Chapter 25
Twenty-Five
Ella
Halfway to the edge of the field, Dirk seemed to change his mind.
“Hold on,” he said, and before I could react, wings sprouted from his back.
“Uh.” That was all I got out before he crouched his legs and jumped.
With a whoosh of air, gravity tugged me down, but Dirk held me fast to his body as we soared high above the landing field. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on for dear life, my head resting on his chest.
His marked chest. I stared at the skin that moments ago had been pristine but was now covered in swirls.
Somewhere in my mind, I could sense my dragon, but it was murky. Distant. Yet for the first time since the mountains, I had proof of life. She was still there, like Dirk had said.
Dirk was currently grinning like a maniac. Not that I could blame him. This was momentous, and I knew it had to feel good for him. He had proof he wasn’t rejected. That he was mine after all, so I didn’t begrudge him the wild grin.
Or the way his arms held me firmly. Or the press of his cock through his pants against my ass, sparking a matching reaction between my legs. He shifted me in his arms as we circled the tyrant’s tower, and I tried not to moan as the motion rubbed sensitive things in a very pleasant way.
At last he found what he was looking for, and we dropped easily onto a balcony, his legs flexing to absorb the impact. He didn’t stop, though. The smile faded into something more intense, something heavy and focused. Masculine.
“Now I’m officially yours,” he growled, striding across the balcony until he could pin me against the wall.
My legs closed around his waist, and my arms locked behind his neck, feeling the taut steel cables of his muscles.
“Just kisses,” I managed to get out a moment before his lips crashed against mine.
He was slow and thorough, and my body was putty in his hands. But he never once tried to push me further. He did grip my ass, but I put that down to him needing to keep me off the floor.
Maybe it was an excuse. In the moment, I didn’t care.
Dirk was the only thing I wanted, and I knew I was putting a terrible amount of trust in him.
The burning of his marks along my side and the dull throbbing between my legs were overwhelming.
If he wanted to take more from me, I doubted I would say no in the moment.
“Nothing more,” he growled, moving my hand back to his neck as it slipped free and edged downward.
“Okay,” I said, moaning as he found my neck, kissing, nipping, and sucking the extremely sensitive skin until my fingernails dug deep into him.
I returned the favor, each kiss bringing with it fresh mate scent.
It was incredible. And all for me. I knew enough that no one else would ever smell him the way I could, and just knowing we shared that one thing, that nobody else would ever have, was as powerful an aphrodisiac as the constant twitching of his cock in his pants.
It was amazing that a dragon as powerful as Dirk, as attractive as Dirk, would desire someone as broken down as me. A used-up shell who …
Dirk’s smell went flat and the burning in my bloodstream disappeared. I blinked, drawing in a breath, but it was still gone. Now it was just us. Dirk and me.
It took another second for Dirk to realize something had changed.
He eyed me, and his mouth opened to ask a question, but before the words came out, he backed away from the wall and set me down gently.
“I pushed too hard. Didn’t I?” he asked softly. “I’m sorry. I should have known better. You said only kisses, and then I brought you up here where we’re alone, and then your neck and I just started and I just … I’m sorry, Ella. I’m sorry I failed you.”
He backed away from me while I searched for the words to tell him no, it wasn’t his fault. It was mine. That I was the one who couldn’t do this, because on the inside, I was empty, and it hurt.
“I’m sorry,” he said one more time and then hopped over the edge of the balcony, his wings already sprouting from his back to carry him to safety.
I reached for him to try to stop. He needed to know it wasn’t his fault. That he wasn’t responsible for the wet blanket that was thrown over everything building between us.
It was me, and my past, and my broken self-confidence. I was the one who ruined the moment.
But it was too late. He was gone, and once again things between us sucked.
I went over to the balcony and sat with my back to it, taking deep breaths and blinking rapidly, trying to keep myself under control
It had been going so well. I could still feel his lips on mine, the brush of his stubble and the heat of his body as it wrapped me in a warmth I already missed. I wanted him back. I wanted to feel small and safe in his arms once more.
Droplets ran down my cheek as I stared at my palms, cradling my head against my knees with them.
Why did I have to go and let myself think? I could have just shut my brain off and enjoyed the here and now.
The problem, though, wasn’t today. It was yesterday, and the effects it would have on tomorrow, the future. Because at some point the topic would come up if we kept growing closer, kept exploring what these marks meant for our future.
A future I can’t give him. Even if I’m no longer completely against the idea myself.
That decision had been taken from me a long time ago. And there was no fixing it.
Or me.