment they found me running for my life and welcomed me into their group, the two of them had never judged me. Never thought less of me. They treated me like an equal, and if they knew the truth, that would change.
I wanted to be their friend. Not their rehabilitation project.
“What did Dirk have to say?” Milly asked, adjusting her pillow.
“He suggested maybe I should revisit the site of the crash. That maybe it would bring my dragon back if I got over that memory.”
“That’s a pretty good suggestion,” Anna said, rubbing my arm. “Are you going to do it?”
“Yeah. I actually was going to ask you if you’d take me there. Since you can shift now and all.”
It still felt weird to think about. For years we’d been nothing more than a trio of Clippys with only our brains to help us survive. Now Anna could shift on command. It was hard to believe.
“Do you remember where it is?” Anna asked. “I don’t know anything besides it was ‘deeper in the mountains,’ according to Caz.”
I thought about it, trying to recreate the frantic flight in my head. “I think I could get us there.” I hoped I sounded more confident than I felt.
Anna wasn’t fooled. She shook her head. “You should ask Dirk. He would know exactly where to go.”
“He already volunteered. I said no.”
There was always Caz, but I wasn’t going to go ask Dirk’s brother. He would just send me to Dirk as well.
“So go tell him you changed your mind,” Milly suggested, giving me a long “this is the obvious answer” look.
“You guys, I can’t. Dirk is … I can’t.” I held up a hand to stop any comments. “I know his marks are on my side, but I don’t feel anything toward him. Maybe I did in the moment, but right now? Nothing, okay. No yearning, no need, no nothing. He’s just another Elite, even if he wants me.”
“I disliked Caz at first,” Anna said into the silence that followed my protest. “I was pretty mean to him. I assumed he was just like all the others we’ve encountered… because why wouldn’t he be?”
I nodded. That was exactly it. Dirk had taken something from me without asking, simply because he was stronger. It didn’t matter if he hadn’t meant to or if he was a good guy. He had done it, and now I was left with no choice, and that grated on me. It brought back bad memories.
“But I was wrong,” Anna said, shifting so she could look at me as she spoke and make sure I was paying attention.
“Caz isn’t like the others. He’s stuck in a world not of his making, and he’s doing his best to change it.
Sure, he could just kill everyone who resists, but that would leave the Ice Kingdom open, vulnerable.
The Reds would attack. Maybe even the Fae.
Who knows what the Stormwings would do if they found out.
But the point is, he’s trying. And Dirk is helping him. ”
I clenched my teeth, holding on to the perception that Dirk was just another Elite jerk. I had to. He had to be. Didn’t he?
“I can hear you grinding your jaw from here,” Milly said, covering up a big yawn.
“Dirk is a good man. You can’t blame him for what happened to you,” Anna continued.
“Think back to how things started with Caz and me. It wasn’t voluntary.
Do you really think I’d be throwing myself at the bars of a cage and touching myself publicly for a man I didn’t know?
You aren’t the only one who’s done things in the moment, courtesy of our dragon, that the human part of us didn’t like. ”
That was Anna telling me to grow up. Politely.
“I’m still learning what it’s like to have this other side of me awake, El.
But one thing I do know is that they’re animals.
Beasts. They don’t care about our societal rules.
All they care about is being with their mate.
Fighting it just makes it worse. They’re going to drag us along for the ride no matter what we want. ”
I shook my head, staring at the floor, too uncomfortable to look at them. “I’ve been on one too many rides with Elites before. I know how it ends. I can’t go there again. Ever.”
My friends were silent, but I could see them sharing a look out of the edge of my vision.
“I really think you should ask Dirk,” Anna said quietly. “He’s a good person, and you’d see that if you gave him a chance.”
“Maybe once I figure out what’s going on with my dragon.” I didn’t mean it, but perhaps it would mollify them. “There’s too much happening at once.”
“We’ll be back at the citadel in a few days,” Anna said, glancing between Milly and me.
“There’s a huge library in Caz’s private wing.
Lots of old texts. I only had a little bit of spare time, but I’m sure if the three of us do some work, we can find something to explain how our dragons have awakened. This can’t be the only time.”
“El and I will comb through it for sure,” Milly said. “I’m feeling stronger by the day now, so I can finally help. You’ll be busy being Ice Tyrantess and all that, with Bryna’s trial. She still needs to be punished for what she did to me.”
“She will,” Anna said with ferocious promise. She rarely showed that side, but this time it was her longest friend who had been attacked and brutally tortured.
I almost pitied Bryna for what she’d awakened. Almost.
“Maybe there will be information about what happened to my dragon too,” I mused. “It would be nice to know what’s going on inside me.”
They agreed. We were all eager to understand more about ourselves, and in particular how the changes to Anna and now me might be applied to all Clippys. If we could awaken all of their dragons, none would suffer the horrors I and so many others had.
We could change everything.
The talk of hope buoyed all our spirits, and we spent the next hours wiling away the evening, chatting about nothing and everything.
Tensions relaxed, and I was able to just be myself among my friends.
It was much needed after a stressful few days.
Taking my mind off my dragon and Dirk, even for a few hours, was a big help.
Eventually Milly tired, and Caz came by to gather up Anna. I said my goodnights to Milly as she slid under the covers and pulled the door to her room closed behind me.
Standing in the hallway, I had two options. Left would take me to the stairs, my room on the floor above, and bed. Right led to several other rooms, including Dirk’s.
I could go to him and ask him to take me back to the crash site. The girls had been fairly insistent that I should take this option. But they also thought just because I had been marked by Dirk’s dragon, I should give in and “test the waters.” They didn’t understand I was already drowning.
I was torn. Awakening my dragon would likely drive me further into Dirk’s orbit. The brief period she’d been a part of me in full had left indelible memories about her desires to be near his dragon and the rest of him.
But if she was awake, I would have the power to defend myself. To ensure I never had to suffer the predations of the Hunters ever again. I would finally be free.
From everything except Dirk. Was that a price I was willing to pay?
I stood thinking for a long time. Then I started walking.