Chapter 17
JAX
Ilied. It was a long night.
Lying next to Kat, listening to her breathing… for the first time, sleep eluded me. Thoughts of Kat naked in the shower, talking passionately over dinner, laughing in the rain, sleeping a mere arm’s length away.
At daybreak, I gave up and went for a walk around the island, followed by a gruelling swim. Everyone else was asleep, only hotel maintenance was busy cleaning up after last night’s storm, getting the island ready for the guests when they awoke.
I look down the beach to see Kat walking along the shoreline.
I stop what I’m doing, my gaze locking on her.
Kathryn Frazer has no idea how beautiful she is, which is something that has always amazed me.
Her sandals dangle from her fingertips, swinging as she walks, her mid-length sundress floating around her legs.
She’s the epitome of poise and grace. A light breeze gently caresses and lifts her hair.
She turns and stares out over the water. Her meeting with the general manager and his team must have ended. She tilts her face up towards the sun, and I can picture her eyes closed as she absorbs its power.
This morning, when I saw her at breakfast, she looked as tempting as the pastries she was staring at.
Our waiter could have knocked me down with a feather when she invited me to join her.
As for the plate of pastries I consumed, I usually don’t eat them.
I’m more of a savoury man, but when the opportunity arose, offering her little tasters was too good to miss.
When she’d accepted them, a pressure had built within my chest.
Last night, in the rain, was the first time I’ve seen Kat that relaxed in a very long time.
Elijah always used to joke that his sister took life far too seriously, needed to loosen up and remove the stick from her arse. At least he had, until his own life became a complete shit show.
I never saw that in Kat. It’s true, she’s not as carefree as Elijah or Caleb. Instead, she’s quieter, more reserved, like Gabriel. One thing is certain, she has the same steely determination and inner drive as her brothers.
She’s known to analyse any situation before jumping in. Her decisions are always well-informed.
It’s something I should’ve remembered sixteen years ago. When faced with all the facts, my simple denial had been weak at best. With no alibi, nothing to back up my truth. I just wanted Kat to have faith in us, to trust in me and in what we had. But I’d been asking too much.
Sixteen Years Ago
“Where were you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Answer the question, Jax. Where were you?”
“You’re asking me a question from two months ago.”
“You weren’t with me. Do I need to jog your memory?”
My heart starts to race. What the hell is going on here?
“There are lots of nights I’m not with you. I’m hoping we can rectify that soon.”
“Really?” Her tone is one of disbelief. “After graduation?”
“We’ve discussed this,” I say, stepping forward and placing my hands on her upper arms. She flinches, and a shiver runs down my spine as she shrugs me off.
“Kat, what’s going on?”
I frown, my pulse rate kicking up. Something is seriously wrong. I’ve never seen Kat like this.
“Sasha Dennison,” she spits. “Remember her?”
“Sasha? Darra’s friend?” I ask. “What the hell has Sasha got to do with anything, with us?”
“You tell me? Apparently, you and she…”
I laugh, a full belly laugh, before Kat can finish.
“Kat, you can’t be serious? Sasha?”
My laughter dies in my throat as I take in Kat’s expression, a line of sweat breaking out along my spine.
“What the hell? Kat, where is this coming from?”
“I heard her. She was telling Darra and their friends. She repeated the exact words you used on me. About keeping our relationship quiet, at least until after graduation.”
“She’s lying.”
“If she’s lying and it’s not true, then how did she know to use those exact words?”
Kat raises an eyebrow, her chin high. The challenge is there.
A wave of dizziness hits, as adrenaline floods my system.
“I don’t know.” I run a hand down my face. “Believe me, she’s the last person I would touch. You know that.”
“Do I? Why would she say it? She didn’t even know I could hear them. They were laughing, how it’s your standard line, allows you to play the field.”
I shrug, my mind racing, searching for answers to things I’m struggling to understand.
“I don’t know, but I promise you. It’s not true. You’re the only woman in my life.”
“She’s not the only one. Other people have confirmed it.”
“Who?” Pressure builds in my chest. “They’re lying.”
She shakes her head. I can see from her expression. Her mind has already been convinced by these mysterious people.
“Kat.”
Her eyes won’t meet mine.
“Kat, look at me.”
Our gazes clash, and I reach for her, only to have her step back. The pain radiating from her eyes steals my breath.
“I love you. There’s nothing between me and Sasha. I promise you,” I whisper. “I don’t have time to mess around. Not between swimming practice and focusing on my studies.”
“I saw you together, at the hotel. I checked the security footage. You were both there.”
Her eyes swim with tears, and a crushing pain forms in my chest.
She shakes her head, her arms wrapping around her waist as she says the words that shatter my world.
“I’m sorry, Jax, I don’t believe you.”
Kat’s expression tells me she’s serious.
That day, my stupid pride and insecurities had me turn and walk away.
I’d wandered for hours, wracking my brains, trying to understand what had happened. Yes, I’d seen Sasha at the hotel that day. It was the same day I’d met Dillon Myers for my apprenticeship interview. Robert had arranged the meeting and sworn me to secrecy.
Sasha had already been there when I arrived. She was an old friend of Emma, Dillon’s daughter. They’d gone to boarding school together. But why would Kat think we were together? Apart from overhearing Sasha’s affirmation.
Shit!
I’d returned to our apartment in a daze, half expecting Elijah to burst into my room, beat me senseless, and then throw me out onto the street. Instead, he returned home, striking up conversation as if nothing had happened.
I realised then, Kat hadn’t said anything to him. Zach looked at me and asked if everything was okay. I’d simply shrugged it off, while inside I was broken. Kat had not believed me.
Off the back of that one conversation, and bad timing, sixteen years of animosity have ensued.
I sigh heavily and rub the back of my neck.
An older woman walks up to Kat, and they begin talking.
“You should tell her how you feel, you know.”
I look up to find an older man standing next to my table, his eyes following my gaze.
“Pardon me?”
He looks down and smiles. “The woman you’re staring at so intensely. You need to tell her how you feel.”
I chuckle.
I’d probably end up minus my balls if I tried.
“Our relationship isn’t like that,” I say instead.
“No?” he says, sounding totally unconvinced. “Because I used to look at Mary that same way. Thought she wasn’t interested.” His eyes lose focus, disappearing into a memory. “It was fifty years ago today, we tied the knot.”
“Congratulations,” I say, motioning for him to take a seat.
He chuckles, pulling out a chair.
“It’s not all been plain sailing, lad. Mary’s as stubborn as they come.
She was married to her career when I met her, world-renowned heart surgeon, one of the first females in her field,” he says, his pride clear.
He must see something in my expression because he smiles.
“But then nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that.”
“Thank you. But take it from me, you’ve got it all wrong. I’m her brothers’ best friend, we’re working together on a project.”
I motion to my laptop and watch as his face crumples as he openly laughs.
“I was Mary’s brother’s best friend. When he found out I had feelings for his sister, he threatened to castrate me.”
I chuckle.
I wonder what Caleb and Elijah would think?
I’m not sure I’d be as lucky as this gentleman. If they truly knew what had gone down between us, I’d already be missing my balls.
He looks at me and inclines his head. His tone softens.
“Don’t give up, son. All good things are worth fighting for, makes the experience so much better when you finally get there.” He laughs again. “Listen to me, I sound like a talking cliché.”
Before I can say anything, he gets up and leaves, making his way down the beach towards Kat.
He holds out his hand, and Kat takes it. Her smile is more relaxed now. He pulls the older woman, who is talking to Kat, into his side.
Ah, Mary.
They talk for a few minutes more, and I pray he doesn’t say anything. Our truce is tentative. The last thing we need is a couple of old romantics rocking the boat.
Kat says goodbye and begins her journey back up the beach.
I force myself to concentrate on my laptop as she draws closer.
I sense her stop and know she’s seen me. I frown at my screen, the words blurring under the scrutiny.
Part of me hopes she’ll stop and come over; the other wants her to keep going. I’m not sure of the rules, but I know I’m playing with fire, and if I’m not careful, one of us runs the risk of getting burned.
I need to keep my head down and in the game.
Kat is and always will be, the one who got away.
When Elijah said that about Pen, I knew what he meant.
Understood his pain. No one else has come close to what we had in the past sixteen years.
She ruined me for everyone else, despite our young age.
I’ve tried everything to forget her. I moved away, even got engaged, thinking moving on would help.
Instead, I almost ended up ruining someone else’s life in the process.
Luckily for both of us, I came to my senses.
I suck in a breath as she turns and moves away, my eyes trailing after her.
I rub a hand over my jaw and try to focus on the notes in front of me, but it doesn’t take me long to realise I’m fighting a losing battle.
I close my laptop and drop back in my chair, signalling to one of the waiters.
I order a beer and wonder if I’ll get any sleep tonight, with Kat lying only a few feet away.