Chapter 26
JAX
We spend the next few hours deep in discussion.
Kat has gone into work mode. It’s as if yesterday never occurred.
Her only tell is her pendant sliding first left, then right, then back again, along the chain around her neck. It’s something she did when she was lost in thought or anxious.
It was her twenty-first birthday present from her parents, and as far as I know, she’s never taken it off.
I stretch up and out, my back cracking from being sat in the same position for too long.
Kat does the same, her hand going over her shoulder to knead a muscle knot. It’s something she used to get when she was caught up in her assignments.
I stand and move behind her, pushing her hand out of the way and digging my thumb into the tender spot above her shoulder blade.
Kat moans.
“You always were good at this,” she says, moving her head to the side.
I gaze down at her exposed neck. In the past, I would drop my lips to her exposed skin. A massage like this would end up with my cock buried deep in her body, both of us hot and sweaty, begging for release.
I harden at the memory, and I’m glad for the long t-shirt hanging over my shorts.
The muscle knot gives under my thumb, and I move away. Kat moves her head from side to side.
“Thank you,” she says. “That feels much better.”
“Why don’t you try out the spa? Get a massage,” I say, my voice a little rougher than I would like.
“Maybe I will,” she says, turning her head and smiling. “We’ve got a lot done this morning.”
“We’re definitely close to having a workable proposal.”
Kat smiles. She looks refreshed, the dark circles under her eyes have been replaced by the healthy glow of a tan. I was not that lucky.
After dinner, I stayed in the bar as long as I could, escaping into my thoughts, replaying every scene and event over in my mind.
By the time I dragged myself back to the villa, it was late, and Kat was sound asleep, her breathing deep and even.
I’d got into bed, but sleep evaded me. Instead, I lay watching her for hours, caught in a vicious cycle of what-ifs.
She tilts her head, her gaze connecting with mine. She smiles again, and my heart skips a beat.
“I want to say, thank you,” she says. “I know I was ungrateful when you first came on board.”
I stay silent, not sure how to reply.
Kat continues.
“You’ve dug me out of a deep hole.” She runs a hand through her hair and gives me a small smile. “I’ll admit, these plans are a thousand times better than the original proposal. Your insight into what I’m trying to achieve is amazing. It’s like you’ve been able to read my mind.”
“We make a good team,” I say at last.
We always did.
But that was a lifetime ago. We’re different people now. Why does that feeling leave me cold?
Kat nods, but I don’t miss the faraway look in her eyes.
“What’s next?”
“What do you mean?”
“What’s next for you, Kathryn Frazer?” I ask, collecting my stuff together. “You’ve taken the FHG to new heights. This project is going to cement you as queen of the hotel industry. Quite a feat by the age of thirty-five. What’s your next goal?”
Her brows furrow, and she shrugs.
“More of the same. The FHG takes up most of my time. I still run, so I may train to compete in a marathon. I want to renovate the hotel suite where I’m living.”
I’d forgotten she’d moved out of her apartment.
“Are you staying put at the hotel?”
She picks up her belongings and stands up. “It’s convenient for work. It just needs modernising. I’d like to add an office.”
“If you need me, let me know. I can look at the original plans if you want any structural changes. Let you know what’s possible.”
“Thank you, I may just take you up on that.”
She’s all smiles today, and my stomach somersaults.
What am I doing?
We leave the library and make our way outside into the sunshine and heat. The rush of warmth is a strict contrast to the air-conditioned library.
Kat removes her cardigan, exposing her shoulders. Yesterday left her with a healthy tan.
“But what else? Apart from a marathon, the rest is all linked to work. You must want more?”
“Like?” Her brows furrow until understanding dawns, her gaze meeting mine. “Oh, you mean a private life?”
Kat throws back her head, her laughter genuine. “I’ll leave the marriage and kids to my siblings. I’m more than happy being, Aunty Kat.”
This is not the same Kathryn Frazer of old. Sixteen years ago, Kat wanted it all. A career, a husband to come home to, two-point-four children.
My expression must give me away.
“Don’t look like that, I’m married to my job these days,” she says, her hand coming to rest on my forearm, before she snatches it back. “It’s what I love, it fulfils me. I don’t need anything else.”
But does it?
I’m not convinced.
I focus on where her hand touched my skin, jolts of electricity travelling up into my body.
“That doesn’t seem very balanced,” I say, trying to concentrate.
“Maybe not to you, but to me. I’m not someone who will be fulfilled staying at home raising kids while my husband goes out to work. The FHG is my child, as it was my father’s and grandfather’s before me. There’s not much room for anything else.”
“They had families, a life outside of the office,” I say, as we hit the jetty.
She turns her head and smiles, her eyebrow quirked.
“Not to sound sexist, but it was different for them.”
“How?”
“Grandpa had Grandma, Dad had Mum. It’s the same way, Gabriel has Leah. Their partners were, and are happy to stay at home and raise the kids and for their husbands to go to work.”
“Leah still works. Pen says she’s going to continue working,” I say.
Kat turns her head.
“Leah is working part time until the twins arrive, then she’ll have to stop, and I’m happy for her. Being a mum is her dream. As for Pen, Eli is selling Frazer Cyber Security for a career change, which will see him working from home.”
“There are child minders, nannies,” I say. “Maybe your husband would want to stay at home?”
She frowns.
“Why would I bring a child into the world to never be there for it? I work crazy hours, and I’m always travelling. Any child would end up thinking their nanny is their mother.” She pauses. “As I said, my job is my baby. FHG is all-consuming.”
“Okay, no kids,” I say, realising I’ve hit a sore point. “But what about a life partner?”
She stops, before turning to stare at me wide-eyed, her eyebrows raised almost to her hairline.
“You seem very interested in my personal life.”
I shrug. “I’m trying to understand the woman you’ve become.”
Kat continues walking.
“I have yet to meet a man who can accept or handle my success,” she says. “Unless I meet someone who can accept me for who I am, then I’d rather be on my own.”
Did Zach have an issue with her success? Has she tried dating other men?
In his letter, he insinuated she was never at home, was married to her job. He used it as part of his excuse as to why he ended up in bed with Darra. There were so many excuses.
You never loved me, it was always him. I’m sorry I ruined that for you.
A sharp pain spears my chest as Zach’s words echo around my head.
I remember Pen joking about how men found her success intimidating.
Is Kat the same?
“Aren’t you lonely?”
I know I’m entering dangerous territory. How are you going to feel if she tells you she has a string of lovers waiting on the sideline?
We stop on the jetty and look down into the water below. We watch a stingray trying to bury itself in the sand beneath us. Brightly coloured fish are swimming around it.
“Are you?” she asks, turning my question back at me.
“Yes,” I admit honestly. Kat raises her eyebrows.
Splitting my life between London and New York has made holding down a long-term relationship difficult, if not impossible.
“I hate the thought of growing old on my own, not having someone to share life’s adventures with.”
I think back to Mary and Philip, and their fifty years of shared memories.
Kat wraps her arms around her stomach.
“I’m not alone. I have my family, friends, nieces and nephews, my staff.”
“That’s not the same, and you know it,” I say. “What about intimacy? Physical need? You can’t get that from those people.”
Kat stays silent as we continue our walk back to the villa. She unlocks the door, pushing it open. I follow her inside and watch as she drops her bag onto the cot bed.
“True,” she says, turning to face me, her arms folded over her chest. “But with intimacy comes trust.” She sighs. “If I get it wrong, I might find my face plastered all over the tabloids. A one-night stand and I’m easy, if I get into a relationship, someone has defrosted the ice queen.”
Trust.
My stomach constricts.
I’m part of the reason Kat no longer trusts. Zach and me. Even Danny. Every man she’s dated has done something to shatter her trust.
Kat sits on the sofa and drops her head against the back before closing her eyes.
“Maybe I could hire myself a male escort,” she says suddenly.
“What?” I squeak, my pitch higher than I intend.
“Got you,” she says, her head now up, her eyes sparkling with mischief.
“Your brothers would have a fit,” I say, dropping into the chair opposite.
“How would they find out? They never found out about you. We were dating and sleeping together for months.”
The memory of Kat and me together has blood flowing south, and I shift uncomfortably in my seat. She has a point, and that thought sits badly with me. Kat was very good at keeping her private life private, even from her family.
“I’m going for a swim.”
I stand up, suddenly needing to put some distance between us.
“What a great idea. Mind if I join you?”
I stifle a groan.
The last thing I need is Kat in a bikini, or anywhere near me, for that matter.
“It’s a free country,” I say, walking into the bathroom.
Kat’s laughter follows me, and it’s then that I realise she’s teasing me, something I’m not used to.
I turn to find Kat leaning against the doorframe.
“Sorry, that was cruel,” she says, trying to contain her glee.
I scowl.
“Come on.” Her smile spreads, her eyes twinkling. “You should have seen the look on your face.”
My shoulders relax.
“Ha, Ha, very unfunny.”
“It was just a little bit.” She holds up her thumb and forefinger with a tiny gap between them.
I shake my head and grab my swim shorts, heading to the toilet cubicle. In my current state, I don’t need to be getting undressed in front of Kat.
I shut the door and lean back, realising this is the first time in a very long time that I’ve seen or heard Kat let her hair down, and I like it… Maybe just a little too much.