Chapter 19
KAT
Ilisten to the audiobook, or at least try, but my mind keeps wandering, refusing to shut off.
My conversations with Jax, with the woman and her husband on the beach, and even my meeting with Mr Baskin and his team.
I take out my headphones and lie back, enjoying the warmth of the sun on my skin. I listen to the distant chatter of the other guests and the waves lapping against the reef and jetty.
It’s no use.
After five minutes, I get up and walk into the villa, heading for the minibar. I pull it open.
It’s impressive, as it should be.
A range of chilled confectionery and a selection of both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages fill the fridge. I grab an iced peach tea and head for the balcony door. My handbag sits open on the chair, the paperback I picked up at the airport poking out.
I grab it as I pass, knocking the bag onto the floor.
Shit!
I scoop up my purse and keys.
I unzip the pocket inside, set to lock my keys away.
A white envelope, my name neatly scrawled on the front.
Crap!
I yank it out, the corner tears on the zip, exposing a portion of the paper inside.
Zach’s letter.
When the concierge handed it to me, my heart had almost beaten its way out of my chest. I’d stuffed it in the side pocket, zipping it away as fast as humanly possible, not wanting to think about it.
I press my lips together and massage the middle of my forehead, closing my eyes.
When I open them again, it’s still there, although the envelope is slightly more crumpled.
Why didn’t I put it straight in the bin, shred it?
I sink down onto the side of the bed, placing the book next to me, and clasping the envelope in both hands.
I know why. It was to allow myself time to digest. I’ve never been one to make rash decisions, and this is no different. I wanted options.
Well, now you have some.
Option one, stuff it back into my bag and forget I’ve even seen it.
Option two, stuff it back in my bag and dispose of it when I get home.
Option three, throw it into the sea.
Not, option three, knowing my luck, it’ll wash up on shore intact, and someone would find it and share all our family’s dirty secrets.
Option four, I grow a backbone and read the thing. Then destroy it!
But then I’ve given Zach airtime. What he did was despicable. He stitched up his best friend and played me like a fiddle.
My stomach clenches at the familiar scrawl.
Kathryn Frazer.
I drop back on the bed and stare up at the ceiling.
With a growl, I slam it onto the mattress and sit up. Grabbing my book and iced tea, I head back outside returning to the sun-lounger.
I open my book and begin reading, the words bouncing around on the page, as my mind drifts.
I look back at the door, the bed and the letter is visible.
Shit, shit, shit!
I get up and head to the edge of the terrace, staring out at sea.
Come on, Kat. What’s the worst that can happen? You know he slept with Darra and fathered Lottie.
Pen’s words come back to haunt me.
No, I’d seen the proof of Jaxson with my eyes. He was at the hotel with Sasha. They’d both gone into the same room.
I head back into the villa, snatching up the letter, before tearing open the envelope.
I close my eyes briefly, sucking in an uneven breath.
When I open them again, I roll my shoulders and lift my chin.
You’ve got this!
A tightness spreads through my chest as I unfold the sheet and begin to focus on the words.
Dear Kat,
I close my eyes, blocking out the words, shoving it down onto the bed next to me.
For goodness sake, woman, grow a pair! It’s all in the past. His words can only hurt you if you let them. Isn’t it better to know? To understand?
I open my eyes again, grabbing the paper.
Dear Kat,
I’m sorry.
More sorry than you’ll ever know. I always hoped my part in Lottie’s conception would remain a secret.
Not because I don’t love her, I do. But Lottie is not, and never has been mine.
Darra and her father saw to that, but I knew, if the truth came out, the pain and suffering it would cause you and your family.
No shit, Sherlock! You duped your best friend into allowing his psycho girlfriend to trap him into marriage, practically hold him hostage while raising your child.
My vision clouds, blood pounding in my ears. I close my eyes and steady my breathing.
It’s only words.
You know this story, and how it ends.
Not long after Darra and Elijah split up, we bumped into one another on a night out. We drank too much, I’m not sure how it happened. I never meant to hurt anyone, and we were both single. Elijah was about to move on with Pen, we all knew it, even if he hadn’t asked her at that point.
Later, when Darra announced she was pregnant, I confronted her. She laughed, thanked me for my generous donation. I realised nothing about that night was an accident. I’d been played.
I tried to do the right thing, but her father’s threat towards my family was real. He’s a dangerous and ruthless man who was determined to win, whatever the cost. Destroying my family to get to yours would have meant nothing to him.
Darra was distraught. She pleaded with me to stay quiet. She believed her father would terminate her pregnancy, and despite everything, I genuinely believe she wanted and loved our baby. Whichever way I turned, there was no winner, so I remained silent.
Adrenaline rushes through my body. Although we didn’t officially date until years later, the knowledge of what he’d done should have been enough to make him stay away from our family. I scan ahead.
Despite what you must think. I did love you, and my marriage proposal was genuine.
I’d told Darra we were over, that I wanted to make a future with you. But I’m starting to understand, you can’t force something that isn’t there.
I spent years admiring you from afar, wanting you to notice me, and then you finally did. Although I can see now it was for all the wrong reasons, and this is the hardest thing for me to write.
I knew about you and Jaxson. That you’d started seeing each other in secret. I came back to the house when you and he were there. I overheard you talking about how you were going to keep your relationship a secret until after graduation.
My mind returns to that time. Zach had started behaving differently towards Jax and me. Elijah put it down to final year nerves. Zach had been struggling, and his grades were down.
I was gutted and more than a little jealous. Elijah had told me to stay away from you, had told us both to. And there was Jax, Mr Smooth, with everything I wanted. He’d grown closer to Elijah over the years, and now he had you. It seemed I was always the consolation prize.
Elijah and Jax have always shared the same drive.
It’s why they gravitated to one another so strongly, despite their difference in social standing.
Firstly, through their competitive nature with swimming, and then their ambition to succeed in their chosen fields.
Zach was missing that, happier to party and follow in their shadows.
Somehow, Darra knew about my feelings for you and tried to help me win you. At first, I was grateful. I couldn’t see past my own wants and needs. However, as with everything, Darra’s help came with a price. Having me around, the biological father of her child, was for her benefit, not mine.
This is me coming clean.
Darra set up Jaxson. You may have already realised this, and I’m praying you do.
That your animosity towards him stems from something other than what we did.
Sasha and Jax were never in a relationship.
You overhearing Sasha and Darra’s conversation was a set-up, orchestrated by Darra.
They knew you were listening because I told her you were there. I’m sorry.
I shared what I’d overheard that night, between you and Jax. They knew what to say, for maximum effect, because of me.
Darra sold it to me, that she was paving the way for me to step in and mend your broken heart.
My stomach churns, bile burning the back of my throat.
Zach had backed up Sasha’s words. It’s why I believed them.
Zach was Jax’s friend, he wouldn’t have lied. Why would he have?
I screw up the letter.
But I saw them together at the hotel!
I smooth out the paper. My head spinning, trying to focus.
Sasha was at the hotel that day to meet Emma Myers, Dillon’s daughter. They went to school together. Jax just happened to be meeting Dillon. It was his first interview for his internship. When Darra heard, it cemented her plans. She knew you’d check the cameras.
My breathing becomes rapid and erratic. I slap a hand over my mouth and run to the bathroom, violently losing what’s left of my breakfast.
Jax denied it. He’d looked shocked when I confronted him. I can still picture his face. That look. It’s never left me.
I wretch again, my hands gripping the toilet seat, as my stomach dry heaves over and over.
I’d thought it was the guilt of being caught.
But I fell for it. Hook, line and fucking sinker!
I lean against the toilet cubicle wall. My head back, eyes closed. I wait for the swirling in my stomach to subside.
Fucking Zach, fucking Darra!
I wrap an arm around my waist and swipe at a tear tracking its way down my cheek.
And you thought you knew the worst of it!
Pushing myself up the wall, I wash my face and brush my teeth, careful not to catch sight of myself in the mirror.
I drop my head, gripping the edge of the sink unit, drawing in several shuddering breaths. My throat is raw.
You’re stronger than this, Kathryn Frazer! He’s gone from your life. Don’t let his words hurt you.
The problem is, they do.
Worse still, he caused me to hurt someone I cared about… loved.
I lift my head, my eyes locking in the mirror, my body suddenly numb.
What the hell do I say to Jax?
Sorry? Just doesn’t cut it.
Pushing off, unable to face my reflection, I head back into the bedroom and sink down onto the bed. My eyes lock on the now screwed up letter beside me.
It was bad enough knowing Zach slept with Darra and fathered a child. If I’m honest, I’ve struggled with the fact that he continued sleeping with her while in a relationship with me.
That I wasn’t enough for him.
But to know he manipulated me, they both had, for their own sick gains…
My empty stomach twists again, and I suck in a breath, trying to ease the pressure building in my chest.
It takes a lot for me to trust someone.
I trusted Jax, loved Jax. His betrayal… supposed betrayal.
I drop my head into my hands and squeeze.
Believing he betrayed me, almost broke me. But it’s shaped the woman I am today. Taught me to portray a strong image, despite being damaged on the inside. It’s how I survived Dad’s death, and I could step into his shoes.
But then maybe I hadn’t trusted Jax enough.
Was that why I was so quick to believe their lies?
Deep down, I never truly believed he loved me, not like I loved him.
How could he? He was gorgeous and had all the women chasing him.
He was athletic and smart. Who was I? The nerdy, desperate sister of his best friend.
As for Zach, I had no reason not to trust him. He was far from perfect. Would never have hurt my brother, or me.
I scoop up my hair, ignoring the numbness spreading through my limbs and walk onto the terrace, sinking into the cool water of the plunge infinity pool.
I lie back, allowing my body to float, trying to clear my mind.
When that fails, I move to the edge and stare out over the water, the letter and all conscious thought abandoned.